Jacen’s POV
Time didn’t pass in the cabin. The sun rose and set outside the window, and the hands on the clock moved, but nothing changed. It was a nightmare – the kind where you run and run but never get anywhere. No matter what I did, I was damned to relive the same day over and over again. It was hell.
And I knew a thing or two about hell. Anyone who ever met my mother could confirm that, but this was a million times worse than any family dinner or publicity event. Eleanor’s cabin was a special hell for me, not because of the pain, but because of Nikki.
My injuries were superficial. Not really of course; I knew logically that they were rather serious. But my screaming ribs and bloodied wrist ranked low on my list of priorities. Nikki, as always, was at the top of that list. Seeing her there, curled and cold in the corner, with dried blood caking her forehead and a chain around her ankle – it killed me. That feeling of helplessness hurt more than any broken rib. The guilt stung more than any bruise.
It was my fault she was here. If it wasn’t for me, Nikki would have lived the life she was meant to have; happy, normal, safe. By loving her, I had robbed her of that life. And by letting herself love me back, she had entangled herself into a never ending web of invisible spiders.
“How are you doing?”
Of course Nikki, saint that she was, was only concerned about me. “Alright,” I replied roughly. My voice was dry with dehydration, my forehead hot with fever. I was a wreck, and I knew it, but I’d never admit it.
Nikki didn’t need an admission to know the truth though. “You can’t keep this up much longer Jacen,” she admonished tiredly. “It’s been four days. You’ve barely drank anything, you haven’t eaten. You’re making yourself sicker.”
“Better sick than drugged,” I replied darkly. “God only knows what she’s been giving me.”
Nikki sighed. I knew I was exhausting her. I was exhausting myself. “Why do you choose now to become a poster boy for clean living?” she lamented warily. “You never cared about what you put in your body before. What’s changed?”
Everything. Nothing. It was hard to decide. “I don’t know,” I admitted. It was difficult to sort through my thoughts given the blinding pain that flashed behind my lids every time I blinked. “I just – I can’t stand being helpless anymore. It’s scary, not having control. I used to find it freeing – just letting go like that, but not anymore. There’s too much at stake.”
Nikki’s eyes, beneath the tangled strands of dark hair, were gold and clear with empathy. As always, Nikki was able to understand things about me I didn’t quite understand myself.
“We’re going to get out of this,” she vowed. There was a steeliness to her voice, to her gaze. Her tiny hands were clenched into bone white fists in her laps. Nikki had always been capable of great intensity. When something she loved was on the line, there was nothing she wouldn’t do. I thought of the perfume bottle she’d decked Eleanor with. There was no doubt – Nikki aimed to kill.
“I know we are,” I said, though I wasn’t nearly as optimistic. The pain and the fever were taking their toll and if it wasn’t for Nikki, I might have already given up. Nothing was going to stop me from saving her though.
A gentle knocking sounded then, followed by the door opening. I didn’t have to wonder who it was. Ina beat, Eleanor appeared in the orange glow emanating from the frosted window. It was sunset – again. Another day in hell was ending so that the next could begin.
“Jacen,” she said tentatively as she entered. She was wearing a heavy flannel shirt and workman’s boots. Not a particularly feminine look, though perhaps the flower on her beanie was intended to girl it up. If so, it wasn’t doing a good job. “I brought you ice cream.”
As if sugar solved everything. For someone who claimed to love me, Eleanor seemed to think I was rather simple minded. “Oh goodie,” I snarled, “I’m sure that’ll take the sting out of my broken ribs.”
“It’s cookie dough,” she said mildly, coming forward. Despite the pain permeating throughout my body, the urge to get up and deck her was overwhelming. It was powerful enough to make me tremble. My whole body was alight with the pain, and I pulled anxiously on the chain around my wrist.
“I wanted to apologize,” she went on, coming forward. Nikki, bound by the door, was glaring daggers at her but remained silent. I knew she was still hoping I would just take the painkillers and be done with it. It was a useless hope though. I understood where Nikki was coming from – I wouldn’t have been able to tolerate seeing her in pain – but that didn’t mean I had to give in. This wasn’t over.
“I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” Eleanor went on, coming to sit at the edge of the bed – on the far side – just out of my reach. I weighed my chances of being able to nail her with the picture frame on the bedside table – containing a picture of me, creepily enough. I decided my chances weren’t good, given that my free wrist was also my broken one.
“I know you’re just not feeling well,” she continued on, her laser green eyes focused on the bowl in her lap. “And you didn’t mean what you said.”
“Keep telling yourself that cow,” I spat unforgivingly, rattling the chain on my wrist angrily. The metal bit into my skin, irritating the scabs there, causing them to bleed more.
I’d only been handcuffed to a bed once before. Of course, those handcuffs had been fluffy and there’d been no bloodshed involved. A kinky weekend with Rosalyn was a long way off from the hell I was experiencing at the unstable hands of Eleanor.
“You’re just cranky,” Eleanor rationalized my behavior. She was rather proficient at deluding herself. There was a word for what she was, actually there were a lot, but the medical term was erotomaniac. There’d been a few famous ones throughout the ages, like John Hinckley, the guy who shot Reagan. He had convinced himself that Jodie Foster was in love with him, even though she had no idea who he was, and he was going to impress her by shooting the president.
I was no doctor, but Eleanor certainly seemed crazy enough to shoot the president.
“The ice cream will cheer you up,” she said confidently, handing me the bowl. Half a second later it was a pile of broken glass on the floor, courtesy of the back of my hand.
“If you really wanted to cheer me up,” I snarled darkly. “You’d kill me.”
“Jacen!” Nikki admonished sharply, speaking for the first time since Eleanor had walked in. “Don’t say things like that!”
Eleanor gave a smile like the cat that ate the canary. I wouldn’t even be surprised. “Why?” she asked bemusedly. “Do you think I’ve killed before?”
“I know you have,” Nikki snapped back. “Don’t even bothering pretending. I know you’re the one who took those girls.”
“Took maybe,” she allowed, not at all ashamed. Shame of course being one of the many human emotions Eleanor was incapable of. “But kill?”
She rose then. She was a tall girl, too lanky for her own limbs. The awkward way she held herself didn’t help much. Still, the insanity that hugged her like a second skin was frightening.
“You want to hear my story?” she asked darkly, acid eyes sharp as they darted about the room. “Fine. But just remember, you can never unhear it.”
. . . .
Some parents are overbearing. Others are neglectful. And some parents ditch their kid on the front steps of a hospital before they even open their eyes for the first time. And you thought that sort of thing only happened in movies.
Well think again, because it happened to me.
I caught a break after that. I was adopted before my first birthday, but most babies are. Everybody wants babies, unfortunately you never know who that baby’s going to become.
My adoptive parents, the Bates, were a young couple, childless of course. Middle class, very normal. I wasn’t the first they adopted though; that would be my adopted brother, Daniel. My new parents dreamed of a big family, and I was just a part of that dream.
Growing up was . . . normal. At first. I knew I was adopted from a young age, and it never bothered me, until I learned the story of my birth parents’ betrayal. That stung, but the real pain didn’t come until years later. When I was thirteen Daniel took an . . . interest to me. He had never been a subtle guy. He took what he wanted, and right then, he wanted me.
Maybe we weren’t related by blood, but it didn’t make what he was doing any less wrong. And I knew it. I told my parents but they didn’t believe. Thought I was making it up. For ‘attention.’
That hell became my life for the next year. And the only thing that got me through it was you, Jacen.
There’s one thing I forgot to mention. I haven’t always lived in Glenview. A long time ago, I lived in Buchanan Georgia.
That’s right Jacen. You and I grew up together in that little town, we went to the same school, played on the same jungle gym at recess. Of course, I hadn’t seen you since you were seven, back when you were still Jacen Sawyer.
You were gone then – off getting famous. But I remembered you. I remembered the little boy who had given me a valentine in second grade – the one with the crazy brother who killed himself and countless others. And I thought, if Jacen can do it, I can do it.
You kept me alive Jacen. Seeing you on TV, hearing your voice – it got me up in the morning. I loved you, and I knew you loved me too. On TV you would brush a lock of hair out of your face and smile – just like you did as a kid – and I knew that was your sign. That was your way of telling me you loved me too.
That next year my parents got tired of my behavior. Buchanan’s small you know, and rumors spread like wildfire. Everyone knew I was accusing my brother of raping me – they thought I was some pathological attention seeker. So my ‘parents’ sent me to live with my ‘uncle’ in Glenview.
I was fourteen, and already orphaned twice. And nobody had even died.
Things didn’t get better in Glenview. Nikki can tell you that first hand. I was new, and not the kind of new that people like. I never had any friends, and I got picked on constantly. The only person who ever stood up for me was Nikki. At first I idolized her for it, but that quickly backfired.
It happened back in September. The football jocks were harassing me again. Nothing new. They had stolen my notebook – the one with all your pictures on it Jacen – and were playing keep away with my glasses.
Nikki came over and chased them off. I remember being amazed. Here was this girl – smaller than me – and she had no problem standing up to six foot tall meatheads. They respected her.
They didn’t respect me. They made that abundantly clear. Turns out they didn’t appreciate your interfering Nikki. I guess it emasculated them. They certainly proved how manly they were to me later in the locker room. . .
When they were done I just laid there. I didn’t move. I didn’t see a point. It wasn’t until hours later that it occurred to me – how I would get my revenge. I would prove them wrong, prove to them that there was somebody in the world who valued me. You – Jacen Sage.
I knew you were in town. How could I not? I had obsessed over your arrival for months prior, and now I knew where to begin. How to get your attention.
My first victim was an obvious choice. Sylvia. She’d been bragging all week about how you’d been flirting with her at McDonalds. I couldn’t let that red haired hussy hang all over you, so I followed her that next night. She’d been ditching school to hook up with some college guy. But Nikki knows how typical that is of her.
So that night when she got out of her car I pulled up next to her in my uncle’s van, feigned engine trouble. Sylvia of course doesn’t know shit about engines, but she pretended to. She took a look under the hood . . . and then I slammed it down on her head. Four times. She was unconscious by the third, but the last one was just for fun.
I threw her in the back, left the car outside the guy’s apartment for the police to find. They ended up letting him go, since he had an alibi.
My next victim was Demi. I’d been looking for an excuse to nail that bitch for ages, and she certainly gave me one.
It happened on a Monday – the one after you got arrested Jacen. Well, the last time you got arrested. Demi Lovick came into school that next day and she just wouldn’t shut up about how you two shared the backseat of a squad car together on your way to the station. She made it clear she wanted you, and I couldn’t have that.
She was probably the easiest one. That Friday night I followed Carter Mills and her after they left McDonalds. They went to hang out in the parking lot behind the pharmacy with a bunch of his redneck friends. They were all wasted, as per usual.
Demi separated from the group at some point – went across the street to the pizzeria to use the bathroom. On her way back I jumped her. The street was deserted at the hour; there was no one to see. She struggled some, but she was too high to be a real threat, and I got her in the van without much trouble.
It was around that time that my uncle’s catering business got a gig working for your studio. It was a dream come true for me – to be able to see you every day. I knew you noticed me, but you never acknowledged me. I knew it was because you weren’t ready to settle down, so I had to get rid of the distractions.
Monica was next. This time I was more prepared. I followed her for a while but it took a few weeks before I could get her alone. One morning though I spotted her outside her condo, smoking a cigarette alone.
I came up behind her with a bat. Dropped her in one swing. It was pretty difficult dragging her to the van but I managed. Afterwards I went inside and packed up some of her things, so it would look like she went on vacation. I had to buy myself more time.
In the meantime, I followed you. I needed to learn more about you, needed to explore your world. So, when you would leave the studio I would follow you. I always lost you though; that motorcycle moves too fast. It’s dangerous, really. I guess you know that now.
One day I followed you to Starbucks – the one right across from McDonalds. You ordered a mocha, and that slut at the counter wrote a heart on your cup. You know who I’m talking about – Lauren Mathers. I jumped her on her way to the car after work that night. She didn’t even see it coming.
Things were alright after that . . . for a time, until I found out that you were with Nikki. It was like a stab in the back; the one person in the world who had ever tried to help me turned out to be worse than all the rest of them.
Nikki of course, was my next target. I nearly got her that next day. She had stormed out of school after getting into a fight with Caddie. I seized the opportunity and followed her outside. I nearly got her too, but then Rosalyn showed up. I knew I couldn’t take the both of them, not to mention Rosalyn’s a psycho. So I backed off, and I waited.
I decided Nikki wasn’t worth it. It was time to go for the real prize – you. My plan was simple. When I learned that my uncle’s catering business would be handling a party for Molly North, I made sure I was scheduled to work that day. I worked the bar, and you never noticed me. But I noticed you, and I slipped some roofies in your soda.
Afterwards I waited for you in the parking garage and after you left, I got in my van and followed you. I expected you to pull over when the drugs hit you, but you were too stubborn. You kept driving and then you plowed straight into a guard rail.
My heart was in my throat. I veered off onto a dirt road and drove down to the lake like hell was following me. When I got there a man was pulling you, half dead, out of the water. He wanted to take you to a hospital but I insisted that I was your girlfriend; I would handle everything. He helped me get you in the van, and then I brought you here.
So now you know. Now you know why I had to have you. Because only you could understand my pain. Your brother had made you bleed, your family had abandoned you. Only, the world had welcomed you – the same world that shunned me. I knew that if I could make you mine, the world would welcome me too. And my parents would regret giving me up, and those boys would pay.
And now that you’re mine Jacen, they’ll all be sorry.
. . . .
Nothing had changed in the cabin. Everything had changed in the cabin. My body was frozen but my blood was on fire. Every nerve in my skin was screaming. Neon signs of wrong were flashing in my mind as my instincts commanded me to run.
Eleanor wasn’t just crazy, she was dangerous.
“I’m so sorry Eleanor,” Nikki said hoarsely as she rose to her feet, unsteadily. “I’m so sorry for what those boys did to you, but we can fix this. Report them to the police, go to court. Please Eleanor,” The chain at Nikki’s ankle preventing her from reaching Eleanor, but she offered her hand. “Let me help you.”
Eleanor glared. “I don’t need your help,” she spat, her acidic eyes spinning to me. “All I need is Jacen.”
“Please Eleanor,” Nikki pleaded, straining against the chain. “You don’t have to live like this. We can help you, but you have to let us.”
“No I don’t. I don’t have to do anything,” she snarled. “In fact, you’ve worn out your welcome Nikki. First chance I get, I’m giving you to my uncle. He’ll have fun with you. He’s gotten bored of the others.”
I felt my stomach drop. The idea of anyone touching Nikki like that made my blood boil. I would die if it meant keeping that from happening.
The plan, when it hit me, was brilliant in its simplicity. How had I not thought of this earlier?
“Where are they?” Nikki demanded. She wanted to help Eleanor, I knew, but she had her priorities. Her intensity never wavered. “Where’s Sylvia?”
“You’ll know soon enough,” Eleanor thrummed smugly.
“You’re pathetic,” Nikki snarled, straining against the restraints. “Your life sucks so you have to make sure everybody else’s does too. You got raped and now you subject others to the same fate. You’re a monster.”
“And you’re a -,”
“Shut up!” I interrupted, squeezing my eyes shut. “My head is pounding and your bickering isn’t helping.”
“Aw,” Eleanor’s mood flipped like an acrobat. “I’m sorry baby. Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes,” I said immediately. The plan had begun. “Give me something for the pain.”
Two sets of eyebrows flew northward. “Really?” Eleanor replied with surprise.
“Jacen!” Nikki exclaimed in shock. She had wanted me to take the meds originally but after realizing just how dangerous Eleanor was, I sensed she had changed her mind.
“I can’t take it anymore,” I lamented, “The pain is driving me crazy.”
“Don’t worry baby,” Eleanor cooed, going over the dresser to retrieve a bottle of pills from the top drawer. While her back was turned I gave Nikki a deliberate look and prayed she was able to decode it. “This will make you feel all better.”
Eleanor returned with two horse pills in her hand. She gave them to me gently. There was no need to slip it in my food, since I was asking for the drugs willingly. I popped them in my mouth and held them there. The sweet coating came off on my tongue.
“I hope you realize how dangerous that is,” Nikki spoke up suddenly. I thanked God she had understood my look. “Do you even know what you’re doing with all those pills? He could overdose.”
Eleanor took the bait. She spun to regard Nikki and while her back was turned I spit the pills discreetly into my hand and stashed them under the pillow.
“I know what I’m doing,” Eleanor spat before turning to me with a smile. She sat herself down on the edge of the bed and pushed a fond hand through my hair. “There, there, now everything will be better.”
“Yes,” I replied, “It will.”
. . . .
I waited an hour. I figured that was a sufficient amount of time. Eleanor had remained in the room with us, running her spindly fingers through my hair as we watched TV. Nikki had returned to huddle in the corner, but her eyes were wary.
“Eleanor,” I said suddenly. The room was dim, the only light stemming from the glow of the TV. Outside the window the sun had set again, but I knew that when it rose, things would be different. Change was coming in the cabin. “My wrist hurts.”
It wasn’t difficult to feign inebriation. All I had to do was stop fussing and keep still. I’d been high enough times in my life to know what it looked like.
“Oh,” she exclaimed lazily, sitting upright in bed. Her short blonde hair was ruffled up in a pale mane around her head. “I forgot about that.” She reached into her pocket and extracted a key which she then used to undo the lock around my wrist.
My arm fell to my side and I nearly groaned in relief. My arm had been welded in that position for days. It felt numb and dead.
“There you go,” she said, rolling to her feet. She looked like a willowy specter in the dim room. “Let me get you some bandages.”
She turned her back and I seized the opportunity. Summoning all the strength I could, I leaped to my feet, brandishing the picture frame in my hand. My body felt hot and weak, my fingers slippery against the hard metal of the picture frame. The room spun around me like a tilt-a-whirl at a cheap carnival, but I forced myself to stay upright.
A thousands thoughts flew through my mind. Michael and Buchanan and Eleanor. I smothered all my doubt and lunged forward. I didn’t hesitate, not even when Eleanor spun around in alarm. Her eyes were wide like green saucers as I slammed the picture frame down on her head.
There was a sickening crack, like ice breaking off a car window when the defrost kicks in. Eleanor screamed, or at least started to, but it cut off abruptly as she spun from the force of the hit. She dropped like a stone, hitting the floor with a ghastly thud.
Breathing hard from the adrenaline and pain, I stared down at her for a long moment, my world frozen again. She just lied there, not moving, blood dripping from a steady wound on her forehead. Against the pale backdrop of her blonde hair, the blood glowed crimson.
“Oh my God Jacen!” Nikki exclaimed. “You did it!”
“And to think,” I mumbled, feeling dizzy and sick with sin. “I didn’t even use a stunt double.” I crumpled to my knees then, slamming hard against the floor next to Eleanor’s fallen form. The colors from the TV danced against her pale cheek.
Efficiently, albeit a tad dizzily, I patted down her pockets. With each breath, her body rose and fell against my searching hands until I located a set of keys in the pocket of her flannel jacket. Extracting it I rose, unsteadily, to my feet.
I took the keys and threw them to Nikki. She snatched them up quickly and began sticking each into the lock on her ankle, searching for the right match. “Hurry,” I instructed brusquely, yanking the door open. I emerged in the deceivingly quaint living room. Nearly tripping on the area rug, I stumbled into the room, grabbing my coat from the rack. It was bloodied and stained from the accident, but I didn’t care.
I threw it on and shoved my feet in my boots, nearly missing. Even without the drugs, I wasn’t particularly lucid. The pain was excruciating – it poisoned my body and hazed my mind.
“Nick!” I called impatiently, stumbling back towards the bedroom. If it was up to me, I’d never set foot in there. Luckily, I didn’t have to right then. As I reached the doorway, Nikki appeared there – bright eyed and fierce.
“Ready to go?” she teased with a tired smile. She swung around me, hastily grabbing her boots and jacket from where Eleanor had stuffed them in the corner.
“So ready,” I replied, heading for the door, “Now c’mon, let’s get out of here before she wakes up.”
“Good idea,” Nikki replied with one last, apprehensive glance at the faint glow emanating from the bedroom door.
I placed a hand on her back, urging her forward. I wanted to get her as far away from Eleanor as possible. Catching up I swung the door open, allowing in a tornado of frozen air into the cabin. A shiver slivered over my feverish skin as we both ran from the cabin.
“Where are we going?” Nikki asked as her boots crunched in the mountains of snow piled in front of the cabin. Up above, the sky was dark and festering with malicious clouds. Fat flakes of snow were falling rapidly, obscuring the forest around us like static on a television.
“Does it matter?” I asked through my chattering teeth. “Let’s just get out of here.”
Nikki glanced back at the cabin, biting her lip for a moment, her arms clasped tightly around herself. It couldn’t have been more than twenty degrees out there, but I didn’t care. I would swim through lava, crawl on my belly over broken glass – anything to get out of that cabin.
“Okay,” Nikki decided, “Let’s go.”
We went. Running as fast as we could, we went off into the dense, wintery woods. Slipping and stumbling on the deadly ice, we went into the blizzard. Cheeks burning from the whipping wind, we went. We ran like hell was following us – not realizing that it truly was.