****Authors note****
Hey guys I am so sorry I haven't updated! I can not describe how many times I have wrote and edited and deleted this (sometimes by accident) I'll be honest not 100% happy with thus chapter so please go easy on me :L and thank you to everyone who has read and voted for this book! Makes me so happy!! Anyway I've kept you waiting long enough!!! Enjoy my beautiful readers mwahhh :*
-Part 11-
Why wasn't I there?
Why couldn't it be me?
Why her?
I sat down in the waiting room watching the hands slowly move around the clock, listening to the tick tock noise in the background. I sighed, rubbing my eyes with my hands. They were stinging from my crying earlier.
It had only been 22 hours since we got here, but still no sign of her to come out of her operation on the clot of blood on the brain. Everyone else had fallen asleep.
I could try to sleep, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. Her parents went home to get changed and cleaned up. I text my cousin, Poppy to pick up my car. I abandoned it once I seen the ambulance and to be honest I didn't want to go pick it myself and see where the crash happened.
Fucking Paps.
I didn't exactly know what to do with myself. My suit was still slightly damp from sitting in the rain but I didn't want to ring mum to drop off clothes.I didn't want her to be here.
This was all my fault. I stood up clutching my fists tight enough to turn my knuckles white.
'All my fault' I shouted, throwing the magazines of the table. That felt good.
I grabbed the edge of the table flipping it upside down. Then grabbing the curtains off the rail.
'All my fault.' I shouted repeatedly before my knee's gave in and I was kneeling on the ground crying again. I felt a hand on my back before I heard Harry tell me to calm down.
'Niall, this isn't your fault' Harry assured me.
'Yes it is,I should have drove her to the service.' I spat. Harry sighed standing up and picking the curtains up from the ground.
'Would you like some help?' A women asked Harry from the door. I looked over my shoulder to see a nurse standing at the door, she made her way in, not waiting for an answer and helped Harry put the curtains back up.
'Sorry he got a little upset' Harry excused me.
'It's no problem at all, I'm Lily, I'm just training here' she held out her hand to Harry and he took it without hesitation and shook it lightly.
'Harry' he smiled. I shook my head, standing up and sitting on the couch taking out my phone. I wasn't cleaning this mess up. I have enough to worry about.
They continued cleaning up the mess I made, not complaining once. I hadn't realised I was still crying until my vision went blurry and I could barley make out the picture of Ebony and I was looking at on my phone.
The nurse, Lily, sat down next to me holding a box of tissues. I took one, thanking her, before giving her a weak smile. She offered me a small smile back and suddenly I felt bad for not helping clean my mess up.
'Ms. Healy is in good hands Mr.Horan, please don't worry' she assured me. 'We will do everything we can to make sure she is okay.'
I looked back down at the photo of her on my phone, feeling sick thinking that she may not smile like that again.
'She will be okay' Lily whispered. I nodded giving her a genuine smile. If only all nurses were like this.
'Thank you' I gave her hand a quick squeeze. She stood up handing me the box of tissues. 'Just in case'
She left, picking a magazine of the floor on her way out. My phone vibrated in my hand. An unfamiliar number displayed on the screen.
'Hello?' I sniffed.
'Niall, is that you?, its Anne.' A women explained,
'Anne, Ebony's friend' Anne was Ebony's best friend, they lost contact when Anne moved to Australia. Anne dedicated her time to partying instead of phoning Ebony, I remember her crying to my on the phone one night, because they never spoke anymore.
'Is Ebony okay? I was talking to her mum'
'She's....she's stable' I mumbled.
'I'll be on the first flight over' she rushed,
'There's really no nee...' Before I could finish the line went dead. I was frustrated. She only needed me. I stood up smashing my phone against the wall.
There goes my iPhone screen.
Harry just sighed loudly.
'That feel good?' Harry asked.
I panted heavily staring at the wall that had just destroyed my IPhone.
I nodded. No point lying.
***
I felt terrible for falling asleep. But I did
I slept for two whole hours.
They weren't exactly peaceful.
I had dreamt of the car crash. I had found her.
Her car was on fire. I tried to get her out on time but I wasn't strong enough.
She didn't make it.
When I woke up I was sweating and panting heavily.
'Here' Louis handed me a bottle of water. I took the bottle without hesitation quenching my thirst.
'You OK? You were crying in your sleep' Louis mumbled.
I nodded wiping my brow.
'I'll be fine'
'She will be OK you know'
Just as he finished his sentence Lily walked in.
'Morning' she whispered. 'I just came to let you know that he blood clot has been removed without damage, she should hopefully be out of her coma by late evening'
I sat up straight in my chiar.. 'Up and about again' I grinned. Louis patted my shoulder
'Unfortunately the break pedal has caused serious injury to her knee and lower leg, we had no choice but to amputate' Lily looked at me with a worried expression.
Tears slowly made there way down my cheek. My beautiful princess, this was all my fault.
'I'm sorry' she said before leaving. I would have been more angry if I didn't know she was Okay, but she was.
What will she think.
Will she blame me.
She should.
Louis didn't say anything. He gave me time to think, I didn't know what to think.
A knock on the door made my head snap up.
'Hey' it was my cousin Poppy. She made her way towards me and I stood up to hug her. She buried her face in my chest.
'Please don't blame yourself.' She whispered. I kissed the top of her head giving her a squeeze. She pulled away handing me a bag.
'Your mum sent you spare clothes.' She explained. I gave her a small smile inspecting the contents in the bag.
Underwear
A jumper
Socks
A T-shirt
Tracksuit bottoms.
'Thanks Pops'
'And your car is outside' she explained handing me the keys.
I shoved them into my pocket.
'Thanks' I said again giving her another quick hug.
'Now go get changed'
***
The day dragged. I just sat in the waiting room talking to the boys.
'I'm gonna go for a walk' I said standing up.
'Let me go with you' Liam smiled jumping up from his seat.
'No it's fine'
Liam shrugged sitting back down next to Louis
I headed down the long white corridor.
Each room had a small window looking into the ward.I looked in each one until I found hers.
She lay on a white bed. A large tube led to her mouth, another two led to the back of her hand. I wanted to go in to see her.
Hold her, tell her I love her.
Tell her I'm sorry.
I sat down outside her room leaning my head against the wall. Lily walked by giving me a warm smile.
'You okay Niall?' I just nodded letting her walk away.
'Her leg' I spoke up. Lily turned to me.
'What about it?'
'She'll be able to get an artificial one right?' I asked looking down at my feet.
'I shouldn't be telling you this but her parents have told us they wouldn't have that kind of money, they said it will have to be the wheelchair.'
I shook my head. 'She isn't using a wheelchair, anything that's needed, I will pay for'
She shrugged, 'that's something you will have to discuss with her parents' she looked down the corridor , I followed her gaze too see Eleanor making her way towards me 'I'll see you later Niall'
'Bye' I mumbled, watching her make her way back down the corridor.
'Hey' Eleanor smiled. I looked up at her returning the smile. She sat down on the floor beside me.
'How are you dealing with all this?' Eleanor asked.
She folded her hands waiting for an answer.
'Honestly' I cleared my throat. 'I'm blaming myself, all of this is my fault, the paps were looking for me, not her. I should have waited for her to get ready. And drove her to the church.'
'Don't blame yourself, she's alive, that's all that matters'
'But what if she wasn't' I interrupted. Eleanor looked a little taken back.
She shook her head. 'It still wouldn't be your fault.'
'Sometimes I wonder if all of this fame is worth it, is that really what I dreamed of when I was younger? Now that I have it, I want the simple things. To find someone I love and settle down. Someone who loves me as Niall. Not Niall from One Direction.Now everything is published. My life is documented in all these papers. I guess when I was dreaming of the "Superstar" life I didn't think of the cons of the job' I sighed
Eleanor wrapped her arm around my shoulder. 'No one does, the pro's always beat the con's when it comes to your dreams.'
'Thanks El, are you OK?' I asked.
She nodded. 'I'm fine, we're just all worried about you'
I leaned over giving her a hug. 'Don't worry about me'
We made our way back to the waiting room. 'You should try and sleep' Eleanor told me as we got to the room. I nodded yawning loudly. I was shattered.
'Hey' I greeted. Harry and Danielle were asleep. The rest of the boys were talking about the man united match. I sat down next to Louis, not bothering to pay attention to the conversation. It didn't take long for my eyes to become heavy.
***
When I woke up it was dark. The curtains in the waiting room were shut. I rubbed my eyes adjusting to the light. According to the clock it was half two.
'Is she awake yet?' I panicked. I hardly slept through. Harry shook his head. 'No, its taking longer than they expected. They are reducing her medication, her mum and dad are in with her.'
Everyone was awake.
'You were using Louis shoulder as a pillow' Zayn laughed. I looked at Louis who had a grin on his face.
'You dribble' he chuckled. I couldn't t help but laugh. We all did.
'Glad you find it so amusing' my head snapped up to the door yo see Anne. The boys looked around , confused about the stranger at the door.
'This is your fault you know' she spat, aiming her comment at me. I didn't know what to say.
'You did this, its your fault she's in there' she marched towards me.
'Whoa whoa, calm down' Louis said.
'Leave her' I mumbled.
'The paps would have brought no harm to her if you drove her to the service, you knew she suffers with anxiety attacks, yet you let her go on her own, and let's face it. They wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for you.'
'that's not fair' Harry spoke up.
'But it's true' I replied. Anne seemed surprised at my response. She didn't think I'd take the blame.
'Your right, this is my fault, do you not think I know that, I have been sitting here for the last 48 hours blaming myself. I haven't even seen her yet, all I know is she had to have her leg amputated, she's had major surgery and had a clot removed from the brain. And all of it is because of me. But at least I've been here and didn't forget about her while you've been partying in Australia the last two years. 'I shouted.
'I...I'm' Anne began
'Don't apologise' I spat barging past her.
I made my way out of the waiting room and down towards the exit.
'Niall, Niall wait' Anne shouted.
'What?' I snapped, turning to face her.
'What I just said, I'm sorry it was uncalled for, I'm angry and I took it out on you, please just come get a coffee with me.' She sighed.
'I'd rather not'
'I'm not asking, I'm telling you, we are going to get a coffee' she grabbed my arm pulling me in the direction of the canteen. I sat down while she ordered two coffees and two blueberry muffins.
'So' she said sitting down. 'How have you been, it's been a while' I took a sip of my coffee nodding.
'I'm doing alright, you?'
'Australia is great' she sighed. 'But I miss home'
'Me too' I really did miss it, home was normal. As soon as I hit Irish soil again I felt, relaxed.
'I'm sorry again for blaming you' she apologised.
'I'm sorry for what I said too' I wasn't innocent here, anyway I agreed with her, this was my fault. Just because I bothered to stay in contact with Ebony doesn't make me any better.
'So, leg amputation' Anne frowned.
'Yeah, I'm looking in to getting her an artificial leg, it's amazing what the can do these days' my voice cracked.
'Wait, isn't that her parents job?' She asked.
'Yeah but they don't need the extra expense' I didn't tell her the fact they couldn't afford it.
'You're a great guy Niall' she said taking a sip from her coffee again. I didn't feel great.
'Well, I have extra money now from everything that's happening, and she means a lot to me.' I shrugged.
'There was always something between you too' she winked. I shook my head and chuckled.
'Yeah, what can I say, I guess I've always loved her'