Adam padded into his bedroom and quietly shut the door behind him. He hadn’t gone into the library intending to pick up his wife’s old set of Adele CDs, but the conversation with the nanny had made him change his mind on impulse. “The name Adele,” he had said just now. “Her mother wanted to call her that.”
Of course, the nanny hadn’t asked him who picked the name, but why. He hadn’t really answered the question. But that was one particular memory he wasn’t quite ready to share.
Adam popped one of the CDs into his stereo and advanced it to the track he had in mind, letting the memories wash over him as he listened to the song.
When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.
***
November 2013
Adam snuck another glance at Jane in the passenger seat as he pulled onto the busy Hollywood Freeway. She had her head turned slightly away from him to look out her window, but he could see the contented smile still lingering on her lips. He reached down and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as he drove.
She hadn’t been smiling an hour earlier as they’d made their way to the doctor’s appointment. Her mood had been up and down for the past two weeks, ever since that home pregnancy test had come out positive on Halloween night. She’d been peeing on those little plastic sticks three times a day since then, staring at the lines like they were tea leaves, holding the secret to her future. “Does the line seem lighter?” she’d asked him yesterday, anxiously handing him the pregnancy test she’d been scrutinizing as he was trying to shave. Lighter? Darker? He couldn’t tell the difference.
“It looks like a line,” he’d tried to reassure her. “A line is a line. Isn’t that what you read on the internet?”
“Shouldn’t it be getting darker though?”
“Jane, let’s just wait and see what the doctor has to say.” She’d nodded in agreement, but he could see the wheels turning in her head behind her failed attempt at a smile. He knew what she was thinking. She’d be peeing on another one as soon as he was out the house.
The doctor’s appointment couldn’t have come too soon. They’d made their way this afternoon to the discreet, unmarked medical office and sat holding hands in the cheery waiting room. He’d kept up a steady stream of banter the whole time, trying to distract her, but she’d barely managed more than nods and one-word answers as she’d sat there gripping his hand.
It wasn’t until the doctor had her flat on her back with an ultrasound wand that the tension had started to melt away from her face. “Shows what I know!” the doctor had joked, as he’d pointed to a tiny, flickering splotch on the monitor. A heartbeat, he’d explained. “Looks like you’re just about… 6 weeks along.”
Jane had sat there gazing at the ultrasound monitor as the doctor talked, but Adam hadn’t been able to take his eyes off his wife’s face. There it was at last –the smile he’d been missing – the sun coming out after months and months of cloudy weather.
“I thought you said she couldn’t get pregnant,” Adam had said to the doctor, suddenly overcome with a burning indignation. “Why’d you have to tell her that?” he’d wanted to say. “Why’d you have to put her through all that when it wasn’t even true?”
The doctor had ignored the subtext behind his question, playing it off with a little shrug. “Shows what I know,” he’d said again. “Some things in medicine are still more art than science.” Jane had beamed back at the doctor happily, but Adam had just wanted to pick him up by the neck and squeeze until it wiped that stupid smile off his face. “Shows what I know.” Yeah, well, I guess you know how to turn a woman’s life upside down, he’d thought. You know how to drive a mack truck into the middle of what should’ve been a happy first year of marriage.
He hadn’t said any of it, of course. Just smiled and held Jane’s hand as she’d fired off excited questions.
She was still smiling happily to herself now as they drove, and he let out a silent sigh of relief at the sight. She turned her head to look at him. “Six weeks,” she said. “What were we doing six weeks ago?”
He shot her a lascivious grin. “I don’t think we need a doctor to answer that one,” he smirked.
She giggled and picked up his hand, brushing her lips softly against the back of it. “The concert!” she gasped as a new thought struck her. “That was—” He looked at her out of the corner of his eye and saw her counting days on her fingers. “—it must have been!” she said, smiling widely. “It must have been that night.”
Adam smiled back at her, remembering the night she meant. Adele had been in town – meeting with the studios about some new movie she had in the works – and Adam had managed to snag them a table at the private show she’d played while she was here. Jane had been brimming with excitement at the chance to hear her sing live, and she’d brought along her copies of both of Adele’s albums to get them autographed backstage after the show.
“You’re such a fan girl,” Adam had teased her when they got back home afterward, watching as Jane kicked off her heels and massaged the arches of her feet with one hand while still gripping her newly signed CDs in the other.
Jane hadn’t bothered to deny it. “You’re just jealous I listen to anyone other than Maroon 5,” she’d teased back.
“I’d be a little concerned if you didn’t.”
She’d stood and gone over to the stereo, popping in one of the discs and advancing it to the track that Adele had sung earlier to close the show. “At least Adele isn't afraid to sing a proper love song,” Jane had smirked at him over her shoulder.
He’d leaned back on the couch and watched her as she stood by the stereo for a moment, taking in the song.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.
She’d started singing along after a moment, and he’d watched silently from the couch as she’d turned around to face him. She’d been wearing her hair up on top of her head, but she pulled the pins out now and let it cascade down her back as she swayed to the music. She plucked off her earrings next, and then reached behind her back to unzip herself, letting the dark blue sheath dress she’d been wearing slip to the floor.
Adam had stood then and crossed the room to meet her, wrapping his arms around her and resting his cheek against her temple as they began to dance together slowly. He softly sang the next lyrics along with her.
I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.
“It could have been any night that week,” Adam said now, as he thought back to that night, dancing together in the dimly lit living room, then leading her wordlessly to the overstuffed couch.
“No,” Jane replied with certainty. “It was that night. After you danced with me to that song.”
“You know for sure, huh?”
“I know,” she nodded. He turned his head to look at her, and he saw there were tears in her eyes as she smiled up at him. “I know,” she repeated. “And this baby’s going to be named Adele.”
He scrunched up his forehead, pretending to consider for a moment before replying. “Whatever you want,” he said at last, before shooting her another grin. “But it’s going to suck for the kid when it turns out to be a boy.”
She laughed and shook her head at him, and then she took his free hand and pressed it gently to her belly. “It’s not a boy,” she whispered. “It’s a little girl, Adam. I know.”
***
Adam stood now and walked over to his bedroom window, resting his forehead against the cool glass. “You knew, huh?” he whispered, as the song continued and he listened to Adele’s voice lift into a crescendo.
The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.
“You knew,” he repeated, as he stood and took in the darkened landscape, stretching out endlessly to meet the inky blue horizon.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love.
“Shows what you know,” he whispered with a dry chuckle, as the last notes of the song sounded and the silence enveloped him again.