Exhaustion had become a regular part of consciousness. Training with Kylo was more demanding than anything I had ever done; and even though I had grown physically stronger, the relentless schedule left me feeling weaker every day.
Today, there was a lull in trooper duties after I finished training, and some of them were filing around the barracks, making too much noise for me to sneak in the nap I had been craving. With an annoyed groan, I rolled out of bed, my unbraided hair falling around my face in damp waves.
My feet led me down the familiar corridors to Kylo's door. I knocked softly, making a face at the way my arm ached when I raised it. There was no answer, but I pulled the door open anyway, my arm muscles screaming in protest at the exertion of effort. Inside, the room retained its usual darkness, the empty silence soothing. The door slid shut behind me, encasing me in total blackness.
Feeling my way across the room, I flopped onto his bed on the side opposite of where he usually slept, enjoying the silkiness of its black sheets against my skin. With one last push of effort, I crawled my way to a pillow and tucked it underneath my head, letting out a consent sigh. I fell seamlessly into sleep.
The sound of the door opening didn't wake me, nor did the dip of the bed as Kylo sat quietly next to me. Only his gentle touch on my shoulder pulled me from unconsciousness. I glanced up sleepily, meeting his concerned gaze.
"What are you doing in here?"
"Too loud in the barracks." I mumbled through the pillow.
He didn't respond. Instead, he pulled the sheet up so that it covered me, his movements careful.
"Your bed is comfortable." My voice was still thick with sleep, and my mind was fuzzy.
He sat wordlessly on his usual side of the bed, leaning his back against the wall as he gazed at me.
I made a content humming noise and buried my face back into the pillow, unsure of how I was still awake. "Where were you?"
There was a long pause before he responded. "I needed to be alone for a bit. To think."
"Sorry." I muttered, feeling as if I should leave but unwilling to move from his bed.
"No, you're okay here." He ran his hands over his face. "I trust you. Things have just been difficult lately."
"Like what?" My words were slurring together, my body unable to shake the heavy fatigue that had set in.
I could feel his gaze weighing heavily on me as he debated whether or not to tell me. My eyes fluttered shut, my arms still clutching the pillow as I awaited his decision.
At last, he sighed. "For a while now I've been feeling a pull to the Light Side." His words were barely louder than a whisper.
I should have been shocked. I should have been surprised into full consciousness, alarmed by his confession. But somehow I wasn't—it must have been the fatigue. Instead, I only shifted slightly, waiting for him to continue.
Kylo seemed to be encouraged by my lack of response. "I don't know what it is, but I can't seem to escape it. I thought killing my father would cut off my connection to the Light, but if anything, the pull has only grown stronger since then."
I rolled onto my side so I could watch him as he spoke. He met my eyes for a moment, then looked away. "I feel so weak. I have to find a way to escape this, I don't have a choice."
"Why not?" I murmured.
"Because if Snoke finds out about my weakness, he'll kill me." His voice shook. "He has warned me before to cut all ties to the Light, or else I will fail in my mission to serve the First Order. And if I fail in that..." His voice trailed off, leaving an ominous interpretation to what would happen.
"Then you can't let him find out." In my half-conscious state, the answer to his dilemma seemed simple enough.
Kylo glanced at me, his dark eyes searching my face. After a moment, he slid his body down so that he was lying parallel to me, on his side to face me. I fought to keep my eyes open, the sudden quiet tempting me to return to sleep.
"Why do I trust you so much?" He whispered, seemingly more to himself than to me.
"I have no idea." I gave him a sleepy smile. "But I'm glad you do."
He returned my smile slightly, looking worn down. "So am I."
At his last words, I gave in to sleep once more, the comfort of the bed seeming to suck me down into the warm embrace of darkness.