My thumbs been hovering over the name on my phone for a good few minutes. Ms O'Conner, it's right there and all I have to do is press it.
Curling my knees to my chest I swallow, I can't believe I'm so terrified of doing this. I need to man up and press it, it's only calling my boss. She might eat me for doing it but that's okay. I'll be fine.
"Grace?" I pull my bottom lip between my teeth when she answers. Although she's deemed the heartless dragon by all of my colleges - I haven't had any problems with her... yet. That doesn't stop me from being absolutely terrified whenever I talk to her, probably because she's the managing partner of one of the most successful law firms in the country. I could never imagine being as talented as her. "Surely you have more to do with your life than call me on a Sunday night?"
My worry eases slightly when I hear the teasing evident in her voice. I barely know anything about her or her personal life or what she could actually be doing right now. I've never talked to her outside of office hours, but she's always a very shut off and serious person. Our conversations only ever involve work.
I have to wonder if there's more to her than everyone says. She'd only be in her late thirties or early forties and she's incredibly good looking. I know she must spend hours in the gym and she always wears designer clothes. Surely she doesn't sit at home in a huge house by herself all night like everyone seems to say she does.
"Hi Ms O'Conner, I'm sorry for calling you this late on a weekend...."
"It's barely eight o'clock Grace" she chuckles slightly and even through the phone my cheeks still darken. "What do you need?"
Her friendliness surprises me but I'm thankful for it. "I wondered if I could have the morning off tomorrow? I know the timing isn't great with all the clients coming through and everything so I understand if I can't. I just don't think I can get another doctors appointment this week if I don't."
"It's fine, when was the last time you even took time off?" I sigh relieved as I place my hand gently against my tummy without realising what I'm doing. It's comforting in strange kind of way. "You'll be in after lunch for our meeting? I have some things to talk to you about."
"Yes, yes of course" I answer quickly. I have no idea why she could want to talk to me. "Thank you for letting me have the time off."
"It's fine Grace, I'll see you tomorrow?"
I nod, thanking her again before she ends the call, leaving me alone with my laptop. Xavier hasn't been home all day. After I ate and showered I decided to hide out in here, in his little study space I usually don't come into. I've replied to so many work emails and read through so many forms and agreements my heads starting to spin. I think I've even managed to get ahead of my workload for the first time in months, but I feel exhausted. More than usual now.
Placing the laptop next to me, I lean back into the comfort of the chair and pull the blanket over me up to my chin. The flames of the fireplace in front of me put on some kind of hypnotising show, making my eyes feel immediately heavier than before. I can kind of see why Xavier likes it in here. It's smaller than most of the rooms in our house and it's cozy. There's an earthly warmth to the wooden walls and thick carpet I never took the time to notice before.
I don't know how much later it is when something crashing and heavy footsteps wakes me up. I'm almost completely sunken into the sofa and it takes my eyes a second to realise they're not dreaming when I see Xavier and his tense figure standing in the dark corner of the room.
"What happened?" I'm immediately awake, Xavier looks pissed off and shocked to see me in his study but doesn't say anything about it.
His knuckles are purple and blue with swollen bruises and there's a dark red gash across his cheek. He looks filthy, there's a decent amount of dirt on his clothes and across his skin. I'm sure there's more I can't see as well.
"Nothing, I thought you'd be in bed" his voice is distant, miles away. I stand up, approaching him cautiously. "I'm fine Grace, I'm going to have a shower."
My fingers clutch his bicep, stopping him from turning away from me so I can get a proper look at the bruising along his jaw I didn't notice before.
"You can't disappear all day without contacting me and then turn up like this at 10.30 on a Sunday night and not give me an explanation."
He looks down at me, there's a scowl on his lips but I don't know if it's meant to be directed at me or not. "Come on" I pull his arm and his stare becomes one filled with confusion. "Look at you, I have to at least try and help you so it's less painful."
"It doesn't hurt" all I do is roll my eyes at his statement, dragging him into the bathroom without actually looking at him again. He sits on the counter by the sink without arguing which surprises me.
His burning gaze watches me the entire time while I crouch down to reach the first aid kit. I try to avoid the way it makes my tummy feel when he trails his gaze along my bare legs - not well covered by his t-shirt I'd thrown on earlier.
"You don't have to do this" he says when I place the box of medicine beside him. I can see the deep spilt in his bottom lip. What the hell could've happened? "I'm fine."
"Unless you have an explanation for me I really don't care about what you're saying" I don't mean to snap, but I have no idea how to feel about him turning up like this. "We have an ultrasound to go to in the morning remember? This isn't going to make the best impression."
"I'm not exactly going to be Father of the year anyway" his voice is sterile. I don't know where the sweet Xavier from last night has gone, but I don't like this version I have instead. It's just because he's angry, that's why he said that. That's why he's being like this - all shut off.
I sigh heavily, I'm too tired to want to argue with him while he's being like this. The alcohol wipe I tear open rest carefully between my fingers as I wipe the dirt and grit from the cut across his cheek. It looks as though it could need stitches. If it stings he doesn't show it, he doesn't move an inch or make any kind of expression, he just sits still.
"You need to hold this against your cheek to help stop the swelling." It takes him a few moments to lift his fingers, pressing the icepack against his skin while I move to his lip.
At first, my thumb simply brushes against the soft surface without me meaning to let it. I know he's watching me and I feel uncomfortably close to him standing between his legs while he's like this, but I can't make myself move away.
I don't mean for my fingers to cup his bruised jaw so tenderly either. I need to be mad at him but I can't be when he's sitting in front of me like this. My shaky breath gives just how much this is effecting me away as I wash some more of the dirt from his face with a damp cloth. Dry blood mixes with the water in the sink to make the most horrendous colour. I don't dare look up at him when his fingers brush against my ribs, I just focus on the blood across his forehead instead of the way his hand moves lower to caress my flat tummy.
"Don't be upset" his voice is quiet and I have to stop myself from screaming at him to let out my frustration. Is he serious?
"How do you expect me to feel when you come home like this?"
"It was just a little fight. The other guys are a lot worse off than I am." Guys?
"You were in an outnumbered fight?" I try to keep my voice steady as I continue to clean his battered face. It's been so long since I've had to do anything like this to him, but it hasn't got any easier.
"It doesn't matter now, I'm fine. It's just a little bruise."
"You could need stitches for some of these" my much smaller hands examine his rough knuckles. I finally look up at him when he pulls his hand away from mine. "Why were you in a fight Xavier?"
"I was just protecting what's mine" I swallow when he looks at me intensely. He isn't talking about me is he? He couldn't be. "I don't need stitches, it'll be gone in the morning."
"I can't even be bothered arguing with you about it because I know you won't listen anyway" I place the first aid kit back under the draw when I'm finished.
He still hasn't made any kind of attempt to show how he's feeling. "I'm going to bed - " he grips my arm. When I try to pull away his hold only tightens. "What Xavier?"
He sighs, keeping his hand around my arm as he pulls me back towards him. Suddenly the black bags under his eyes are much more evident than before, he looks exhausted."I'm sorry, I've just had a really shit day, but I don't want to fight with you because of it."
"Are you going to tell me what happened?"
"I was in an outnumbered fight when I was walking back to my car. They just caught me off guard. It was dark" he says casually, like what's happened isn't at all a big deal. "I really am okay Grace, you don't need to look so worried."
"How outnumbered?"
"There were four of them" my eyes widen and I try to imagine him fighting that many men by himself alone in the dark. "Please don't look at me like that, I'm fine."
"Why did they attack you?" I'm not sure if I want to know the answer but I need to, he stares at me with an unsure expression. I know he doesn't want to tell me. He never does.
"Please Xavier, I can't be left in the dark all the time - not when you come home like this."
"I couldn't really see their faces but I think they work for someone who has... history with my family."
"Work for someone? Another gang leader?"
"More like the mafia" I swallow but I don't want to interrupt him, incase he'll stop. "He comes from what is like the original gang family. They're Italian."
"That's what's been going on for the last couple of months isn't it?" When he nods I breathe heavily, trying to remain calm as I look cautiously up at his gaze. "If they're from Italy what are they doing in America?"
"He's got contacts pretty much everywhere around the world. It was my fault for walking at night unprepared, I should've been more careful."
I can't do anything but stare at him, "Where.... Where are the guys who did it now?"
"Either in hospital or still out cold on the ground, it's hard to know" he shrugs, seeing my horrified expression his fingers brush my cheek gently. "Grace, please don't be upset, this is why I didn't want to tell you. It's just a few scratches, it doesn't hurt."
"You could've died" my fingers grip his shirt and I try to contain the way they shake. "What if they killed you? That's what they were trying to do right?"
"Shh babe" he soothes my hair with his battered hands, cupping my face firmly. "I'm fine, they would've been trying to scare me. That's all. You can't get rid of me that easily."
He pulls my forehead against his and sighs deeply, "I know how to protect myself Grace, you don't need to worry about anything but yourself and our baby."
My arms tighten around his shoulders and he pulls me against the warmth of his chest. I squeeze him so tightly I can only hope he has no bruises there as well. "I love you" he whispers against my hair. "You know that right?"
"Yeah, I know" I answer just as quietly, closing my eyes for a brief second while he kisses the side of my head.
"If it makes you feel better you can come shower with me?" A smirk begins to form on his face when he sees my expression and pulls away slightly, pulling his shirt over his head while still sitting on the bench. My eyes immediately zone in on his back through the mirror, the tattoos and engraved scars on his back don't hide the risen, red scratch marks all over him.
I blush darkly when the cocky expression stays on his busted lips and he stares at me darkly. "Admiring your artwork?"
"You look like you've been attacked by a cat" I cringe slightly but he just chuckles. Even after everything he's been through today he still laughs. The Xavier I met years ago would've got drunk or broken everything in his way after something like this. At least this is kind of a good start.
"I was actually attacked by my insanely sexy fiancé" he grins when my blush deepens. Why does he have to enjoy teasing me so much? "She's pretty wild."
"Even when you're battered and bruised you can still make fun of me" I huff as his smirk changes to a small smile. "Do you need pain killers?"
"It doesn't hurt" He answers, kissing my forehead as he stands, loosening the belt around his jeans. "You should go to bed, I'll be there soon."
"Are you sure you're okay? You're not going to collapse on me? I can take you to the hos-"
He presses his bruised lips to mine, I'm sure it must be hurting him but he doesn't act like it is. "I'm sure I'm okay" he whispers although I'm not sure about how honest he's being. "Are you?"
"You're asking me if I'm okay while you look like this?" He shrugs, staying close to me while he waits for me to answer. "I'm fine, it's you I'm worried about."
"You don't need to worry about me" I lift an eyebrow. "I'm tough" he tries to puff out his chest to prove it and and it only makes me giggle. He looks ridiculous.
"You should get some sleep" he says a few moments later when I yawn. "Otherwise I'll drag you into the shower with me."
As tempting as that offer is, I really am exhausted. I know tomorrow's going to be a long day so instead I kiss his cheek, careful to avoid any kind of sore looking area before I pull away.
He smiles when I turn to walk out of the bathroom, closing the door behind me as I collapse on our bed. Whoever this Italian family is, they must be powerful. Whatever history they have with Xavier and his family mustn't be the good kind for this to happen.
My phone vibrates, breaking me from my chain of thoughts as I lazily reach to grab it from the nightstand. It takes a second for my tired eyes to focus and when they do I see it's from Mason, I haven't heard from him in a couple of weeks. Why would he be texting me at midnight on a Sunday?
Can I call you tomorrow morning? I REALLY REALLY need to talk to you and probably Xavier, it's important
Yeah of course, is everything okay?
I only just press send when I fall asleep, completely exhausted, confused and unsure of what on earth tomorrow will bring.