I wrenched my hand from Mr. Gray's and continued on my way. How could he act as if he never called me a child? Or was this him treating me as the child I was? I felt myself shaking harder, forcing myself to grip my skirts tighter. I pushed myself too far yesterday, I was foolish to do so. Mr. Gray grabbed my hand again and placed his other around my waist. I shoved him away, but it was no use. He was determined as ever. Mr. Gray placed his arms around me and lifted me with ease, carrying me uptake rest of the stairs.
"Put me down," I ordered quietly when he reached the top of the stairs. He did as I said, keeping one hand on my waist. "Let me go, Mr. Gray. I am capable of walking on my own." I snapped and he reluctantly let go. I walked slowly to my room, using my hand along the far wall for support. Mr. Gray trailed behind me like a puppy who lost his mother. His head was tilted towards the floor and his hands were clasped behind his back. He looked remorseful, and he was making it increasingly hard to be mad at him. But I would make do.
"Mr. Gray, I am quite capable of getting ready on my own. I am no longer a child in that sense." I sneered. "I suppose I deserved that jab." He sighed from behind me.
"You deserve so much more than that, Mr.Gray, but I am a lady. And proper ladies do not use weaponry." I said angrily. Mr. Gray remained silent as we reached my room. I went inside and close the door behind me, then collapsed against it. I was only fooling myself by doing this. I know that Mr. Gray hurt me, and possibly Helen has caught on, but my resolve to hate him would surely evaporate at the ball next month. I was growing too attached to him and I knew it. He knocked his knuckles against my door twice, making me jump slightly.
"Abigail, are you alright? It's very quiet in there." Mr. Gray called. "May I come in? I would like to speak with you, if that is alright." I moved away from the door as Victor turned the knob slowly. he entered the room without a word, wringing his hands together.
"What is it, Mr. Gray?We are waisting time that could be used to prepare for—"
"I apologize for my actions yesterday. They were completely uncalled for. Its just that after I was discharged from the Army... It is not the best idea for me to become a public physician again." He said, looking at the floor.
"You called me a child, Mr. Gray. Is that all you see when you look at me? Some helpless, ignorant girl?" I asked, wrapping my arms around myself. Mr. Gray snapped his gaze to me, his eyes wide. "Answer the question, please." I ordered.
"Abigail, I said that out of embarrassment. I never meant it!" Victor exclaimed. "Abigail, you know my character! I would never intentionally hurt you!"
"It's hard to believe that when you've already done so." I said quietly. I turned away from Mr. Gray, not wanting to hear any more from him. I moved for my cane, but Mr. Gray grabbed my arm, stopping me in my tracks. He turned me around slowly, making me look at his eyes.
"I care for you, Abigail." He said lowly. "I do not see a child when I look at you, I see a strong young woman who has been set back by her physical ailments." My blood boiled under my skin. All he could see was my physical appearance and not who I truly was. Before I could react, Mr. Gray placed his lips over mine and his hands on my cheeks. I would have melted into his kiss if I were not so upset with him. I pushed him away with all of my strength, my eyes wide as I stared at him.
"How dare you, Mr. Gray. How dare you kiss me without permission! How dare you declare that you care for me when you only care for my physical being and not my soul." I turned and grabbed my cane, turning to see a shocked Mr. Gray. I brushed past him without a second thought, leaving him standing like a fool inside of my room. Helen's waiting for me at the top of the stairs, my cloak in her hands.
"Abigail, are you alright?" Helen queried. I began to nod my head, but shook it no instead. Helen took my hand and began walking me down the front stair case. "What did Victor do?" She whispered softly.
"He said that the cared for me, and then listed all of the reasons why. Helen, they all pertained to me physically. How could after all this time he still does not know me?" I whispered, tens threatening to come out of my eyes. Helen paused us and hugged me close, her soft hands stroking my hair gently.
"Men are the most stupid creatures on Earth. Just ask you grandmother, your mother, and your sister. Their husbands are not perfect, they most definitely have their flaws, but they have good intentions. Victor only has your heart in mind. He's never been in love before and I know is unsure of what to do—"
"He kissed me, Helen. He thought that it would rectify everything." I said, a free tears spilling down my cheeks. Helen pulled me closer before letting me go. "I will talk to him, Abigail. Maybe it will help the two of you." I shook my head gently, tightening megrim on my cane.
"I've already made up my mind, Helen. If Lord Clark and I are a match, I will accept his proposal. I will write to my Uncle in London to see if he will take Victor on as a doctor. I do not want either of you to be without work." I said firmly. Helen looked as if she wanted to say more, but I dismissed her, continuing down the stairs. Katrina waited patiently with her husband at the bottom of the stairs, her cloak wrapped around her tightly.
"Abby, are you crying?" She asked when she saw me. I touched my cheek immediately, wiping away the wetness that stained my cheek.
"It's nothing." I whispered, moving closer to the couple. "It's obviously not nothing, Abby." Katrina pushed as she came closer, lifting my chin slightly. I heard Helen and Victor descend the stairs, bickering at each other. It was most likely about what had happened moments ago. I averted my eyes to the floor as more tears came to my eyes.
"Katrina, move on." Henry said when he saw my actions. "Henry, something is bothering her!" Katrina exclaimed.
"Kat, please. Take Helen and Victor to the carriage. I will escort Abby," Henry said, taking my arm. He waited until the three were far enough in front of us to look at me.
"What did Mr. Gray do to make you cry, Abby?" He asked. I shook my head as I wiped away my tears.
"It's nothing, Henry. I don't want to trouble you." I said as I averted my gaze to the floor. Henry pulled me closer and pressed a kiss to my temple.
"Abigail, you are my sister now. I would do anything for you because I love you." Henry said. "And I assure you, being your brother entitles me to challenge Mr. Gray to a duel if he has compromised you honor." I smiled slightly, squeezing Henry's arm.
"How did Kat react when you told her you cared for her?" I asked. Henry chuckled as he lifted me into his arms.
"You sister felt so burdened by what she had done to you, she felt as if she did not deserve anyone. She was rather shocked to think that I could have ever fallen in love with her. But do not confuse your situation with Mr. Gray for ours. Katrina fought long and hard with my history to be able to forgive herself for what you had forgiven her already. Mr. Gray is willing to open his heart to you." Henry said as he walked down the marble steps to the carriage. He kissed my head one last time as he set me down before the carriage.
"Thank you, Henry. For everything." I whispered to him as I climbed into the carriage. I seated myself between Katrina and Henry, keeping my eyes to the floor as to avoid Mr. Gray's gaze. I did not want to see his eyes or the emotion that was in them. I did not want to know if his sister told him of my plans to marry Lord Clark. I knew, deep inside me, that Mr. Gray was who I would always want. But it was about security and the possibility that I could not bear children. Lord Clark was able to provide both for me, while I could never provide that for Mr. Gray. He would be devastated if he could not have someone to pass his legacy onto; that is what most men want.
"Well, what a lively bunch we are today!" Katrina exclaimed, breaking the silence. The carriage lurched into motion, throwing me forward slightly. Henry and Mr. Gray's hands flew out to catch me. I snapped my head up as Mr. Gray's hands closed around my shoulders and pushed me back into my seat.
"Are you alright?" Mr. Gray whispered to me. I nodded my head before he turned his head and looked out the window of the carriage.
"What was that all about?" I heard Katrina whisper to Henry.
"Let it be, Kat." Henry said, taking her hand across my lap. Helen looked between me and Victor on our quiet ride to the village. The jostling of the carriage sent a low ache up my back, but nothing that I could not handle. I could feel Mr. Gray watching me, to see if I was in any distressing pain. I did not want to worry him anymore than he already was.
"Abby, what color dress are you going to stun Lord Clark with? A deep red? Or maybe a stunning violet?" Katrina asked as we neared the center of the village.
"Whatever you think suits me best, Kat." I replied softly, looking at my lap once more. Katrina pinched my chin and lifted it to look at her.
"I want you to be the second most talked about woman at the ball, besides the to be bride." She whispered, kissing my forehead. "Do not feel pressured to please me, or anyone else, for that matter."
I nodded once as the carriage came to a stop in the middle of the village square. Katrina seemed to be so excited to come to the village and shop. It seemed as if she had withdrawal from the real world since having the twins. Or maybe she was finally realizing that she wanted a season and was trying to live it through me.
Mr. Gray and Henry had exited the carriage and helped the three of us out of the carriage, taking great precautions of my emerging limp. Mr. Gray moved to help me, but then shied away when Henry placed his hand on my back. The five us walked quietly to the tailor shop, Helen subtly keeping herself between Mr. Gray and me.
The family that ran the tailor shop were old friends of the family. Ida and Taran were friends of Mother's from Ireland. Their children were a few years older that Katrina, but they were family to us. Ida had taught her two daughters the fine points of sewing and dress making while their only son managed the business with their father. They made Katrina's wedding dress in record time, including the dresses for her maids.
"Aunty Ida, are you here?" Katrina yelled as we entered the shop. Ida had been preparing for her daughter's grandchildren since they were both married a few years back. The oldest, sadly, had lost both of her pregnancies early on. The younger one had given Ida a little girl to cherish for the past two year. Her son lived-in the apartment above the shop with his young bride while they were expecting their first child in the next few months.
"Katrina, darling, is that you?" Aunt Ida called from the back of her shop. She brushed away the long spools of fabric and lace as she made her way to the front of the shop. "My god, just look at you! Katrina, I never would have guessed you gave birth nearly three months ago! And Henry, have you been treating my grand niece and nephew well?"
"I have been treating them all very well, Aunt Ida. We are waiting for your own little ones to come and play with the twins." Henry said as he wrapped an arm around Katrina's waist. "But Katrina is worried about the twins catching a cold."
"They are still fragile, Henry!" Katrina protested as Ida moved over to me.
"Aunt Ida," I breathed as she wrapped her strong arms around me. "I am beyond happy to see you up and about." She whispered in my ear. I smiled as she released me and turned to our group.
"Well. you girls only visit me when there is a party or a season approaching. From what I've heard, there is to be both!" Ida exclaimed as she reached for her measuring tool. "Who is first?"
"Helen, I insist!" Katrina said, grabbing my friend's hand. "Aunt Ida, Victor and Henry also need new suits, and do you have Albert's measurements? He shall need one as well." Katrina said, taking a seat in an old wicker chair.
"Taran, will you come and help me? It's the girls and a few guests!" Ida yelled to her husband. "Bring Willie with you!"
"Yes, my darling!" He called back, emerging with a scraggly looking young man. "This is William, our apprentice. Ida's cousin." Taran explained, handing the boy a measuring tool. Taran went over to Henry and began to take his measurements as the young boy timidly went up to Mr. Gray. His stature alone was enough to intimidate any man, especially a young boy like Willie. Mr. Gray kept him jaw clenched as the boy measured him, his eyes focusing on a loose piece of fabric hanging from the ceiling. I wanted to know what he was thinking, what was making him so agitated. But I think that I had a good guess as to what it was. When Ida finished with Helen, Katrina stood and assumed the position Ida told her to stand in. Henry stayed with Taran a bit longer, seeing as he was the closest to Albert's measurements. Mr. Gray finished, his gaze now turning to me. I felt my cheeks flush as I limped over to the young Willie, resting heavily on my cane. The boy took his time measuring me, keeping his eyes averted at all costs. I could feel Mr. Gray's presence from behind me, his stare penetrating deep inside me. Or was he staring down young Willie?
Willie looked at me when he finished, giving me an impish smile as he folded his tool together. "Thank you, Willie." I whispered to him. The boy looked down and scurried away, following Taran to the back room. Henry took my arm and helped me into the wicker chair that Kat had previously occupied.
"Shall we take a look at fabrics now?" Ida asked as she came over to the five of us. "Or would you like to look through the catalogue?"
"I trust you to make me a gorgeous dress, like always, Aunt Ida." I said as I leaned back in the chair. "But I insist that you help Helen and Mr. Gray with their selections. This is their first ball."
"Well, ye never told me that!" Ida exclaimed, rushing behind her sewing counter for her catalogue. "Is it for Lord Duvall's engagement ball?" Ida asked as she scurried over to Helen and Mr. Gray. Helen turned to me with wide eyes as Ida began asking her questions about waist-lines and textures. I smiled reassuringly, pushing myself to stand. I hobbled over to the pair, taking Helen's hand in mine.
"Aunt Ida, you are overwhelming them. Something simple, please. They should compliment each other as well." I said softly, smiling at Ida. She smiled back as she pressed the catalogue to her chest.
"I will have everything ready by the end of the month." She promised. "Go, enjoy your day out!"
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Ida pulled through on her promise, delivering the gown and suits two days before Robert's engagement ball. The gowns were gorgeous, Katrina's was a beautiful yellow dress, matching Henry's waist coat and jacket. They looked like sunflowers on a beautiful day. Helen's was a pale blue, like the sky after a rainy day. I assumed that Mr. Gray's suit matched his sisters, since he never showed it to me. My dress looked stunning. It was navy blue, like the night sky. It was a light fabric with lace and rushing around the waist. I felt like Queen Victoria in the dress. I felt like I could conquer the world.
The night of the ball I was a wreck. I could not tell if I was nervous about meeting Lord Clark or being so close to Mr. Gray all night long. I felt as if I was going to pass out, or even vomit. I had a feeling I was more nervous about Mr. Gray than anything else.
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Hello Lovelies!
I updated earlier that I thought I would! Next chapter will have a lot to do with our new Lord Clark and Abigail's inner struggle.
How are you all? Is your summer going well? Mine is pretty awesome so far! It was my birthday yesterday! Finally 18! I had to work all day, but otherwise, it was a good day!
Here is some scheduling info for the following weeks to come:
1. My cousin is coming to stay with me and my family next week. I will be hanging out with her on top of my regular work schedule.2. The week of July25, I have training for another camp for three days, so updates may be late that week.3. the week of August 1-7 I have off from work so there may be multiple updates.4. the week of Aug 8-12 I have another camp and regular work so not regular updates.5. August 18 I move into my dorm for sports and start training on Aug 19. Updates will be sporadic from then on until I can figure out a good schedule.
Lots of Love,
DoctorWho