OKAY SO DO YOU GUYS SEE THE NEW COVER? IT'S SO GORGEOUS AND BEAUTIFUL. Kiran (Krazy_Kiran) made it.
Anyways, a bunch of people have made me banners so I'll probably link them chapter by chapter. They're so pretty!
Up top is the one made by Naina! dancelover_7564 Seriously, this is so beautiful and the editing style is so pretty!
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Matsya hits the gas pedal while I quickly click my seatbelt on. Unfortunately, Matsya leaves hers off as if it's perfectly legal. Instead of commenting on it, I roll my eyes and stare out of the window.
Amir doesn't have a radio which leads to nothing but silence in the car. The occasional crunch of Autumn leaves are heard but other than that, it's just me averting my eyes from Matsya. I've led myself to believe if I avoid her brown eyes, I'll be able to pretend I didn't kiss her only a few minutes ago.
There's more relevent stuff to think about anyways. In this world, heaps of friends just kiss and pretend it didn't happen - not that you can call her my friend either. Also, friends don't ever causally kiss each other like we just did.
Maybe it is a bit relevent. Why would I kiss her? Even after everything? I'm not going to lie, Matsya is beautiful. But every time I admit it, it feels wrong to say. I shouldn't find her beautiful when there's so many secrets she holds, the secrets that can break my world.
Do I have a sexual desire to her or something - what did draw me in and think it's okay to kiss someone the likes of Matsya? I haven't even apologized to her and the insults I called her still make me feel guilty. I wonder if my family would ever apologise to me.
Dad. It's been years since I last saw him and the first time I saw him after so many days, is because I tagged his house with rainbows and swears. Someone should award me son of year. Who doesn't want a child like me? A bisexual and officially also a criminal.
Oh God. I'm a criminal. I did something against the law - I could get arrested. "We can get arrested!" I panick, causing Matsya to turn and look at me with wide eyes. Her hair manages to flick, the brown hairs whipping to another side along with her head.
"Probably not. We'll just quickly move into traffic for a while. Currently, we're the only people on these streets - it's a bit fishy," Matsya replies. I nod, making sense of her words. How did I forget that I'm in a car with a known criminal? She'll manage to keep me out of jail.
Another thought flies across my mind - I'm in a small, trapped space with no where to go and with no one to hear my screams. The only person beside me is a criminal, the person I kissed and manage to tell all of my past within two hours. To sum it up; I'm freaking out and thinking Matsya can kill me. I lead myself here, I willingly got in this car where Matsya can easily screw my life.
I chew on my lip again, reminding myself of the kiss again. Why do I always manage to distract myself from topics I'm trying to clear up and move it to topics that don't really matter? Why can't I just talk about the kiss?
Perhaps it's because I would kiss her again if I get the chance. If Matsya asked if she could, I would say yes. But I can't put my finger on why. Is it because of lust? Does that lemonade drink activate hormones or some shit? Maybe it has alcohol - that would answer the reason why the taste seemed off to me.
The drink was most likely spiked and it lead to me, sitting in a car and regretting my decisions. I shouldn't have kissed Matsya anyways, what was the point? There's zero outcome of the kiss, it had only lead to more questions.
I shiver, the weather becoming colder as night carries on. I check the clock above where the radio should be and it reads out midnight. "There's a blanket at the back," Matsya says in a monotone. "You can use it if you're cold."
I nod and let a small smile of gratitude play on my lips. Awkwardly, I let go off my seatbelt and lean into the backseat of the car. My hands grab a blue blanket. It's simple and made out of cotton.
I pull it and bring it back to my seat and put of my seatbelt again. "Wait, why does Amir have a blanket at the back?" I ask, my mind automatically going to - well, not so PG thoughts. Matsya turns the car, moving past a street light that fills her face with a glow. It makes her seem even more beautiful. It was a simple street light yet it makes her seem like a queen.
I pull the blanket to my chin, completely covering myself. The weather is becoming increasingly freezing making my mind turn off the idea it was used for anything other than sleeping.
"Amir gets angry a lot. Most of these times, he goes to his car and doesn't come back for a few days. I think he either sleeps here or goes to a hotel," Matsya answers, not letting her eyes fall to me. Does this mean she lives with Amir? How else would she know so much about him?
"You live with Amir?" I ask, making the question seem like a friendly question to ask from a friend. It comes off light and airy, something to brush past easily. Matsya nods, making my thorat slightly dry. "So he's your boyfriend?"
I don't always believe in God. For some reason, I can't force myself to unless I'm desperate. The thing is, I see God as a ray of hope. Something to cling to, something to wish to. So whenever I pray, it's my hopes for the best, for someone to guide me out of dark paths.
So whenever I pray, you can say that I'm desperate for the world to swing my way for once. Let me have the world spin my way today, please say no. Matsya looks my way, the first time since we entered the car with largened eyes. "No! I've known him since we were kids, there's no way that would happen," she explains.
"Thank God," I mumble, causing Matsya to raise an eyebrow. "He would kill me after he realized I kissed you," I explain while Matsya stops the car. We've successfully manage to enter the city now and as usual, the traffic is at its highest.
Did Matsya think I was jealous? The only thing her boyfriend would prevent is more kisses and honestly, after the whole questioning my life session, I'm not so keen. "Then why do you guys live together?" I ask.
I really need a filter on my mouth. Why do I ask such question to people like Matsya? "How do you explain this lightly?" Matsya mumbles, tapping on the steering wheel. The car isn't moving at all, there's a huge line in front of us and it look like it'll take us at least ten minutes to reach the red light.
"Promise me you won't freak out?" Matsya asks, looking at me. I nod slowly, hoping her words won't be utterly terrifying. The thing is, the phrase she used is the type teens use before they tell who they have a crush on. Knowing Matsya, she'll take it to the next level. The reason why I'm not excited is because, well, Matsya's level is a bit scary and completely off my rainbow loving life.
"Amir is the leader of my gang," Matsya finally admits, causing my eyes to budge out. She looks at me and sighs. "I knew you'll freak out." Her tone is knowing as if she was a friend I've known for years, instead of an actual gang member talking to the biggest darpok (scaredy cat) in town.
"You're in a gang?" I gulp. If screw anything up with Matsya, do the smallest mistake, it's a signed contract for my death. At least with Matsya, I know she won't kill me - just a feeling or perhaps she's constantly told me that since we met. "Why would you join one in the first place?"
The car is silent for a moment while I process my thoughts. Why would she do it? Matsya is friendly under all her covers and without the whole incidents that have taken place, I would have been her friend. She could do anything else - be a model, be an acteress with her beauty. Even after her beauty, she's smart as well. Why do all of this?
"You wouldn't understand," she finally says, her eyes skimming the traffic infront of us. With her gestures, I guess she's counting down the moments until she can finally get rid of me. I won't let her go so easily this time.
"I've trusted you with my life and with my past yet you can't tell me. Why?" My words come off as bitter, sour and everything that burns the tongue. I can't help it, I can't help emotionally blackmailing her. All I want to know is why. The question keeps swirlimg in my head, shouting everywhere.
"Let's just leave it at that Amir is a good friend of mine. We've been through a lot together," she replies. Her voice is leveled unlike mine that spits jealously everywhere.
"That's not a reason," I point out causing Matsya to breathe out loudly. She seems angry but I can't help it. I can't leave it here when I'm so close to finding out the truth. Her eyes stay permanently on the road and I sigh, knowing she won't talk to me again do the remainder of the trip.
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How was the chapter? Did you guys like it?
Right, since Krazy_Kiran is on hiatus try not to link her in your compliments go the cover. If she comes back, I'll start to link it for her (just so her notifications won't be filled with heaps on people tagging her in one single book)
Anyways, update on my life. Tommorow is school and I won't be that active. I've started a short story where most of the chapters are pre written so you'll most likely get frequent updates! It's called Burned Out and it's on uhhmaya Check out if you guys have time!
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- Maya.