// I have a new book up called miscellaneous which will contain mostly short stories, rants and phan oneshots so go check it out if you enjoy any of the three :) //
dan
Over the next week, Dan notices Phil's decent into a seemingly dark place.
Everyday Dan tries to talk to him, to attempt to let Phil know that he isn't alone - no matter what is happening, but the once sunshine of a boy won't listen to him. It's hurting Dan, seeing Phil like this - he has no idea what to do. Louise, Pj and Cat aren't doing anything, they haven't even noticed.
Dan wonders how people can be so damn ignorant. Phil is clearly a completely different person yet they aren't seeing that fact somehow. When he spots Cat, he runs over to her and she shuts her locker before turning to face him, smiling widely.
"Hey Dan, how are you?" Cat asks brightly, a smiling face hovering above her head.
"Cat... A-are you worried a-about Phil? I m-mean, h-he's not being himself," Dan says quietly, looking at her and desperately willing for her to notice and help, "I'm w-worried about h-him."
"Look Dan, don't be too worried about him, everyone gets down sometimes, despite what you may think, Phil isn't always so cheery - just mostly," Cat says, "look, give it a week and if he still isn't his sunny self, we'll talk to Louise and Pj okay?"
"Y-yeah," Dan says softly, "I n-need to g-go to my own l-locker so I'll s-see you later."
Dan waves goodbye to Cat before quickly walking away towards his own locker. He sighs, closing his eyes as he thinks about what Cat says. It's true, no one can be happy all the time, even Phil, however he knows that there's something different about the kind of down Phil is; after all, he himself felt like this, and more often than not, still does.
Dan reaches forward, the metal lock cold on his fingers as he fumbles to enter the code. After massively increasing the weight of his bag with books, Dan closes his locker and turns to see Phil walking towards him.
Dan has brief déjà vu back to the first time he met Phil. He was at his locker and Phil was running happily towards Pj - a vast contrast to how he looks today. Dan feels a tinge of pain as he compares the two times he's seen Phil come towards him in the hallway.
Phil looks so different, his shoulders hanging forward, his pale skin causing the bags underneath his eyes to stand out like black on white, his usually neat fringe a tangled mess and the mood above his head a mere cloud. Dan walks towards Phil, halting in front of him, however the boy is so lost inside his thoughts that he doesn't notice Dan and walks straight into him.
"Sorry," Phil mutters, his tired eyes staying on the floor and he goes to keep walking until Dan reaches out and gently grabs his arm.
As soon as Dan's fingers make the slightest contact with Phil's skin, he jumps away like Dan's touch was fire and fear flashes briefly inside his blue eyes. He relaxes when he sees Dan looking confusedly at him.
"Oh Dan, didn't see you there," Phil says, giving Dan an obviously forced smile.
"P-Phil are y-you okay?" Dan asks.
"Yeah Dan, I'm fine," Phil says, "everything is fine."
"B-but I'm worried a-about you," Dan says, frowning at him, "you, y-you're, you've changed."
"Well, people do that sometimes Dan, that's just life yeah," Phil assures him, looking at Dan expectantly, "I'm fine."
"No Phil, y-you're n-not!" Dan says, "p-please stop l-lying to me."
"Shut up Dan, you don't know anything okay? Please, you don't get it so stop trying to," Phil says, looking away from Dan before his voice turns quiet, weak, "please Dan, just let it be."
"No Phil, I-I can't s-stand to s-see you like t-this," Dan says sadly, looking at his friend desperately.
"Then don't Dan," Phil says emptily, his expression turning blank, "just don't."
And then Dan just stands there, watching in hurt and feeling hopeless as he watches the boy who was the light in his darkness slip away, his own light fading and there seems to be nothing Dan can do to make Phil's light spark again.
Dan's afraid; he relied on Phil to light his way in the dark, like a star, and now when Phil needs him to do the same, Dan isn't sure if his light is bright enough to guide them both home.
***
phil
Phil avoids Dan after their brief, well he wouldn't exactly call it a conversation.
Honestly, Phil doesn't know why he keeps pushing Dan away; it's doing neither of them any good however Phil just has this... Dread inside of him, preventing him from saying everything. If Phil did try to talk to someone, he knows he would end up chocking on his words, his problems forever trapped within him as his voice is unable to be heard by anyone except himself.
Unfortunately for Phil, Dan is there at break sitting and laughing with his friends. Phil almost doesn't want to disturb them, walk over there with his cloud and frown, making Dan worry. Dan has had enough worry, hurt and sadness to last him a lifetime, Phil doesn't want to add to that just as Dan is becoming happy.
So he turns to walk away, but Dan has already spotted him. Despite his back being turned, Phil can feel Dan's eyes burning into his back. Phil briefly glances back over his shoulder, his gaze catching onto Dan's momentarily, but long enough for Dan's eyes to beg him to come over.
Phil finds himself walking back towards his friends. He sits down at the table, opposite to Dan and half heartedly picks at a bag of chips whilst his friends all talk animatedly. Phil feels awkward and out of place, like a lone cloud in a clear sky; an ink stain on a piece of blank paper.
"I-I'm sorry P-Phil," Dan says to him quietly when the others are caught up in the anecdote which Pj is telling, "I c-can't help it, I-I'm just w-worried about you."
"Don't be Dan," Phil says, "look, don't worry I'm fine."
"No, y-you're lying," Dan says with a frown.
"How would you know if I was lying or not?" Phil snaps angrily.
"I k-know because that's w-what I used to s-say," Dan replies.
"Look Dan, I know you think you know what you're talking about but you don't," Phil says, "you don't know anything."
"Phil I-I... Look w-whatever is happening w-with you f-family I'm h-here for you," Dan says, making Phil's eyes widen in shock.
"How did you know it was my family?" Phil asks, staring at Dan, who's cheeks have grown pink and he looks away guiltily.
"W-when I was a-at your house, a-ages ago, I-I overheard y-your mother and b-brother," Dan says quietly, "I-I didn't hear m-much."
"And you didn't even tell me Dan?" Phil asks angrily.
"I-you're b-brother made m-me swear n-not to tell you," Dan says, looking away from Phil, "h-he didn't w-want you to k-know for t-this reason."
"What reason?" Phil asks angrily.
"H-he didn't w-want you to k-know so you w-wouldn't end up l-like you are n-now!" Dan says, "y-you can't h-handle this stuff v-very well Phil, i-it's hurting you."
"What so I need protecting like a little kid?" Phil asks, feeling a mixture of hurt and anger curl around his heart.
"I-Phil, p-please whatever is h-happening you d-don't have to g-go through it a-alone," Dan pleads.
"Just shut up Dan!" Phil yells suddenly, standing abruptly and startling the others, "shut up!"
"Phil-" Pj starts, reaching a hand out towards his friend.
"No, don't, just leave me alone okay? Especially you Dan," Phil snaps angrily before grabbing his bag, "just fuck off."
And with that, Phil walks away from them, seeking out somewhere to hide for the rest of break, away from his friends but still with his troubled mind.
Phil sighs as he sits down against a classroom wall. Why didn't he accept Dan's help, his comfort? he asks himself but he can only think of one answer;
He doesn't want Dan to see how truly shattered and torn he is.
Because the truth was, over the past week, his father kept showing up in his life, despite his protests, and his mother and brother have no clue that his father is harassing him.
Phil should tell them, he really should, but he can't. He's too overrun with fear of his father. He keeps threatening Phil, hurting him and yelling at him and Phil's had enough.
He's so tired of fighting everyone off. He's not cut out for this; he's used to going around brightening everyone's day, laughing, smiling, hugging his cat - not telling people he's fine, hiding bruises and feeling his soul slowly shred itself apart.
"P-Phil," Phil hears a voice stammer and knows immediately who it is, "I-I'm sorry."
"Dan I told you to go away," Phil says, standing up and facing Dan.
Phil glances quickly up at Dan's mood as he's used to doing that to see how someone feels, however is met with the black line hovering above Dan.
"I said fuck off Dan," Phil snaps angrily.
However, Dan doesn't start yelling angrily, or simply leave like Phil thought he would, instead Dan takes a step towards Phil, and before Phil can register what's happening, Dan's hugging him tightly.
"T-this time, l-let me help y-you," Dan says quietly into Phil's ear.
And instead of protesting, Phil just sobs.
*************
an// what was this? a moods update finally? wowza I'm sorry it took so long!!
thanks if you're still reading - I'm truly sorry my life has just been so busy recently and I haven't had time to write uh!
please leave a vote and comment if you like :)
THANKS! I hope the next update won't take so long oops ^-^
p.s: I have a new YouTube video up if you want to watch it
THANK YOU SMOL BEANS!!! (even though you're probably taller than me)