Break Down Here
It was Saturday night and everyone was gathered at Daddy's for Carrie's "Big Announcement". There were more bodies filling the house than I cared to count and I was stuffed into a tight corner with Walker tucked neatly into my arms. More than anything, I felt like a sardine stuffed into a can. I heard people talking as they moved by, all wondering the same thing that I was. When did Carrie get back and why was she making an announcement? No one else seemed to know either. I'd grown tired of standing around about twenty minutes before and was already on my way to grab the diaper bag and my purse when Daddy called out to me. I groaned. Instead of showing my Dad how much I didn't want to be here, I simply smiled and hiked my little guy higher on my chest.
"I've been looking for you for the last ten minutes, but I guess in a mess of people like this anyone can get lost. The cake is on the table and we're ready to sing. Let's get this over with so I can crack open the bottle you bought me." I chuckled to myself and latched on to his side as he weaved through the throng of people. I was about ninety percent sure Dad had no idea who half of these people were and their being here was all Carrie's doing. Not wanting to ruin Dad's birthday shindig, I didn't voice my complaint. Once we were seated and the candles lit, we all began to sing – most voices unsure but they pitched in either way. Walker babbled softly as the song wound down, cooing when my father placed a dollop of buttercream on the tip of his nose. I rolled my eyes at this, but allowed it to happen. As a grandfather, Daddy said it was his right to spoil Walker to certain things. Sugar being one of them.
The cake was taken away by a cousin, one I hadn't seen in nearly four years. I was more than surprised to start noticing estranged family members scattered across the expanse of the kitchen. Large bags were set on the table, blocking my view. Apparently, it was time to open gifts while the cake was cut. It wasn't an overly long process and I made noises of amazement as each one was pulled out. Some of them were really nice, well thought out gifts, and others were simply last minute. Daddy was grateful either way.
"Okay, Daddy, now for your final gift!" My neck nearly snapped with the speed at which my head whipped around. It was Carrie. She was glowing. Her blonde hair was plaited into a neat fish tail, the five tones gleaming under the lights in the house. Her face was impeccably done with make up, not a hair nor smudge out of place, and her clothes were neat and pristine as always. Suddenly, I understood why Dalton had left me for her. She was everything I wasn't. Polished and beautiful. Delicate and dainty. She was beautiful and while I was pretty, I had never been Homecoming Queen material unlike her. I went to look away but something caught my eye; it was my In-Laws, LeeAnn and Jonothan Holland. They stood together, grim-faced. Directly beside them was a beaming Dalton. My heart started to race.
What on Earth were they doing here?
Carrie had placed a large box in front of Daddy and instructed him to lift the lid off – suddenly a mob of blue balloons exploded out. My father looked bemused but at Carrie's insistence, stuck his hand in the box and fished out a silver picture frame with a black and white picture in it.
It read: You're A Grandpa!
It was a sonogram.
Daddy didn't react like she'd planned, obviously, because the camera she'd had glued to her face after she'd handed him the gift, was lowered slowly and an uncertain look crossed her face. My face, though, was ashen -- a few people around me murmured and asked if I was alright. I didn't respond. I couldn't. My mouth was dry, like I had a hangover and my head pounded.
"Who is the father, CarrieAnne?" Daddy asked, placing the photo frame on the table in front of him. His hands were shaking so much that the frame almost fell.
The room, which had been thrumming with noise, was now dead silent as everyone waited for a response. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath. With a squeak of excitement, my sister's face lit up and she reached behind her and grabbed Dalton's hand. The room began to spin and darken a little around the edges.
I'd obviously known about their affair, but a baby? I'd had no idea that she was pregnant. My heart broke just a little more as I looked at the baby boy playing silently in my lap, entertaining himself with the lock of hair that had fallen over my shoulder. Would Walker mean anything to Dalton now that he was having a baby with Carrie? I couldn't take a breath in suddenly.
"Cassidy, did you-" my father began, looking over at me only to stop as he faced me. "Cassidy?" His eyes widened and I could see the panic racing through his hazel orbs. Hands took Walker from me, but they were the last thing I saw as the world disappeared.
* * * *
"And now, ladies and gentleman, I'm proud to present Mr. and Mrs. Dalton Holland." Brother Collins said, clapping his hands together as Dalton took my hand in his. I blushed at the fierce look of desire in his eyes and giggled, looking away. I wasn't used to him gazing at me as if he couldn't wait to tear my clothes off. Dalton and I had been dating for nearly two and a half years, eight months of that being our engagement. We had met in school and simply been friends until he'd asked me on a date our freshman year. Now, well, now I was the happiest woman in Texas. Dalton sent another look my way and leaned in to kiss my cheek.
I heard a scoff behind me, but paid no attention we begin to regress down the aisle. It's a little bit of a blur between the front of the church, to the place where the reception was being held. The smell of fresh coffee, fried chicken and a sickly sweet scent permeate the air. The entire dining hall of the Red Oak Dance Hall is decorated in varying shades of blue and silver, small ornaments adorning each individual tables along with a large decorated pine tree tucked into the corner of the room. My breath caught. Brother Collins' sister, Saralynn, had outdone herself! We'd chosen the Dance Hall for two reasons: one, we were actually allowed to dance here, and two, alcohol was allowed on the premises.
"It's beautiful, isn't it Dalton?" I whispered, gripping his hand tighter in mine. I was over the moon. Not only was I now Mrs. Cassidy Holland, but this was also the wedding of my dreams. My heart danced in my chest as he leaned over with a small smile and kissed my lips lightly. And tonight, I thought, sneaking a dubious look at my new husband, I was going to finally rid myself of my pesky virginity. I felt myself flush again at the very thought.
As people began to fill in the hall, Dalton and I were separated. Our pictures taken, chatter made -- food was passed around and flutes of bubbly began to be dished out. While I was too young to drink, legally, I stole a few sips of my favorite Aunt's as she "looked away". Music began to play overhead and Dalton and I were called to the sawdust covered dance floor. I grinned and stood, lifting my antique lace dress just enough to allow my "church boots" to peek through. This was the moment I'd waited for since I was a little girl, always loving the idea of my first dance and as I'd grown older and learned to two-step, my excitement seemed to grow. The beginning notes of Kenny Rogers' The Vows Go Unbroken began to play and I was standing at the lip of the dance floor waiting for Dalton, all eyes on me. His name was called again over the loud speakers, but he didn't come forward.
There's an uncomfortable shift in the crowd that's gathered and embarrassment creeped up my spine, my face swam with heat the longer I continued wait - before I knew it, the song is over and the DJ looked over helplessly at one of the people standing closest to his set up. With an uncertain shrug, he started the song over after calling for my missing husband once more. There's still no appearance. I didn't wait for the song to end this time, before I signaled the DJ to play something a lot more upbeat and begin a fast paced walk toward the women's bathroom. People nearly dive out of my way and I'm grateful. I'm sure if a single person stopped me I would've ended up crying my eyes out.
Voices in the hall leading to the bathroom stop me --- familiar voices.
"You can't go around kissing married men!" Dalton yelled, and the sound of bodies tumbling echoed through the hall as the door separating the main hall and the restrooms closed. My eyes widened. Dalton was in here the whole time? Who was trying to kiss him? My curiosity is piqued, and I simply stand and listen.
"But-"
"No!" His growl cut the other voice off and I heard a low curse slip from his mouth. I wasn't used to hearing them come from his lips. He tried not to curse. Said it was in bad taste. I crept forward more and the sound of pans clanking in the kitchen around the corner of the t-shaped hall cut off the beginning of the next set of words.
"-- married her, for God's sake!" Carrie's voice is a near scream but I'm sure no one can hear her beyond the heavy doors and the loud music.
"What did you expect, Carrie? You said no and she didn't." His voice was a knife to my heart. Of course I'd known about Dalton's little crush on Carrie, but I had been assured it was done with and he loved only me. He'd led me to believe that the crush was one-sided and nothing had come from it. As I waited in the hall listening to them talk, I had to wonder if I'd been completely naive to trust and marry him. Was I in love with Dalton Holland? No, but that didn't mean it wasn't possible. Daddy had said that Nana and Papaw's arranged marriage hadn't began as sunshine and daisies. He said they hadn't even liked one another when they married, but had grown to love one another over the years and have a dozen children. They'd loved each other for a good sixty five years.
I had no doubt that while I wasn't head over heels for Dalton, I couldn't grow to. He was a wonderful man, strong, intelligent, faithful -- but listening to them, I wasn't sure of what I had gotten myself into.
Strangely, the tears I'd been fighting before were gone now and all that was left for me was self-doubt, sadness and anger.
"D'you love her, Dalton?" Carrie's voice was quiet, hurt, but I didn't feel any sympathy toward her, She was hiding away with my husband on my wedding day. It was what hurt most. I had missed a good bit of my teenage experiences trying to help Daddy raise Carrie, it was my duty as her older sister, and here she was trying to kiss my new husband. I felt completely betrayed. I would never do this to her!
"Yes." There's a pregnant pause before he begins speaking again, but his voice is soft this time. "Now, go, Carrie and leave me alone. Cassie and I will have our first dance soon and I don't want to miss it."
* * * * *
I woke up to a room I hadn't lain in since the end of my high school years, confused with my head throbbing fiercely. There were voices outside of the closed wooden door that I could hear faintly, but I was more focused on sitting up and getting out of bed at the moment than figuring out what they were saying. My head swam when I finally stood from the bed, making it hard to get to the bathroom immediately to my left. I knew daddy kept headache pills buried in his medicine cabinet and a drink of water sounded lovely right about then. It took a while, a lot of fumbling, but I finally had some medicine in me and some water -- the throbbing died down and everything hit me all at once.
Dalton had left me. For Carrie.
Who he'd been sleeping with for months, while I was pregnant with his son. And now, she was giving him a child. In turn, he was going to play the attentive father.
While Walker got what? Once a month weekend visits if he were lucky? My mind filled with all of the moments Dalton had missed through my pregnancy, all of the sensations and flutters that he'd not seen because he had been too busy messing around with Carrie to be around?
What was I going to do?
Walker deserved to be more than a second thought. In that second I made a decision, one that was going to change our lives for the better. And I knew that Daddy definitely wasn't going to like it.