SO COLD
THE AFTERNOON SUN WAS cut into shards by the creamy-white blinds and the fan was whirring noisily above us, a ticktickticktick sound, on the highest setting, so fast the blades were a blur. I stretched out and yawned and my crop top rode up, exposing my stomach and ribs. I flipped through photographs on my phone in a state of boredom and then opened my camera app and captured a picture of Irvin and James perched forward on the sofa, expressions concentrated and eyes keen on the flat screen TV, mouths parted slightly, thumbs pressed on the X and Y buttons of the controller. I took another of Irvin's elated victory and James' disgruntled loss and then double tapped the screen so I was staring at myself. I captured my face. The sounds of the front door being opened reached the living room I was in and soon enough Cole ambled in. His gaze sought out mine and he informed. "I took the dog to the vet. She's malnourished and she needs to have her vaccinations. The vet was going to arrange for her to be taken to the pound but I let him know that she'll be coming home with us – or rather, with you and Irvin. I'll return later to pick her up."
"He's a she? I already had his name picked out." I opened up the Safari app to search for female dog names when Irvin put down his controller and picked up a can of soda and asked if he could name her. I shrugged. "Sure,"
"Greece."
"Greece?" I parroted, testing it out on my tongue. "Greece. I like it."
"We'll be back whenever," Cole took my hand and tugged me out of the armchair. He paused by the doorway when James invited us to a cook-out later on in the day. He said everyone was going to be there, it was to be a hangout with meat being grilled on the barbeque and drunken fights between the men. Cole glanced at me. "You up for it?"
"Maybe. I'm on a diet and we're kind of busy. We'll let you know if we're going to be around."
"Where are you going?" Irvin wondered.
"Out." Cole said abruptly.
**
The afternoon was spent under crumpled white sheets and in the shower with hot water running down on our backs and my hands pressed on the cold tiles and his hands gripping my hips, him grunting and groaning as my mouth wrapped around the head of his cock and his hands in my hair and cumming on my chest and pulling me up to kiss me on the mouth and then washing off, soapy hands skimming across legs and arms curled around his neck and then drying off, and his hands holding me up by my ass and my legs around his waist as he carried us to the bed and falling on the soft mattress and him leaving kisses all over my face and a warmth settling in my stomach as I laughed and his mouth curling up into a wide smile and his tongue gliding across my stomach and over the curve of my breasts and along my throat and further until he reached my mouth and he kissed me. Again. And again. And it was oh! It was wonderfully perfect.
**
Temperatures had fallen to chilly weather and clouds that hovered low in the night sky, shades of blueberries and raspberries, drifting lazily across and past the full moon. There was no one around at the docks, boats had been tied up and shacks had been closed and the waves were choppy against the rocks and pier. There was a smell of fresh rain in the air. Gloomy blackish-blue waves soaked my knees down and the material of my jeans clung to my legs and I reached down, tearing off my socks and tossing them to rest by my dry boots. Cole had rolled up his jeans and his muscular thigh pressed against mine as he reached to brush a curly lock of hair away from my face.
The ambiance was cool and relaxing and it felt good to leave tension and worries behind in another life and enjoy the night and the sea with Cole. I leaned into his side and inhaled the familiar and comforting smell of him and I entwined our fingers and brushed my mouth against his. "I would love for everyday to be like today,"
He pressed our entwined hands to his mouth and the corners of his lips quirked upwards into a warm smile. "I had fun." His voice was low, a hum amongst the trashing waves.
"So did I," I traced his features with a gentle touch and dropped my hand, angled towards the sea and I gazed out, feeling content and blissful. "We should have more cheat days where we take one day out every two weeks or so. No talks of our problems or work. Just the two of us and hotels and an expensive whiskey bottle and intimacy."
"I'm going to miss you tomorrow."
I laughed. "I'm going to miss you, too." I couldn't stop smiling even if I tried to. I turned back to him to see him looking at me, dark eyes glittering with the night stars and happiness, a small smile on his face. "What are you thinking about?" I wondered.
"How stupid I've been with you and how awful I've treated you–"
I put a hand over his mouth to stop his confessions of regret and remorse, I said. "Not today."
"When?"
"Any day but today." I leaned up and kissed him deeply until the two of us were breathless and our mouths were red and bruised with kisses. I pulled back and crossed my legs under me.
"Sleep with me today." He wrapped a lock of hair around his finger and played with my hair distractedly as he spoke. "I'll make you breakfast in the morning and then we'll go back to work."
"I want coffee and...a lemon muffin from Millie's café."
"Whatever you want," he kissed my cheek.
After a while of silence, uneasiness tightened my chest and my thoughts became noxious and I couldn't help but tell of my insecurities and worries. "What will the future be like, Cole? Is there going to be a future?"
"There'll be a future," he reassured, "you'll be happy and safe, I'll make sure of it."
"Will I be with you?"
He laughed briefly. "Not today, remember?"
"But–"
"You needn't worry. The future will turn out fine. It might look hopeless now but there's more to come than just guns and drug deals and your father escaping the police."
"I don't care much for that right now," I brushed away his words. "I want to see a future with you and for us to be happy. Why is that so impossible to imagine?" Misery infected me like a fast-spreading disease and elation deserted me.
He didn't respond. He couldn't find the right words and in his silence, he found the truth in my words: it was impossible. Why did we bother trying?
It was because we were in love and love made us reckless, stupid and romantics. There was no future to be had in a world like ours.
**