A/N: Lol I had this sitting around for a few months now, I should've probably posted it when it was finished but eh. Can't change the past, lol.
Sans watched Alphys stir her cooking taco meat violently. He watched as she sliced vegetables, cutting partially into the counter with each knife movement. Tomato skin, juice and everything painted the counter as well as part of the wall (and in this case, the ceiling). The cheese was sadly ground down to nothing but a fine powdered dust that they would get to poof on top of their tacos later.
Alphys quickly grew tired of the silence that hung over her roof and sighed. "What do you want to talk about while we cook today, champ?"
She smiled widely at the highlights that seemed to go off in her friend's eyes. "Mwhehehe! What a wonderful idea!" Sans exclaimed, beginning to bounce on his heels.
Suddenly, his expression shifted into one of concentration as he began to ponder conversation topics. "Let's play kiss, punch or marry!"
Alphys laughed wholeheartedly. "Eh, shut it! I'd rather be tortured with the silence and cook than play those trendy games." The smile that spread against the dinosaur's face gave away her playfulness.
Sans just smirked mischievously as his eyelids dropped halfway. "You'd play it with Undyne."
Alphys dropped the spoon she was using to stir her burnt meat, it clattered against the metal pan with a loud clash. Both of her suddenly clumsy hands grabbed at eachother nervously as she turned her blushing face away from her skeleton friend.
Something in Sans burst in happiness, his eye lights literally doing so. He jumped repeatedly up and down as a small but joyful celebration. He was right all along! Deep in his bones he felt it! Alphys liked Undyne. "Mwheheheh! In your attempt to cover your feelings you have only revealed how you truly feel."
Alphys snarled. "Wh-what? No I didn't!"
Sans bumped his mentor over a few steps (only able to move her off-guard) and took over the kitchen. He turned the stove off and began to prepare the tacos as he was taught to. (With VIOLENCE, of course.)
"The way you blush, my friend, makes it obvious that I was right. I see the looks you give her when you think no one is looking. You like her and you can't deny it." He declared.
Alphys could only gape and stutter. Giving up on replying with a good retort, she groaned as she covered her eyes. Sans shushed her quietly as he placed her in her seat at the orange table and served her the tacos they made together. At the sound of tea pouring Alphys looked up, grimacing. "Am I really that obvious?"
Sans only smiled. "Not to the blind."
Alphys looked up and her nose twitched as her face scrunched up in a confused frown. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Sans sat down in his seat across from the yellow dinosaur monster. "Love is blind to those who look without a green eye." He sipped his tea calmly, enjoying the taste and texture of the hot liquid.
Alphys groaned in annoyance. "Can't I get a straight answer? I swear you take one too many boat rides with that weird oracle monster."
Sans went rigid. "Hey! Just because he's an oracle doesn't mean he's weird. He's just a little bit... off."
"The day before I got this" Alphys gestured sharply to the deep scar on her left eye "He told me to watch my left. THEN he got confused about which side yada yada yada. Either way it came true and he's been nothing but freaky ever since."
Sans huffed and turned his nasal cavity upwards. "He's not freaky. He just chooses to live differently than most monsters. Plus, he has enough problems as it is. He doesn't need monsters gossiping about his habits. Don't you know it's rude to talk about someone who's listening?"
Alphys froze, the scalding hot cup that was hovered over her beak-like snout stopping as well. She put it down and gave Sans a surprised look. "He can hear us?"
Sans laughed. "Don't be silly." He tapped the empty hole in his skull that functions as his right ear. "I hear for him."
Alphys burst out in amused laughter as she shook her head. "Sans, I swear to god. How the hell do you know so much about the guy. We don't call him the Mystery Man for nothing. Next thing you're going to tell me is that you're dating the guy."
The blue clad skeleton fell back on his chair as he spit whatever tea he had in his mouth. He rolled himself onto his hands on knees, bones feeling the soft texture of Alphys's purple kitchen rug as he coughed and sputtered out all of the tea he had caught in his throat. The dinosaur's eyes widened and she stood up her entire length, watching across the small table in order to see her friend. "Holy crap! Do I need to mentor you on how to drink tea, too?"
Sans coughed a few more times and rolled onto his back, his bone able to feel the cold hard blue and yellow patterned tile that the now stained rug had tried so hard to cover. He caught his breath and stood, using the small wooden chair that he used to occupy for balance. "I'm sorry, did you say dating?"
Alphys grinned at the apparent blue blush on her friend's face. Whether if it was from lack of air circulating in his magic or embarrassment, the dinosaur still noticed it. Deciding to poke a little fun, Alphys barked out laughter as she slammed her hand against the table. Her tea rattled and sloshed around, a bit fell onto the wooden table. "Yeah! Why do you ask, you got a thing for Mr. Mysterium?"
A strong, cold, hard shiver ran it's way down and back up Sans' spine. "Ew! Alphys, refrain from that kind of suggestion, please?" The shorter had to prevent himself from gagging. He swore if he could get any paler, he would have. Just the thought... ugh! "And do not call him that."
Alphys only barked out more laughter as she chugged the rest her drink. "Too bad! Undyne would have been excited ta hear that you guys have gotten together."
Sans just lidded his eyes. "Oh Alphys what was that about Undyne?"
The yellow of the reptile woman's face only flushed red. "Well, it's not like you've never had a crush on anybody!" She paused, frowning at Sans' covered gloves in thought. "...right?"
Sans rolled his eyes. "Alphys! Don't be silly, of course I have had my fair share of crushes. It just so happens that current one is much... hotter than any other. Mweh heh heh!"
Alphys gaped stupidly. "You have a current crush?!"
Sans giggled into his hands, suddenly embarrassed. Over his muffled laughs, Alphys could barely make out something that was along the lines of candy.
Alphys hopped over the table and tackled Sans, ripping his hands away from his mouth. "I need details! Tell me, dang it."
A small sheen of blue sweat broke out on Sans' skull. "Mweh heh! I guess you could say he has a... sweet personality. And as I said before, he is indeed extremely hot."
Alphys pushed herself off her friend and leaned on the mace she kept nearby her dining room table. "He... sweet... hot... oh my god! Are you talking about that nerdy flame character that roasts people who try to steal his treats? That dude is nuts, no wonder I thought you were into the mystery man. You're all about the crazies aren't you Sans."
"Wh-what?! No I'm not! I would not be tolerant with anyone who is insane. Plus, this is simply a crush. You believe in lies and foul slander, friend!" Sans sputtered and choked.
Alphys rose an eyebrow. "Then what is the boat person to you?"
"He's not crazy." Sans insisted. "And neither is Grillby."
"Uh huh." Alphys smiled sharply, showing off her edgy teeth. "And we're not sparring today."
Sans blinked. "What? Of course we will be engaging in a spar."
A mace was thrown downwards violently, smashing the wooden table as well as any cups that were seated on it. "Then what are you waiting for, runt?"
"I ain't no runt, runt! Let's take this outside." Sans said triumphantly, with a smile on his face. He was promptly grabbed by the middle and thrown heavily out the window, Alphys following as needed for one of their destructive practice fights.
The two sparred violently in Alphys' stone front yard for hours. Sans would charge and try tap his friend's back with his bone club, and Alphys would dodge and whack him with her mace, throwing him back a few meters. On the rare chance Sans was able to actually get Alphys, she would recover almost instantly and hit twice as hard. The dinosaur growled. "STOP HOLDING BACK SKELETON MAN!"
"I'm not!" The skeleton rushed towards the dinosaur again. Trying to will away the hesitance in his every step, he threw the bone club he had in his arms at the dinosaur. She dodged it with ease and almost laughed before getting thrown on her back by a dull bone. "Alphys! Are you okay?! Do you need any-"
Loud boisterous laughter erupted through the cavern. "THAT WAS PERFECT! Ah, Sans. If you keep this up you might be in the royal guard yet. Ah hah hah!"
Highlights blossomed in the skeleton's glowing blue orbs. "REALLY?!"
"That was great. Just remember no holding back and you'll be in the guard in no time." Alphys gave her friend a wide toothy smile.
"..." Sans seemed to falter. He stared at his club with empty eyes. "No... holding back? Alphys are you sure-"
Alphys burst into laughter, giving her friend a strong pat on the back. "What? Do you think you could ever possibly hurt me? No offense, but Alphys will live forever if it means protecting our home!"
Sans looked almost shocked at first. There was no way Alphys couldn't die! It was impossible. Sans just sighed and plastered a grin on his face. "Wow! Alphys, you're so cool."
The dinosaur grinned and knocked her fist on her chest armor. "Nah, I only look that way because of my wicked armor."
Ignoring the hidden stab at herself, Sans looked towards the dimming sky lights. "Huh. I guess it's getting much later than I thought it would. I should get back home, soon."
"Yeah?" Alphys squinted at the sky as if it were a punk who thought they could get away with shoplifting. "Shame. I was hoping to kick your butt a few more times before you left, fruhuhu!"
The skeleton perked up before making his way towards his friend's house. "I hope you don't mind but... I promised a lot of people I'd give them whatever is leftover. I hope it's okay if I-"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO EARLIER?!" Alphys jumped from her spot and landed directly in front of Sans. "We could have made entire dishes for everyone!" She grinned, showing off her huge dangerous teeth.
"Mweheh..." Sans chuckled nervously. "It's quite alright. I'm sure they'll be fine with what we already have left over, in fact they're expecting it!"
Alphys hummed. She brightened. "What a great idea! Now we won't have anything left to rot in our fridges." The dinosaur ran into the house. Sans could hear loud cluttering noises and the occasional swearing until his friend finally emerged with with a stack of Tupperware containers filled with whatever was left from their tacos. She winked with her bad eye. "Tell 'em they can keep the containers. Undyne said she'll make me new ones if I ever lost any." In one swift motion, the left overs were transferred into bony arms.
Sans stood holding the stack of containers with ease. "Thanks! Bye, Alphys. Good luck with Undyne." The little blue monster gave his mentor a friendly smile before beginning to walk out of the cave.
He practically jumped when a hand touched his shoulder. Alphys stood directly behind him with a face of concern. "Hey! Uh... I could walk you home if you need help."
His breathing stopped. "H-help?"
Alphys nodded. "You know friends really care for eachother and... I'm kinda worried you won't be able to-"
"To what. Do anything on my own?" Sans snapped.
Alphys froze, taken aback. "Not... really? I mean, there is a lot of food in your containers. I was just going to offer some help."
Sans sighed. "I'm sorry for being mean. Thanks, but I don't need help. I can carry it on my own." He offered an apologetic smile and Alphys nodded.
"Whatever you say, little man."
Sans walked out nodding as he was unable to wave. Immediately upon exiting he was met with a familiar face. "Hi, Shyren!"
Shyren whistled in response and Sans smiled. "Would you like a taco? We made them only a few hours ago." He offered.
With a nervous expression, the small semi aquatic monster grabbed a container and nodded in appreciation.
Sans nodded back and took a right. He smiled when seeing that ferry was still there. "Hey! I brought you some left overs."
"Step on my face?"
The skeleton giggled. "How about taco on your face?"
Ferry gave his friend a perplexed look, as if the small pink blob couldn't comprehend anything but feet belonging on his face.
Sans smiled patiently and set down the stack of containers. He silently picked one up, took out a taco and placed it on Ferry's face. The pink blob accidentally spewed out three coins as it started swimming quickly across the disproportionate gap and back. It made excited noises.
Sans noticed that small bites were taken out of the taco and figurd Ferry was just happy. He picked up his containers and left the 3G in a neat pile before starting his walk towards Bonnie's.
"Hello?" He asked once he got there, head peeking in. "Bonnie, I brought you left overs."
Out from under the counter emerged the old purple rabbit. "So you have, young one. You going to give me one or just spend the day standing there? Wahaha!"
Sans smiled widely. "I'd much rather give you one than stand here." The skeleton bounded over, placing a container of tacos on the counter. He hummed and looked back to his stack. "Uh, Bonnie?"
"Yes, young'un?"
"Would you like more leftovers? I'm afraid this is much more than I really need." Sans said, a bit nervously. He always felt a bit guilty giving someone something. He always had the fear that they'd somehow not want it.
"Why, of course! I'm glad you asked so I wouldn't have to. Whahaha!" The bunny monster laughed as she took half the stack off his hands.
Sans beamed. "Well, thanks Bonnie!"
"No problem kiddo, I always love free stuff." There was a pause. "You know, there's a field of floweys not too far from here, I betcha anything they'd be more than happy to buy tacos offa ya."
Sans shook his head. "Sorry Bon, I'm not really looking for money. Though... if the floweys are hungry I wouldn't mind making extra food sometime."
The bunny monster smiled fondly. "You're such a sweet boy, Sans. Much too sweet for this bitter world."
The skeleton tensed, but didn't let it show. "I... I suppose. Anyways, I better get going Mrs. Bun. Bye!"
Bonnie Bunny waved him off as he skipped ahead towards his father's boat. As always, Gaster was stood there hood and all. "Welcome, traveler."
The smaller beamed. "Hey, G."
The figure controlling the boat gasped and revealed himself with the pull of his hood. "Welcome back, son." Gaster leaned closely towards Sans, craning his neck so he can see the leftovers more clearly. "Are these what you had called "leftovers"?"
The skeleton nodded enthusiastically. "They're tacos, G."
"Talk- O's? Sounds deliciously interesting, what are they?" Gaster asked innocently as he peered around the semi clear container.
Sans gasped. "I haven't told you what tacos are yet?!"
Gaster laughed a bit before gently tapping his foot on the boat's surface. A dog face and features appeared decoratively on the boat before it took off, running and barking. It was unsettlingly steady. "No, not yet, son."
"Another thing we have to talk about... why do you keep saying that?" Sans asked, uncertainty in his voice.
Gaster blinked, hands mid reach towards the containers. "Saying what?"
The smaller of the two twisted the bandana tied around his neck nervously with his fingers. "Son."
The mysterious man was silent for many seconds. "I suppose it's what the universe asked of me to do... or maybe it's a sign of what the past me thought of you, who knows."
Sans beamed, absolutely euphoric. "You think so?! Man, I would have loved it if-"
Gaster cleared his throat awkwardly. "Tack O's?"
With a smile and an embarrassed rub of the back of his neck, Sans started explaining the delicate process that was taco making.
\---> ■ <---/
"Then you just stuff 'em into a shell and it's a taco. Though, I would argue that 'stuffing' is not an appropriate way to describe the procedure. I would describe it more like making lov-"
Gaster tapped Sans' shoulder. "This is your stop."
Sans looked up from his gesturing hands, seeing snow in the distance. "Already? Huh... I suppose I can save the rest of the explanation for a later date..."
The taller of the two pat the smaller on the head. "I can't help but feel oddly proud of you, son."
Tears welled in Sans' eye sockets, spilling over in a sea of glowing blue ectoplasm. "I'M SO HAPPY I THINK I GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYES!"
The small skeleton wrapped Gaster in a tight squeeze. The older monster could only smile his broken smile and pat the other's head more. "Is it tears?"
He felt a small friction against his sternum as Sans nodded weakly. "...yeah."
"Are you okay to go home?" He began to rub the other's back.
Sans let him go, wiping tears off his skull and laughing weakly. "Why does everyone treat me like a kid?"
Gaster just smiled. "Give Papyrus my condolences."
"Huh?" Sans looked up, eyes still sticky with tears.
"Huh what, son?"
"What did you-? Ah, nevermind. See you later, G! I'll be sure to apologize to Papyrus for you." The smol skeleton hopped off the boat and onto the solid ground.
Gaster waved, mouth pinned into a wide smile. Sans waved back, smiling before beginning his jog back home.