When my body hits the ground, my camera flies off my hands and gets smashed. In that split second, Albert dives on top of me, protecting my head with his arms and hiding my face in his chest. I can hardly breathe or move, and I seem to have lost sense of everything, but one thing is crystal clear in my mind and in my heart-Albert is guarding me with his life.
My thought is then interrupted as I feel more pressure pushing down on me. The beast must have leapt onto Albert. I'm intoxicated with fear when my ears catch its shrieking growl followed by a flesh tearing noise. Albert recoils in response, unable to stop the weak whimper of pain that escapes his lips. Yet his arms tighten around me even more. Panic seizes my heart, and I want to scream, but nothing comes out, not even a whisper. Next, my life flashes before my eyes, like I am going to die. This is it, and I haven't had a chance to confess my love to Albert.
In the nick of time, gunfire enters the scene. Then a growl of agony fills the air. I'm not sure what's happening, but I hear the sounds of footsteps running toward us mixed with the shouts of men and the barking of dogs. My mind can't quite process this drastic change, but as men are pulling Albert away from me, I spot the cougar lying on the ground, shot and injured. One police officer takes Albert with him, and my heart sinks at the sight of Albert's blood-stained T-shirt. Then a middle-aged conservation officer comes to me and helps me get up. He asks in a caring expression, "Are you hurt too, young lady?"
I seem to have lost my voice, so I merely shake my head. Then he says, "Your boyfriend needs immediate treatment to his wounds, and an ambulance is on its way."
I don't bother correcting him that Albert is only a friend. For the time being, I don't feel like explaining myself to a stranger. Yet I manage to get some words out of my mouth. "Will you please take me to Albert?"
"Of course. So his name is Albert? What about you?" he asks. After introducing myself, he tells me his name is Ian. Then he adds, "We received reports early this morning from various hikers and mountain bikers that they spotted a cougar lurking in the undergrowth near the trails. Didn't you notice our warning signs?"
Shaking my head in shame, I note that a few conservation officers are taking care of the injured fawn and cougar. As Ian is leading me to Albert, he comments with a serious face, "If this had occurred to me and my wife, I would have done the same. When danger arises, it's male instinct to protect the woman he loves."
I merely nod. Meanwhile, the urge to cry washes over me, and regretful tears literally pour from my eyes, wetting my cheeks. Ian gives me pats on my shoulder, and with an understanding look, he remarks reassuringly, "Don't worry, young lady. Many people, including young children, have survived cougar attacks, and your boyfriend looks tough enough."
When I see Albert sitting on a big log, he is shirtless, and his torso is bandaged, so clearly he has been given some basic first aid. Then he notices me, and he motions me over to sit down beside him. When I do, he promptly grasps my hand and brings it to his lips, as though he uses his gesture to communicate to me again. I'm astonished yet elated, letting him clasp his hand with mine. Ian then teases, chuckling slightly, "Hi big guy, can't wait to kiss your girlfriend, huh?"
The officers surrounding us laugh, and at the same time Albert shoots me a confounded glance. He is obviously baffled and intrigued by Ian's words, but he doesn't correct the officer either. My initial reaction is shyness and embarrassment. As I inadvertently divert my eyes to the ground, I remember how frightening it was when I thought the beast was going to kill us both, and the thing I regretted the most then was that Albert didn't know my true feelings. So a thought slithers into my head, why don't I take advantage of this?
Hence, I brace myself to plant a chaste kiss on his dirt smeared face. Everybody cheers, but Albert appears really confused after that, gazing at me with increasing puzzlement. As I bashfully return his gaze, Ian whistles and suggests to his teammates, "Well... I think we should leave these two lovebirds alone."
The men unanimously concur, and as they walk away, I finally speak up, "Albert, you could have died... I was so scared..."
A lump rises in my throat at this point; my lips quiver, my tears threatening to spill. In response, he leans in to give me a peck on my forehead. Then he clears his throat and reassures me, "It's alright now."
I struggle not to cry, but I can't stop a few tears from escaping my eyes. He releases my hand and surprisingly reaches out to gently brush his fingers on my cheeks, wiping the tears on my tear-streaked cheeks. All the while, his blue eyes have not left mine, and I try not to avert my eyes, as if we are having a silent conversation with each other. It's the first time he touches me this way, and I'm more convinced than ever that his feelings for me are beyond platonic. When he proceeds to stroke my disheveled hair with his tender fingers, a voice pricks my brain, urging me to let him know that there is only one guy in the world for me, and that person is him.
I wish I could profess my love in a more romantic setting, but I decide not to delay it any further. With my heart pounding furiously, I gather all my courage and speak softly to him, "Albert, you have supported me like a brother and understood me as my best friend... and today... I don't know how to thank you-"
Oblivious to my intent to reveal my feelings, he smilingly interrupts me by putting a finger to my mouth, "Hey, there's no need to thank me, Candy. I have promised Neil that I will take good care of you, remember?"
It's funny that he will bring this up at present, so my face breaks into a weak smile. Then I perceive that if I don't open up now, I may not be bold enough to do it after this, so I implore, "Albert, please let me continue, I-"
Just then, Ian comes to us and informs us that the ambulance is ready to take us. This is extremely frustrating. I almost want to throw a tantrum like a child, but as I strive not to lose my temper, Albert pulls himself up from his spot, taking me with him, and says, "Let's continue later, ok?"
Soon after we have arrived at the nearby hospital, Albert and I go separate paths. His injuries are non-life threatening, but he is being wheeled off for emergency surgery to tend the two gashes in his left shoulder and other scratch wounds on his upper back. While I appear fine, I am being examined just in case. When the check-up is complete, I express my wish to wait for Albert, so I am directed to a designated sitting area.
Not long after that, Lynn shows up, and Mrs. Adams soon appears as well. Thus I introduce them to each other, and Mrs. Adams kindly says, "Lynn and Candy, please just call me Priscilla."
I smile at her politely and then inform them that I only have bruises on my back and hips, thanks to Albert. Next, Lynn offers to call my friends on my behalf while I'm sitting with Mrs. Adams in the waiting area. Within minutes, I hear a female voice from behind me, "Sorry to keep you waiting, Priscilla. I'm not familiar with this place, and it's not easy to find a parking spot."
Her voice reminds me of someone... can it be...?
Upon turning my head around with apprehension, I see Chantal with a pleasant smile adorning her lips. I don't see this coming at all, but on the other hand she isn't the least surprised to see me.
What is she doing here in Vancouver?
As I have acknowledged before, Chantal is my complete opposite in every way. I look shabby compared to her. Not to mention that her beauty intimidates me. Carrying a handbag that costs a fortune, she is dressed in a designer dress with a matching pair of high heeled shoes that flaunts her perfect curves. Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks that she has a look to die for. As far as I can tell, her presence has attracted attention from the people around us.
Now that Chantal reappears, not only my confidence that Albert has special feelings for me is flagging, but I wonder why he hasn't informed me that she is in town. Then it strikes me that it is solely my wishful thinking that he loves me as a woman. Nevertheless, I make a conscious effort to collect myself, slowly pulling myself up from my chair to greet Chantal. Even though I'm wearing a pair of worn out sneakers, I'm still slightly taller than she is. That's my only consolation for the time being.
After exchanging some superficial greetings with each other, Lynn returns to join us. Astonishment flickers across Lynn's face when she sees the beautiful woman next to me, and yet Lynn poises herself and says to me, "Candy, why don't you introduce us?"
Later, as we all sit down together, Chantal asks, "So what's happened, Candy?"
Then I begin describing to them why we left our group during the hike and ended up encountering a cougar, omitting details about Albert shielding me from harm by using his own body because Chantal is also listening. Mrs. Adams keeps nodding without blaming me for anything.
Feeling remorseful, I apologize, "I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Adams! Albert was injured all because of me!" But she graciously takes my hand in hers and says with a soothing voice, "I take solace knowing that you're unharmed, Candy. You're leaving in two weeks, aren't you?"
Her kindness makes me feel worse. I'd rather she lashed out at me. Just then, we are told that the surgery is over, and the surgeon wants to talk to Albert's next of kin to let him or her know how the operation went. Thus, Mrs. Adams raises herself gracefully from the seat and trails after the nurse. Then, Chantal speaks to me, "Candy, I need coffee. Would you please take me to the café?"
I am not sure how to respond to her request because I don't want to be alone with her, so I throw a glance at Lynn, asking for help. She picks up my hint and suggests, "Chantal, I think Candy is tired from the eventful day, so please let me be your guide."
Yet Chantal seems rather bemused and remarks by rubbing her temples, "I just arrived at Vancouver today... still suffering from jet lag... it practically turns my brain to mush. I'm sorry, Lynn, what did you say again?"
Just then, my pride somehow gives me the strength to welcome the challenge. After taking a glimpse at Lynn, I stand up and speak to the gorgeous woman in our midst, "Chantal, please come this way."
With her lips tilted up into a content smile, she replies, "Thank you."
Soon after we have left the waiting area, Chantal eagerly conveys, "Albert was shocked that I was coming to Vancouver to see him. I told him it was a last minute decision, so it wasn't easy to book a decent hotel room. I had come to Vancouver twice with him to visit his family, and I had stayed in their guest room. Thus, as per my request, he agreed to pick me up from the airport and let me use the same room just like before."
I give her a quiet nod. Noting that I didn't make any comment, she adds, "But he changed his mind later and sent one of his company cars to pick me up instead. He told me that he'd rather go hiking with you and your friends."
Then I recall Albert mentioned to me last night that he could finally join us due to a change of plan. While I choose to remain mute, she states in a cold tone, "I know Albert and you have been seeing each other lately."
I return a smile and utter, "Chantal, please help yourself. The café is just down the hall, you see?"
But she ignores that and narrows her eyes at me, saying bluntly, "Don't ever think you have a chance with him however. He might have heroically rescued you from a cougar today, but any man of honour would have done that. I know him better than anyone does."
I want to retort by a counter argument, but I hesitate. What she said is probably valid because Albert is indeed a man of honour and she is his ex-fiancée. Presently, she seems to read my mind and asserts, "He comes to you because he's currently in a vulnerable state. When he recovers, he will see that you're not his cup of tea."
Yet I manage to think of a riposte, "Why are you telling me all this if I'm no more than a friend to him?"
Her countenance turns pale at my question, so I snort brusquely, "You could have had Albert for the rest of your life but decided to give up on him. Wasn't that bad enough? And what do you want from him now? Aren't you engaged to another man?"
By now, she has regained her composure and with her eyes lowered, she was loath to admit her mistakes. "My decision to let Albert go was inexcusable, but I missed him so much afterwards that I started a relationship with Martin without thinking much. Nevertheless, after spending months with Martin, I finally opened my eyes and came to a conclusion that he was merely a rebound to me. He's not half as good looking as Albert, so it was a big mistake. Knowing that my heart belongs to Albert still, I annulled my engagement with Martin a month ago." She pauses, fixing her wavy brown hair with her fingers and smoothing the front of her dress.
She is seemingly telling me the truth, which takes me by surprise. I wasn't expecting to hear that she still loves Albert. When I attempt to register all this in my head, she continues, "Then when I flipped through my old pictures, I vividly remembered how ecstatic Albert and I used to be when we had been together. You know, he's an amazing kisser and lover! Oh I'm sorry, Candy. I don't think you actually know that."
I'm rendered speechless. Her words were like daggers stabbed into my heart. She regards me with her lips curving into a victorious smile, fully aware that she has hit me right on target. My original impression of her being nice and kind is completely destroyed. She certainly knows where her talent lies, and I'm not surprised that she is able to utilize her eloquence to get pretty much anything she wants in her life.
In any case, I can sense that she's finding ways to provoke me, so I refuse to react to what she said earlier. Then she further comments with an air of superiority, "I strongly believe Albert has remnant feelings for me. After all, being his first love, I had been with him for almost two years before we broke up. So I said to myself, 'Vancouver is known as one of the best places to live in the world. Perhaps I should give it a try?' Hence, here I am, spending my holiday in Vancouver to claim him back." She finishes her sentences in a tone of near haughtiness.
Thus, striving to appear unfazed and nonchalant, I respond with a dry smile, "Good luck then. Too bad I won't be able to congratulate you both because I'm leaving Vancouver."
She then remarks with a smug grin, "True, but I figure Albert will welcome me back into his life very soon because we will be under the same roof for the next ten days. Tell you what, when we were in Boston, he used to send me messages like 'I can't wait to kiss you, my love'."
Thinking that I have had enough of her rambling and bragging, I snap, "Have fun with Albert in Vancouver then. Now please excuse me."
When I whirl around to leave after that, I can easily visualize what sort of tactics Chantal will use to make Albert fall for her again. As she has pointed out, they were former lovers, and I have no idea if he has remnant feelings for her or not. Therefore, it's highly likely that she will be able to achieve her goal within a short time. Then, I hear her heels clacking down the hall as she tries to catch up with me. Frustration bubbles inside me when I think, can she be more insufferable? Can't she leave me alone?
"Candy, we will specifically inform you when we are engaged again. You're his good friend I know."
I note that she has used the word "when", not "if", which proves that she is undeniably confident that his love for her will be rekindled. I give her a silent nod as my reaction to her claim and continue walking down the hall. I find it unbelievable that she manages to keep up with my fast pace, and she says, "Even if not, which is impossible... but anyhow, if by any chance Albert doesn't want to reunite with me yet, you should still keep your distance from him."
I freeze my steps but pivot to meet her gaze, fighting to contain my rising anger. She stares intently into my eyes, her expression filled with something like rectitude. She then straightens her back and holds her head high while delivering her judgement sententiously, "My gut feeling says that you're the kind of person who brings bad luck to those who are close to you. See what happened to Albert today or even the first time he met you on the mountain?"
I'm utterly flabbergasted. He has never mentioned anything about that to me. Currently, she must have seen through me, so she elaborates, "According to him, he saw you run off track on the slopes. Since you were obviously inexperienced, he tried to look for you in the middle of nowhere, and he was barely able to avoid an accident himself."
Upon hearing her recount that, I have an awful fluttery feeling in my chest, but at the same time I have nagging doubts. Is she making this up? Yet it is plausible that Albert could have been involved in an accident too...
Unknowingly, we are back to the waiting area already, and I observe that Lynn and Mrs. Adams are chatting with each other animatedly. When they spot us, Mrs. Adams apprises us that the surgery required local anesthesia, so Albert has been transferred to a recovery room for appropriate post-operative care. His vital signs are being monitored until the effects of anesthesia wear off. If everything goes well, he is expected to recover in approximately two weeks.
Before she finishes relaying to us about her son, he comes out of the recovery room, wearing a different shirt. I gather his mother must have brought him this shirt from home.
Albert first hugs his mother and then informs us that he can leave anytime. Then Chantal swiftly goes to his side, stretching out her hand to carefully sweep the hair off his forehead, but he appears a little uneasy and taken aback. Yet she continues to study his features closely, so I clear my throat to gain their attention, saying, "I'm terribly sorry to have caused you troubles today, Albert, but isn't it wonderful that your fiancée returns to you?"
Without waiting for his feedback, I go ahead to bid his mother goodbye, and presently Chantal comments aloud, "What a relief! Your beautiful face is intact, Albert!"
Then I turn on my heels, grabbing Lynn with me, and murmur, "Let's go."
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Chantal throw herself to Albert, wrapping her arms around his neck. Yet I hear him calling after me, "Candy, wait!"
Without spinning my head or slowing down, I keep on heading towards the exit. Meanwhile, I remind myself that I shouldn't be fretting over what's going on in Albert's life. Whether he reunites with Chantal or not is none of my business now.
Lynn knows that I'm vexed, so she tries to lighten up my mood by talking about other things during the ride. But she somehow shifts the topic back to Albert's mother by revealing to me that she has a master's degree in literature and used to be a college teacher. Lynn says, "However, since Rosemary was relatively weak when she was born, Priscilla decided to quit her demanding job and stay home taking care of Rosemary herself. Years later, when both Rosemary and Albert were older, she began to work as a freelance journalist till now."
Then Lynn steps on the brake at one of the busiest intersections and resumes with a smile, "By the way Priscilla spoke of Rosemary and Albert, I can tell that her children mean the world to her."
At this moment, I can't help asking her the question that has been a mystery to me for years, "How about you, Lynn? Didn't you want your own children?"
Apparently, my question has caught her off guard. Her smile disappears abruptly, and a frown is forming on her face. Then she blinks, opening and closing her mouth a few times, but no word comes forth. Then I realize that I have probably opened up her old wounds, so I utter softly, "Never mind, Lynn. Forget it."
Then the traffic light turns green, and she presses on the gas pedal to accelerate the car. Another brief moment of silence later, she begins, "I love your father with all my heart, Candy, and of course I wanted to bear him children."
She pauses briefly and releases a deep sigh before she reminisces, "But I have had four miscarriages over the years, all around six weeks... Joe and I cried every single time when my body was once again unable to keep the baby we had wanted so much. The excruciating pain we experienced together was quite intolerable."
My heart aches with an uncomfortable throb, and my throat hitches in a sob when I mumble nearly inaudibly, "I didn't know..."
Then she ends her story with a strained smile, "Since then, for unknown reason, I have never conceived again."
When we arrive home, she pulls the car into the garage. As we get off the car, a cooling breeze from outside touches the tears on my cheeks before Lynn closes the garage door. Then she suddenly gives me a big hug and cries, "But you're my blessing, Candy! I love you so much!"
I return her embrace and utter between my sobs, "I love you too, mom!"
She seems startled but responds by holding me even tighter. Yet, deep inside, I begin to wonder if Chantal's gut feeling about me is right after all-that I bring bad luck to those who are close to me. In my mind, I go through my loved ones one by one, my late mother lost her life, my father became a widower, Lynn was barren, and Albert was injured today because of me. At this point, never have I felt so pleased about my decision to travel so far away for my study.
So the first thing I do after that is to send an email message to Albert as follows:
'Albert, once again, I can never thank you enough for what you have done to me, and I'm forever grateful to have met you in my life, but it's time to say goodbye. Here is something I have found on the net:
"A strong friendship doesn't need daily conversation; doesn't always need togetherness. As long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part..."
So long! Wish you all the best with Chantal!
Candy'
Then, during the days before my departure date, Albert has tried to contact me by calling me or even coming to my house, but I have deliberately avoided him every time. Also, I dread that he will make announcement by broadcasting to his friends that he is engaged to Chantal again, so I cancel my mobile number and disable my existing accounts. My parents are more than bewildered by my odd behavior, but they respect my decision and believe that I have valid reasons. Lynn has her suspicions that this has something to do with the exchanges I had with Chantal earlier, but I think it is too disheartening to recapitulate the incident to her, so I just tell Lynn that I can handle that myself.
Only three days left before my departure, and on my way out to run some errands early in the morning, I happen to see Albert's note by the front door.
'Candy, please give me a chance to talk to you before you leave. Albert'
I wonder if Chantal has left Vancouver already or decided to stay with Albert, but anyway, my previous encounter with Chantal was not a friendly one, and talking to Albert will only aggravate me further by reminding me how immature and mistaken I was to believe that there was romance between us. Therefore, I bite my lip and hastily toss his note to the garbage bin.
As per my parents' advice, I have arranged to reside in a homestay near one of the university campuses because it allows me to live with a local family. Not only I can practice speaking French with them, but I can also experience what "real life" is like while residing in Montréal. My landlord later informs me that there will be two more students residing with us in the same house, who come from two remote cities in the province of Québec. They are both entering their first year of the same university.
I have brought the laptop Albert gave me as my birthday present with me. I recognize that I have vented my anger at him because of Chantal, but when I simmer down later, I come to acknowledge that it's my own fault for fantasizing about us. I can't really blame him because we weren't actually dating, and he didn't lead me on in any way either. Yet, whenever the cougar's attack resurfaces in my head, the way he protected me from harm always evokes deep feelings inside me, and his tenderness for me afterwards was unmistakable.
At any rate, I haven't heard from him again since the day I threw his note away. I figure he understands that I need space. Yet I miss him very much, especially when I lie in bed at night. In particular, I miss his companionship, his outgoing and friendly nature and the many long talks that we enjoyed for the last few months. There's no one else to blame but me because I have essentially pushed him away from my life. In addition, with Chantal coming back to his life, I believe he will soon forget about me. After all, out of sight, out of mind.