× Mercury
"Hello, darling," Grandma said when she answered the phone.
I wasn't sure why, but hearing my grandma's voice sent a chill of wistfulness through me and my throat closed up. I must have made a noise because a girl in the lobby of the Aspen House looked up at me questionably and I quickly ducked away into the laundry room and thanked God that there was no one inside.
"Grandma-" My voice broke and a soft sob left my lips. I quickly covered my mouth to stifle anything else that might leave without permission. "I miss your voice."
"Oh, baby. Don't cry," Grandma said which only made me let out another weep. "I miss you, too."
I knew that it wasn't home I missed, exactly, but more so what's normal, what is routine, the larger sense of social space. Those were the things that helped me survive, it was something I was used to.
Hearing Grandma struck a chord inside me and I broke down. Her voice reminded me of home and the waves in my backyard washing over the golden sand, and the watermelon she would always get during the summer and we would eat it outside on the patio, spitting out the seeds. All the days I would spend riding my bike down Sunset Boulevard with Jamie beside me, the seagulls and palm trees high above us. The dry, hot weather throughout the year and the constant smells of different flowers and grown fruit. It all bubbled up inside me and I was exploding in the memories.
I had been away for a month and I hadn't broken down like that yet. I suppose it was only a matter of time.
I was thankful that I was the only one in the room because I was ugly crying by then. I was sure that anyone who was to walk by could hear me, but I hope they would mind their own business and leave me alone.
"Let it out," Grandma soothed. "It's best to let these things out instead of keeping them in, that's what I always say."
"I miss home," I whispered through a sob. "I miss- I miss everything. I miss Anders, I miss my friends, I miss Coach Sharp, I even miss that annoying dog from next door... I miss my parents. I miss having someone to run to when I need help with something. I miss the comfort you give me when I'm sick. I miss the smell of the kitchen when you're cooking. I miss walking outside and expecting it to be sunny. I miss the ocean. I want to go home."
"Soon, baby," Grandma said and I had managed to calm my tears a little bit. I reached a hand up and whipped under my eyes, happy that I had skipped the makeup for the day. "Soon. Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and then there's Christmas."
I jumped up onto the washing machine and leaned my head against the wall. I took deep breaths as I sniffled.
There were about two and a half months until Thanksgiving and I could see my friends again and my grandma, and my home, and everything I left behind in California. Europe didn't celebrate Thanksgiving evidently, but missing a few classes wouldn't hurt me as much as missing the opportunity to go home.
"I know it's hard, grandchild," Grandma started and I listened closely as I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. "I know it's difficult for you to live out a dream and to leave people behind as you do it, but do remember that you are always welcome here with open arms. Everyone here loves you, and we support you. Following something you want comes with a price, just be glad that this is all you are losing. Some leave loved ones for good. That is not the case here."
I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "I know, I know. People have it worse than me and I shouldn't be complaining."
"Just because people are suffering more than you, does not mean that you don't get the right to break down once a while. Problems are problems."
"When did you become so smart?"
"I've always been smart. You're just old enough now to see it."
My face was wet from tears and I just hoped it was clear from any snot I may have left behind from when I whipped my nose with my hand. I looked around the room for some tissues but didn't seem to find any.
"Oh, god, I'm a wreck," I said with a chuckle.
"Sometimes it's good to be a wreck," Grandma said with a smile in her voice. "It's got to be getting late over there, isn't it? I should really let you get some sleep for the new week."
"Thanks for letting me cry to you. Kind of a crappy conversation."
"Not at all, darling. There is no such thing as 'crappy' when it comes to you," she said which made me laugh. "Now get some sleep. Oh, and for your next soccer game, kick some arse for me. Did I use that right? Do they say that over there in England?"
"Yes they do," I said, laughing at her ignorance. "Goodnight, Grandma."
We hung up and I hopped off the washing machine, attempting to wipe my face from any tears and snot. I then exited the laundry room and back into the lobby area where people were sitting in the comfortable chairs with their laptops resting on their legs or on a table doing some kind of school work. Some of them looked up when I entered and I quickly looked away, making my way to the elevator.
I had been out jogging before I called my grandma, only to be interrupted shortly into the run by the rain. I stayed out as long as I could but when it started to thunder, I figured that was my time to call it a night.
As I waited for the ding of my floor, I let my mind wander.
It was the middle of the soccer season. I had maybe six more games until Christmas. I was honestly excited for the break. Soccer was tiring me out more and more this year, probably because of the useless drama that I have seemed to be put in the middle of or for the fact that I wasn't playing against girls anymore, but muscle toned, six foot something, testosterone filled boys.
When I got onto my floor and walked down the hall, I passed one of the kitchens just as my stomach started to growl. Taking a chance, hoping someone had left something in the fridge for me to steal for a snake; I stepped through the doorway and turned the lights on.
The moment florescent lighting lit up the yellow tiled kitchen, two figures in the corner next to the microwave broke away from each other.
I opened my mouth to apologize for interrupting their little make out session, but my voice betrayed me when I saw who the two people were.
I noticed Matt first, his messy light brown hair even more unruly. His brown eyes were wide as he looked at me in shock. I didn't understand why he looked so scared until I focused on the person he was with. The guy was slightly taller than Matt with short chestnut hair and an array of freckles up his arms.
I didn't know who the boy was, but clearly Matt knew him pretty well.
"I'll, uh, come back later," I said once I was able to speak.
Before Matt could say anything, I turned the lights off once again and left the kitchen.
Thinking back from when I first met Matt at the party after my last game playing for UCLA, I never would have pegged him as anything other than straight. But there was no denying what I witnessed when I first turned on the lights.
I didn't have much time to think about it anymore because once I got to my door, the shouts on the other side took over my thoughts. When I turned the knob, I was quickly overwhelmed with shouting and an angry atmosphere, making my anxiety rise quickly.
"-sick! I can't fucking look at you without thinking about it now!"
"Mate, listen-"
"I finally understand why she follows you everywhere! God! I just, I- fuck!"
I was frozen in place as I watched a fuming James yelling at a guilty Niall who was looking at a panicky Abby in the middle of the room. I didn't have to be Einstein to know what was going on.
Before I could blink, James moved and he was suddenly grabbing onto Niall's jacket and pushing him against the wall, knocking one of my photographs to the ground.
"If you think that pretty face of yours isn't going to be broken by the time I'm finished, you have another thing coming, Horan," James sneered, spitting out his name like it was bile. "I catch you anywhere near my sister again and I swear to-"
"James, stop!" Abby suddenly said, breaking out of her trance. "This wasn't his fault. I did it, too."
Her brother looked over his shoulder at her, his grip still firm on Niall's jacket, and gave Abby a disgusted look. "No," James said as he turned his attention back to Niall. "I know Horan's motives and trust me, you were played. Every girl he sleeps with is played."
"Piss off," Niall spat. "You're no better than I am, Moor."
"At least I don't sleep with my teammate's sisters!"
"Get out of my room!" someone shouted, cutting the tension in the room like a knife.
It took me a moment to realize the yell came from me. There was no sign of Chloe, so you could imagine how confused and angry I was that they had the decency to yell back and forth without even having an owner inside.
"If you're going to shout about something as dense as who slept with whom, then you can leave!"
The sound of a new angry voice breaking through the room must have poured fresh water on everyone because every head turned to me. I hoped they saw the fire in my eyes because I swore I was aflame. I wasn't even part of the situation and yet, there I was, right in the goddamn middle of it.
"I'm not fucking kidding," I said, my voice as thick as oil.
James looked back at Niall and shoved him against the wall before letting him go. "This isn't fucking over. You stay away from my sister."
He grabbed onto Abby's shoulder and started pushing her out the door but she shrugged his hand off.
"I'm a human being," Abby protested, looking at her brother with the same fire that I felt. "I have my own motives and my own thoughts and my own choices. Don't act as if I'm not here, James. I can walk myself out."
Abby brushed passed her brother and gave me a look that almost seemed apologetic before walking through the open door and disappearing around the corner. I didn't think much of Abby Moor other than the bitch who pushed me into the pool, but I had suddenly grown some respect for her. As mean as she could be, at least she knew she couldn't be pushed around by her big brother. And I couldn't help but admire her for that.
I gave James a look and he quickly averted his gaze and followed his sister out the door, almost sheepish.
Then I was left alone with Niall.
His blonde hair was slightly damp and sticking to his forehead, meaning he probably got there not too long before me, getting caught in the rain. His eyes weren't their natural shade of blue but the color of ice floating in a glass of water - transparent and gray.
I walked over and picked up the picture that had fallen to the floor. I had only seen Niall once since Saturday night when things became... heated. So standing in the same room with him, alone, was a little intimidating, not to mention slightly uncomfortable.
"You should leave, too" I told him callously.
"Lynn..." he started, but trailed off in a lack of words. I glared at him as he tried to find something to say, but I could see that nothing was coming. There really wasn't anything to say. "Were you crying?"
Okay, I was wrong. I guess there was something he could say.
"Um," I said stupidly, trying desperately to think of a lie. I went to my dresser and started pulling things out to change into for the night. "No, the rain just irritated my eyes."
"I'm sorry."
I pulled out a white shirt and stared at him. "For what?"
"For putting you in the middle of this," he explained and took a step closer to me.
God, his accent was heavenly. Niall could be reading a Microsoft user manual and it would be as good as Shakespeare. It's not that I didn't listen to what he says - I hang on every word - but it's his Irish accent that had me infatuated. Everything he voices flows as smooth as a meadow river.
I looked down at the shirt in my hands. "Why are you here? I mean, why were any of you here? How did you even get in?"
"Chloe," he informed me. "At least I think. When I came here, Abby was the one who answered the door. Shortly after James came and started yelling at us."
I couldn't help but think how well planned out that was. The two people keeping the secret from the one person who found them in a room that didn't even belong to them. But for the time being I pushed that thought aside because a different question was forming in my head.
"Why did you come here in the first place?" I asked him.
"To see you."
There was this tug in my gut from his words that I couldn't understand. I had heard those words before from Bradley, but for some reason I knew that there was a completely different meaning behind the way Niall said them. I could feel my cheeks flare up and I quickly looked away from him.
"I mean, uh, I came to find you," he quickly corrected. "Jace insisted we go out with the team for my birthday."
My head shot up to look at him. "Today's your birthday?"
His hand was massaging his shoulder, like James pushed him against the wall a little too hard. "Yeah, September thirteenth," he nodded. "What a shitty way to start it, eh?"
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that you're having a shitty birthday," I said as I swiftly continued to gather my clothes I was going to change into and then grabbed my toiletries bag. "But I can't go out."
Not with you; not after what happened a few nights ago, I added silently.
I looked up at Niall again. "I'm taking a shower, I expect you to be gone when I get back."
Then I left the room.