Dedicated to Metryann for the banner. Re-arrange by Biffy Clyro to go with the chapter.
Chapter 35
It was the first day of winter break and I was enjoying being able to in.
I did one final stretch on my bed when I started to feel hungry and reached for my phone. There were texts from the twins saying goodbye since they were visiting relatives over the holidays and another from Nate asking if I wanted to hang out before he went on the Andersons' annual ski trip. I arranged a movie night later in the week and stared at the text message I'd intentionally saved for last.
My friend's throwing a party.
I sat up and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I shook my muscles awake as if I was preparing for a battle – a battle with words, maybe.
Good morning to you, too.
The reply was almost instant.
It's almost noon.
I've been awake for three hours.
Good morning :)
Scientists say you need eight hours of beauty rest.
Don't know how that feels.
I wake up and
BAM
I'm as good looking as ever.
Laughter was still in my voice when I answered his call five seconds later. "Good morning, Julian."
"Good morning." His voice had a smile in it. "So, the party?"
"Is it going to be fancy?" I asked worriedly.
"We'd just be hanging out with my friends. Evan will be there," he said begrudgingly. "There's going to be a caretaker too so it won't be too wild."
"A caretaker?" I frowned. "Don't you mean parent? Or guardian?"
"I mean caretaker. Like a person who takes care of a house for a family. A friend of mine has a lake house about twenty or thirty minutes from here. It's where we all usually get together before we go on trips over the break."
I bit my lip. "Are you going to be going on a trip?"
He was silent for a second. "Do you want me to go on one?"
"I, uh." I paused. Just answer the question. "No. I don't."
"Lucky I'm not going anywhere then. Ma Grand-mère is visiting us for the holidays this year."
I nodded before I realized he couldn't see me. "So, this party ... You friends who'll be there, they're all guys?"
"I have friends who are girls. Plus most of the guys bring their girlfriends –"
His words were heavy in the non-space phone calls traveled through.
I asked him what time he would pick me up – six.
Ginny smiled at me when I walked into kitchen minutes later. "I was just about to check if you were still alive, early bird," she joked.
"Good morning to you too, Gin." I smiled and took a seat at the kitchen table. "You know where Adam is?"
Ginny placed a bowl full of vegetable stew in front of me. "You just missed him. He and Becca went to a birthing class."
"You think they'll be back by dinner?"
"The birthing classes are by the mall," she said doubtfully. "I don't think they'll be back until the guards have to force them out."
I laughed with her but, inside, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Adam. "So there's this party tonight," I let my sentence trail off, hoping she would get what I meant.
"You're eighteen so you don't have to ask me if you want to go," she reminded me, not hiding her surprise quick enough. "Just check in every once in a while so we don't worry. Do you need to take my car?"
I smiled appreciatively but shook my head. "A friend'll be by to pick me up." My voice at the word friend but Julian and I were at least that, right?
"Then the only thing I need to say would be: have fun." She sighed heavily. "I can't believe you're all grown up now! Time's gone by so fast."
"In a couple of months, there's going to be another baby for you to dote on."
"I know," she squealed. "I can hardly wait!"
As I got ready for the party, I wondered what people with Julian's bank account wore to hang out with each other but quickly berated myself. One thing Julian never seemed to poke fun of were my clothes. I blushed at the realization that I shouldn't care so much about what he'd think.
I decided on an ink blue Henley, pale gray jeans and sneakers – it was the right mix of casual and put-together – and left my hair down on impulse. I grabbed my phone and my jacket and headed downstairs.
I ran into Ginny in the hallway and she told me I looked nice, instantly calming my nerves. "You're not staying for dinner?" she asked. "Adam and Becca are on their way home."
"I think we're eating on the way." I checked the time. "My ride's gonna be here soon."
She reminded me to have fun but be responsible as I stepped out the door. I wondered if the last minute reminder was because she knew who I was going to the party with.
Julian's car was just stopping in front of the house and I hurried my steps against the wintry air. "Hi," I greeted him.
"Hello." He had that small smile that was starting to grow on me. "You ready?"
I nodded and he sped off. "Nicky doesn't really have food food at his parties so I picked something up at McDonald's." He handed me one of two paper bags. "Cheeseburger meal – no pickles, extra tomato, right?"
I stared at him.
"Did I get it wrong?"
I shook my head and we both started on our food. "No, you got it right."
"So why the look?"
"I'm trying to decide if it's creepy how you know I take my coffee or what muffins I eat at Annabelle's or what my McDonald's order is." I sighed. "It's like you've been following me around all these years."
"I didn't follow you around – we ran into each other once in a while but you probably didn't notice. Besides," he paused to smirk. "I actually pay attention to the people around me. Especially if I like them."
"I've had it up to here with people calling me oblivious." I fumed. "It's not my fault that –"
All of his words had only now sunk in.
"It's always so satisfying, seeing you go speechless." Julian was smiling devilishly.
"I can't help it," I said in a small voice. "It's still so surprising, feeling all of this."
"Feelings." He swallowed. His grip tightened on the wheel as he turned into a private stone-paved driveway. "Are you saying you like me too?"
"It's more like," I considered it. "You displace me."
He glared at me, one eyebrow arched, and parked behind a long line of cars. "So I'm a rock that gets dropped into a glass of water? Gee, thanks."
He stomped out of the car but I managed to stop him a few steps from the main house, my grip on his wrist rooting him to the stop. "Julian, I –"
The look on his face was nuclear. "I don't know how it is on your planet but here on planet Earth, where people actually notice what happens around them, rocks aren't the best things to be compared to."
"You didn't wait to hear why." I pouted. "I had a pretty good reason, if I say so myself."
He waited to hear it
"When you drop a rock into a glass of water, you don't really change the water. But it still seems like there's a lot more water inside afterwards, right?" I smiled shyly. "Like I said, you make me want to do more."
He smirked evilly.
I punched him playfully in the chest. "Not that more, you perv."
He grabbed my hand and held it in his. Slowly, his features softened into the smile that had definitely already planted itself in my heart. He laughed – nervously, I noted – and whispered. "Could we, maybe, work up to more little by little?"
We were standing still but, with those words, I was breathless.
I licked my lips.
He looked mesmerized by the small gesture.
I gave him the smallest nod.
The small smile appeared again along with a dimple on his cheek I was sure wasn't there before but was already ingrained in a part of my memory that didn't live in my brain. His free twined through my hair and the last rational thought I had was to close my eyes.
The kiss itself was innocence tainted.
Hesitant.
Jubilant.
Brief.
"That was –" Julian breathed out.
We were so close that his breath danced over my cheeks. I could see his eyes had turned the color of perfectly melted hot chocolate. The taste of him still tingled on my lips and his every movement – every shake of his hand against mine and the tremble of his fingers against my hair – weaved in and around me.
He didn't continue what he was supposed to say and words were the last thing on my mind.
He dipped his head closer to mine and I met him halfway.
This time, Julian was immeasurably more jubilant.
This time, hesitation had completely left me.
A part of me noticed we were smiling against each other's lips as we kissed – strange, yes; but I suppose strange was the calmest word I could use to describe all the emotions, sensations and colors that surged through me.
Julian finally pulled away after seconds I didn't bother to count passed. He rested his forehead against my own as his fingers skimmed my cheek. My own hand was bunched around the sleeve of his jacket.
We were still so close that his smile brushed against my lips. "Taking it slow isn't so bad, after all," he mused.
I had other words for it – surprisingly fantastic, mesmerizingly beautiful and unexpectedly, down-right awesome – but, out of habit, I decided to starve Julian's ego and settled for wrapping my arms around his neck.
I realized that this wasn't the first hug we'd shared. And, unlike the first one, Julian rested his head against my shoulder and his hands wrapped around my waist without a moment's pause.
Afterwards, we walked to the house at the end of the driveway hand-in-hand. It was like a gingerbread house, poised perfectly between a glass-like lake and a rich expanse of Connecticut pines.
"It's so pretty." I turned to see if Julian agreed but he was glaring at the house – rather, he was glaring at someone who was standing by the house. My lips stretched into a goofy smile. "Hello, Evan."
Evan nodded at me but his eyes were focused on Julian and his face was split into a smirk.
"Don't," Julian warned.
"I was gonna tease the both of you while you were smooshing faces," Evan admitted. "But I figured if you could wait for ten years, I could wait for ten seconds." He made a show of checking his watch. "A bit more than ten seconds though."
I blushed.
Julian's nostrils flared.
"Evan –"
But Evan was already running into the house and yelling at the top of his lungs, "Juju's got a girlfriend! Juju's got a girlfriend!"
"I'm going to kill him," Julian seethed.
I laughed. "Don't – I like him."
His eyes crinkled with amusement and his lips feathered against my temple. "But he doesn't displace you, does he?"
"I knew you were gonna make me regret saying that."
"Tell you what though." Another small smile. "I'm never gonna look at rocks the same way ever again."
"– not kidding, guys! Julian Pitt brought his girlfriend! Look!" Evan was at the front door again and it looked like he'd brought most of the party with him. There were almost a dozen people crowded around the door and a couple more were watching by the windows.
One guy stepped forward. "That true, Pitt?"
"Hey, Nicky," Julian drawled. "Nice party you got going on here."
Even I could tell he was stalling. "Just say yes," I whispered.
He looked at me, trying to veil his surprise with annoyance. "I didn't even ask you yet."
I bit my lip, thinking it over.
Every instinct of self-preservation told me this was moving too fast, I was rushing into it and I wasn't ready to tell the world yet.
But the thing about preserving something is that, sometimes, it just ends up sitting on a shelf with the whole world buzzing past it – maybe, in love, the first instinct shouldn't be think but do.
"I would have said yes anyway."
The smile that spread on Julian's face was like a perfect spring day in the middle of a cold winter blizzard. He turned to the group and yelled back, "Hell yeah, I brought my girlfriend with me!"
After a bit of whooping – from Evan mostly – everyone ushered back into the warmth of the house. Julian introduced me to the few people who stayed behind by the door but eventually they too scattered into party – except for Evan and the party's host.
"So you're the infamous Preston," Nicky smiled. He was studying me like a scientist would a rare organism. He wasn't leering but the intense look in his pale green eyes left me perturbed.
Evan nudged him. "You're scaring her."
"Sorry – sometimes I get too intense." His smile was warm and welcoming. "Anyway, welcome to the party. I'm sure Juju here make sure you have a good time."
"Just so you know," Julian interjected. "He doesn't mean you get to run around with a whole bottle of vodka tonight."
"What if I still get drunk and somehow end up lying on the lawn again?" I taunted him. "Will you bring me fruit and tea tomorrow?"
The quick shift of his expressions – from surprise to irritation then immediately to affection – had me laughing. "I think I understand why you kept teasing me. The reactions you get can kind of be hilarious." I squeezed his cheek which brought on another round of facial expressions I couldn't help but laugh at. "This is a party. Smile."
"This is epic," Evan guffawed. "Better than epic!"
"It's weird," Nicky nodded though he too was beaming.
"Enough," I said in my sternest voice. "Don't you have anything better to do than to tease Julian?"
"Don't you?" Evan wagged his eyebrows. "You've been running through the guy's mind for years, when are you gonna give him some real loving?"
Julian led me away from them – I think, mostly, for Evan's sake. "You want a drink?"
I nodded absent-mindedly as I studied the party around me. It was a lot more mild than any of the other ones I'd been to. Music played in the background but loud conversations and laughter was the real soundtrack of the party. I caught a couple of people giving us looks and smiles as we passed. Julian handed me a can of beer when we got to the cooler.
"Should I have dressed up?" I asked. "People are staring at me."
"They're not staring at you. They're staring at us."
"Then why are they smiling so much?"
Evan caught my question as he passed by and slung an arm around my shoulder. "Because Juju talked about you so much when we were growing up." He ran away before a beet red Julian could grab him.
I bit the insides of my cheek to stop myself from laughing. "Is that true?"
"Of course not." Julian had on the same look he gave Miss Irving when she asked if he'd painted my hair yellow.
"If you say you," I sing-songed and looked around. "This is a nice place."
Julian obligingly gave me a tour of the house. The main room was divided into a kitchen-dining area and a den by dark wood furniture and cozy seating. The three bedrooms and their individual bathrooms – one each for Nicky, his parents and any guests staying over – ran along the back of the house.
"But they don't really get a lot of guests here since the lake isn't anything special," Julian explained. "So Evan and I normally use the guest bedroom to crash after a party."
I gave him a sideways glance. "I told Ginny I would be home by midnight."
"Cinderell-y Cinderell-y," he chanted. "You can be such a princess sometimes."
"Well, sometimes, you can be such a pissy grump, Alastair."
"You –"
"Hey, Juju!"
Julian cringed at the nickname and turned around, whatever comeback he'd been preparing fading from his lips. "Nicky, shut your fu –"
"We're playing Ping Pang Pong," his friend called out. "You and the missus want to join?"
Julian turned to me. "Do you know how to play?"
"Will you teach me?"
Why not? I mean, This was a party after all.
We walked back into the den and saw that someone had arranged cushions and pillows on the floor around an impressive array of liquor bottles and shot glasses. Julian tightened his grip and began to pull me away. "On second thought –"
"We're waiting, Pitt!" Nicky called out.
Evan walked past me and took the pillow by my right. "Maybe Juju wanted to sneak away with Sara into one of the bedrooms and make – ow!"
I silently thanked Nicky for throwing a pillow to Evan's face. "Come on," I tugged on Julian's hand. "What's the worst that could happen?"
He laughed though, clearly, the thoughts running through his mind weren't funny.
"So, the rules?" I reminded him.
Julian began to explain the game but it was already starting around us. There was something about pointing at one of the people next to you and yelling ping, pang or pong. One of those was supposed to change the direction you had to point, I just didn't immediately catch which one. Drinking games wasn't really on the Warren Brown curriculum and Julian and his friends has clearly played this game before – I didn't stand a chance.
I quickly found myself pointing at Evan when I was supposed to point at Julian. The rest of the group cheered on me to take a drink; Evan was already passing me a shot glass.
"How did I lose the round?" I asked Julian. More importantly, how do I actually play the game?
He silently reached across me to take the shot glass from Evan and quickly downed it. "Next round!" he called out. He silenced Nicky's protests with a shake of his head.
"That was my penalty, you know," I told him.
He threw me a know-it-all look. "Yeah but you can't really handle your alcohol, can you?"
Neither could he as it turns out.
In less time that it was probably safe to consume so much alcohol, Julian had downed almost ten shots of strong liquor. At first, it was because I hadn't figured out the game yet and kept losing the rounds – he stubbornly kept taking my losing shots – but eventually it was because he was drunkenly losing rounds himself.
I watched as a pink-cheeked, fuzzy-eyed Julian lost the most recent round and the alcohol-addled people around us cheered for him to take another shot – this time, I intercepted it.
"Mine," he whined. He slung an arm over my shoulder trying to get the empty shot glass. Then he just sighed and relaxed against me, snuggling against my neck.
"Okay, you've definitely had enough." I swatted a still clear-eyed Evan next to me; he had yet to lose a round or take a shot. "Help me get him up."
Evan smirked. "I think you can do that on your – ow!" He rubbed his arm. "Has anyone ever told you guys you were meant for each other? Seriously, stop treating me like a punching bag!"
I ignored his jibe. "Stop being a pervert and help me get your friend to one of the beds."
"You're making this way too easy for me." But, to his credit, he helped plop Julian on one of the twin beds in the guest bedroom. "Have fun," he whispered suggestively as he exited the room.
I took a leaf out of Nicky's play book and threw a pillow at Evan before taking a seat at the edge of the narrow bed.
"Hi," Julian mumbled shyly. "I think I'm drunk."
"Really? I wouldn't have known if you hadn't told me." I laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "And you called me a dumb ass."
He smiled sloppily and moved to rest his head on my lap, wrapping an arm around it like you would a comfortable pillow. "I think I can stay here forever."
"That's just the alcohol talking, Moods."
"I'm drunk; I'm not completely out of it." He looked up. "You wanna know a secret?"
I faintly remembered being a giggly drunk – Julian, apparently, was the chatty kind.
"Evan and I spent most of our summers here. This place is more like home than that mausoleum." He drunkenly raised his hand and pointed at the twin bed by the window. "That's Evan's bed right there." He patted his other hand on the quilt beneath him. "Mine."
I could easily imagine a sullen eight year old Julian zonked out here after a day of swimming in the lake or exploring the pine woods behind the house. "Your house is beautiful," I reminded him. "And I've met your parents. They aren't horrible people."
"I know that. I've got a whole other standard of horrible." He laughed bitterly. "Evan's parents are cheating on each other –"
"I don't think Evan would want me to know –"
"He knows. He's known for years and he just doesn't care anymore," Julian interjected. "All his parents' friends know. Even their friends' kids know. The only people who don't know are the people who voted good ol' Senator Moore into office."
It never occurred to me until that point that Evan was related to our state Senator.
"His parents cheat on each other like their family's a game and whoever cheats the most, wins. That is horrible parenting." He paused to sigh. "My parents? They're crazy about each other. It'd never cross their minds to cheat. Are they crazy about me?" His bitter laugh was enough of an answer.
"You're their son. Of course they care about you."
He turned away from me, moving to the opposite edge of the bed. "This is why sometimes I hate you and Anderson. You grew up perfect – perfect parents, perfect brother, perfect homes, perfect best friend. Perfect lives."
Beneath his mocking tone, there was a strong thread of envy.
I tried to imagine how my life and Nate's would have looked like to him growing up. Contrary to what Julian thought, our parents had their faults too; but then I could not imagine better parents than the ones we had. In a weird way, I now understood why Julian always had an innate dislike for Nate; Nate had everything Julian ever really wanted.
A small, proud part of my brain thought it best to point out I was part of that package.
I lay down next to him and rested my chin on his arm. "I don't know about perfect," I began in a light tone. "See, there was this annoying kid I sat next to for two years. Jerk made me cry every day."
He gave me a knowing smile. "I only made you cry when I spilled grape juice on your presentation about Nancy Drew. And, I swear, I didn't do it on purpose. I'm allowed to trip every once in a while."
"I read like twenty books for that." I flicked his nose. "You try working on something for two weeks for someone to just ruin it in two seconds."
He laughed briefly and twisted so that he was now flat on the bed. I moved my head to his chest. I couldn't hear his heartbeat – I was on the wrong side for that – but I could hear his steady breathing and it was hypnotic.
"I know how that feels. I worked two years trying to get you to notice me and, in two seconds, I blew it."
I didn't know how to respond so, with one hand, I gave him a small hug instead. "Tell me more about your parents," I whispered.
"My parents aren't horrible," he recapped. "They just don't care as much as you'd want parents to care for their kid. Mom met Dad when she was eighteen, married him a year after then had me ten months after the wedding. I don't think they ever really knew what to do with me."
I don't think they still know what to do with me now.
He didn't have to say it for me to know the thought was was running through his mind.
But Julian was now giving me a wistful smile. "Did you know my grandparents raised me in France until I was old enough to go to kindergarten? My Mom had to teach me English when we moved here, when they decided to try their hand at being parents."
"It makes sense now why you were so upset when your grandfather died." I rested my arm on his chest then laid my head on top of it. "Thank you for telling me all that."
He shrugged, as if it hadn't been an immense thing on his part to open up, and slowly closed his eyes. "Just sounds like something a girlfriend should know." He was quiet for so long I thought he'd fallen asleep. I carefully took out my phone and texted Ginny that I was doing fine and having fun. I left out the part where I was smiling like a happy lunatic.
"You meant it, right?" Julian suddenly asked in a sleepy whisper.
I looked at him and smiled. "I meant every word of that essay."
He shook his head and dark curls tumbled over his brow. "Not that."
"Oh." I was glad the light from the hallway didn't reach the bed or he could see how red my cheeks were. "Julian Pitt, are you getting mushy on me?"
"Sara." His voice had never sounded so fragile. "I'm being serious here."
"I told you before –"
Julian was suddenly and completely alert. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair. His gaze was still glassy but there was a determined set to the rest of his features. "I don't want you to tell me what you told me before. I heard every word you said. I listened." His lips quirked into a smile.
"Julian –"
"Sara, please." He paused to lick his lips. Julian Pitt had nervous habits too. "There's nobody here but you and me. I won't get mad if you tell me you only said you were my girlfriend so I wouldn't be embarrassed in front of my friends." He wouldn't be embarrassed but, for sure, he would be hurt. "Did you mean it or not?"
Ignore your brain and go with your gut!
You know it's bad when your over-thinking brain tells you to stop thinking.
"We were just snuggling," I shyly pointed out. "I think we both know I meant it."
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then another. He continued to breath slowly for a few long moments.
"Julian? Are you okay?"
"I really want to run around screaming right now but the room hasn't stopped spinning since I sat up."
I laughed and gently pushed him down so he was laying on the bed again then I repositioned myself on his chest. "Sleep off the alcohol," I ordered him. Obediently, he closed his eyes. "You're still driving me home."
"You can drive. I don't want to sleep. I want to talk more." He paused. One eye popped open and he gave me a cheeky smile. "Or we can make out."
I laughed and reached up to give him a kiss at the corner of his lips. Then I quickly pulled back so that my lips were still on his skin but not quite. "Maybe some other time, when you don't smell like you got loose in a liquor store."
He snorted. "You smelled worse."
"We weren't dating when I got inebriated." I started to run a hand through his hair. It was something my mother used to do to help me sleep. I wondered if Julian's mother did this for him. Probably not. "Go to sleep."
He paused and let out a long sigh. "You'll be here when I wake up?"
"We are two teenagers crammed into an eight year old's bed, Julian," I mused. "You'll probably know if I sneak away."
"Smart ass."
"Dumb ass."
We shared a small laugh and my fingers continued to play with dark curls until his features relaxed.
"I'll be here," I promised.
With a smile of contentment on his face, his breathing deepened and became more regular.
I fell asleep not long after that, a contented smile on my own lips.
So. What. Did. You. Think?
'The kiss was innocence tainted' has to be one of the best things that popped into my brain. Also, If you want a teaser of chapter 36, I strongly suggest you listen to Jon Bellion's song 80's Films.
Story Recommendation: "After You" by theycallmesunshine
Story Description:
My name is Olivia Simon, and this is the story of how my best friend went off the deep end.
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- Chompy