Sometimes Our Minds Work against Us...
A PJO Fan Fiction by: Lilmonkey13
Inspired by a Tumblr post by sammyjackson
Sometimes our minds work against us...
I don't want to be like this. I want to be outgoing be able to feel things that everyone else does, be able to tell her I love her...but I can't.
What if I get close, I get angry, what if I did something...
What if we got so close that we got married and had kids...what if they were like... me?
She is so strong...so kind and gentle. She can do what ever she needs to and do it so well.
I get so confused and start to figure it out but then I realize I'm ten steps behind the rest...
The things I've done...the monsters I've faced what if they were right...what if I am a murderer? I've done so many things to so many people...I guess you could say that I am one...I've killed plenty of monsters. And when I start...sometimes I can't stop...
I've seen her face when I do...she looks scared...but I see something behind her initial fright...worry... She worries about me being dangerous...
I guess I am really...I go into moments; the monster is on attack then nothing...when I come back their dead. I'm drenched in sweat and breathing hard. I never remember what I've done.
What if she trusts me so much that she puts her life in my hands, and I fail her...?
I could get her killed... I could get everyone killed...
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I wasn't here...so many things would have been easier on people...
Heart break, miss trust, hate, anger, tears, all never happening...
So many people would have been left unhurt, maybe if...if I hadn't been born or if I hadn't made it through the mortal world before I was twelve, then maybe...maybe people would have been better off...
She trusts me so much... She'll lean in for a kiss and I always stop myself first, I don't want to do something bad...what if...what if she...what if she realizes what I am one day and leaves?
I don't know what I would do...
What if one day I wake up, I wake up and I'm drugged up in some hospital and it was just a dream... that those teachers had been right...I was just a crazy messed up kid...
"Percy? You okay?" Annabeth asks.
I look up; we had been eating dinner at my Mom's apartment... "Uh, yeah I'm fine, sorry got lost in my thoughts for a minute."
She smiles, but I see it in her eyes. Those beautiful gray eyes know that I'm hiding something, always hiding something...
"Okay..." She doesn't say anything but I know she is wondering what I was thinking about. I have to learn to pay attention more.