Darkness is the best way to describe someone who feels so very alone. It's what most people feared, being alone in the dark and not knowing what was in front of you or behind you. It can be either incredibly debilitating or empowering. Aira didn't know which one she wanted — to be immobile and depend on anyone willing to help or to take control of her own soul slowly being sucked into darkness.
She admitted that she was weak, and her weakness was what controlled her, at least, her weakness for upsetting the one person who would have gladly given her the moon if she had asked — her mother.
Aira had been awake for some time but continued to lay silent as her parents stood by her bedside in a never-ending vigil. She didn't know how long she had been out for or what even happened for that matter. She remembered the pictures and finding secrets she wished had stayed just that — secrets. It was funny how, however, many days ago, she was so adamant to find out about her biological parents. She never imagined she would find something so sinister.
It hurt — it hurt so bad she almost she wished she had never woken up. It wasn't the fact that Emma had lied to her or even finding out she had indeed once had a beautiful, normal life. What hurts the most was finding out that they were dead. They were all dead, and they were never coming back.
The endless sobs continued as Emma filled the room with tears. "I-I should have hidden them better. I should have... I should have been watching her. I didn't know, Drake, I didn't know she still went up to the attic to be by herself!"
Aira cracked her eyes open ever so slightly. Besides the wave of dizziness that washed over her, she could still see her sobbing mother. Emma was hunched in a chair in the corner with a tissue box almost glued to her side. Her father, Drake, was kneeled down in front of her, rubbing her arms up and down in comfort while whispering some sort of gibberish.
She didn't know what exactly had happened to her, but she knew that what her parents found when they came and rescued her must have horrified them. She didn't blame herself for what had happened, but she did blame herself for digging deeper. Maybe this is why they lied to her. Maybe the reaction she had had was exactly what they had been afraid of all along. She could remember bits and pieces of those horrid flashes, but there were still things missing. What she could remember didn't make a whole picture.
Right now, however, she couldn't think of that. She needed to help her mother before she tried to remember anything.
Slowly, Aira opened her eyes. She had been awake for hours, awakening in the middle of the night while Emma snoozed beside her on the hospital chair. It took close to forever for Aira to calm herself down. Emma never even budged. She had had hours since then to think about things and weigh her options of what to say when she was ready to face Drake and Emma.
She wondered if this was what it was like to be a grown up. She didn't like making these sort of decisions, but she knew that their emotions were on the line. If this were what it took, she would keep this secret until the day she died.
Drake was the first to notice Aira's eyes flutter open. He raced over to her and cupped her cheek, "Sweetie, it's Dad, can you hear me?"
Aira didn't know why she giggled inside her head. Maybe it was the fact she could hear them perfectly this whole time, and yet, her father was making sure she wasn't deaf or blind. Truthfully, Aira wouldn't have minded that much. She had been a mute through most of her young life after all from what she could remember, anyway.
Emma came shooting over next. She grabbed Aira's hand and squeezed her so tightly Aira was sure she felt pins and needles start to spread throughout her hand and lower forearm.
"I'm not deaf, Daddy," she smiled as big as she could. For some reason, from the way her voice was all croaky and scratchy, this seemed like déjà vu like it had happened before. Perhaps, she simply recalled her time in hospital after the... accident.
Aira blinked as she remembered her hysterical mother by her side. Emma cried into Aira's hand — deep, heavy sobs — and repeated over and over, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Thank you, God."
A tear slipped down Aira's cheek as she used her free hand to touch Emma's head. "I'm sorry if I scared you, Mom."
For the first time since she regained consciousness, Aira saw her mother smile. That one smile made Aira realize that her decision to keep what she had found a secret was indeed the right choice.
It was like a whirlwind after that. Drake and a herd of nurses examined her and made her as comfortable as possible. She received gifts from friends of her parents and was holed up for hours while her mother finally went home to sleep. It was in the eighth hour that Drake finally came back to talk to her.
Aira grinned. "Hey, Doc."
Drake chuckled as he took her hand. "No dizziness or nausea?"
Aira was sure he had asked that nearly fifty times already. She shook her head, though. "Nope!"
He seemed happy with that answer for the moment. She was certain he would be back in an hour or so to ask the same questions again. That made her want to laugh.
It seemed like an eternity before Drake finally spoke, "Aira, honey, do you remember what you were doing before you collapsed?"
The million-dollar question she had been dreading. Aira had always been bad at lying especially to her parents. It had taken her months of practicing in the mirror and holding her breath so she wouldn't break down into tears just to lie with a straight face about her school issues. Right now, she had to be strong and say the lines she had rehearsed over and over in her head since earlier that day.
"I think... I was talking to Aiden about my birthday. Then, I had a little argument with Mom. It was silly," she smiled as big as she could to get her point across.
Although Aira knew her father was trying to pull an equally straight face, she couldn't help but notice his obvious sigh of relief.
Yes, now, it was clear. Her knowing the truth would surely break their hearts.
Drake let out a small chuckle before he squeezed her hand. Aira realized he wasn't any less worried than Emma.
"Sweetie, when someone's brain is... shocked, it can sometimes cause a very bad reaction. Something like that had happened to you, and so, your brain temporarily shut down to repair itself. Your heart's fine, your blood pressure is a little high, but everything else seems to be in perfect shape. Whatever happened, you can tell me," he urged.
Aira forced a hearty laugh as she kissed her father's cheek. "I'm fine, Dad. I really can't remember anything besides talking to Aiden about my birth—" Aira suddenly gasped as she recalled her brother. "Mom hasn't told Aiden about this, has she?"
Drake's brow arched up in confusion. "I don't think so. We haven't heard from Aiden in a few days since we've been here the whole time."
"A few days?" Aira asked, shocked. She hoped this didn't cause another nosebleed...
Drake sighed and patted her hand reassuringly. "You were asleep for four days, hon."
Aira groaned and shook her head. "Can you ask Mom not to tell Aiden, please?" She didn't want him to worry, and she didn't want to guilt him into coming home, not this way, anyway.
Her father looked hesitant but nodded. "Sure, no problem..."
She let out a sigh of relief. "Did I get any letters from Van?"
She remembered she had sent at least four letters the week before, and it was about this time Van would have sent a reply even if he did ignore her pleading for them to come home.
"You should get some rest," Drake smiled as he stood up. "And I'll go get you some dinner."
"Dad..." Aira tried to argue, but Drake shook his head.
"Just stay put, okay?"
Aira watched as Drake left the room. As soon as the door closed, she let out a deep sigh. This wouldn't stay a secret for long. Aiden and she had a strange bond. She knew he would know something was wrong, and she dreaded the outcome that would have.
*******
Emma let out a large exhale of breath as Drake explained Aira remembered nothing of that day. She could have screamed with joy, but instead, she simply hugged her husband as tightly as she could. She felt Drake's smile as he nuzzled into the crook of her neck. Emma knew that Drake was just as thankful.
They knew that if Aira remembered what had happened, she would have hated them for their lies. They didn't mean to lie; they just told her stories when the topic was brought up. Emma knew what it was like to lose a family, and she didn't want Aira to feel that grief even if she needed to grieve.
She sighed. It had been a very long four days. "Oh, I have to call Aiden back... he's been trying to call the house while we've been at the hospital."
She smiled as she pried herself away from her mate, only for Drake to keep hold of her hand. She gave him a questioning stare.
"Aira asked that you... not mention what's been going on."
It took a moment for Emma to comprehend what Drake had just said and her eyes widened. "What? But Drake, Aiden would never forgive us if we didn't tell him! What — this is ridiculous. Why?" She was sputtering so much she completely forgot what she was even talking about.
Drake squeezed her hand, and she knew he was thinking about his answer, given her reaction. "I don't think she wants him to worry."
Emma's mouth contorted into a sullen frown as she snatched her hand away. "Drake, I need some things from the store for dinner. I'm making Aira some pasta, so would you mind...?"
Drake gave his mate a skeptical look before nodding his head. "Sure... just, make sure you think about what I've asked about what Aira had asked." And with that, he left.
Emma sighed again, this time, her sigh consisted of sadness and defeat. She was conflicted within herself — respect the wishes of one child or faith the wrath of the other. It was a horrible situation, and she was horrible at hiding any sort of distressed emotions from Aiden. He knew when she was upset.
It seemed luck wasn't on her side as the phone began to ring. She let it ring out, not sure if she could hold in her tears until the message machine beeped and Aiden's distressed, almost frantic voice came over the speaker.
"Mom, are you there? Dad, pick up the phone, I've been trying to call for days." It was silent for a moment before Emma heard Aiden talk to someone as if arguing and then a sudden chill ran up her spine as a deeper voice suddenly spoke.
"Emma, answer the phone, now."
Emma was not a shifter, nor would Drake ever try to turn her into one — it would kill her in the end as with any other human. But as Drake's mate, she felt a sudden pull. Van knew she was there; she knew he knew she was there. As he was Drake's Alpha, he was also hers. She couldn't stop her arm from reaching out and grabbing the phone from its charger. When she hesitantly pressed the call button, she was aware Van already felt her unease.
*******
He had felt it for days now. It was a feeling of dread as if something had happened. He had ignored it and pushed this feeling down as deep as he could, but as an alpha, it was his duty to protect all within his pack, including those he had left behind.
He knew Emma was listening to her son plead for her to answer as he felt her energy spike with nervousness. When she finally answered, he felt his annoyance turn to rage almost instantly with her hesitation.
"What happened, Emma?" he growled. Something had happened; he had felt it days ago. It was as if his head had been split in half. He had ignored the strange sensation but quickly realized something was not right. His brother had even blocked him out, which caused the alpha to raise his concern with Aiden.
Normally, he wouldn't bother using control over his brother or his brother's mate, but when Van Volkov wanted answers, he would need to turn to such means. He would not be lied to.
"Everything is fine, Van," she chirped with what sounded like a forced response.
He almost felt his eye twitch. "Do not lie to me, human."
He ignored Aiden's low grunt, feeling the pup's anger rise at Van's blatant disrespect for his mother. Van didn't have time for this and gave Aiden a curt glare. Something was most certainly not right, and he would find out what was wrong even if the pup hated him by the end of it. He was a hated wolf throughout most of the world, anyway.
He knew Emma couldn't go against him any longer when she quietly said, "Aira collapsed... she's in the hospital recovering."
It was as if his vision was clouded in red. He could feel his muscles spasm as if he were about to turn. His claws sharpened. His fangs grew as if he were about to go into battle. His eyes turned to slits. All he could see was a glimpse of that human, only a child, back in that hospital with tubes running each and every other way keeping her alive.
"Van..." Aiden said as he moved towards him. He had heard what his mother had said, but before he could properly voice his concern, he was obviously taken aback by his Van's sudden aggressiveness.
"When?" he all but shouted. He could feel something close to dread rising in his gut. He didn't stop to think about it too much. He was too caught up in something he, himself, couldn't even explain.
Van could sense the shock and fear in Emma's voice as she replied, "Four-four days ago, on Monday night."
Emma and Drake were about a day behind him. He had felt that overwhelmingly terrible sensation early on or around Tuesday. It didn't make sense to him, and he was far too stubborn to see that it could have possibly been his link to Aira. He had no link to that human.
His anger seemed to take control of him, and before Emma even explained what was going on, Van had hurled the phone at the wall. The wall cracked, and the phone smashed to pieces as he turned and marched towards his office, leaving Aiden to deal with the situation on his own.
As soon as he made it to his office, he unleashed what he could only explain as an emotion he didn't care to feel again. He needed to calm himself down, and the only way he knew how to was to wreak havoc on whatever was in his way.
However, before he could take out his anger on his desk, Aira's face flashed through his mind for a brief second. It was a face that looked much older, but it was that girls face. He hadn't seen her since she was a child and couldn't have possibly known what she would have looked like now.
He leaned against his desk with his arms steadying himself. He dipped his head down and took a deep breath. He needed to calm whatever was making his wolf want to come out and tear the house down. He knew this wasn't he; that this was his Lycan's reaction. Konstantin was riled up about that human girl.
"Mate! Hurt... Help!"
His lips pulled back into a feral snarl as he took the edge of his desk and hurled it into the adjacent wall. The sudden crash caused the room to shake, and Van grabbed his head with his hands, hoping to get his Lycan to just stop.
"Ugh..." he grunted and then exhaled slowly. The absolute need to run as far away as he could was overwhelming. He needed to concentrate. He needed to stop this assault Konstantin was displaying.
Breathing in and out in an even motion, he pushed Konstantin to the back of his mind, bringing his rational thought and energy back to the forefront. The pressure began to take hold as he collapsed to his hands and knees as if begging the Lycan to just stop this onslaught of pain and emotions.
Just as suddenly as it had happened, it stopped mysteriously. Van panted hard as he gathered his wits and tried to make sense of the whole situation. He never had that reaction to anything. Van Volkov didn't lose control. The only time he had remembered losing any sort of control over Konstantin was when...
Van snarled as Konstantin tried to come back through as if trying to shift his thoughts elsewhere. After a moment of struggling within himself, Van finally found the strength to lift himself from the floor.
He took a moment to collect himself and after picking up his desk chair, sat down with his head in his hands. Konstantin was never a Lycan one could easily control, Van was well aware of this fact, but after decades of peace with his inner demon dog, he had thought himself the dominant of his own body.
Van's eyes, glowing gold, slowly dimmed as he calmed down. He tried to think of what could have caused this and if it would happen again.
A light tap at the door was what initially broke him from his thoughts. He didn't have to sniff twice to know who was at his door.
"What?" he barked.
The door creaked open slowly as Innochka popped her head into the office. "Sir...?"
His growl could have made the floor rumble. "I told you to call me Van..." He paused for a moment before sighing. "What is it?"
He heard her gulp nervously and snapped, "Well?"
"I... I wanted to see if you were okay. I heard things crashing and—"
"—and Elina didn't tell you to stay away?" he finished.
Her mouth was agape as she struggled to find something to say. "Ye-yes, she did, but I wanted to see if you were alright."
There was something about this girl, something besides her looks that Van just couldn't pin point.
Quickly getting to his feet, Van stepped towards her. He grabbed her chin with his thumb and index finger and tilted the shocked girl's head back ever so slightly. Her eyes wide, he looked down at her face as he studied her. The heat that instantly rose to her cheeks didn't go unnoticed.
After a moment, he let her go. "Do you know your way around the areas where packs Vadim and Kirill used to reside?"
It took a moment for her to register his words before she nodded quickly. "Yes."
He stepped around Innochka before heading out the door. "Good, you can come with us to scout the area. I haven't been around those parts in ten years."
He moved to walk down the hall when her voice stopped him. "You can call me Inna, Van..."
He tilted his head to look over his shoulder. He saw her eyes were wide, and she was smiling as if it were Christmas morning. He felt the corner of his mouth twitch up into a smirk before simply nodding and continued to walk.
Inna trailed behind him. That smile still stuck on her face.
*******
"I'm going back to the States to see if she's really okay," Aiden muttered as they trekked through the dense woodlands.
Van didn't even pay him a glance as he said, "Do what you want, pup."
"And you're not coming with me?" he asked. Aiden was annoyed with Van's curt answers. It had been this way since they started for Vadim.
Aiden could tell Van wasn't the type to go running to someone when they were ill and offer some kind words. That just wasn't him, but it wasn't fair, besides the letters Van and Aira exchanged, he still refused to even speak to her on the phone. Aiden shouldn't have been surprised with his response.
"I don't have time," was his blunt response.
Aiden eyed his uncle before letting out an exasperated sigh. "I know what you really mean to say is, 'I don't have time for the human.' Is that it?"
He could tell that one really irked his alpha, but before Van could respond, a loud cry made both Lycan's look behind them.
Aiden rolled his eyes when he noticed Innochka had fallen behind and stumbled over a thick tree stump. It seemed like they were leading her instead of the other way around. Most of the shifters that were trained or experienced in this location were either injured or dead. The ones remaining were too frightened to leave the safety of Volkov grounds.
Aiden, with a deep sigh, turned to go and help her again. She was still too weak to jump using the trees or even run, so they had opted to walk. It was slower, but Van didn't seem to mind, and Aiden just felt sorry for Innochka.
Just as he turned to go and help her find her footing, Van held his hand up, silently telling Aiden to stay. The younger wolf obliged and watched as Van went to Innochka and held out his hand. The girl smiled and happily took it, using Van as leverage by holding onto his shoulder.
The rest of the trip consisted mainly of this, Innochka smiling at Van and Van occasionally asking if they were heading the right way. It was odd not being able to sniff the air and just know what direction to go.
Although out of sight, Van knew that Nikolai and another scout, Demyan, were following closely by jumping the trees and cliff sides. It made it easier if they ran into anything dangerous so that they had invisible allies to help.
Finally, after some time, they made it to Vadim. It was quite obvious that the fires had been put out by human hands, but because Van had already contacted police, an investigation wasn't lodged in the fires, and bodies had been removed prior to any human interference. Those that passed would be buried with their native ancestors on their pack's land. It was law within their world. They deserved to stay on the land they were born and raised for fear their spirits would come back as a wondering mess and their wolves, the beasts that lived within their very being, would never be able to go on or be reborn. After all, a lost and forgotten wolf was often an angry wolf.
Innochka gasped and grabbed hold of Van's hand. Van scanned the area for any immediate threat, and when it was clear, he brushed off the easily startled girl by removing his hand from hers and moved to look at one of the homes left in complete chaos. Innochka didn't seem to mind as she wondered over to another home in search of any survivors.
Aiden took his chance to continue his discussion, but Van seemed to have already been clued in on Aiden's motives when he said, "I will leave when I feel the time is right, pup. I won't leave without fixing loose ends here. Too many lives are at stake."
Aiden looked down. "I know how it happened. Mom said Aira found some pictures of her real family in the attic and that Dad had found her up there just... shaking and unresponsive."
Van's body immediately went rigid when Aiden mentioned the girl's family. "So, she knows?"
His face never changed from that stoic mask he displayed as Aiden nodded. "Yeah, guess so... but she can't remember what had happened. Mom said that's normal for people who have seizures or pass out."
Van didn't know if that was such a good thing. However, all that played through his mind was that she knew. Somewhere, deep down, she knew the truth, but Van wasn't there to take on that problem for Drake. He refused to go running back to look after an issue he never wanted to begin with. He wasn't going to get his hands dirty a second time with the human.
Van still wondered why he had saved her. He had thought his inner Lycan knew the answers to that question, but whenever he had a reaction that stirred Konstantin, the words the Lycan cried out were gibberish and didn't make sense. He was sure Konstantin was trying to warn him or tell him something, but when Van wouldn't or couldn't listen, Konstantin would take his wrath out on the man that contained him.
He even thought Innochka had caused Konstantin to suddenly attack her, but when he touched her and stared into her eyes, he knew that Konstantin had no connection to her despite her resemblance to his past.
The wind shifted, and a scent wafted through the air, turning Van's attention in the direction Innochka had ventured off to. It seemed she had found her way into one of the abandoned houses.
Van stepped forward and nodded towards the house to direct Aiden, who had already noticed. Van saw that Aiden's energy had shifted, his posture had straightened and his jaw was tense.
"Aiden?"
The scent, which had now turned into two scents, wasn't threatening nor was it even male although, from the smell, Van could already tell that the owner was indeed frightened and panic-stricken.
"There's... something calling me," Aiden muttered as he stared directly at the burnt out structure.
Van's brows furrowed as he started for the house. "Then let's see what it wants," he growled and with one swift kick, he turned the already shaky door to splinters.
It took all of two seconds for them to head up the stairs and find the scents in question.
Innochka stood in front of a young woman who cried into her shoulder. The girl heaved and hiccupped every now and then, mumbling hysterically in Russian, "Tanas, thank you! I knew he would lead you to us!"
It seemed the girl was a pack member of Matvei for Tanas was a spirit who controlled destiny and fate, a divine that pack members of Matvei constantly depended on. Van had already suspected Borya had taken in Innochka simply because he thought Tanas willed it to happen. Though his Lycan was known as the God that protected them, Van believed in none of it. He believed you controlled your own fate and happiness, not that he would know what it was like to have any of that, anyway.
Innochka smiled though it didn't quite reach her eyes and brushed back the woman's hair gently. "Calm yourself, Olya. You're safe now."
The alpha seemed to take no time in getting to the point. "Are there any others?"
Olya's eyes, void of any appeal whatsoever, stared at the alpha, apprehensive. This girl looked very familiar to him as if he had seen her before many times.
It seemed Innochka sensed her hesitation. "No need to be afraid. This is Alpha Volkov. He saved us when we made our journey to his pack's land."
Olya's eyes immediately widened in shock. She seemed aghast and disgusted all at once as she spat, "Alpha Volkov... where was Konstantin when we needed him? Where were you when our homes were set ablaze and those... those monsters took my father's life?"
Ah, now he remembered her. Van remembered Olya very well. She was Borya's eldest daughter. The way she held herself and her overall attitude towards a wolf with power told him she was indeed the hotheaded child of an alpha. Borya did not raise his girls to bow down to just anyone.
"I didn't get word until an army of shifters made camp outside my front door, so I advise that you start teaching your tongue respect before I rip it out. I'm sure you'll find something to take the edge away from that... problem as soon as we go back." The harsh edge to his voice had certainly made that angry expression instantly disappear.
Van did not and would not take lip from a bitch in heat. He could smell it a mile away, which was probably the scent he had smelled earlier. During mating season was where most deaths occurred, mostly due to females such as this. The shock of her father's sudden death and the evacuation of her pack was probably what held back any aggression she may have had. It wouldn't have surprised him if the females above the age of twenty-three from Matvei were all suffering from more than just grief. He was going to have a field day having Drake import him sedatives and hormones to calm down these annoying she-wolves.
Her face instantly turned red out of embarrassment and anger. Whatever sort of garbage she was raging about next fell on deaf ears as Van seemed to have picked up something strange. The second scent he and Aiden had noticed seemed to have become sweeter, almost as if...
Being an alpha, Van had inherited a lot of traits, and knowing when a female shifter was close to her life-mate was one of those traits he rarely ever felt the need to acknowledge. He found those sickeningly sweet scents terrible on the nose and often ignored them when possible. After realizing just what was happening, Van grunted disdainfully and swore under his breath. He had never hated his heightened senses more than that very moment.
Aiden was in a trance beside Van, and it took all of the agitated alpha's willpower not to just punch the boy in the face that very second. With a low growl, Van broke Aiden from his blank staring contest with the wall and nodded towards a room to their left. "Go in there and check for bodies."
Aiden seemed to stiffen for a moment. "Wh-why?"
Van held back the urge to chuckle. It didn't surprise him that Aiden was wary of going inside; after all, his way of life would change after he found what was inside. This, however, did not please Van in the least. Aiden would be weaker and more vulnerable when his time came to take Van's place as alpha, but Van would not deprive someone of something they search for since the day they are born. He would not push his hate and fear onto Aiden.
"Do it before I drag you in there," Van sneered. The pup had moments to do it before Van changed his mind.
Olya seemed to have momentarily forgotten about the older alpha wolf as she gasped, "Lillya!"
It seemed that was the push Aiden needed as he heard his mate's name for the first time. In an instance, he barged down the door, and that was all it took. Van began to make his way down the deteriorating stairs to meet Nikolai for an update and to see if he had found any others.
Sighing tiredly, Van just hoped this would take Aiden's mind off of the human back in America. Deep down, he knew that, somehow, she was the cause of his unease and loss of control over Konstantin. He would no longer reply to her letters nor would he spend any more time thinking about the matter.
As soon as he got out the door, his legs suddenly gave way to his weight, and he fell to his knees. Konstantin would fight him, but he would fight back just as hard.
He would never admit to what he knew deep down was true.