A/N: I decided to upload this next chapter for you guys. Even though it's not a lot I'm happy with the support you've given me! Please keep it up; don't forget to vote and follow, and comment a lot I love when y'all do that lol
I lie down on the reclined wooden lounge chair, slipped my sunglasses onto my face and began to relax. I felt good and for the first time in a while I didn't feel like I needed to smoke or snort something to amplify the feeling. These past three weeks of rehab were really starting to pay off. I exhaled slowly and felt the sun's rays warm my skin.
My ears perked up at the sound of footsteps approaching. The area was reserved for Robyn Rihanna Fenty and me only. Who the hell was this? I begrudgingly took off my sunglasses as I felt the footsteps come to a halt beside me.
"Hi, sorry, I'm um looking for Chris Brown, my boyfriend."
"Do I look like the receptionist, hunny?" My eyes were closed and I refused to acknowledge the person standing before me. Lately I'd been annoyed and today wasn't an exception.
"Well it's just that when he called me in for my visit he told me he'd be at this spot. He said he reserved this pool for himself."
I chuckled to myself. This wasn't the first time somebody at the resort had pulled a switcharoo on one of their visitors. I knew what he was up to. Her boyfriend had tricked the staff into thinking he had reserved my pool so that he could run away unnoticed and probably use somewhere. Shame.
I decided I'd save the stranger some time and let her know the situation myself. I opened up my eyes and was met with a full figure hovering before me.
"Nicki Minaj, eh?" I smirked.
She gave me a small smile. "And you're Rihanna."
"Fancy seeing you here, given the circumstances." I looked at her. I told her what Chris had probably done and she gave me a small nod before thanking me and walking away.
I'd met Chris a couple of times while working in the music industry. We actually collaborated once and had a few rumors about a romance, none of which were true. The both of us were around the same age and grew up in music, but I never really had much of an interest in him. He was a brat and not above average. His singing, however, was pretty good though. He still wasn't my kind of guy.
Too plain, too much of a jerk, and too snotty. Chris was into cocaine. He had started before me, just three years after becoming famous. It wasn't a secret; everyone in the music world knew and he spent a lot of money on his habits. He was so many years into it, nearly a decade, that it would be hard for him to recover without relapsing a few times.
I was surprised to see that Nicki was dating him. I hadn't been keeping up with Hollywood's most recent rumors, but it still came off as shocking to see that they were together. She was far too pretty to be with him. He was always in the news for doing some dumb shit, too.
Not like I haven't had my share of participating in stupid stuff but at least I made sure I didn't get caught all the time. The guy was a joke.
Whatever, her problem, not mine. I shrugged my shoulders and put my sunglasses back on. I had more important things to think about.
****
A couple of days later
I pushed the "stop" button on the machine before putting my hands above my head and breathing in and out slowly. I had been running on the treadmill lately and working out more in the gym. One thing I learned while being in here about myself from my counselor was that I could cope with my addiction by keeping myself busy, especially my hands. Whenever I felt that familiar itch or tickle in my palm, I'd pick up a blunt or snort a line. I began to replace those actions with exercising, swimming, singing, writing, basically anything I could do as a substitute.
Luckily for myself, I hadn't kept up my habit as long as some of the other celebrities that were here. My body wasn't so much destroyed as it could have been. Working out and eating full meals had done me some good. I was starting to gain more weight and I wasn't as skinny. Being high all the time can make you forget to eat.
Today, Tuesday, was one of the visiting days they had assigned me. As well were Thursdays, but if I showed enough recovery and good behavior, I could have Saturday as a visiting day as well. It was around 2 P.M. and the sun was shining bright. I stopped walking and quickly got off of the treadmill machine and grabbed my towel and water bottle.
I opened up the door and made my way to my room and took a quick shower. My visiting appointment was at 2:45 and I planned to be on time. The old Robyn always showed up late, which was the best case scenario. If I was sober enough to realize I was late, the majority of the time I wouldn't even show up.
After drying off, I threw on a white Thrasher flame t-shirt, black leggings, a pair of white and black Puma runners, along with an Acne Studios hat. I opened up the door and walked outside toward the visitation house. I entered the lobby which had large windows that showed off the beach that the resort was located on and made my way to the front desk.
The receptionist, Christina, smiled up at me. She was a sweet Southern lady, beautiful brown skin and long flowing brown hair with teeth so white that they blinded you. Everyone that worked here was always so cheery. Me? I felt kind of indifferent.
"Hello, Ms. Fenty! And what can I do for you today?" Christina beamed.
"Hi. I'm here for visitation. I have an appointment at 2:45." I stated the obvious.
"Okay, you just sit tight while we confirm that appointment and get you cleared to go on up." She smiled at me brightly before picking up the telephone next to hear. I tapped my fingers on the top of the desk before realizing that I might be here for a few minutes and took a seat on the farthest side of the couch provided.
I found myself lost in thought for a few minutes before I heard the door open beside me. Most of the time I didn't pay attention to anyone else here. All I really thought about was myself, my career, and my family to keep me motivated. I didn't really bother to look up, but I listened to the conversation that was carried.
"Hello, my dear. How are you doing?" She welcomed the stranger.
"Um, I'm okay. I'm here to see Christopher Brown." My ears perked up at the familiar voice. Christina took a little too long to reply and I knew something was wrong. She cleared her throat before picking up the phone and dialing a couple of numbers. I watched as Nicki took a seat on the same couch I sat on, Louis Vuitton bag on her lap, clutched tightly between her hands and her lips pursed. She seemed tense.
I wasn't ever really one to stick my nose in anyone's business so I just kept my thoughts to myself. "Oh, is that right? Hmm." Christina said through a grimace.
"Ms. Minaj?" She called her over, "I'm afraid Christopher has already checked out, but his whereabouts are unknown."
She stood up immediately. "What do you mean unknown?" She demanded.
"Well, I mean that our staff isn't sure of where he is, just that he is no longer residing here." Christina shrugged. She had an apologetic look on her face. She probably felt bad, but I'm sure this wasn't the first time she had seen this happen. Nicki looked as if she was going to cry. She paced back and forth through the lobby while rambling things with her cell phone held up to her ear.
I looked up at the clock on the wall. It read 2:47. Looks like I was still stuck in my old ways. Never on time. Some things never change.
"Ms. Fenty?" She called. I stood up quickly and walked toward the desk. She gave me a small smile. "You are welcome to head to the back. Your visit has been clear." I nodded and made my way towards the visitation rooms.
I opened up the door to the room I had reserved, Room 7. Before I could even get my foot in, I was immediately tackled by Melissa. We squeezed each other tight for a long minute before letting go and looking at each other. "Rob... You look so different." She gasped.
"In what way?" I raised my eyebrow at her.
"Well, your ass is fat for a change," she said playfully before slapping my butt.
"Woah, calm down, don't get too excited, that one was on the house, but the next one? You gotta pay." I winked at her, laughing. She chuckled before motioning for us to sit down.
We took a seat at the table closer to the back of the room. She urged me to update her about how everything's been going. "Well? Say something gal!" I could tell she was nervous and excited to hear. I smiled and looked at her for a few seconds.
"Man, everything has been going good I guess. I've been working out, eating right. Staying sober is... A rewarding experience in itself, I guess." I shrugged.
"Why you gotta sound like you don't care, Rob?" She tilted her head.
"I mean, I do! I do care. It's just it is what it is, you know?" I held out my hand from across the table and she connected her's with mine. We intertwined our fingers as we spoke, something we had done as kids whenever we felt unsure, embarrassed, or confused. It helped us reassure each other.
She stared deeply into my eyes for a minute. "Are you sure you really feel that way, Robyn?" All of a sudden I felt a heat behind my eyes and a wetness rolling down my cheeks. I began to sob. Another breakdown I hadn't expected reared its ugly head.
"It's okay. Let it all out, I know it's been a rough month." She stroked my hair. I had been holding it in for so long. These were the tears I wanted to cry when I had first got here, when I lie awake in the middle of the night going through withdrawals, anxious and vomiting, feeling like I would die. I had even considered selling my soul to the devil during one of my many episodes.
"It was like crashing over and over again, every single night. Waking up and thinking I was going to die. My mood changes just like that!" I snapped my fingers.
I wiped my eyes. "I guess I've been doing better. I'm not a stick anymore and I can think more clearly. I'm more empathetic." I offered.
Melissa faked shock and put a hand up to her open mouth. "Robyn Rihanna Fenty? Empathetic? The biggest asshole from the Barbados has been feeling empathetic? This place really is changing you!"
I rolled my eyes and continued, "Most of the time I just feel... Like nothing. Sort of regular, I guess. But if feeling like nothing will prevent me from relapsing, I don't mind it." Melissa nodded. She was always understanding.
"How's everything back home?" I asked, finally noticing that she came alone. She cleared her throat.
"Mama Fenty isn't ready to visit yet." She said.
"Oh, right. I understand." I felt a little let down. I just wanted my mother, but I understood how she wasn't ready yet after my last little performance.
"Other than that everything is okay. Everyone is worried about you, Robyn. You have a lot of people that love you, okay? A lot of people who want you to do good. Don't forget that." She rubbed my palm with her thumb and squeezed it.
I nodded shakily. "Okay, Mel, I'm done with all this sad shit. I'm too much of a bad bitch to keep crying." We both laugh.
"So, what are the people like here?" She asked, curiously.
"Well the staff is nice. They're all pretty kind."
"What about everyone else? Like the other people that are here for rehabilitation?"
"I mean I don't really talk to anyone here. Or pay attention to anyone, so I couldn't really tell you." I explain. Then I remember Nicki.
"Except Chris Brown's girlfriend keeps popping up around here looking for him. I kind of felt bad for her a second, I think he snuck out on her." Melissa's eyebrows raised.
"His girlfriend?" She questioned. I nodded.
"Yeah, you know, Nicki Minaj. She's been around here a few times asking me if I'd seen him or something. They had a visitation appointment today, I guess, but he bailed." I told her.
"That's funny you say that, he was just on TMZ an hour ago flaunting his new girl. He's in Los Angeles or something right now." She shrugged.
"Damn that quick? Nigga moves fast. What's her name?" I questioned.
"Eh, I don't know. Karate chop or something. Karrueche, I think." She said casually.
"That's crazy. Nicki is bad as hell. He must really be back on drugs again, only way anybody could ever leave that ass." I said truthfully.
Melissa's eyes became big. "I almost forgot how nasty you were." We laughed for a short while until a knock on the door interrupted us.
A staff member poked his head through the door. "Five more minutes, Ms. Fenty." He said, sweetly.
I barely acknowledged him, just let out a dry, "yeah, yeah," before hugging Melissa and standing up so that we could get ready to exit.
"Robyn? Can I ask you something?" Melissa started to ask, rubbing the back of her neck.
"Of course, Mel. What is it?" I knitted my eyebrows together and asked her softly.
"You're really getting better right?" She asked while staring deeply into my eyes, searching for any sign that I wasn't telling the truth.
I put both of my hands on either side of her face and touched our foreheads together.
"Of course, Mel. I really am. I don't want to be anything other than sober right now," I spoke, solemnly.
"Now get your ugly ass off the grounds, ho." I pointed toward the door.
She rolled her eyes and flipped me off as she walked out of the room.
"Love you bitch!" I called after her.
"I love you too, Rob! See you soon." She called one last time before the door finally shut. I sat down on one of the couches in the visitation room and looked around my surroundings.
A wave of pure melancholy washed over me. That hour visit had gone by so quickly and I missed her already. The visitation room, which was more like a studio apartment apartment, reminded me of the outside world. The bright blue waves roaring and pale sand reminded me of home, Barbados.
Seeing Mel really made me feel homesick. Oh well, I thought, I could have it worse. At least I wasn't in Nicki's situation. I sympathized with her a little.
It was far past time for me to leave the visitation area and return back to my room. I checked out at the receptionist's office, and began to make my way back. The skies were beginning to become dark and orange, and the rampant waves and cold ocean water made the air sort of chilly.
Pretty much the entirety of the rehabilitation center was on the beach. Mel and my family picked this one out for me because they knew it would remind me of home and give me a sense of peace.
I have to admit, they were right. My room, which wasn't really a room, was more of an apartment or a small house. I was too used to large living space to have it any other way. I didn't have access to the key that opened the door, just a card that I could slide. Sort of like a hotel room. Only staff had access to keys. Before I could enter my room, the card had to be activated each time I left it and got back in. I'd have to make the short trip to the check in office.
Quickly, I walked in and took care of business as quickly as I went out. There were a few men inside, talking to a staff member. I didn't pay any attention. A celebrity entourage was nothing I hadn't seen before, and we were all famous here. Nothing was new.
Finally, I approached my room. On my side of the facility, the rooms, or small houses fell in line with each other spread a few feet apart, sort of like cabins at summer camp. They overlooked the beach and had an amazing view as well. I approached the door of my room. I was so anxious to get inside that while sloppily sliding the card, it fell down and the wind picked it up.
"Raas." I swore under my breath.
I began to look for it a few feet away from me, stopping to grunt when I became too frustrated. Robyn Fenty does not fare well when irritated. I was just about to give up when I heard a voice from behind me, "looking for this?" It asked softly.
I turned around swiftly and grabbed the plastic card from between her fingers. I mumbled a thank you.
"I don't think we've ever really formally met before." She said, trying to spark up a conversation.
"Yeah, well we've ran into each other enough. No need for an introduction." I said honestly.
"That's true, but I just..." Her voice trailed off. I raised my eyebrow at her. What could she have to say to me that held so much substance that it would withhold me from getting into my room?
She cleared her throat. "Onika Maraj." She offered, sticking out a small perfectly manicured hand. I looked at it for a few seconds before giving it a limp shake.
"So, Rihanna-" she began.
"It's Robyn. My first name's Robyn. Nobody calls me Rihanna except the press or fans." I interrupted.
She nodded. I gazed over her a few times and noticed she was shivering. The sky by this time had disappeared and a cool dark blue tone took over the sky.
"Did you wanna come inside?" I asked. Again she nodded, and I slid the card and opened up the door for the both of us. She sat down at the table in the mini living room while I got us a couple of sodas from the fridge. The carbonated drink would practically kill all that hard work I put in at the gym earlier but I couldn't care any less.
"So, cut to the chase." I looked at her, sliding her unopened Coke can across the table to her.
"You're very forward aren't you?" She studied me.
"You could say I like to spend my time wisely," I took a sip of my root beer, "so tell me something. You're always around this resort. And I know you're not on heroin or dope, so what are you doing here all the time?" I inquired.
"Well, I um, Chris, my boyfriend, he ran off I guess. And I don't know. I'm here today to go see his room and just reminisce I guess." She sighed and put her hands in her lap.
"Right," I nodded, a cue for her to continue.
"I don't know why I'm here, I guess I just thought that maybe I'd be able to talk to-"
"Me, because I'm a fellow junkie." I substituted.
I watched as Nicki looked at me in awe. Her jaw went slack. She started to say something to deny it but it was no use. I dismissed her with a wave of my hand, "don't trip, I'm not offended or nothing."
"Honestly, if you want my advice from a fellow recovering junkie," I used finger quotes on the last two words, "I'd say he's probably somewhere getting his fix, and I mean a lot of it. The man's been in rehab for like, what, a month? He's probably somewhere getting high as hell, making up for those days he was sober." I stated, truthfully.
Her lip quivered and for a second I thought she was going to start bawling. "Listen, don't worry about it okay? If he gave a fuck, if he cared, if he really wanted to recover he'd be here right now. Sometimes it takes a little push to get someone to come to a place like this. God knows I needed a shove, but you have to be able to make yourself stay here." I answered honestly.
"If you don't mind me asking," she started through red eyes and wet cheeks, "what made you come here?"
I tapped my fingers on the table and inhaled quickly. "A rather short but still too long addiction to coke, xanax, anything I could get my hands on. Codeine, ecstasy, you name it. But those first two were my favorites." I looked up to see Nicki listening attentively with wide eyes.
"One day, my family set me up,"
"Sort of like an intervention?" She offered.
"Yeah. Anyway, my grandmother ended up passing out after I tried to run out of the house and a xanax bottle I had in my purse fell out. That pretty much sealed the deal. I felt so lost, like I had failed my family and and everyone around me. Next thing you know I'm on my hands and knees sobbing then I'm on a flight to this place. Straight sobriety ever since." I finished.
"What's it like?"
"Well, in the beginning I was pissed. I'm still kind of a hard ass at times but my mood was every where. I used to cuss out the staff, slam doors, and in the next instance have a panic attack, cry and then throw up. There's nothing really too fancy about it. You basically just dry out. The only way you can help it is to do something to keep your mind off of thoughts of using. But," I shook myself out of the state of sadness I was beginning to fall into, "I'd rather talk about something else."
Nicki smiled at me. "You're sweet, Robyn. I, um, I have to go, and I don't want you to get in trouble for having me in your room. But I'll visit. Thank you for this." She stood up and looked around before hesitantly pulling me in for a hug. I watched as she pulled the door open and disappeared.
To tell the truth, I kind of enjoyed talking to her. It gave me something to do, another human to spend time with face to face. Being alone all the time, even though Mel visited when she could, was starting to make me feel alienated.
I huffed as I sat down on the couch and put on a movie just for some background noise so I didn't feel as lonely. I thought about Mel, my family, Nicki, Barbados, and my career.
Nothing you're doing is in vain, Robyn, everything will work out soon, I thought.
A/N:
1. did y'all like this chapter?
2. Why do you think Chris ran off with Karrueche?
3. Do you think Chris is wrong for leaving Nicki without an explanation?
4. How do you feel about Nicki and Robyn's new friendship?
5. Also have you guys heard Rihanna and Drake are now an official couple 😱 how do you feel about that? I love them together personally