Here's Chapter 13; I hope you'll enjoy it!!!! Time for some back story and such....
Chapter 13
After following her into the parking lot and piling into Mrs. Jane's van, I found myself strangely silent. I should be flying high after my first day of school, but I was also strangely nervous, almost as if I was keeping secrets...secrets about the Cullens. The feeling was rather bizarre, but I quickly put it aside as Mrs. Jane began to gently question me about my day.
“It was okay,” I answered noncommittally, looking out the side window so that she couldn't see my face.
“Hmmmm,” hemmed Mrs. Jane giving me a keen look—rather like my mother used to do when she doubted I was telling the truth—then she abruptly switched topics by informing me of the school arrangements she had made on my behalf during the day. The school bus will pick me up at the end of Billy's driveway each morning at 7:20 A.M. and will drop me off there each afternoon. Mrs. Jane asked if I had picked up my lunch voucher and my locker information, and I answered her dully in the affirmative.
“How were your classes?” she asked kindly, yet throwing me another speculative glance.
I frowned. How was I going to tell her that I'd probably be failing half my classes within a week? I knew very little Spanish, and most of the chemistry and all of the calculus had flown right over my head; I had understood very little of what the teachers had lectured on. PE would also be a lost cause as I was the world's klutziest teenager and would only be a danger to myself and others in the gym.
I was going to be a complete and utter failure. But what else could I do?
I looked at Mrs. Jane, frightened by my thoughts, only to find her frowning at me. Okay, she knew something was definitely going on; nothing got past her for long.
“Well,” I started slowly, “I think I'm going to need some tutoring in order to catch up in my classes.” Understatement of the year. But at least I've let her know what the major problem is. Yeah, Billy taught me shit.
“Oh, really?” she asked nonchalantly. “I'm sure that can be arranged if you need it, Bella.”
“The Spanish teacher said that she knew of someone who might be able to help me. I'll ask her about it tomorrow. And maybe I can track down some other tutors in calculus and chemistry.”
“Good idea,” agreed Mrs. Jane calmly as she drove us toward La Push. Wow. That was it? I wasn't going to mind terribly if she changed the topic again, though...especially when it got me off the proverbial hot seat. “Did you make any friends today?” she continued.
My face crinkled a bit in amusement; how old did she think I was? Oh, right...her kids were much younger than me. So I decided to answer the question since it was kindly meant. “I rediscovered one of my friends from elementary school; her name is Angela Weber. We hung out most of the day and ate lunch together.”
“That's lovely, dear,” said Mrs. Jane absently as she made a turn onto the main highway leading toward La Push and the beaches.
Then an idea struck me, and I had to give it a try. “I also met Alice Cullen today. She sat with Angela and me during lunch.”
Mrs. Jane's head spun toward me so quickly that she looked like something out of The Exorcist. I would never forgive Jacob for showing me that movie when I was eleven. I still had nightmares about Linda Blair. Ewwwww.
“You hung out with Alice Cullen?” Mrs. Jane squeaked.
“Yes, she seemed really nice...a lot nicer than some of the other girls,” I replied calmly. “Why? What's wrong with spending time with Alice?” I asked innocently, hoping now to find out more about the Cullen family. Angela had been willing to fill me in during lunch, but my stupid panic attack had derailed that master plan. But Mrs. Jane worked for CPS, and if there was anything going on with the Cullens, she'd know what's going on for certain.
“Well, there's nothing wrong with her, per se,” responded Mrs. Jane carefully, but I noticed the strange way she emphasized the word “wrong.” Weird. She continued, “The Cullens moved to Forks about two years ago. Dr. Cullen works as a surgeon at Forks Hospital, and he also takes shifts in the E.R. as well; he's very well-liked in the community, but he does tend to keep his distance. He doesn't get too involved in different town goings-on. All the nurses have huge crushes on Dr. Cullen, but apparently he's a happily married man. His wife, Esme, stays at home and is quite interested in decorating and design, and she is nearly as attractive as her husband. Their home is supposed to be quite a show-piece, and I've heard that her gardens are breathtaking, almost like something out of a magazine. The Cullens are quite young, despite having all those teenagers. The doctor looks to be about thirty, Esme a little younger.”
She glanced at me, then continued.
“Because Mrs. Cullen can't have children, over the years they've adopted five kids: Jasper and Rosalie Hale are Mrs. Cullen's nephew and niece, and apparently she took them in when they were around five years old after the death of her sister and brother-in-law in a car accident. Then a few years later the Cullens adopted Emmett, Alice, and Edward. The Hales and Emmett are seniors this year, I believe, and Edward and Alice are juniors. The whole family is quite attractive, but they mostly keep to themselves.”
Mrs. Jane flipped on her turn indicator, then drove her van down Billy's street. I felt my throat tighten a little as she concluded her story.
“Apparently the Cullens take the kids out of school when there's good weather for camping, backpacking, and hiking excursions. One would think that so many absences would affect their grades, but each one of those kids has a perfect 4.0 and rarely miss even a question on their exams. I understand that two of the Cullen kids are dating the Hale twins; it's been quite the little scandal here in Forks. I've heard the rumors even in Port Angeles, which is definitely saying something because we hardly hear any news about Forks in P.A.”
I nodded, feeling decidedly nervous as we approached Billy's house. What kind of scene would I be treated to today? At least Jacob wouldn't be home until well after seven tonight because of football practice. But after being around normal...okay, mostly normal...people today, I wasn't sure I would be able to handle the atmosphere of fear and hatred that filled the house in which I had lived for the past seven or eight years.
Mrs. Jane turned her minivan into Billy's driveway, and I tensed up, growing more afraid to go home. How messed up was that? Under my breath, I groaned. Couldn't I just live in a motel until I was eighteen or something? The best I could expect from Billy and Jacob was the silent treatment. The worst? Who knew?
But I knew this: I could not handle a big scene tonight. I felt raw after my day...strangely fragile after the unexpected panic attacks that had plagued me throughout my school hours. Somehow I felt I could handle the bitchiness of Jessica and her sidekick, Lauren, than the narrowed eyes of Billy right now.
I swallowed hard, closing my eyes for a moment as I vainly tried to gather a sense of calm.
It wasn't working.
At all.
Damn.
Stopping the car, Mrs. Jane shut off the engine and turned to me. “Bella,” she said kindly. “I know things aren't good here. If you have anything to share with me, anything at all, I can get you out of here so fast that they'll never know what hit them.” She peered at me expectantly.
And, God. I wanted to tell her. I knew that one word would get me out of that nightmare of a house and away from Billy and Jacob forever. And I knew that would be a good thing for me...a very good thing.
But something was holding me back from saying that word. I couldn't pinpoint what it was, but I just couldn't do it.
I looked Mrs. Jane in the eye and shook my head sadly.
She sighed. “Okay, Bella. I trust you,” she said as she pulled a business card from her wallet and handed it to me. “Here are my numbers. Call me any time you need me, okay? Day, night, whenever.”
I nodded obediently, grateful for her help.
And I would call her...if they'd let me anywhere near a phone. Right....
She looked at me intently. “I mean it, Bella. If you even think you need me or need help of any kind, you call. Got it?”
“Yes,” I whispered, touched by her fierce concern. “Thank you so much for everything.” I felt my breathing begin to quicken, my heart start to pound, and my hands to shake uncontrollably.
“Bella?” Mrs. Jane reached forward, grasping my cold, trembling hands in her warm ones. “Bella, what's wrong?”
I couldn't answer. My whole body was shaking, and I couldn't stop it.
“Bella, are you all right? Has this happened to you before?”
Somehow I managed to nod. “T-t-t-t-today, a few t-t-t-times,” I stuttered.
“Did it ever happen before today?” she asked, leaning toward me as I continued to tremble from head to foot, my breaths coming in frenzied gasps and my heart feeling like it was going to pound right through my chest.
I shook my head, unable to speak.
Mrs. Jane watched me try to calm myself for several minutes. “Bella, I'm taking you to the emergency room, just to make sure you're all right,” she said slowly. “I think you're just having a panic attack, but you may need medications to control them better. How many times did this happen today?”
“Th-th-three times, w-w-w-once b-bad, t-t-two n-not t-too b-b-b-b-b-bad,” I gasped, stuttering and stumbling through the words.
“Okay,” she said, starting the van. “I'm driving you back to Forks.” She put the minivan in gear and drove down the driveway and back onto the highway. The scenery passed my window in a blur, and I still couldn't calm my breathing or my racing heart. I felt perspiration trickling down the sides of my face, yet my cheeks felt icy cold. I was sure that they were completely colorless again.
Shit. Why did this keep happening to me? Maybe school is too much for me. Maybe Mrs. Jane will decide that I had better not go to Forks High after all since I keep having these horrid panic attacks or whatever they were. After all, I don't remember ever having one before today, and this is the fourth one now in less than eight hours. That's not a stellar record.
Dizziness swept over me, so closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the headrest while these thoughts and worries swirled about in my mind. Would I be allowed to go back to school tomorrow? Maybe they'd at least let me keep the textbooks? Damn, I had left a couple of them in my locker. Would they take my locker away from me, too? Or could Angela or perhaps Mrs. Jane fetch the two texts I had left in my locker for me so I could keep them to study until the end of the semester? My paranoid thoughts swirled, making the dizziness worse, and my stomach lurched with nausea.
I mean, Billy never got me decent textbooks; only Jacob's library jaunts of past years had provided me with any real reading material, and those were mostly classics and historical fiction. Nothing in the sciences or mathematics, and certainly nothing to do with learning Spanish. At this point, I was probably more fluent in Quileute than I was in freaking Spanish. My random thoughts kept flowing, like a nightmare during the day, with my eyes tightly closed against the unwelcome images. A daymare? Was there such a thing?
Maybe I was just going crazy. That could be it, I thought bitterly, shivering a little as beads of perspiration ran down the back on my neck and between my shoulder blades.
Everything was so damn confusing.
Would I even survive in school anyway? I knew that it was going to be well nigh impossible to keep up in Spanish, calculus, and chemistry. I could manage history and English okay, but PE was going to be a joke. Was attending school just beyond me? Maybe Billy was right. Maybe I was just a “stupid bitch” as he so often called me. A “useless bitch.” If I couldn't even handle school, what did that say about me....
These thoughts swished and swirled through my brain until I became aware that Mrs. Jane's vehicle had stopped. Vaguely I was aware of a door slamming, then fresh air flowed across my face as my door was opened.
Slowly I sat up, forcing my eyes open. Still feeling incredibly dizzy and wobbly, I hadn't stopped gasping for air and my fingers felt strangely numb. Like they weren't even there. Like they didn't exist.
Did I exist? Was I capable of existing?
“Can you walk, Bella?” Mrs. Jane's voice was soft but insistent with concern, and she sounded strangely far away although she stood beside me, offering me her arm for support.
“Sh-sh-sure,” I muttered, sliding down from the seat. But as my feet made contact with asphalt, I couldn't feel my legs under me. Mrs. Jane's arm wound around my waist as I gulped in fresh air...lots of fresh air. But it wasn't helping. Nothing was helping. My heart was pounding; I could feel each beat in my head, like a painful echo. I tried to take a step despite not being able to feel my body at all. I felt myself falling, sinking, everything fading and slowly disappearing. I couldn't really see anything, but I could hear Mrs. Jane calling my name and the shout of another voice that seemed strangely familiar.
Then I felt my body go completely limp, and I felt nothing. Blessed silence surrounding me, comforting me, soothing me. The absence of everything was a blessed relief.
And I was utterly grateful for the darkness and the peace.
Bella's not having the best of days, is she? Poor girl!!
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The next chapter will be up on Wednesday!!!
Thank you for reading!! I appreciate each and every one of you!!!
Much love,
Cassandra :) xxxooo