Okay. It could be worse. This was better than a brawl, right?
My cousins were sitting with me at the long table while waiting for our orders to arrive. Nasa Korean restaurant kami at ang awkward. Wala man lang nagsasalita sa kanila.
Even the boisterous De Villa boys were quiet, nagpapakiramdaman lang. Ang iba sa kanila, nakatutok sa cellphone at nagbubulong-bulongan. The Zobels naman—cough, Kael and Pierre, cough—looked ultimately bored and impatient. It sucked to sit with them. Parang gusto ko na lang lumipat kina Mom doon sa kabila.
To give them credit, my uncles were happy to see my cousins. Agad nilang kinamusta ang mga ito at tinanong tungkol sa mga parents nila. Even Kuya Zoren and Zian went out of their ways to try and strike up good conversation. Pero laging natatapos 'yon at napapalitan ng awkward silence.
I shifted restlessly. Bakit ba ang tagal dumating ng pagkain? Maybe that would set the mood lighter.
Kapag talaga naaalala ko yung nangyari kanina, nung unang beses na nagkita ulit 'tong mga ito, napapailing na lang ako.
Mathev and Gian were outright cold and rude. They didn't even bother to fake. Nung lumabas sila sa van na dala nila, tumango lang si Mathev sa amin at naglakad palayo. Si Gian naman, dinaanan lang sila.
In annoyance, Kael muttered, "Arseholes."
Akala ko magkaka-away dahil doon. Kael doesn't really take to disrespect quite well. I sighed in relief nang pinalampas niya at tahimik na sumunod papasok ng restaurant.
After the breakfast, we headed to the resort. Dahil marami kami, dalawang three-storey villa ang kinuha namin. Isa para sa mga matatanda, isa para sa amin. There were eight large rooms in total.
I watched with a laugh habang nag-uunahan ang boys para sa magandang room. Ganyan lang naman ang mga 'yan. Mag-aagawan pero in the end, magsisiksikan din naman kami sa iisang room lang.
Malalaki ang rooms, yes, but because of their built, malamang ay dalawa lang ang magkakasya. So by twos ang naging arrangement. Kael and Pierre, Kuya Zoren and Alec, Zian and Zander, Kuya Travis and Kuya Chris, Kuya Nick and Kuya Onyx, Mathev and Kuya Paul, Gian and Kuya Andrei, then ako and si Kuya Jacob. Sa kabila naman sina Kenji and baby Raf, kasama ang parents nila.
With the help of Kuya Jacob, I unloaded my bag on the master's bedroom. Hindi na nakapagtataka na sa amin mapupunta 'to. Kael would dare to claim it but he was too uninterested to do it. The rest of the De Villa boys naman, binigay na 'yon dahil dito daw ako at mamaya papanhik din naman sila. By the way, this room encompassed the entire third floor kaya malaki talaga.
Kuya Jacob whistled when he dropped his bag on the floor. "Living the royal life."
Ngumiti ako at tiningnan ang view sa labas. Nakikita ko ang private pool. It wasn't that big pero ayos na rin.
"Bakit ba wala akong pinsan na babae? O ate man lang?" I said in a sad tone.
"At bakit? Nagrereklamo ka na sa amin?"
I threw my brother a withering look. "Oo. Ayaw kitang katabi. I should've partnered with Kuya Andrei."
"Hep hep. What's wrong with me?" Humalakhak si Kuya at nag-angat ng kilay sa 'kin. "Ang daming babae d'yan ang nagpapakahirap para lang makatabi ako. Ta's ikaw, aayaw? Arte."
Binato ko siya ng unan. "Ang annoying mo."
Tumatawa pa rin siya habang iniiwasan ang mga binabato ko.
There was a loud laugh.
"Oh? Simula na ng gera?"
My eyes travelled to the doorway where Mathev and Kuya Onyx showed up. The amused smirk on their faces broadened nang makita nila ang mga nakakalat na unan. Apparently, narito sila para panoorin ang nangyayaring pillow fight.
Umikot-ikot naman si Mathev para pagmasdan yung kwarto at ang view sa labas. "Ang laki pala dito e. Lipat na lang kami dito mamaya."
Heh. I totally expected this.
"Mas gusto n'yo pa sa sahig kaysa sa kama n'yo?"
"Tss," sabi ni Mathev. "Hindi masaya kung kami lang ni Paul. Sawa na ako do'n."
"Sus. Ang sabihin n'yo, iinom lang kayo!"
Ngumisi ang boys.
"May dalang hard drive si Kuya Chris. Manood na lang tayo ng horror mamaya para masaya," sabi ni Kuya Jacob.
Maganda sanang idea 'yon. That's what we normally do, huddle together in the dark while we watched movies together. Pero hindi lang naman ang mga De Villa ang nandito ngayon. The Zobels were here and I didn't know if they'd appreciate it.
Ayaw ko naman na ma-out of place ang mga 'yon sa sarili nilang bakasyon. Ay, nako. Bahala na nga mamaya.
#
I was quite enjoying this. Tumatawa ako habang pinapanood na mag-swimming si baby Rafael. Nakasakay siya sa mini salbabida niya at pasag nang pasag sa tubig. How cute!
Where were my cousins? Nandoon. Mga nagkalat na. The others were checking out the bars in here, yung iba naman ay sumama kina Tito para puntahan yung casino. The rest that stayed in the pool, namely Mathev, Kuya Onyx, Kael, Pierre and Kuya Andrei, were scattered close by. Close enough to watch over me and Rafael and far enough to do their own thing.
The water rippled when someone jumped into the pool. Napapikit ako sa splash ng tubig at narinig ang malakas na tawa ni baby Rafael.
Kuya Zoren was chuckling when he swam toward us.
"Babysitter huh?" he asked in his accented voice. His fair complexion was very bright under the sun, emphasized further by the droplets running down his chest. Girls were staring pero wala siyang pakialam. Well, ang alam ko kasi may girlfriend 'tong si Kuya sa London.
"It's sad na aalis kaagad kayo," I told him while keeping close to baby Rafael.
"We'll come back next year. We only really pushed through for Christmas."
"When?"
"Summer here, maybe. Mom wants to come back to Bellaroca and Tita Isabelle has been raving about Amanpulo for the longest time. I'll tell you when it's all final."
"Wala man lang kayo sa debut ko." I pouted.
Kuya chuckled. "I'll send you a gift. Don't be tampo."
Rafael almost tipped over kaya mabilis siyang inabot ni Kuya. Sa takot, nagsimula 'tong umiyak. Kuya Zoren took him in his arms, soothing him. Sa kabilang dako, nando'n naman sina Kuya Andrei at Mathev. They were not alone now. May mga kinakausap na silang ibang grupo, mga babae na umiinom na rin.
Pierre and Kael joined the three of us. I guess gusto ni Rafael si Pierre dahil tumahimik siya sa kaiiyak at agad na nakipaglaro.
Nakangiti ako habang pinapanood sila. A lingering thought bloomed in my mind. I wondered if Racel was any good with kids? Gusto ko sana siyang makita kung paano makipag-interact sa mga bata.
Tita Sunshine finally called for Rafael. Dahil patutulugin muna ito, lumipat na kami sa olympic-sized pool kung saan nag-la-laps sina Kuya Jacob at Kuya Onyx. Nandoon din sina Alec at Kuya Travis, nanonood sa kanila.
They were racing. Maingay ang pool dahil sa tawanan ng kabilang grupo na nandoon din.
Sumunod sa 'min sina Mathev at Kuya Andrei at lumagi sa gilid namin. It was cold, mas malamig pa sa pool. Kahit na pinansin ni Kuya Andrei sina Kael, Pierre at Kuya Zoren, walang imik si Mathev. He didn't even acknowledge them kahit na nakatayo siya malapit sa mga ito.
A shout tore in the air. Finally, the race was over. Si Kuya Jacob ang nanalo. Hingal na hingal ang dalawa nang lumapit sa 'min.
"Good game," I chirped at the two.
"Bawi ako next time," sagot ni Kuya Onyx.
Nilingon ni Kuya Jacob si Alec na kanina pa wala sa mood. "Why do you look so glum? Loosen up."
"The girls are too liberated. It's annoying," reklamo niya. I think he was referring to when some girls approached him and asked him to hang out with them.
"Why not? Liberated girls are more fun sometimes. They can be really adventurous," Kuya Jacob answered.
Alec snorted. "That's daft."
"Then what do you prefer?"
"I like my girls decently clothed. Not those who party hard and drink a lot."
"Wow, that's boring," sabat ni Mathev na walang emosyon sa mukha. "But what do I expect from you all?"
"You got a problem with us, you fuck?" biglang sagot sa kanya ni Pierre. Nagulantang ako nang biglang umamba si Pierre. Mas lalo na nang pumatol si Mathev at parang makikipagsuntukan nga. Pumagitna sina Kuya Andrei at Kuya Jacob.
"Whoa, easy lang," sabi ni Kuya Jacob.
Kuya Zoren threw a scolding look at Pierre and Alec. "Stop it, Pierre," sabi niya.
"What? This wanker was insinuating something here," iritadong sagot ni Pierre.
Kuya Andrei let out an inarticulate, annoyed sound. He was kneading his forehead, probably sumasakit ang ulo sa iringan ng tatlo. "Enough. Ang ingay n'yo."
Umirap si Pierre at umalis doon. I thought it would end there pero hindi pa rin natapos.
"You know what I noticed? You lot are not the type to get serious. You play girls to make yourselves feel better?" Kael asked dryly. Blank ang mukha niya habang sinisuri sina Kuya Onyx at Mathev. "That's dumb. Dumbest shite I've ever seen."
Kuya Onyx narrowed his eyes at him. "You saying something?"
"Yeah. I said you're dumb," Kael muttered.
"Piss off, Zobel."
"Or what, De Villa?" Kael challenged. "You'll dumb me down?
Alec smirked. "Spot on."
Hindi ko na hinintay ang susunod na sasabihin ni Kuya Onyx. Bago pa mag-away-away, hinatak ko sina Kael at Alec palayo doon. Narinig kong nag-sorry si Kuya Zoren kay Kuya Onyx na kinakausap na rin ni Kuya Jacob. Sinusuway na rin ni Kuya Andrei si Mathev.
Dread was twisting in my stomach. Pag-alis namin sa pool, inirapan ko ang dalawa.
"Dudes. What the hell?" I said, mildly annoyed. "Can't we for once get along? Stop provoking them."
Ngumisi lang si Kael.
"I'd say sorry but I know I'm right. Your cousins are dumb."
"You have different ways," I said. "I don't condone their actions, but it's not like it's nonconsensual, whatever it is they're doing. Stop picking fights, please."
Nagkibitbalikat lang si Kael. Hindi naman ako kinibo ni Alec na dumiretso lang kung saan lumipat si Pierre.
I sighed in annoyance. Bahala na nga sila! Nawala na ako sa mood.
Kinuha ko ang tuwalya at tinuyo ang sarili ko. I would probably just wander around. Yeah, that's better kaysa isipin ko ang cold war ng mga ito. Kuya Travis and Kuya Andrei would keep the De Villa in check. Maybe Kuya Zoren could control Kael, too. Ewan ko!
Binalikan ko lang ang phone ko sa villa. Lumagi ako doon pansamantala habang nakikipag-text kina Hiromi at Maxxie. The girls were having fun in their vacation. Nakakatuwang isipin. Si Anjo naman, masyadong tuwang tuwa sa get-away niya kasama ang mga ka-block niya. It seemed nando'n ang mga Armada kung nasaan mang resort sila.
Nagbukas ako ng Facebook. May photo na pinost si Racel. A smile curled its way into my lips. He was with his family. Napatitig ako sa kung paano nakayakap ang mommy niya sa kanya. Sweet.
I scrolled down, checking some more photos and saw a familiar girl. Si Vianne, kasama yung isa pang babae. Claui, I think her name was. Lhyle mentioned her before.
Hindi ko man sadya, nabasa ko ang comments sa baba.
Break na pero close pa rin. Wooh in love ka pa rin teh!
My heart lurched. Sino? Was she referring to Vianne or Claui? Isa sa kanila ang ex ni Racel?
Kumalabog ang dibdib ko. Hoshet, this wasn't good. Sumama bigla ang pakiramdam ko. Aalis na sana ako doon pero may nahagip pa akong litrato. A group photo. Nakayakap yung Claui kay Racel.
I bit my lip so hard pakiramdam ko, dumugo 'yon. I could taste it in my mouth.
Damn it. They looked good together.
I shut off the Facebook application and threw my phone on the bed. Okay. It didn't mean anything. Sinabi naman ni Racel na kaibigan niya pa rin ang exes niya. Pero nakakainis. Nakakapangselos naman. Ngiting ngiti pa siya sa litrato.
I took calming breaths. I should be cool about this. Siguro epekto lang ng irita ko kina Kael kanina.
I jumped, startled, nang bumukas ang pinto. Napasigaw ako sa gulat. Sumigaw na rin si Kuya Paul na nagulat din sa 'kin.
"Anong meron?" mabilis niyang tanong. "Why the hell are you screaming?"
Tumayo ako. "Bakit ka ba nanggugulat?"
He furrowed his brows. "I'm not. I was just checking up on you. Nakita kitang pumasok. Bakit nagsasarili ka dito?"
"Nakakairita lang sina Mathe kasi."
"What did the lass do?"
"They're fighting. Again. As expected."
"Sus. Nagulat ka pa," sabi niya at hinatak ako sa braso. "Stop moping. Samahan mo na lang ako. Let's check the bars."
At 'yon na nga lang ang ginawa namin. Dumayo kami sa mga restaurants at bars na nandito. Well, I wasn't surprised to see the prices of some of the food here. They're legit expensive kaya siguro may sariling kitchen ang mga villas dito.
"Bakit ba kasi nag-away away kayo?" I asked after namin lumabas sa Palm Bar. Nadaanan ng mga mata ko sina Tito Ram at Tito Seth na naglalakad lakad at parang kalalabas lang din sa isang restaurant. May hawak silang juice.
Kuya Paul shrugged. "Pikunan lang 'yon sa basketball, e. Lumaki lang. 'Lam mo na, yabangan."
Matapos umikot, bumalik na ulit kami sa villas. Nando'n si Kuya Jacob na may kausap sa cellphone niya.
I quietly slipped inside. Nilagay ko lang ang cellphone ko sa drawer at umambang lalabas na when he called me.
"Sa'n ka galing? Kanina ka pa namin hinahanap," tanong niya. Tapos na yung call.
"Umikot lang."
"Sino kasama mo?"
"Si Kuya Paul."
"That ass."
"Bakit ba?"
"Wala. Hinahanap ka lang ni Kuya," sabi niya sabay tutok ng attention sa kung sino man ang ka-text niya ngayon.
Tumango lang ako. Nilagay na rin niya ang phone niya sa drawer at nagpabango muna bago lumabas.
#
We were chilling in the jacuzzi. Nagre-relax sina Mom at mga tita ko sa sun bed. Nakatambay na rin sina Dad at mga tito sa pool bar. Ang mga tsikiting naman: sina Zander, Johann at Kenji ay naglalaro sa ibang pool. Kalat kalat pa rin kami kahit nasa iisang pool lang kami. Nagbubulung-bulungan ang mga De Villa at nagkakantyawan. Ang mga Zobel naman, tahimik na may pinag-uusapan sa isang dako.
I was in the middle of the two groups, playing water with Kuya Andrei.
Lumapit sa amin si Gian at diretso 'tong nakatuon lang sa amin. He was purposely ignoring the Zobels.
May hawak siyang towel at tinutuyo ang katawan niya. He said, "Kain tayo. Nagugutom na ako."
It was past five now. Hindi pa kami kumakain, though kumain na ang mga matatanda. They invited us to join but the boys said mamaya na lang.
"Magluluto yata ng dinner si Mom," sagot ni Kuya Chris sa kanya.
Napatingin ako kay Kuya Chris, my eyes round like saucers. "Ano, Kuya? Mamaya pa tayo kakain? I'm starving." Ngumuso ako.
"It's cool. We can eat. Baka mamaya pa naman 'yon," sabi ni Kuya Travis at humakbang palabas ng pool.
And so, we found ourselves in one of the restaurants. Kroo kroo. Ang awkward pa rin. On going at going strong ang cold war sa pagitan ng dalawang kampo.
Tahimik lang tuloy ang lunch/dinner namin. Napuputol lang ito sa tuwing humahagikgik si Kuya Jacob, may ibubulong kay Kuya Paul, at sabay na tatawa ang dalawa.
"I heard you're training the Celestial girl," Kuya Zoren attempted a small conversation. He smiled with meaning at Kuya Travis who peered at him frustratedly. Halatang iritado siya na na-bring up 'yon.
Napatingin ako kay Kuya Travis. "Who?"
"Francheska Celestial," Kuya Zoren answered. "I heard about it from Dad. The Celestials sent their only successor to your brother to learn the ways of business."
"Francheska Celestial?" Kuya Andrei chimed in, playing with his glass. "Sounds familiar. Dunno where I heard of it before."
Pierre supplied, "I saw her in an exhibit in France way back. She doesn't know me but she was in that gallery. She's a great painter. I remember Mom wanting to buy one of her pieces but too bad they're not for sale."
Kuya Jacob snickered. "Kuya, I didn't know you're dating."
"You're going out with her?" I asked in shock.
"No," Kuya Travis answered flatly and threw us a withering glance.
I put down my spoon and studied my brother. "Do you like her?"
"She's annoying." He grunted.
Nagtawanan ang boys at nagbulung-bulungan. Ngumisi rin si Kuya Zoren na sinusuri ang cold na reaction ni Kuya Travis.
"Annoying, my ass," Kuya Onyx teased after drinking his juice.
Umiling lang si Kuya Travis habang tawa nang tawa si Kuya Chris.
"How is she?"
"Maganda. Kuya's type," Kuya Chris answered, inuubos ang chicken na. "But with a temper. Ayaw sa lahat ni Kuya yung gano'n. Too opinionated at mahirap kontrolin. Hindi talaga sila magkakasundo."
Kuya Nick whistled from across me. "Pihikan. I'd date someone like that."
Kael snorted, not liking what he was hearing. Mukhang bored naman si Pierre sa usapan. Walang pakialam na kumakain ang mga youngers. Zander was digging in na parang wala nang bukas. Sina Johann at Kenji naman ay nagpapaunahang maubos ang pagkain nila para makabalik na sa pool.
Tumingin sa 'kin si Zian. "How about you? When are you getting a boy?"
"Wala pang boyfriend si Javee. Bawal pa 'yan," sagot agad ni Gian.
"Why not? You blokes should stop breathing down her neck and give her space," Kael defended.
Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya para pigilan siya.
"Don't start," I mouthed, to which he merely shrugged.
"Bata pa 'yan," tahimik na sagot lang ni Mathev.
"She's turning legal age soon. Did it ever occur to you that maybe you are suffocating her? Give her a break, man," Kael sounded irritated.
Matalim siyang tiningnan nina Mathev at Gian.
I groaned. Here we go again.
"Stop arguing like kids. Kumain na lang kayo," sita ko sa kanila and here we were again, back to the defeaning silence.
#
Lumubog na ang araw. Mas marami nang tao sa pools. Tumambay na lang sa bar sina Pierre at Zian dahil naiirita sila sa mga lumilingon sa kanila.
May grupo ng babaeng lumapit kina Gian, Mathev at Kuya Jacob. Napangiwi ako. The three were stunning, I'd admit.
They gave out their numbers quick enough. Nang umalis sila, tumawa ang kapatid ko.
"So you just stand there and get girls, huh?" biro ni Kuya Chris sa kanila.
"Wanna hang out with them? Wala namang gagawin mamaya," aya ni Kuya Jacob. "Let's just drink."
"Pass ako," Gian said, shaking his head.
"Tangina, seryoso? Nilalagnat ka yata," sagot ni Mathev.
"Assholes. I'm trying to change, gago. 'Wag kayong ano."
Tumawa silang lahat.
"Yeaaah. Daddy Gian in the house!" asar ni Kuya Onyx at sinubukang lunurin si Gian. Nagmura siya at binawian kaagad si Kuya Onyx.
"Gian's in loooove," I sang and he only flipped me off.
Well? That was new. Mukhang seryoso si Gian sa binitawan niyang pangako kay Zoey. He was leaving his bad boy ways for something more mature. I respected that.
"Love? Sus. Nakakatanga 'yon," rinig kong sinagot ni Mathev.
Hinanap ko siya at nakitang kausap na niya sina Alec.
How the fuck did he get to that side?
Alec scoffed. "What's so wrong about that?"
"You wanna be dumb for something stupid?"
"Yeah. Why not? Para sa mahal ko. I'd take stupid any day than do a botched job at being a proper man. Because you know, stupid is better than having no balls," Alec taunted with a smirk.
Mathev raised a brow, his tone mocking, "Do you, really? Got balls? Akala ko kasi wala."
The tension was back again, thicker than the last time. It was so blatant and tangible anyone could cut it through with a knife. Napapatingin na sa amin ang ibang tao sa pool.
"I don't think love is complicated," Zian sliced through the silence, shrugging. "Complicated lang because you make it complicated. The problem with people is we love those we can't have and we turn our backs to those who do. I call bull on that. 'Di ba pwedeng mahal kita, mahal mo 'ko, tayo na? End of story. Wala nang epal."
What Zian said diffused the situation dahil napangisi doon ang mga De Villa. Nakipag-high five sila sa pinsan ko.
"Said it well, my man," praised Kuya Nick, swimming the distance sabay akbay kay Zian.
#
Nagpatuloy at nagpatuloy at nagpatuloy ang ganong alitan until finally, all the strings keeping us together broke. Hindi ko alam kung paano nagsimula o kung bakit pero bigla na lang bumagsak ang mood ng boys.
"No offense, man, but you're an arse."
Syempre, si Kael ang nasa gitna ng gulo. Hindi na ako nagulat na si Mathev ang nasa receiving end ng init ng ulo nito. They were both two extremes clashing. The stubborn trait of the De Villa is strong in Mathev while the cold arrogance of the Zobel burned in Kael. Syempre, sila talaga ang magtatalo. Ugh.
"Don't you get tired of playing games? What, you all got stuck at age ten?" Kael sized them up. "Don't answer that. With that type of brain and piss poor attitude, the answer is clear."
"Tangina. You think you're better than us?" Mathev spat, his cheeks getting red from anger. "Don't act so high and mighty here, boy. You're in my territory. Baka hindi ako makapagpigil sa 'yo."
"I'd like to see you try," Kael challenged.
Mathev rose up to the challenge and tried to deliver a blow. Sinalo ito ng kakambal niya na sinusubukan siyang kausapin. Kuya Zoren and Kuya Travis were both annoyed. Irritation and impatience marred their faces as they talked to Mathev and Kael to stand down and back off.
Kuya Onyx coldly laughed.
"What the fuck is your problem, dude? Kanina pa kayo. Hindi lang namin kayo pinapansin. So we all got different ways of living our life. What's the problem with that? You do your own, we do ours. Bakit ba masyado kayong affected?"
"You disgust me."
"Or your ass is fucking jealous," Kuya Onyx hissed with venom. "All these yapping but in truth, you're just jealous of us. Why? You envious the girls want us better than you? Dami n'yo pang satsat, e."
"What the fuck did you say?" Umambang manununtok si Kael. Sinalo 'yon ni Kuya Zoren at pinigilan siya. Pumagitna sina Kuya Travis at Kuya Chris habang hinahatak naman nina Kuya Andrei at Kuya Jacob palayo si Kuya Onyx.
I didn't know how it happened. Ang bilis kasi. I was watching the boys pull apart the two pero suddenly, Kael was able to punch Kuya Onyx on the face. Bumagsak siya sa impact. Mabilis na nakatayo si Kuya Onyx at nakapagbigay pa ng dalawang suntok kay Kael.
Nagkagulo kami sa pagpigil sa kanila. Dapat ay lalapit na ang crew ng Fontana para dumalo sa amin pero saktong dumating sina Tito Ram at Dad. Namula sila sa nakitang kaguluhan.
There were shouts and a series of glares and cold warnings. Getting an earful, lahat kami ay pinabalik sa villa. We were all dangerously quiet while we trudged back. Walang umiimik at nagkikibuan until Kael burst out laughing at tumawa na rin si Kuya Onyx.
We looked at them like they had already lost it. Maybe they had. Masyadong malakas ang palitan nila ng suntok.
"That felt bloody good," Kael said in a surprisingly light tone, tumatawa pa rin.
"Damn right," Kuya Onyx replied, grinning as well.
They shook their heads and laughed the rest of the way back. Nagkatinginan kami ng mga natira doon, confused.
Hindi ko alam ha. Pero pakiramdam ko, sa moment na 'yon, nagkaayos na ang dalawa. Shocker.
#
The peace lasted, fortunately. Nawala na ang tension sa pagitan ng mga pinsan ko at nagpapansinan na rin sila. Sure, medyo uncomfortable pa rin sina Mathev at Gian but they were slightly better. Pierre and Alec were trying not to be an ass, too. Mga tinamaan at natakot yata sa banta nina Dad at Tito Ram.
Uminom na ang boys sa first floor after maligo. I was out all day kaya hindi ko na-reply-an ang text ni Racel sa 'kin. I typed my answer right away, ignoring the fuzzy feeling of jealousy in my chest. Ayaw ko. Hindi ako mag-e-eksena dahil lang doon.
RCG:
Saw the photos. Are you in Clark?
Me:
Yup.
RCG:
There's another race. You coming?
I didn't know na may race ngayon. I looked up at my eldest brother na busy sa pag-aayos ng buhok niya. Nilapitan ko siya.
"Kuya, sasali ka ba sa race ngayon?"
Dala niya kasi ang sports car niya ngayon.
Umiling siya. "No. Paano mo nalamang may race ngayon?"
"Through a friend."
"Do you want to go?"
Tumango ako. "Please."
Gusto ko siyang makita, kahit saglit lang. Kasi kung hindi, baka lamunin ako ng paranoia. I tried to steer the thoughts out but those comments haunted me. Whoever his ex was, inaasar pa rin sila ng friends nila. Nakakatakot isipin na baka maging daan 'yon para magkagustuhan sila.
"Sige. Manood na lang tayo."
Yes! Nag-mental dance ako sa pagpayag niya! This is why I love Kuya Travis. Ang bilis niyang kausap!
Kuya swept his gaze to the rest of the boys na preoccupied sa mga iniinom nila.
"Zo, sama ka? We're going to the race."
"Mag-re-race ka?" piped up Kuya Jacob, pinaglalaruan ang bottle na hawak niya.
Umiling si kuya. "Manonood lang."
"Pass ako. I'm too tired," said Kuya Zoren, leaning against the back of the chair.
Nilingon ako ni Kuya Travis at nginitian. Well, that settled it.
Me:
Yes. Kasama ko si kuya.
#
Nagpaalam lang kami kina Mom and Dad, then we set off to the racing grounds. Yung Cayenne ang dala namin, since we wouldn't be able to fit sa Skyline. Kael went with us. Curious daw siya kung paano ang race dito sa Pilipinas. Akala ko nga sasama pa sina Kuya Chris at Kuya Nick, but they were both too tired and lazy to bother. Thank goodness.
I hoped no one would die habang wala kami. Sana hindi na sila mag-away away.
Maraming tao when we arrived. They were shouting and cahooting. Maraming nakakakilala kay Kuya kaya maraming bumabati sa amin. Syempre (duh). Lagi siya dito, e.
We strolled our way to where his other friends stood. Nadaanan namin sina Racel at Justin na nakasandal sa BMW niya. Mabilis ang pintig ng puso ko when they found me as well.
It felt good to see him today. Parang nawala nang parang bula yung selos ko when he flashed a furtive smile in my direction.
I didn't have it in me para hindi siya pansinin. I nodded at him, smiling back. Kumaway sa amin si Justin.
Noticing them, Kuya Travis stopped sa tapat nila.
I clenched my fists. Kinakabahan ako. Lumamig bigla ang palad ko. But this could be the first step. Baby steps lang but I was trying to bring him to my brothers' attention.
Kael was quiet beside me but he was watching the two with observant eyes.
"You're here to race?" tanong ni Kuya kay Justin.
"Nah. Just here to watch."
I was stunned sa interaction nila. That was friendly enough but then again, I expected this from him. Of all my brothers, he was the most polite. Cold, yes, but polite.
Tumango sa kanila si Kuya bago umalis. I waved a brief goodbye to them before Kael and I followed suit.
Kuya was staring at me with a surprised expression.
"Are you friends with them?" he said when we were out of earshot.
"I . . . " The urge to lie was strong but I pushed it away. Hindi ko kaya. Not to Kuya Travis. "Yes," I said anxiously.
O, ayan. The beans were spilled.
"How? Youth Camp?"
Tumango ako. Kael shifted and wrapped a hand around my arm. I think he finally got the gist of what was happening.
His lips formed a thin line. "I don't usually interfere sa mga gulo ni Jacob but I don't think it's good that you hang out with them, especially with Gutierez."
"He's a nice guy, Kuya."
Malalim ang tingin sa 'kin ni Kuya, parang sinusuri ako. I licked my lips. Suddenly, my mouth felt dry.
"Was he the friend you mentioned earlier?"
"Yeah. . . "
"Gusto mo ba siya?"
My heart drummed madly. Lumunok ako at pinigil ang sobrang kaba na nararamdaman ko.
Don't get mad, Kuya. Please.
"That's the thing. I do."
Kuya Travis sighed, a low long sigh.
I hung my head down, anxiety and nerves getting the best of me.
"You realize Jacob will not take this well?"
"I know. I'm scared of that. But I'm more scared of myself now."
"I understand."
I immediately flicked my gaze up to meet his. Hindi na siya nakatingin sa 'kin but at the crowd parting to give way to the sports car.
All throughout the race, my brother kept his silence but his jaw was clenched, his face blank. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko but I was in pins and needles during the entire race.
#
Kuya Travis disappeared into the throng of people waiting for him. Habang abala siya sa mga kakilala niya, siniko ako ni Kael.
My cousin enjoyed the race, he did, pero parang mas nag-enjoy pa siya sa panunuya sa 'kin. Maraming babae ang sumusulyap sa kanya. No one bothered to come and chat up. Naramdaman siguro nilang hindi ito interesado.
"So that's him?"
I nodded, wringing my hands together.
"I don't understand. Why are you hiding him from them? What about Jacob?"
Kinuwento ko ang buong nangyari, shortened form lang ng mga nalalaman ko.
Kael was wrapping his mind around it, absorbing the story. "You want me to talk to Jacob?"
"No," I said a little bit too quick. "I'll talk to him. I'm just waiting for the right time."
"Right time. When is that?" He snorted. "There is no right time. Either you do it now or never. It will end the same, really. Your arse brother will get mad. But you're prepared for that. You have to. There's no escaping it."
"I know." A sigh escaped my lips. "I guess hindi pa ako handa."
"You will never be ready for it," Kael mumbled. "Cousin, you're doing this wrong. A piece of advice: when you play, you play with all your cards or none at all. There's no safe zone and in betweens. Kasi ako kung magmamahal ako, ibubuhos ko ang lahat kahit pa masira ako. Wala akong pakialam sa lahat. Mahal ko, e."
I nodded, taking in everything. Hindi ako makapaniwala na sa kanya ko ito maririnig. Kay Kael na walang modo at walang pakialam sa mundo. Naalala ko tuloy ang sinabi ni Ahron dati sa 'kin.
They're all good men if you know how to handle them.
I guess love is a girl's strongest weapon.
"I like the bloke from what you told me. I would've done the same. Kung mahal mo talaga, hindi mo pakakawalan. You would chase her to the ends of the earth, brave all odds. Bleeding hell, I'd even beg the heavens."
"She's gonna be one lucky girl, Kel. That girl you'll love," tahimik at nakangiti kong sinambit.
"Damn right she is. I'll treat her like the queen that she is. That's what you have to remember always. If he can't be bothered to treat you right, then his dumb arse doesn't deserve you. Dump him, kahit pa mahal mo."
Mahal mo.
All sorts of warm fluttering feelings flushed through my system. Mahal ko.
I wasn't sure if I was in love with Racel—it's too early to tell, but if this fluttering feeling I felt for him wasn't love (or at least going there) then the whole world is a lie.
#
Lasing na sina Gian at Kuya Onyx when we came back. Panay ang tulog ng dalawa sa sahig at nanonood naman ang boys ng movie sa kwarto namin ni Kuya Jacob. Nakakatawa ang hitsura nila.
Pierre was taking up the bed. Mag-isa lang siya doon at mukhang inaantok na. Alec, Zian and Kuya Zoren were on one side of the room, umiinom pa rin. Mathev was sprawled on the floor, diligently watching the movie. Nakapatong sa kanya ang paa ni Kuya Jacob na nilalantakan ang chips. Nag-aagawan naman sa unan sina Kuya Paul at Kuya Nick. Nasiko nila si Kuya Andrei. Nagmura ito kaya napatawa ang dalawa.
The others, I figured, were probably in their beds. Hindi ko nakikita dito sina Johann.
Kael excused himself from us. Matutulog na daw siya kaya hinayaan ko lang. Umupo sa lapag si Kuya Travis at tumalon naman ako para tabihan si Pierre sa kama. He was sleeping now.
Naririnig ko ang hagikgikan nina Mathev at Kuya Jacob. Tinatampal nila ang mukha ni Kuya Onyx at pinag-ti-tripan.
"Dapat pala hindi muna tayo uminom nang maaga. Boring, e. Nalasing na kaagad 'to," sabi ni Mathev.
Mabilis na gumalaw ang kamay ni Kuya Onyx. Nahampas niya si Mathev na tawa nang tawa kahit natamaan ito sa mukha.
"You're pissed, man. Maaga pa," sabi ni Mathev, umiiwas sa hampas.
"Gising. We need your love advices," gatong pa ni Kuya Jacob.
"Fuck you assholes!" grumbled Kuya Onyx. "Get lost."
Nakitawa ako sa kanila. Mas pinagtutuonan pa ng pansin ng boys ang mga tulog kaysa sa horror movie na pinapanood nila. Dimwits.
I glanced at my phone and replied to another text of Racel. Simula nang natapos ang race, we'd been exchanging messages again.
RCG:
You're jealous of Claui?
Me:
Hindi 'no! Tinatanong ko lang kung sino siya.
RCG:
You sure?
Me:
You're not answering my question L
RCG:
I think you're mad at me.
Me:
Tss.
RCG:
Am I in trouble? Don't get mad. She's a childhood friend, that's it.
Me:
The comments said ex mo kasi. You were hugging pa!
Damn. I think I'm crossing the line. May karaparan ba akong gawin ito?
RCG:
She's not my ex.
My head did a quick calculation then. Hindi daw si Claui ang ex girlfriend niya. Then . . . Holy wow. Memories from Justin's party suddenly bombarded my mind. Kaya pala ganoon na lang ang pagkakilala ni Vianne kay Racel. She was his ex! Kaya pala ganoon na lang ang mga palitan nila ng tingin no'n! I thought they were just really close, like Lhyle and me. There was something more to it pala.
Hindi ako nakapag-reply. There was nothing to be jealous of, alam ko naman 'yon, but I still felt cold inside. Sabi naman niya hindi na niya sila gusto, 'di ba?
But the thoughts were needling through me, muddling my mind. He was still hanging out with them. He could openly celebrate with them. Paano kung . . . Paano kung ma-realize niya na gano'n talaga ang deserve niya? What if the feelings came back?
Damn. Saan nanggagaling ang insecurities na ito?
Tumawag si Racel. I rejected it. I can't go out or makakahalata sila.
RCG:
Don't be mad please. They're just friends to me. The hug won't happen again. And don't mind the comments. Vianne and I are nothing now.
Mag-ti-tipa pa lang ako ng reply ay dumating kaagad ang pangalawa niyang message.
RCG:
Damn baby say something. I get it if you're mad. Just don't ignore me. You're scaring me.
Huminga ako nang malalim at binilisan ang pagsagot.
Me:
I'm not mad. Nireject ko lang kasi nandito sina kuya. I'm not mad, ok. I'm bummed. Just jealous.
RCG:
I know exactly how you feel. I'm jealous of the guys in your life too. What can I do to make it up?
Me:
Nothing... I'm just being paranoid.
RCG:
You know how I feel for you, right? You know you're the only one?
I love you, muntik ko nang maisagot pero binura ko ito kaagad. Was it too quick? Too soon?
Me:
You're my only one, too.
"Who's RCG?"
I froze in surprise when Pierre asked in a whisper.
Nakamulat na ang isang mata niya at nakatingin sa phone ko. I sucked in a breath.
"P-Pierre. Kanina ka pa gising?"
He shifted in his position so he would be lying on his side. He eyed me suspiciously.
"Who's the boy?" bulong niya. "You're dating?"
"Don't tell anyone," bulong ko pabalik.
Nilingon ko ang boys. Busy sila sa harutan, tawanan at panonood.
Pierre creased his forehead. "I can keep a secret. So who's he? You text too much. It's obvious. Who is it?"
I showed him a picture. Yung kinuha namin kahapon sa condo niya bago ako umalis papunta sa dinner.
Pierre nodded. "Anything serious?"
"I think so. I hope."
"What did your cousins say?"
"They don't know."
"Why not?"
"They don't like him."
He released a snorting sound. "They dont like anyone for you."
"No, I mean, it's complicated. There's bad blood between them."
"Ah." He nodded in understanding. "How did you manage to date this one then?"
"A series of coincidences."
A ghost of a smile stretched on his face. "You know. A series of coincidence can't be just coincidence. It's gotta mean something."
Naalala ko bigla ang sinabi ni Racel about destiny. What a nice thought to have.
"Don't mind your cousins. If they love you, they'll accept him. I may not like them but I admire how fiercely they protect you. It's something I'd do if I were here. You're the only girl in the family."
"I know. I'm grateful for it. It just gets difficult at times."
He patted my back. "Be strong, couz. And don't worry. You have me. If all else fails, I got your back. Though I want to meet him. I need to know the bloke who's got the guts to date a Zobel."
#
"Kuya, saan ka?" I asked Kuya Travis.
Tulog na ang boys at nakakalat sa sahig. It's almost three in the morning. Ako na lang, si Kuya Zoren na kausap pa ang girl friend niya, at si Kuya Travis na lang ang gising.
Kuya Travis paused. "I'm starving."
"Sama ako."
Gusto ko siyang makausap. Gusto kong tapusin ang pag-uusap namin kanina. I carefully hopped off the bed to join him. We didn't eat anything fancy. Nag-init lang siya ng tubig para sa instant ramen na dala namin.
Tahimik lang kaming kumakain. I followed him here to talk but so far I did nothing but gawk at the noodles.
I sighed in frustration. Paano ba ako magsisimula?
"Do you really like him?"
Napatalon ako sa bigla niyang pagsasalita. Pinagmasdan ko siya, trying to gauge out if he was mad at me or disappointed pero wala. There was only plain curiosity burning beneath his eyes.
My shoulders sagged slightly in relief.
"Ayoko sanang mag-away kayo ni Jacob."
I bit my lip anxiously. "I tried to avoid him, Kuya. Hindi ko kaya. Please don't ask me to leave him."
"I won't. I saw how he looked at you. He must be serious. He should be. Hindi ako makikialam," Kuya promised.
"He is. He's good," I said softly.
"He better be. I trust you, Javee. I may not like who you're going out with but I trust you. If you say he is good, I'll believe you. Tama si Kael. You can make your own decisions now. I don't want to suffocate you." He reached out to pinch my nose.
My lips quivered and I felt tears well up in my eyes. Niyakap ko si Kuya. "Thank you."
One down. Eight more to go.