I told Ben everything.
I told him about how my personality had completely changed once I had gotten to high school and that I wasn't that nice, shy middle school girl he had known so many years ago. I explained to him how I became cheer-leading captain, after only being on the team for one year. I told him about my rise to the top: the most popular girl in the school, the most like person--the girl everyone wanted to know.
And then I told him about how Tyler had asked me out after the freshman homecoming dance and how we had remained a couple until just a few months ago.
I recounted the story of how we won our homecoming football game, of how I planned a celebration for the team and the cheerleaders.
And I told him about the storm.
I told him how irrational and stubborn I had been at the time. I restated all the horrible things I had said to my parents that night. And then I told him about the phone call that began my quick descent from the throne I worked so hard to obtain.
I told him about the funeral. I told him about the custody case. I told him about the party.
When I recounted the story of how Tyler had used me and left me, I saw his cheeks flush with anger.
"He should have been reported," he said. "You should have reported him, Ren," he told me, his eyes angry.
"There wasn't any point," I said.
"He took your virginity without your consent," he said.
"I gave him consent," I replied.
"You were drunk," he fought back.
"I was sober enough to know what I was doing," I said.
"You were vulnerable," he retorted. This time, I had nothing else to say. Because I had been. He was right.
"It doesn't matter now. It happened a while ago," I said quietly, looking down at my lap. My eyes followed the floral patter of my dress. I felt Ben grab my shoulders, forcing me to look at him.
"You should have told me," he said, his voice tender and soft. His gaze locked with mine and I was unable to look away.
"We drifted, Ben..." I replied.
"You told my parents," he said.
"My relatives told your parents," I corrected.
"But you told them not to tell me," he added.
"I didn't want you to know," I said.
"Why, Renee? Why not? I could have helped you--" he started.
"How Ben? How could you have helped me? How can anyone possibly help me?" I asked, my voice getting a little loud. I felt hot tears sting at the corners of my eyes.
"I killed them, Ben. It was me. It was all my fault. Every time I look at Mikey, I feel so guilty, because it's my fault he doesn't have a mother and father anymore; my fault that he cries for his parents; my fault that he wishes to get them back but he won't get them back. They're never coming back. Never. And it's all my fault..." I cried, my voice shaking from emotion.
I didn't know why I was crying now. I hadn't cried when I told Aiden my story. But I guess this was different. Aiden was still somewhat of a stranger to me. Ben was my friend. He was my best friend.
And just like a good friend should do, he pulled me close in a secure embrace. He rubbed the back of my head with a gentle hand and whispered that everything would be all right into my ear. I felt him plant a soft kiss on the side of my head.
After I cried for a few moments, I finally pulled away, sniffling. He placed both his hands on the side of my face and brushed the tears off my face.
"Crying's not going to help, Ren. It happened, but now it's time to move on. I know your parents wouldn't have wanted you to suffer like this," he said gently, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs.
"I told them I hated them," I squeaked.
"And I'm sure they forgave you. They were your parents, Ren. They couldn't hate you," he replied.
"How can you be sure?" I asked him.
"I'm not. But it's worth thinking that way instead of crying and feeling guilty. You've gone through enough pain that even if they didn't forgive you at first, they have now. You don't have to keep suffering, Ren," he replied in a soft voice. I sniffled again and he smiled gently at me. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
"Will you be all right?" he asked me. I nodded, looking down. He placed his hand under my chin and lifted it up so I was looking into his eyes again. "You don't have to hide anything from me, Ren. Ever. I promise to always be here for you," he told me. I nodded and leaned forward to hug him. He pulled me close and rubbed my shoulders. Then he pulled away.
"One second," he said, getting up suddenly. I looked at him confused as he disappeared down the hallway. I peered after him and after a few moments, he re-emerged holding the toy lightsaber that my aunt had thrown into storage with all of our other toys.
"Remember when I said I'd fight off monsters for you with this?" he asked. I felt the corners of my lips twitch up and nodded. "Well here I am, ready to fight those monsters. Who's first?" he asked. I stood and went up to him as he grinned at me, holding up the toy sword. I stood on my tip-toes and placed a kiss on his cheek.
"Thanks, Ben," I said, my voice quiet. He reached up with his free hand and tucked away a few stray strands of hair.
"You don't have to thank me, Ren. It's what friends do," he replied, smiling down at me. He pulled me into a hug again and we stood like that for a few long moments. In his arms, I felt safe, like nothing could hurt me. He truly was my hero and he was here all along. I just had to take the time to call for him, to look for him.
"Should we go back up?" he asked, pulling away.
"Probably. I think it's almost time for the ball to drop," I said, glancing at the grandfather clock that stood in the living room.
"We've got about 20 minutes," he said.
"Let's stay down here for a bit more," I said. He shrugged and we went back to the couch.
"So, are you and Aiden together now?" he asked me after we sat in silence for a few moments. I sighed.
"I don't know, honestly," I replied.
"Do you have feelings for him?" he asked.
"I'm not sure. I think until recently, I've been too distracted to think about anything else besides what happened. But now that I've told people, it feels like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel," I replied.
"So, what does that mean?" he asked.
"It means that I'm starting to see that there might be some potential when it comes to Aiden," I answered, looking at him. He smiled at me.
"Whatever makes you happy, I guess. But be careful. He's a notorious player," he warned me. I reached out and pulled the lightsaber out of his hand.
"He actually reminds me somewhat of you," I said.
"Really?" he asked. I nodded. "How so?"
"Well, for one thing, he has your ability to listen. And for another, he has your ability to understand," I said.
"Yeah? That it?" he asked.
"He's also very attractive," I said.
"Are you calling me attractive?" he asked me, a cheesy grin on his face.
"I don't think you need me to answer that," I replied, a small smile forming on my own lips. He reached out and traced the curve of my lips up.
"Sometimes I wonder why we never worked out," he said, dropping his hand. I shrugged.
"We're two completely different people, Ben. And I think all along we were only meant to be friends," I said. He shook his head and looked straight ahead.
"I think you're right. Because I could never imagine myself dating you, no matter how hard I tried. To me, you were always the girl that would take part in my various mischievious plans without question. You had always been my partner in crime," he said.
"I actually had a crush on you for a bit. But then we kissed and it went away for some reason," I said.
"Are you saying I'm a bad kisser?" he asked. I nearly laughed.
"No, I'm saying that I realized after that that we were meant to only be friends," I replied.
"Well, I guess that's all right. I don't mind having you around," he said.
"You're not bad company yourself," I replied. He laughed and I felt a tiny smile creep up onto my lips. We fell back into a thoughtful silence, lost in our own worlds.
"I'm glad you told me, Ren," he said after a moment. I looked at him and he gazed back at me.
"I'm glad I told you, too, Ben," I said. He smiled at me, his eyes brightening.
And for the first time in a long time, I felt a genuine smile fall on my own lips.
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A/N: Tee hee. I literally cranked this chapter out in 20 minutes. Now I'm going to eat a VERY late dinner and stay up all night studying.
Ciao.
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