"Madden?"
I glanced up as Blaine stuck his head into Phillip's office.
"We need to get you back to your own quarters, if that's alright with you?"
I nodded and slowly stood to my feet, casting Raylen a glance. She had silently cried herself into a deep sleep on the couch. I sighed for all the hurt she would feel when she woke up. Honestly, I couldn't even imagine.
"She'll be alright." Blaine tried to assure me and I pinned him with an accusatory look and he shut his mouth.
"I don't think you truly believe that. How could she be? Her mate, the person who is supposed to love and accept her despite everything and against all odds just turned against her!"
He shushed me, placing two hands on my shoulders and pulling me into a very tight hug. I stood still, refusing to hug him back because I felt no comfort in his embrace.
"It's going to be alright. No one was seriously injured and Raylen's heart will heal."
I shook my head and pulled away. He couldn't understand. She was finally given the opportunity to experience what she believed to be the most fulfilling form of love and it was torn away from her because of past mistakes.
Phillip was likely to do the same thing to me. When he found out how long I had been hiding from him, he certainly would pull away.
I wasn't in love with him. I had grown to know him over my weeks here, sure, but not enough to claim that it was love. Love is knowing that when watching a sunset, the moment the sky bleeds orange and pinks would be their favorite. Love is remembering the smallest of things, the things that would make you sound like such a creep if you said them out loud. Love is hating the smallest of things about them and yet never being able to be mad at them. Love is taking a deep breath when they make the same mistakes over and over again and simply being there for them every time.
I most definitely was not there yet.
But that doesn't mean I didn't care about him. That I don't want to see him hurt. That I enjoy talking with him and that I often dwell on the things we talk about because they make me think.
And losing that because I wasn't ready for love? That's simply not fair.
Well, life's not fair.
"Come on, let's get you to your room before Phillip comes back."
I allowed Blaine to guide me out of the office, the marble floors were cold on my bare feet and I remembered that my shoes were still in the tunnels where I had kicked them off.
"I'll go get them for you." Blaine said gently and I realized I had been projecting my thoughts to him.
I cast a wary glance in Max's direction as we passed, wondering if he could hear my thoughts too. He didn't even look my way when I passed but I still focused on closing off my mind. This moment would be the absolute worst moment for anyone to find out that I was Phillip's mate.
-----
"And you're sure you don't want me to take your shift?"
I nodded as I slipped into my shoes. "I'm sure April. Thank you though." I offered up a smile to convince her that I was okay and she watched me skeptically.
"Okay, but if anything goes wrong, just leave and I'll cover for you."
I walked over and gave her a hug. "Thanks April, you're a great friend."
She was still wearing a worried frown when I left, despite all my insistence that I was alright. I shook off her worry and straightened my shoulders. I didn't have time to worry. I had to keep moving forward.
The kitchen staff was very sullen when I stepped into the kitchen and Mrs. Bellknap rushed over and pulled me into a very tight hug.
"We heard you were involved in all of that hullabaloo upstairs. Are you alright? You really don't have to work tonight if you need to just rest."
I pulled back and pinned a soft smile into place, "I'm alright. I'm just going to do my job and then get some sleep."
Her expression reflected April's, but after a while she nodded and left to make sure the dining room was all set.
I made myself busy with slicing up bread to serve before the meal and the cooks bustled around me, getting all the last minute garnishes in place.
Mrs. Bellknap came back into the kitchen shortly after, smoothing down her skirt and then fixing her hair. "Alright," she clapped her hands to get out attention. "Servers, let's grab those trays. Smiles on, heads high, good." She opened the door for us as the other server and I stepped through.
Everyone was already seated and I kept my eyes trained on the table as I passed out goblets of water.
"-That must have been so terrifying for you. I'm sorry that you had to go through that." The queen was saying as we entered, but I focused on my job.
"I am alright. Phillip was there to help me, and I'm sure Devon will come to his senses, he just needs some time to adjust." Raylen spoke softly, altogether in a far less confident tone then she usually spoke in.
"Yes, of course dear, but if not, well-"
"Mother."
Phillip's stern voice made me glance up. He was casting a warning look at the Queen, who feigned innocence and straightened a ruby ring on her finger.
"Phillip dear, I was only saying that if Devon was unable to adjust, then we could move forward with your union, that's all."
I started backing away and back towards the kitchen then, slipping through the door just as Raylen stifled a sob.
"A little tense in there tonight?" One of the cooks asked as I set down my tray and let out a sigh.
"Oh you could cut the tension with a butter knife." He laughed and slid a glass of water my way.
It was going to be a long night.
----
By the time we were clearing the plates from the third course, all the guests had settled into an uneasy conversation about politics, one that drifted dangerously close around the topic of arranged marriage as the queen kept pushing it that way. I had already fetched Raylen a handkerchief twice, trying to be as discreet as possible, but she was barely holding it together.
That was, until Lady Maxwell swooped in. She was dripping with red silk and chains of pearls that looked so heavy that they should've knocked her to the floor.
"So sorry I'm late, I was delayed by the most obnoxious of phone calls from the Prime Minister of the European packs. He is insisting that you clarify the state of Phillip's marriage and all the rest of this mess. Anyways," she settled herself gracefully in a chair after placing a chaste kiss upon the Queen's cheek, "I told him to mind his own business and to focus on the European Union positively falling apart at the seams. And he was not very fond of that." She halted in her tirade long enough to glance about the table before she lit her long cigarette thing that made her look like an overdressed Cruella DeVil. "What is ever the matter my dears? Why Raylen, darling, you look like you just found out you no longer fit in your favorite gown, what has you so distraught?"
And the dam burst open.
Raylen dissolved into tears and I rushed forward. I pulled her chair back and pulled her into a fierce hug.
"What is this servant doing? Get her off of Raylen!" Lady Maxwell screeched, but no one listened.
Raylen sobbed onto my shoulder and I pulled her to her feet and gave her a proper hug, smoothing down her hair and shushing her gently. Phillip was there then and he gently pulled Raylen away from me and swept her up into his arms.
"Get the door." He murmured to me and began to carry Raylen away from the disastrous dinner party.
----
"Can you-"
"Yeah, I got it." I jogged ahead of him and opened the door to Raylen's new quarters. He carried her past me, her sobbing had quieted to soft whimpers and sniffs. Her fist was clutching his dress shirt and her brow was furrowed as if she was in great pain.
I pulled back the covers on the bed for Phillip and he laid her down, slipping her heels off her feet before tucking her in.
"I'm so sorry. You deserve this least of all." He pressed a kiss to her forehead before exiting the room.
I turned off the light and shut the door behind me. I turned around and took a deep breath, slowly raising my eyes so that Phillip was gazing into mine.
He extended his hand, as if to place it on my cheek, but it remained there, in the air, frozen. He didn't move or say anything, his hand just remained in the space between us.
I broke the silence.
"I have to go back."
His hand closed into a fist and dropped to his side. His head started shaking back in forth and he ran a hand through his hair. Then he snapped and his fist was in the wall to my left.
I moved in that instant and pulled his hand away from the wall. "What did you do that for?"
His shoulders were shaking and he just turned and hugged me without saying anything. I held my breath and rubbed his back awkwardly.
"She doesn't deserve this, it's my fault." He kept saying over and over again, not quite crying, just very broken.
"Shh, no one deserves this. And it's not your fault."
He pushed away from me and straightened up, masking his face into one of utter seriousness. "Yes. It is my fault. I was the one who convinced her not to wait for her mate. I didn't have the patience or the willpower that she had. It's my fault that Devon is so mad at her."
I sighed. "So you made a mistake together, big deal. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone screws up. And love is hard, and waiting for love is hard. In fact, it's one of the shittiest things a person has to do. Knowing that someone is out there that is perfect for you, but falling for someone else and having to keep your heart in check? That's absolutely awful. So maybe your heart wasn't in check and you made a mistake. That's fine, but you can't just make mistakes, you have to learn from them."
"Try telling Devon all this." Phillip murmured.
"Fuck Devon! If he can't love the person that Raylen is, the person she has become because she has learned from her mistakes, then he doesn't deserve her!" I was talking with my hands for emphasis and I took a deep breath. "Besides, I don't think that making love to a person is ever a mistake. Pointless sex can be a mistake, it involves a lot of risk and screws with your heart and head. But sex with someone who truly cares for you, and you for them, that's not a mistake."
He was nodding, but I wasn't sure he was actually agreeing. I knew that I didn't hold it against him that he didn't wait. So he had sex with Raylen? Big deal. When you are with the right person, no one else matters anymore anyways.
"I'm sorry that I put you in danger today."
I scoffed and laughed a little. "I put myself in danger today."
"Well, I let you come and I-"
"Phillip," I cut him off and he finally made eye contact with me again, "I would have been there whether you 'allowed it' or not."
He smiled a little and nodded. "I'm still sorry that you were in danger today."
"Sometimes danger is the most fun place to be."
----
"Halt. Are you supposed to be down here?"
"Food for the prisoner and all that jazz." I held up a covered tray and leveled my gaze with the guard. He stared at the tray for a second and then looked over my maid's attire before letting me pass.
I walked down the stairs and over to the heavy wooden door. I unbolted the lock and swung the door inward.
Devon was chained to the far wall with huge silver chains. He looked up and squinted at me before rage crossed his face.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"I brought you some food, and a message. So listen up."
He growled.
"You don't get to pick who you love, or who loves you. But you do get to pick how you treat them. I may seem like just a weak little wolf who can't even shift, but if you ever fuck with a member of my pack the way that you messed with Raylen, I will personally rip your ass to shreds and feed it to the bears."
He started laughing. And I stood my ground.
"Your pack? I can smell the rouge on you from a mile away. You don't belong here anymore then I do."
"This is my home, and I will defend it. So what if I am not in the pack yet, this is where I choose to be, and that makes everyone else here family. So don't mess with my family ever again." I turned to leave, sliding the tray across the floor so that it stopped just out of his reach.
"Tell your mate I said hello."
I paused in the doorway, my heart racing. No. I looked back at the self-assured smirk on his face.
"You know what, maybe I will." And I left before I lost my nerve.
----
"What the hell were you doing down there?!" Jacob yelled at me as we ran through the fields.
"Never mind that, how the hell could he know?"
"I'm not so sure he does." Blaine chimed in, keeping pace right alongside us. "I think he is just trying to get in your head."
I shook my head. Devon had looked far to certain when he said his parting words. "No, he has to know something, he was far too smug."
"Well he is under guard round the clock, and there is no way he is getting out. Even if he told someone, no one would trust him enough to believe him." Jacob tried to assure me, but I was certain that Devon was going to screw up our plan somehow.
"Jacob, maybe she is right. It was easy enough for her to get down there without arising suspicion, maybe we should tell Max to increase the guard."
"On what grounds? How can we ask him to do that without giving him an adequate reason? If we tell him Madden snuck down there to threaten Devon, she will get in trouble. No," he shook his head, "we will just have to be more careful. It's to close to the ball for us to take anymore risks. Madden, I think you should limit the amount of time you spend with Phillip from now on."
I was taken aback and almost tripped on a tree root. "Wait, what?"
Jacob nodded. "It's too much risk if he finds out early. We have the timing planned out perfectly so that no one gets hurt. And also so that we can be right there to pull you out if anything goes wrong. You need to keep your distance until the ball."
"No. That's dumb! That's how I am getting to know him! You said I would be able to do that before I made a decision! Blaine! back me up here." I stopped and yelled at Jacob, whipping around to face Blaine in hopes that he would support me.
They both slowed to a stop and circled back around the stand by me. Blaine scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Actually Madden, I think Jacob is right."
I groaned and shook my head. "This so dumb! First yall weren't concerned by Devon at all, and now I can't even be near Phillip!"
"Devon isn't the problem, you are."
"Excuse me?" I crossed my arms and raised a brow at Jacob.
"You take too many risks. Going on your own to see Devon? That was stupid of you. What if he had escaped and had hurt you, or killed you?"
I rolled my eyes at this. "I can take care of myself. I have been essentially all of my life."
"Well you're not allowed to anymore. You are basically a part of this pack now, and that means you have to rely on us and that we get to help you out, whether you like it or not."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is long overdue.
It's also very awful.
I apologize.
Please forgive me.