. . .
riley matthews
Hovering at the doorway of the art classroom, I immediately caught the strong whiff of paint lingering in the air. What better way than to be greeted in the morning by toxic fumes.
I subtly took a small stride inside, glancing around the room and expecting to find Maya in her usual seat at the back. But she wasn't. Art was one of her most adored subjects, why would she miss it? I shrugged lowly, making my way to my seat.
I had never really taken a particular interest in drawing or painting or anything that had to do with being remotely talented in my crafts, but Maya had recently persuaded a few of us to transfer to her art class. I wasn't a big fan of her introduction to the idea, but agreed anyway. What were best friends for, huh.
It may have also been due to the fact that Lucas was one of the few other individuals who Maya had persuaded.
Lucas sat a few seats in front of me, the corners of his mouth slightly twitching upwards as I walked past him. I plastered on a small grin. There was a certain spark of something in his emerald eyes that I hadn't seen before and was unable to recognise, but it was probably best that I thought nothing of it. He was still with Maya, after all.
And speaking of, where the hell was she? Her absence began to worry me. I considered texting her, but just as I whipped out my phone, the art teacher, Mr Jackson, walked in. Sighing, I placed it back into my pocket. She's probably just late. Though come to think of it, I hadn't seen her around much lately. Not since these past few weeks. Not since she started dating Lucas.
If a deserted island was the loneliest place in the world then my bay window would be a close second. Hell, even deserted islands had visitors stranded on its shores. My bay window on the other hand was completely devoid of all life, even the curtains were beginning to sag in unnourished complacency.
Lucas hadn't been showing up for quite some time now. I guess it was fair ─ he was with my best friend, after all. Though, he hadn't been coming even before their relationship began. Perhaps after a while, he just forgot. People had a tendency to forget about me.
And Maya, although occasionally visiting now and then, always had some lame excuse ready whenever I'd ask her if she was free. Although I didn't want to admit it, I blamed it on all the time she was supposedly spending with Lucas. She even stopped taking the subway to school with me because apparently Lucas's car was a much easier mode of transportation.
He took her to school, walked her to classes, sat with her at lunch, took her home and did whatever the hell else in between. He was practically occupying all her time at school, which again, left no room for me. Just like it had when she was going out with Charlie. And look how that turned out.
My fists reflexively clenched underneath the table. I was losing my best friend to the boy I liked, and losing the boy I liked to my best friend. What kind of paradoxical nonsense was this?
I was too enveloped in my own thoughts that I had barely noticed a dark haired girl take a seat next to me, filling Maya's usual position. I glanced over at her, about to ask her what she was doing in Maya's spot when the art teacher interjected.
"You're late, Isadora," Mr Jackson asserted, crossing his arms as he leant against the whiteboard.
"I'm so sorry, sir. I was caught up with planning for the school dance. I promise it won't happen again," she said. She straightened her posture on the seat, interlacing her fingers delicately on the table. He nodded once, muttering something about continuing our sketchbook drawings before plopping himself down onto his chair.
Once he was no longer glaring at her, Isadora suddenly released an unrestrained huff, slouching her back as her good girl facade diminished right before my eyes. As if somehow, she had transformed from the girl next door into the rebellious teen.
This obviously wasn't the same Smackle I had befriended in middle school at the school debate. She was John Quincy Adams' finest, they used to say. Clearly, moving to Abigail Adams had changed her. It had changed all of us.
Today was the first time I had actually seen her since the end of middle school. That I remembered, anyway. Maybe I had come across her fleeting figure in the hallways once or twice, but if I did, I had no recollection of it. Perhaps Lucas was right all those weeks ago when he told me I was too enveloped in my own bubble of popularity to notice anybody else.
I hadn't realised I had been staring at her the entire time, her head turning towards me as her piercing brown eyes shot straight at me through her foggy glasses. "Is there a problem?" she slyly questioned, cockily raising her eyebrow in anticipation.
"Smackle─"
She immediately glared at me. "Don't call me Smackle. I go by Isadora, now." As if like a sudden switch, her glare was replaced by a soft smile, though arrogance was still clear behind her calming eyes.
I paused thoughtfully. "Well you've certainly changed, Smackle," I finally responded, forced nonchalance in my voice as I ignored her name request. I hoped she hadn't noticed that.
She lightly scoffed, shaking her head in undeniable amusement. "We all can't stay the same forever, Riley. If anything, you've changed." I defiantly opened my mouth to object, but Smackle had already beaten me to it. "You might think you haven't changed, but you have. I'm an observer of people and you just happen to be one of them. Which, by the way, I've been meaning to ask, how does it feel to be going after your best friend's boyfriend?" Her voice was calm and yet soaked in a crude, venomous tone.
I shot a glare towards her, a snarky growl leaving my throat as my eyes narrowed immensely. "What? Lucas? We're just friends. What exactly would you be accusing me of, Smackle?"
She slightly flinched, annoyed that I was still referring to her as Smackle. I smiled internally.
Though, I couldn't soak in the satisfaction for long. She shrugged carelessly, suddenly grinning with arrogance. I must admit, she was extremely talented at somehow exerting dominance through her nonchalant movements. I felt a chill run down my bare arm as I glanced at my fumbled fingers.
I was best friend's with the most popular girl in school and yet I afraid of Isadora Smackle. The girl who used to come to school with two braids in her hair and a glasses as round as her face. The girl who was our middle school friend until high school came along and cheerleaders like us could no longer speak to losers like her, as a senior had once told me. And the girl who used to be so in love with Farkle Minkus until one day in the tenth grade she wasn't anymore. Just like that.
"Don't act stupid around me. Especially when we're both well aware of how smart you actually are, despite what you let others think," she uttered. I didn't think it was possible to insult and compliment someone in one single sentence, but Smackle was proving to break all sorts of standards these days. She thoughtfully bit her bottom lip before adding, "Oh, and if you call me Smackle one more time, I will not hesitate to smack you."
I wanted to chuckle at the small pun she had made but I didn't. I don't think she found her choice of play-on words as funny as I did. I subtly gulped down the uncomfortable lump that had formed in my throat, pretending to ignore her threat.
"I don't let others think I'm stupid ... everyone knows I'm smart, actually," I eventually replied. Okay, that came out a bit more arrogant than I had intended, but it was the first defence I could think of. Being put on the spot wasn't exactly my forte.
"I don't mean academically smart," she chortled, as if I was supposed to already know that. "What I mean is, you act clueless. You're a pushover. You let people walk all over you and then you pretend that you didn't even know they did. And now you think you're being sly by saying you're just friends with Lucas, but that's not true, isn't it?"
My mouth automatically clamped shut, my shaky voice caught in my throat. To say I was shocked would've been a complete understatement, but it was the only word I could think of right now that could've even remotely described what I was feeling. "I really don't know what you're talking about," I finally responded. It was a weak excuse, but what else could I have said?
She sighed, seemingly impatient by now. "Fine, believe whatever you want to believe, but you can't escape the truth. Everything will reveal itself in time, Riley. Just remember that."
It felt as if she was warning me of something. I desperately searched her face for any hints or clues that she may have been trying to convey, but her expression remained deadpan, no sign of anything behind her lifeless eyes.
I blinked once. "If you're so adamant on letting the truth come out, why don't you tell me what actually happened between you and Farkle back in the tenth grade? Truthfully."
There. If there was one thing I was good at, it was averting the conversation to something else.
She winced again slightly, but managed to cover it up pretty quickly with a small eye roll. If I hadn't known any better, I would've thought Smackle and Maya were one in the same person. Both girls had this strange bad girl facade going on. Both were pretty good at hiding their emotions. Both were clearly hurting inside. And both wouldn't tell me why.
"You already know the truth. I just stopped loving Farkle, and I broke up with him. There is such a thing as falling out of love, you know." Her tone was as impassive and dull as ever, but I knew she was repressing her true emotions. They were there, somewhere. I just had to dig a little deeper.
"Not you Isadora, not you. You looked at Farkle like he was your entire universe so don't tell me that you just fell out of love with him, as if it was the easiest thing to do," I said.
She sighed, running her pale hand through her jet black hair. "You just don't give up, do you?" When I continued to stare at her, not bothering to respond, she sighed again. "Maybe I didn't. But he did with me. He fell out of love with me, and in love with someone else. And I thought maybe one day he'd look at me the way he used to but I realised it never would've competed with the way he would look at her. The way he still looks at her. He's still in love with her..." she breathlessly whispered, almost as if finally realising it now.
I hesitantly paused, furrowing my brows together tightly. "Smackl─ Isadora," I quickly corrected. "I've seen the way Farkle looks at you ... who else could he possibly be in love with?"
She glanced up at me, a certain hint of anger and resentment blazing in her brown eyes. I could've sworn the rage on her features was directed towards me, but before I could think properly, she cleared her throat, chuckling humorlessly. My expression remained impassive, brows knitting together in confusion. She noticed my hesitation, slowly softening her features in a sudden realisation. "You really don't know, do you?"
"Know what? What aren't you telling me?"
She exhaled loudly. "How could Farkle have loved me when there was always someone else? Some brunette who was smarter, prettier, energetic, more confident ... absolute perfection. A ray of sunshine. How could I have ever competed with that," she mumbled bitterly.
"Competed with who?" I impatiently questioned.
Her eyes narrowed almost immediately. "Are you freaking kidding me right now, Matthews? Seriously? You don't know who the hell it is I'm talking about? Must I seriously spell it out for you? You really must be as clueless as you say you are if you clearly can't see that Farkle is in love with y─"
There was a sudden loud knock at the door, startling the entire class. Standing at the doorway was Maya, her blonde hair slightly frizzed, blouse messily tucked in her blue jeans and her guilty eyes scanning the room extensively. "I-I'm sorry I'm late, sir. The ... traffic on the way to school was terrible. I have a late pass."
She handed the note to the teacher, immediately noticing that her seat had been occupied by Isadora once she made her way towards us. Maya slumping her bag over a nearby chair as she tiredly plonked herself onto the seat next to Lucas.
There was an excruciatingly long silence that followed, before the art teacher announced he was going to collect more paint supplies. As if they didn't have enough already. He trudged out of the classroom, leaving the door wide open behind him.
I turned to face Smackle. "Who is Farkle in love with?"
Smackle narrowed her eyes, tilting her head in deep thought, purposefully ignoring what I had just said. "Your best friend looks a bit messy, doesn't she? Her hair is all over the place, and don't even get me started on her wretched clothes. I wonder where she's been ... what she's been doing," Smackle sarcastically pondered, her snobby tone coated in arrogance.
I glared at her, not bothering to respond to her before averting my eyes towards Maya. I leaned forward as close to her seat as possible so she could hear me. "The traffic? Come on, Maya. Mind telling me where you really were?"
I expected her to laugh. Or smile. Or come up with some sarcastic remark, at least. That was always the way it was with us, we'd joke about things. But when she finally turned around in her seat, her eyes widened immensely in what seemed like utter offence. "What do you mean? The traffic was bad, so I was late. Nothing more. Just drop it, Riley."
"But you don't have a car, and Lucas is right here in class, so he couldn't have driven you," I hesitantly challenged. "How could you have been stuck in traffic? Why won't you tell me what happened? Why won't you tell me anything, anymore? What did I do wrong?"
She immediately stood up, sighing in aggravation. Maya was never afraid of causing a scene, and she had caught the attention of everyone in the classroom. "Not everything is about you, Riley! Oh my god, why won't you just let me breathe for once. You always have to know everything at all times even when it doesn't concern you. You're so goddamn irritating," she exasperated, huffing heavily. She grabbed her bag, swinging it over her shoulder as she approached the door.
I stood up, also grabbing my bag as I recklessly swung it over my shoulder. I must admit, it wasn't as flawless as the way Maya had done it, but I didn't have time to think of that right now. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry that I'm just looking out for my best friend. I'm sorry that I just want you to be happy. Forgive me, won't you," I sarcastically yelled.
She rolled her eyes, scoffing loudly. "You know what, Riley, go to hell─"
"Okay that's enough, Maya," a firm, booming voice said, silencing Maya immediately.
I knew that voice, it sounded familiar. Too familiar. It took me no longer than a second later to realise it belonged to Lucas.
"And the plot thickens," Smackle murmured aimlessly to no one, whistling lowly with surprise.
Maya glanced at him once, shaking her head in disbelief before abruptly storming out of the classroom.
Everything was silent. That's when my head suddenly began to spin. My knees weakened, hands gripping onto the table just for support. I could faintly hear Smackle in the background asking, "Aren't you going to go after your girlfriend, Lucas?" in that malicious, conceited tone of hers.
Dread and anger and sadness and disgust and guilt coursed through me all at once. It was a mixed wave of feelings, engulfing me in a tsunami of all completely different, complex emotions. I was mad at Maya but at the same time I wanted her to forgive me. I was drowning in my own internal contradiction, all of a sudden finding it very difficult to breathe. The strong fumes from the paint weren't exactly helping, either. I needed air.
I ignored the overpowering weak feeling in my knees, hastily pacing towards the door. I could only just hear the sound of someone calling out my name multiple times, but I was already out the door before I could comprehend who it was.
I needed somewhere to go. Anywhere that allowed me to get out of this stuffy hallway that reeked of dullness and imprisonment. My mind was blank, though my legs reflexively began to walk without consciously knowing. I eventually ended up on the other side of the school, walking towards a concealed, yet large staircase near the gymnasium. I knew exactly where my legs wanted to take me.
The staircase was secluded from the rest of the school's main area, slightly hidden at the far end in the corner, lodged between two over-towering walls. These relatively large stairs were notorious for its privacy, and over the years had somehow become a place where students would go to do ... intimate stuff together. As I approached the large stairs, I shivered in disgust, quickly running up the first flight of stairs.
The area was very tight, which was probably why couples enjoyed coming here so much. It was private. But because everybody was too occupied doing ... other things on these steps, nobody knew of the second and third flight of stairs that lay above it, and most importantly, of the gorgeous rooftop that overlooked the entire school on the fourth floor.
I finally stopped running once I reached the open terrace between the first and second flight of stairs. The terrace protruded out of the building like a balcony, and I finally began to slow down my breathing. Thank god nobody was there at the staircase. My face flushed a bright red and I released a small, breathless chuckle. High school was crazy.
"Riley?"
My breath caught in my throat, my body stiffening immediately as I ceased movement. The voice sounded like it was coming from nearby. From below me, actually. Footsteps slowly resonated throughout the area, the noise slowly getting louder and louder. I cursed under my breath, treading carefully as I tiptoed up the second and third flight of stairs, all the way to the rooftop before stopping at the last step.
The stairs ended abruptly right in the middle of the rooftop, opening from the cold, narrow concrete of the steps to an extensive open area with multicolored plants along every wall and bricked partition, as well as large potted plants running along the edges of the rooftop and in every planter bench. It looked exactly like the rooftop from high school musical. I breathlessly chuckled to myself, stepping forward onto the wooden floorboards.
I was instantly overwhelmed by the fresh scent of flowers, an invigorating sense of vitality filling up my lungs with every breath I took. It was so refreshing, to be surrounded by the likes of every plant and flower blossoming around you. I felt as alive as the nature was.
My fingers lightly grazed over every stem, leaf and petal in its wake as I walked along the edge of the rooftop. Everything was completely silent, nothing to be heard except the soft whistle of the wind and the occasional gawking bird nearby. I envied these plants. How I wish I were one.
Plants got to live in a beautifully calming silence. They got to sit and soak up the rays of the sun and do absolutely nothing all day. They didn't have to get into arguments with their best friend. They didn't have to wonder why certain people with dark hair and glasses acted so hostile towards them, and why they wouldn't tell them who their ex-boyfriend was in love with. But most importantly, they didn't have to fall in love themselves.
I hadn't realised I had walked the entire perimeter of the rooftop, circling back to where I first started. I sighed, plodding over to the nearest bench as I took a seat. Thoughts completely clear in my mind, I began to wonder who it was down the steps that called out my name. The voice was slightly low, though I couldn't recognise it because of the echo that bounced between the confined walls.
Wishful thinking made me wonder if it was Lucas down there, looking for me. Calling out my name. But life didn't typically always work out that way. Life wasn't a romantic movie. It was brutal, honest, and painfully cruel. It was real. So much more real than anything─
"Riley."
Maybe I had spoken too soon.
It was him. I could recognise his voice anywhere. And as I spun around on the bench, his husky, mellow voice ringing prominently in my ears, my memories suddenly caught up with me as I finally realised it was him who was calling me when I left the classroom, and it was him calling me again down those stairs only just a while ago. Somehow, he was everywhere. Always with me. Always.
The brick wall next to the stairs had cast a slight shadow across his face, leaving half of it mysteriously in the dark. He lifted his arm off the wall he had been leaning on, and slowly approached, never taking his eyes off me once.
The light from the sun hit his face once he emerged from the shadows and I was able to see him clearly. The way his dark blond hair shimmered in different shades as the light reflected off of it. The way his black T shirt clung tightly to his body. The intricate coloring of his eyes, containing hints of gold flecks in a sea of emerald green highlighted by the sun's rays. And that certain spark of something flashed in his eyes again, and I finally understood what it was. I knew, because I looked at him in that exact way, too.
My breath caught in my throat as he sat down next to me, legs already subtly inching closer to mine. He noticed my complete inability to respond to him, sighing as he spoke first. "You had me really worried. What's going on between you and Maya?"
Maya. For those excruciatingly long moments of seeing Lucas, I had forgotten all about her. I had forgotten that she was dating him, and that I shouldn't have ever been looking at Lucas in such a way. I'm so stupid. This is why Maya hates you, isn't it? Because you're so selfish. You're so goddamn selfish you can't let her have one good thing in her life.
"Riley?"
"Shouldn't you be out looking for Maya instead of me?" I mumbled, trying to conceal the hatred that attempted to plaster my tone.
My voice was light and barely audible, though he had stopped speaking almost immediately and seemed desperate to come up with a response. "I─ Well, I just ... I was looking for her, but I couldn't find her. And then I saw you and so I─"
"Has anyone ever told you how terrible you are at lying?" I asked, my voice soft and playful. He grinned, shaking his head once as I teasingly rolled my eyes. A small smirk had also somehow creeped up on my features, and I couldn't get rid of it.
Despite his genuine smile, he looked tired. Very tired. An exhaustion that couldn't simply be defeated by a good nights sleep. You could tell the fatigue was internal, caused by emotional problems deeper than the dark circles underneath his hazy eyes. Though he looked weary, he was still the most captivating boy I had ever seen. He managed to make me feel more alive than all of the plants on this rooftop.
He breathed deeply, cutting me out of my thoughts as he abruptly spoke. "You know when you've worked your entire life to achieve this one thing, or this one moment, and once you finally get it ... it's not everything that it had seemed? You find out that it isn't as perfect as you had conjured it up to be and you're left feeling stupid and vulnerable because even though you've finally got what you've wanted all along, you just don't want it anymore."
I blinked once, unable to comprehend all the heartfelt nonsense he had just spewed out. "Could you not be so cryptic with me, Lucas Friar? Just because you understand what you're saying, doesn't mean I do," I said.
He softly laughed. It was one of those short, breathless laughs, the ones where you didn't know if the person was being genuine or not when they did it. Either way, it pleased me. He smiled, but it was sad. "Maybe we should head back to class now. I'm sure Maya is already there too, waiting to apologise to you ... and I know she said some horrible things, but I think you should forgive her."
I furrowed my brows together. "What? Why should I forgive her? I'm sick of being friends with someone who keeps so many secrets from me. She's the one who pushed me away. She's─"
"─your best friend," Lucas calmly interjected. "And as far as I'm concerned, best friends don't give up on each other. You love Maya, that I've always known. Just because things get a little hard doesn't mean you get to walk away from your friendship with her."
Since when has Lucas become a beacon of wisdom? I sighed in defeat. "It always seems like I'm the one forgiving people, giving them a second chance." Like all the second chances I gave you, Lucas. I wanted to say it, though I didn't. Some things were better left unsaid. "But ... I do love Maya. I love her more than life itself."
He nodded lightly, smiling as if he already knew what I was going to say.
"Maya is really lucky to have you," I murmured under my breath, quickly standing up as I began walking back to the staircase. I heard his breath catch in his throat, though I pretended not to listen. Or care.
Perhaps it was better this way. I would forgive Maya and we'd return back to the way things were. Even though she'd still be dating Lucas, but at least I had come to some sort of understanding with myself about it. At least I was prepared. And now, maybe, just maybe, I could actually move on. Perhaps my love for Lucas was just an infatuation. Just some shallow crush that had gone too far. At least, that's what I told myself. Anything to somehow ease the pain.
His footsteps were catching up to mine once I had made my way down the first flight of stairs. I felt his arms brush against my arm as he walked slightly ahead of me, slowing down once in a while so that I could catch up. And that's when we heard it. The muffled sounds of two people at the bottom of the staircase. We both halted in our tracks, but we were already too close to them, and that didn't stop us from seeing the last two people I would've never expected to see together. Maya and Missy. And their lips were attached to one another's.
. . .