Best Off As Friends
The lesser-recognized 13th Zodiac Constellation of Ophiuchus, through which the sun passes for 19 days from November 30 to December 17, is known as the Serpent Bearer. The constellation is Zeus's memorial to the mythological healer, Aesciepius (Egyptian, Imhotep). He was a healer, given power by a potion from Athena, made of the blood of the snake-haired Gorgon. He was killed by Zeus's lightning bolt after accepting money for bringing a man back from the dead. Zeus honored him posthumously for his good deeds by placing him in the night time sky. The symbol of a snake-entwined staff, is commonly used as the muggle symbol for medical healing.
Remus had read the paragraph no less than six time and it still wasn't sinking in. He looked up and snuck a peek at Lily's textbook - several pages ahead of him by now - and sighed, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes, trying to clear the fog that filled him up.
"Are you alright?" she asked, looking up at him.
"I can't concentrate," Remus admitted.
Lily slid a ribbon into her book as a placeholder and closed it, looking at Remus with concern. "What's distracting you?"
Remus hesitated, looking down at the moving illustration of Aesciepius, a thick snake coiling up and down the wooden staff he held. Lily's eyes didn't leave Remus's face and he felt a bit as though the snake were coiling 'round him as nervousness built up. He looked up finally. "Are you angry with me?" he asked.
Lily looked startled, "I - no." But she sounded unsure about it.
"It's just that - well, you seemed really short with me the other day, before the Ilvermorny team came and then I haven't really seen you since and you've been really quiet -- and before that, we weren't really studying like we usually did because of the Full Moon and everything and --" Remus paused from his rambling, his cheeks turning a bit red. "We aren't really talking tonight, either," he pointed out.
"I'm not angry," Lily said. Then, "Well, I suppose maybe a little... why in Merlin's beard would you tell James Potter about our kiss?"
"I didn't," Remus said, "I told Sirius. Well, I guess James was there, too." His face turned even redder, if that was possible. "I'm sorry. I just... I was so mortified... and --"
"It really wasn't your fault," Lily reminded him.
Remus shook his head, "It felt like my fault. And it was after that when it started seeming like we weren't seeing each other and... I sort of... I was worried maybe you were angry with me... you know, for being a horrible kisser."
"No way!" Lily said, "I'm not angry! I'm sure you're a brilliant kisser once we've got it worked out how to go about it, you know?"
"Yeah?" Remus asked.
"Yeah." She said... and suddenly the air between them seemed to shift and sort of thicken and all the upset feelings she'd been harboring sort of evaporated. She got up and went over to sit down next to him and cleared her throat, looking about. There were only a couple other students in the common room still, and they were off by the fire, paying Lily and Remus no mind. She hesitated and then leaned slowly forward toward him. "Tilt your head to the left a little," she said quietly.
"Alright," Remus replied, and he did, his heart racing.
When their lips touched, he was overwhelmed yet again by the feeling of it. Remus tried very hard not to overthink, but his mind was going even faster than his heart rate... But nice as it was, there was something funny about it. He couldn't stop overthinking it. He was kissing Lily Evans and there was something quite weird about that, something he couldn't really put his finger on. She was apparently feeling the same way, too, because when she pulled back, she blinked up at him.
"Was that, er, better?" he asked.
Lily hesitated, "Well," she said, "I didn't bloody my lip that time."
"No, you didn't," Remus replied.
She rubbed her arm a moment, looking to one side. He glanced at the other students in the Common Room, but they still were paying no attention to the two second years. When his eyes returned to hers, she looked almost sad.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
Lily shook her head, "Nothing. Just --" she paused. "No, let's give it another go. C'mere. Maybe this time you put your hand on my shoulder? Maybe that will help?"
"Alright." Remus lifted his palm and rested it on her shoulder. "Like this?"
"Yeah," Lily nodded.
"Alright." He hesitated, "Am I still going to the left a bit?"
"Yeah," she said.
Remus wasn't sure what the hand on her shoulder was supposed to do, but whatever it was it didn't seem to be doing it. When they pulled back from the kiss again this time, her cheeks were red with frustration and there were tears threatening her eyes. "Perhaps on the couch?"
"Lily," Remus spoke gently, "We.. we don't have to snog."
Lily swallowed nervously. "No?"
Remus shook his head. He paused, afraid to say what he was feeling. "I - I think perhaps we're best off as friends."
Lily's eyes met his and the tears that were threatening began to fall.
"I'm sorry," he said quickly, "I take it back. We can stay snogging if you like, it's okay, I'll get the hang of it, I'll get better. You said on the couch? We can try on the couch, c'mon let's go right now." He started to jump up but she caught his arm and made him sit back down.
"I'm not crying because of that. I just... I'm sorry it didn't work out, you know? I rather liked the idea of being your girlfriend. I enjoyed it. You're really good at holding hands and you make me smile a lot."
Remus laughed softly and reached a hand up to her tears to wipe them away with his thumbs. "Aw Evans, c'mon, I can still hold your hand and make you smile a lot when I'm your friend. We don't need to be snogging for all that."
Lily smiled back, "But, won't people think we're together if we're holding hands?"
"We are together if we're holding hands," Remus pointed out, "I can't be in another room and hold your hand, you silly goose."
Lily laughed and pushed him, "You know what I mean!"
Remus smiled, "Who cares what they think?" he asked, "They're all gits anyways."
Lily took his hand in her own and studied the curve of his fingernails for a moment. They had a good deal of dirt beneath them and there were scars all over the skin that wrapped about on up his arm, disappearing beneath his rolled-up uniform sleeve. She looked up at him, still bleary eyed, but smiling. "You're right," she said, "They are gits." She leaned forward and wrapped her arms 'round his shoulders tightly, glad to have him as her friend.
Next morning, Lily was on her way to Potions when Severus grabbed her arm and pulled her down the dark corridor beyond the stairs, out of the ear shot of the other students crowding the hallway. He glanced back over his shoulder to be sure no one was following after them and looked at her with his dark, shadowed eyes from between long strands of his hair that had fallen into his face. "The Lupin boy broke up with you?" he asked, voice eager.
Lily tried very hard to keep her face straight as possible to hide any emotions she could. "What business is it of yours whether he broke up with me or not?"
"Lily," Severus said, exasperated.
She took a deep breath. "Yes, he broke up with me. So what? What's it matter to you?"
Severus had to remind himself to suppress the smile that he felt swell up inside of himself. He grabbed her hand. "Are you alright, then?"
"I'm fine, Severus, really," she said, and she pulled her hand out of his grasp. "You needn't be worrying about me."
"You can't stay mad at me forever, Lil," he said more gently than he'd spoken to her in some time.
The way he said it reminded her of the summer before Hogwarts, when they'd sat in the green grass by the little creek and talked for hours about what it would be like once they got here. She couldn't help but be overwhelmed with those memories at the tone of it, couldn't help but remember a time when Severus wasn't being strange all the time and she'd felt as though he really was her friend. The way she now felt about Remus.
"Well... maybe not forever," she said, "But for a good deal of time, at least."
A small smile curled the corner of her mouth and Severus realized she was joking about with him. Joking about was a good sign, he thought, and he let himself feel a bit of excitement. "Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry he broke up with you," Severus said.
"Thanks," Lily answered.
Severus paused, cleared his throat, and looked around. The last stragglers of the class were rushing down the hall - by name, it was the four Gryffindor boys, and as they ran Sirius and James were pretending at sword fighting with their wands.
"C'mon, before we're late," Lily suggested, waving for Severus to follow along with her.
He followed, reluctantly, making sure a good deal of space stayed between he and the Gryffindor boys. They went on without noticing him at all, shouting and laughing as James managed to slide his wand into Sirius's arm pit and send Sirius to the flagstone floor on his knees, feigning death by stabbing. Severus couldn't help but think he wished that it had been a true sword James had been waving about...
By the time Severus and Lily joined the cluster of students struggling their ways into Slughorn's room, the other Gyffindors were already inside. Severus turned to Lily, "Do you want to sit with me today?" he asked. "So you aren't forced to sit next to that gilly-trout?"
Lily smiled, "No, no it's okay, Sev. We're still friends, he and I, we aren't broken up in a bitter manner or anything of the sort."
"Oh... yeah, right, of course not," Severus said. He looked a bit hurt. "You're sure?"
"Well won't Evan Rosier be put out then?" Lily pointed out. "It's alright. Honest." She looked into the room and saw Sirius eagerly waving her in from his seat, Slughorn standing up at the blackboard already, clearing his throat and writing down the ingredients list for the exercise. "C'mon Severus, let's go." Quickly, she ducked through the door ahead of him.
He sighed, watching as she pranced up the center aisle and set herself into the chair beside Remus Lupin with a wide smile and already laughing as she sat. Severus walked into the room, clutching his book and sat beside Evan at his table.
"What took you so long?" Evan complained, "You were right behind me when we left the common room."
"I had to go back for something," Severus lied under his breath as he set up his things, a vein of bitterness coursing through him. Why was it that Remus Lupin could break up with her and still be such wonderful friends with her as he apparently was when he, Severus, had made the teensiest little mistake and been pushed so dreadfully far away as he had been? He shook his head, driving the sound of her laughter from his mind as he turned to concentrate on the information on the blackboard.
It was the Acne Elixir that Slughorn had shown him during their detention... when he'd told him the secret about cutting the barley-nuts especially thin, a note that wasn't in the textbook. Severus saw Slughorn wink as he turned to his desk, assigning the students to complete the work in the next hour and turn in a vial for testing. Severus excitedly grabbed his quill and wrote a note in the textbook.
Slice the barley-nuts as thin as possible, he scrawled. The thinner the cut, the more juice you will extract.
He looked up from the note at Lily's long, shiny ginger hair. Perhaps, he realized, it was always the more subtle things that heralded the biggest results... And a plan to win back Lily's affections began to form itself in his mind, just the building blocks of it, but a plan, nonetheless.