2am had already rolled around and I still couldn't sleep.
My eyes were as wide as day. They haven't narrowed an inch in spite being in the dark for almost an hour and a half now. I've been staring at my bedroom's ceiling, couldn't help but recall the news about Mr. Beaumont.
I found it scary why it bothered me so much. Especially knowing that none of these were really my fault. I knew that I was not to blame. It was his. It was his fault that I said those things.
There was no reason for me to even consider taking those back. There was no reason for me to feel guilty about it.
But yet...why am I feeling this way?
Why can't I remove that blank expression he displayed. The way his eyes were completely empty as they looked at me.
What were you feeling at that time that made you wanna quit? Did I really hurt you with my words?
The possibility tightened my chest.
Honestly, they were immature words that came from a 16 year old. Was it really possible that a grown man like him would be wounded by them? It's stupid to think that you took them seriously.
I know that I hated you, and that I wanted to change teachers...
But to actually make it happen out of nowhere. Anyone would be shocked.
Did I really went too far with my words? That you really considered to resign from being my teacher?
What...were you feeling at that time?
------
School time caught up quickly before I had the chance to recover from my thoughts of Mr.Beaumont. Apparently they were still as fresh as I woke up from this morning. They stuck with me till I got to school and Kim eventually catching up. Before I knew it I found myself discussing the whole thing with her. I guess that's just how best friends work.
"He actually resigned?" She said.
"Yeah." I answered, not wanting my voice to come out concern. But I guess I failed, cu'z I found myself biting my lower lip like it was something that I just couldn't accept.
"You idiot!" Kim exclaimed. "I told you to talk to him."
"I never agreed that, didn't I?" I scowled. "And if he wants to quit, then quit. I don't care. He's a grown man, he can do whatever he wants."
Painfully, the words got stuck in my throat like rotten food got clogged in a sink. It felt awkward but I stuck with it.
"Yeah, but the things you said, Penny."
"What, don't tell me you're going side with him. You know what I said were true." The bitterness in my voice was so damn obvious that I actually felt embarrassed by it. "And if a 23 year old man can't handle those criticisms from a 16 year old kid then hell he's one weak son of a bitch."
"Yeah but---OUCH!"
Kim held her head like it was about to fall. He groaned painfully as the sound of a soccer ball echoed in the halls.
Ooh, that's gotta hurt.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked concernly, placing my hand on top on head. Kim was too busy cussing to hear the nearing footsteps coming towards us. Behind her was the jocks of Belleflower. Idiots.
"Ops, sorry about that, lady." Shay smirked with his other jock friends next to him. "Did I damage your pretty little head?"
"Yeah, I think." Kim responded with an annoyed frown.
It was disgusting really. I watched Shay as his eyes gone completely wild at Kim. He looked at her like a piece of meat. A familiar juicy, rewarding, delicious meat. And with that, anyone would catch that this stupid jock knew exactly who Kim was.
"I'm really sorry." He flirted, siding a little closer to her, then reaching out for Kim's hip. "As an apology I'd love to take you at my place tonight."
For fuck's sake
"How is that an apology?" I interrupted. And with that, Shay had finally noticed me. And believe me, from the way his eyes looked, he was confused whether he was looking at a flee or a person.
"Mind your own business, tomboy." he grimaced. And like it was the most typical thing you could ever see in high school, the group of friends at his back laughed for him.
"Get your pervey hands off my friend, you clown."
"Clown?" He raised his brow, amused. "Seriously?"
"Don't fuck with me." I threatened.
It seemed I was completely embarrassing myself. And honestly? I couldn't blame them. I was a working 5'4 chick with no back up trying to go against five 6' foot jock-heads. If this were a battle of brains, boy I know I could easily outsmart these morons in an instant. But unfortunately, this isn't class time. This is the real deal.
"That's really cute." He replied quite mockingly. "But really now, there's no use in getting all bitter here just because no one here is into you."
Instantly, my blood boiled. And before I was given the chance to rebut, Shay fucki'n White pushed his finger at my forehead so hard that I actually took two steps back.
Now he did it.
"Bitter?" I closed my eyes trying to compose my temper. "Don't flatter yourself. Why would I be bitter of an empty headed loser like you?"
"A loser am I?"
"The biggiest." I took a step forward.
"Say's that from a nobody like you?"
"Nobody my butt," I snorted. "I'd rather be me then be stupid like you."
His friends chuckled at the back. And U wasn't sure whether they were laughing at me or with me. Regardless, I shouldn't really care.
"Tsk, just get lost." he said as he pulled Kim towards him. My eyes were quick, so I caught Kim's chest banged agaisnt his. And with that mistake, I just lost it.
That does it!
The last thing I want is my friend to be treated like this.
I couldn't let this pass so I immediately grabbed Shay's collar and put all my energy to pin him against the wall. Luckily u succeed. I glared at him furiously and tightened my grip on his collar.
"She's not something that you can treat like that, asshole." I said.
This didn't even threatened him at all. If anything, this just amused him even more.
"You're a tough chick, aren't you?" He smirked, looking impressed. "But sorry to say, I'm not into lesbos like you."
I wanted to roll my eyes...
"Well I'm not into perverts like you, so I guess we're even."
"You're a little over protective of your friend here." He tilted his head to Kim. "I bet you're as just as into her as I am."
Call me a hot-headed loser, I don't care. Because the next thing I did was completely out of impulse and anger. And I actually couldn't believe I was going to go through with this. The last time I hit a guy was during elementary. And that was because a fat kid accidentally pushed me over at the cafeteria because he was desperately trying to reach out for a snack at the candy bar section.
I've always been the person who would let their emotion get the best of them. If I was angry, then I'll be angry. If theres something I wanted to say, then hell I'll say it. But if I were to be given the chance to be completely emotionless, then I'll take it in a heartbeat. Why? Because emotions are complicated. They make things harder than it should be. I never liked handling myself in that kind of aspect, because it can get pretty messy.
I was really going to do it. I was going to hit Shay White in front of his peers and the rest of the kids who took their time to watch us. I didn't really care, because I'm impulsive like that. It's complicated.
My hand was ready, and so did my strength. I wasn't going to hold back. I wanted to, really badly. To a lowlife like him? Nothing can please me more than to punch him right at his stupid little face. It may not harm him as mush as I want it to, since I'm still a girl and he's a guy, who is muscular too, but it didn't really matter. I wanted to punch him for being too much of a jerk. I wanted to hurt him. I really did.
But before I could, someone grabbed my shirt from behind and pulled me away.
I turned around and saw Lloyd; looking at Shay.
"Lloyd Nelson." Shay grinned. "Fancy seeing you."
Right there, you could feel Lloyd's strong intimidation in the air.
"Leave." Lloyed ordered quite seriously, face tracing with nothing but rage.
They both exchanged looks for quite a time. It was pretty intense; being between two men like this, glaring at each other, having no idea what will happen next.
At the end, Shay smirked and decided to leave with his group of friends.
I was still pissed at him, of course. The nerve with that guy. I hate his type the most; so obnoxious in every possible way. I still wanted to punch him. But I guess him leaving was the best thing for now.
Lloyd let go of my shirt and when he did, I instantly turned towards him.
"Lloyd." I said.
"The fuck, Penny." He said, looking more pissed then what I expected. "What was that about?"
"What, he was being a total--"
"Even so." He interrupted. "You need to get this in your head: You're a fucking girl, Penny."
The tone he took shut me up. I held my head back and watched him look at me with utter disappointment.
Woah?
"You can't just do those things. Shay's a guy, Penny. No matter how mad, or how strong you think you are, no matter how much you want to hurt him, he's still the guy, for fuck's sake. He's stronger. And you can't do anything about it. He can hurt you, more than you think you can hurt him."
My mind, for a moment, went blank. And I had to take a moment to process if this was actually Lloyd talking.
"Lloyd, he was--"
I was going to protest, but suddenly, he interjected.
"Promise me." He glared. "That nothing like this would happen again."
I looked at him again and kept processing if this was actually happening or not. There was a fine line between wanting to joke this out and actually taking this seriously. Usually, I was the one who would do the lecturing. But now? Why has the table turned?
I didn't answer as soon as I should have, but I wasn't sure if I could promise such a thing. My actions had always been unpredictable to me. Like I said, I'm a hot tempered kid and I'd never know what could set me off. I'd never know how angry I could get at a certain time; wouldn't know if I could hold myself back. I just really don't know if I could promise that. What made things a lot more harder, was that once I promise this, I would need to keep it. No matter how difficult that can be.
And I think Lloyd knows it too.
"I'll get worried." He suddenly added, sensing my hesitation.
After hearing that, something inside of me clicked. I was stunned by the sentence. My insides have gone soft and I nerved all unknowingly loosened up.
"I-I promise." I said, more on to the moment rather than actually agreeing.
Great...
I was just about to apostate, but right after seeing that relieved smile on his, I just couldn't.
Oh well...
"Ms.Ray!" A voice called, snapping both Lloyd and I. I turned behind me and saw Mrs.Tremblay's assistant marching towards us.
"Oh great." I exasperated.
"You. Office. Now." She said as she grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Lloyd and Kim.
"W-Wait! What for?" I questioned.
"I believe you had a ruckus just now, Ms.Ray. Am I right?"
"You got it all wrong. This wasn't my fault! It was Shay White's!"
"Mr.White is already on his way. The principal is going to talk to the both of you. So be quiet and let's just go."
Great, just great...
-----
Shay was already waiting outside Mrs.Tremblay's office when I arrived. His sight, even from a long distance, already sickened me. God...
"Here." Ms. Jones pulled me right next to him. "You two wait right here. The principal will see you in just a moment."
She went inside the office and jockhead and I were left in a situation of total silence.
My blood still boiled being next to me. But in rare occasions, I had to control myself and restrain from any impulsive actions. I'm already in enough trouble as it is. Might as well bare with it for now.
But lord I still wanna punch him.
"This is all your fault." I whispered, but hoped that he heard it.
"You're the one who pinned me agaisnt the wall." he replied.
"You're the one who perverlized my friend."
"I was flirting."
"You were being touchy!" I snapped at his frankness. "You were being a total pig!"
"God," He rolled his eyes. "What's the big deal? I always flirt like that. And sweetheart, you're the first girl who flipped out like that."
"Fuck you and you're egotistical personage. Buddy, you can make every girl in this joint fall for your stupid one time popularity but man I can assure you that I ain't one of them. If those girls actually like getting attention from a creep like you than hell that's just flat out pathetic."
"Like it matters." He answered back with a snort. "Your friend, you know she didn't hold back when I touched her, right? She didn't refuse me. She allowed me to do it, meaning, she's not different from all the other girls I've flirted with. She doesn't value herself, just like everyone."
Sorry to say, but he does have a point.
He was right. Ever since Kim dated Matthew, she just totally lost all her self-respect. She would always give herself away with just any guy who approaches her.
The thought weighted in my chest like a ton of bricks. The thought was so overbearing I thought my head was going to choke.
But no. Although it was so true...damn, it is just so much more than that.
"But I do!" I declared, catching Shay's attention with my sudden exclaiming tone. "She may not value herself, but I do. From her toes to every single hair on her head. If she won't value herself, then I will. So I'm not letting perverts like you lay a single finger on her. You got that? That's just how fucking friends work, asshole. Get lost."
I crossed both my arms and tsked. I rested my back against the wall and tried to look at something else than Shay.
It was quiet for a moment. But then Shay spoke, with a slightly different tone.
"You value her that much?" He said. "Do you have feelings for her?"
"God, no!" I cried out. "She's my friend. As simply as that. What other reason is there on why I value her? Isn't that the point of being a friend?"
God, what is this? A homily or something??
We took an awkward moment of looking at each other before turning to a different directions. For a moment, we were silent. We didn't know what to say to each other. And it wasn't like we wanted to say to each other. We were extremely different, so what do you expect? He might not understood all the stuff that I've said, but maybe he could atleast gotten my point, even a little. For heaven's sake's, he's not that stupid, right?
"I--" Shay was about to talk but was disturbed when Ms.Jones ordered us to come inside the principal office. So we did.
"My my my. Mr.White and Ms.Ray." Mrs. Tremblay did not look impressed as much as her introduction to us. "Mind telling me what happened so early in the morning?"
It took a while to swallow the situation whole. But once it did, I realized that I was not thrilled to be here. It was my first time to actually get called to the principal office for doing something reckless. In short, it's my first time ever to get in trouble.
I never realized how nerve wrecking is it.
But more importantly, will my mother find out about this? Or will my academic performance be completely damaged by this? The horror.
I was sweating my armpits. The terrifying possibilities were torture.
"Mrs.Tremblay," I manage to say, but will a crack sound at the end. "I---"
"It was my fault."
Wait...
That wasn't me.
No, it was not my voice. But Shay's.
Awkwardly, I turned to his direction and found him looking straight at Mrs.Tremblay with a firm look on his face.
Wait, what?
"It was my fault. It wasn't anyone's fault than mine."
This time, my eyes couldn't help but open so wildly you'd think I've encountered the most sudden miracle the world had ever witnessed. But, maybe I did?
"Is that so, Mr.White?" Mrs.Tremblay questioned carefully, slightly raising her left eyebrow.
"Yeah." He said. "So..can you let Penny off the hook?"
My jaw completely dropped. Is Shay White seriously taking all the blame!? What the hell is this? Am I missing something? I mean, this is the all time jerk face, the manwhore of our school. He's probably one of the selfish of the selfish. So why in the hell is he suddenly acting like this?
Oh God..this is gonna be an ultimate solid, isn't it? He's gonna make me pay BIG time for this, isn't he? Yeah probably. There's no mistake.
Mrs.Tremblay's eyes grew big; like she's looking at a total miracle or something. Her mouth fell open, totally speechless.
"A-Alright then." Mrs.Tremblay agreed. It was obvious that she couldn't believe that Shay White was acting like this. I mean, this is probably a rare opportunity. This could be BIG NEWS on our school news paper. If I were to sell this report, I'll have a load of cash in my wallet.
"Please see me after school, Mr.White. By then, I'll give you my punishment." Mrs.Tremblay said, and Shay just nodded. "You may leave." So Shay did.
I was about to leave myself but Mrs.Tremblay stopped me. "Not you just yet, Ms.Ray."
"Yes?" I felt sorta nervous.
"Have you talked to Mr.Beaumont?"
Oh not this again..
"I'm afraid I haven't. And honestly, I don't plan to." I answered honestly.
"Really? Why not?"
"Because there's nothing to talk about. He resigned, and there's nothing I could do about it."
"You could talk to him."
I sighed.
"Ms.Ray." Mrs.Tremblay returned my sigh. "I believe that the two of you had a misunderstanding, am I wrong?"
"That doesn't matter anymore." I tilted my head. "Cause you yourslef already informed me that you're gonna find a new tutor for me, right?"
"Yes, but before that, I want to acknowledge the misunderstanding; to know if it was a major or minor case."
"Why?" I shrugged
"Cause I still can't believe he quit. He needs the extra money, Ms.Ray."
Huh?
"W-Why?"
Mrs.Tremblay sighed.
"Ms. Ray. One of the reason why we decided to make Mr. Beaumont your tutor is because we thought he needed the money. We wanted to help him, to gain more money due to personal reasons."
"And what is that?"
Mrs. Tremblay took a breath and said: "His mother is very ill. She has cancer."
And that's, how you shut up a teenager.
"C-Cancer?"
"Yes. We wanted to help him save up some extra money, so we figured that he should be your tutor."
I'll be sending this necklace to France for my mother...
Suddenly remembering his words made my heart ache. His mother has cancer? And she's in France while Mr.Beaumont is here? What kind of sick and heartbreaking plot is this?
He needed the money, but why has he been acting like a total butthole while being with me?
It wasn't obvious that he needed the money! With his effortless, who would assume? And also, if he needed the money, then why didn't he showed up at that time!?
God! There's just so many mysteries in that man!
"So Ms.Ray," Mrs.Tremblay spoke. "What I'm saying here is, is there really no chance for you to accept him back if he were to ask for the job again?"
That sentence hit me like a lightin bolt.
There was a part of me that didn't want him back; because there was no absolute pruff that what Mrs.Tremblay is saying is true.
But there was also a part of me that is willing accept him back though. Cause for some twisted reasons, I wanted to understand him. I want to know his story. I just...wanted to know the man who is Kalvin Beaumont.
A bad guy? Or a good guy?
"I'm not sure, Mrs.Tremblay." I said, feeling very confused about myself.
Mrs.Tremblay sighed. "Okay, I'll give you time to think about it Ms.Ray. I'll give you this week. And if you haven't changed your mind, then I'll personaly find you a new tutor as soon as possible."
"Why are you doing this, Mrs.Tremblay?" I finally asked.
"Cause I don't want you or him to regret this. One extra cash can make a lot of difference, Ms.Ray. This can help Mr.Beaumont, and his mother."
I became a total mute of her say.
There was no way I could reply to that. So I didn't.
"Just, think about it, okay?" Mrs.Tremblay's smile didn't reach her eyes. "Okay now, you may go to your class."
"Yes Ma'm. Thank you." I bowed as I went to the door.
"Of course."
I planned to go to class, but a part of me pulled me away. Instead of going to math class, my own feet walked towards the frech room. When I arrived, luckly no one was there, so I opened the door, then sat on my usual place.
Sitting here made me remember all the crucial times I've spent with Mr.Beaumont. All the yelling I made, just for him to atleast teach me something. All the cursing I quietly thought. All the hardships I had to go through, just to avoid having to feel some girly things when looking at him. All the teasing he done. Just, all the other complicated things.
I'm so confused...
I don't want that bastard back...yet, I kind of want to at the same time.
I never liked that dude, not even for a moment. But why am I feeling this?
This is probaby guilt...
Being here, in a quiet room, surrounded by unpleasant, yet memorable memories, made me sleepy. Remember, I lack sleep because of Mr.Beaumont and my confusion towards him.
Why do I feel so much sympathy towards you?
You were a foul man, but, I guess that just makes you, you. You are Kalvin Beaumont and there's nothing I could do about it...
I slowly laid my head against the table, and just felt relaxed. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to fall asleep.
But the funny thing is, is that the last person that I thought about before I slept, was Mr.Beaumont.
Mr.Beaumont and his smiling face...
-----
My phone chimed. I moaned and thought of answering it.
When I lazily opened my eyes, I reached for it inside of my pocket.
"Wha?...Huh? Hello?" I answered it.
"DUDE!" the sound of Kim's voice damaged my ear. "Where are you!? I've been looking for you everywhere!"
I rubbed my eyes.
"I'm at the french room..." I answered. Then, my own words registered in my head. "Wait! What time is it!?"
I realized that I probably shipped class.
"It's already lunch time! Why are you at the french room?"
Oh. My. God.
"Shit!" I quickly took my bag then went out the door. "I skipped! I don't believe this!"
"What were you doing over there anyway?"
"I fell asleep," I rubbed my eyes again, speed walking down some halls. "Oh God, I can't believ---"
Before I know it, I had already bumped into someone.
That's what you get from rubbing your eyes while walking. More so, for skipping!
"So-Sorry." I said, but now rubbing my butt instead of my eyes. When I lifted my head, I saw Cole. Cole Gray.
"Oh, hey, Cole." I smiled, ignoring that I'm still on the ground.
"Hey Ray," He casually greeted.
"Oh call me Penny."
"Right." He gave me a generous smile. "Let me help you up."
And so he did.
"Thanks," I said.
"No problem." He watched me dust my bottom. "Um, I didn't know you were here. I thought you were absent. You know...you weren't at history class today."
As much as I want to tell him the truth, I really couldn't. Cole's probably the last person I want to talk to about my absences or tradenies or whatever. With his on going achievements in school, it's kinda hard to discuss with him about school stuff.
To be perfectly honest, sometimes with Cole around, it feels like a competition to me.
"Um, I kind of went to ths nurse, you see." It killed me to lie. "Stomach ache."
"Oh." He seemed to accepted the excuse. "Are you good now?"
I slightly nodded. "Totally."
"Ah, then that's good."
"Yeah."
It took awhile, but I ended up deciding to end the conversation there.
"Well, I'll see you around, I guess." I waved as I walked pass him.
"Yeah, bye." He did the same.
While walking my way, I unconsciously kept repeating Cole's face in my head.
Wow, he's face was super clean.
------
"So in short, you skipped classes?" Kim grinned, eating her chocolate.
"I fell asleep. I didn't mean to." I defended myself.
Kim chuckled, and luckily, she acted like it wasn't a big deal so it kind of lessen my guilt a bit.
"Hey, I want to thank you for helping me with the whole Shay White incident." She mentioned.
I rolled my eyes.
But deep down, I actually felt flattered that she thanked me. It's nice that she noticed that I was there for her. How she, in some ways, felt grateful of me.
"Next time, I won't help you anymore, alright?" I announced.
"What? Why?"
"You need to help yourself for once, Kim." I said. "You allowed Shay to treat you that way! You didn't show any signs of 'no' to him. God."
As much as I don't want to scold Kim with what she does, sometimes I really just have to.
It feel sucks if I had to be the one to point out her lacks most of the time. I'm her friend, not her mother. I mean, from time to time, can't she just do something about her own 'problems'?
Do I really need to 'spoon feed' her all the time? Nope. I don't think so.
"I-I didn't know." Kim muttered.
I sighed at the sight of the look Kim pulled off.
"Seriously, I'm sick of watching this, Kim. Stand up for yourself for once, you hear?"
Kim nodded. "Yes."
"Good."
As I about to grab her grapes, someone suddenly called me.
"Hey Penny." I heard a voice.
"Oh." I choked as I saw Beck coming towards us. "Sup, Becky."
"Hey." He brushed my hair slightly. "Whatcha eating?"
"Bread, just bread." I said, with a mouth full of crumps. Beck chuckled, and I think it's because he saw my attempt to grab Kim's grapes.
"Don't speak when your mouth's full, silly."
"Oh." I noticed as I wiped my face.
"Mind letting me bite on that?"
"Huh? Sure." I then handed out my bread for him. But instead of him taking it from my hands, he just simply took a bite.
I felt Kim's jaw dropped.
"Thanks." Beck smiled as he tried to talk clearly.
"No problem." I then took another bite.
"Nice bread." he commented.
"Yeah, it's full of my saliva."
"No wonder." He smirked.
Lol.
"I was joking!" I pushed him away, sort of laughing.
"Me too, dum-dumb."
"Whatever, lame brain." I playfully rolled my eyes.
As he finished his mouth-full-of-bread, he then suddenly patted my head.
"Hey, I'll just see you around, alright? I still have some group projects to attend to." he said, then waved me goodbye. "Bye Kim."
When he was fully gone, Kim suddenly spoke."Wow. You two are really close." She commented, looking impressed.
"We're basically like brothers." I simply replied.
"Yeah but," she trailed off. "if people saw you two being like that, then they'll definetly assume something. They'll bound to think that you two are a couple."
I choked.
"That's down right stupid." I rubbed my throat. "Like I said, we're brothers. Get that in your head."
"But you two looked really sweet."
"It was a simple bite on bite on a bread. How is that sweet?"
"You basically spooned him your bread just awhile ago."
"I was expecting him to take it from my hands." I clarifield. "I didn't think that he would just simply take a bite out of it while it was still in my hand."
Kim sarcastically glared at me. With a rather annoyed smile on her face. It made me drop my jaw which led her back to reality.
"Yeah. But seriously, you two looked really sweet."
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."
"MR.BEAUMONT!"
A loud shriek came up, making me jump. When Kim and I looked behind us, we saw a group of girls fangirling over Mr.Beaumont.
"Mr.Beaumont, how was your class?"
"Mr.Beaumont do you think you could teach me french?"
"Wow Mr.Beaumont, you're really tall!"
"How did you manage to make your hair look like that?"
...
Seriously, listening to them, made me sick.
"Jealous?" Kim smirked at me.
"Jealous my ass. Hell no."
"Oh really?" Kim smiled in a devious way.
God, if she wasn't my friend...
"Really." I dropped the word. "The hell with those girls. Drooling over a man like him."
This didn't seem to satisfy Kim. "But you did admit that he was hot, right?" she said as her eyebrows were wiggling.
That made my left brow twitched.
"Oh shut up." I rolled my eyes, which happend to land on Mr.Beaumont.
Looking at him made me sick, yet made me think.
Who are you Kalvin Beaumont?
Rethinking about that sentence made me forget that I was only planning to glance at him. And before I realized it, I was already staring at him.
From the moment I realized that I was staring, I was stunned to see that Mr. Beaumont looked my way.
He directly looked into my eyes, with a blank look.
I immediately flushed in embarrassment, seeing him looking at me. I swiftly looked away and tried my best to act like nothing happened.
Why did I do that?
Go-God, have I really forgotten how handsome that man is? W-Why in the hell am I feeling so anxious? So nervous and embarrassed?
Damn, it makes me sick!
"Penny?" Kim tried to look at me.
"L-Let's go!" I declared as I grabbed Kim's hand to pull her away. As we got out of there, my head was still down. I still felt embarassed...
Darn it.
Damn that man! Why does he have to have that heartpounding face?!
-----
It's english, and I'm feeling bored for the first time.
I wasn't in the mood at all. To listen, to study, to write, to do anything. My mind was completely blank.
Damn that man. What's his deal?
His mother has cancer yet he's acting like nothing is happening, is he insane?
I don't know if he either cares about her or not. It's really starting to confuse me, which I find despising because there isn't even a reason why I'm should. This doesn't really concern so why am I letting this bother me?
But in spite it all, my debate on whether he cares or not is still on the ran on; and I gotta tell you, the side of him not caring is winning.
However, there is still a chance that he does care. The time that he showed me that locket; the beautiful necklace that he planned on giving to his mother, was such a dead giveaway that he DOES deeply cares for her. That time, when he looked at that locket, the time when he smiled so wonderfully when he mentioned her; he was totally glowing. That time, it was very obvious that he loves his mother very much.
But...it could be a play...
But...he was glowing...and it didn't look like a play to me. Since the face that he made...was rather touching.
ERGH!
So, WHICH ONE IS IT!?
Does he love his mother or not!?
God, I'm so freaking confused! Do I want him back or not!? Do I want to help him gain some cash for his mother or not!? But if I would, he might just spend the money on prostitutes or something!
Oh man, what am I thinking!?
Why am I letting myself get into this!? Why am I being so troubled!? Don't I hate the man!?
Or am I only pitying on his mother?!
WHICH ONE IS IT!?
Just when I thought I'd blow a blood vessel for overthinking too much, my phone suddenly vibrated. I checked it out and I saw a text message from Kim.
Kim: Dude, what are you thinking about? You've been looking outside the window for quite some time now. It's not a usual Penny thing to do.
I sighed, then I texted back.
While I was pressing my phone's buttons, I suddenly felt off. I felt like something was missing...
For some reason, while I was texting, something was off balanced.
As I was trying to guess what it is, I then noticed that my keychain was missing.
At first it didn't properly sinked in, but once it did; MY KEYCHAIN!!
THE LITTLE YELLOW CHICK KEYCHAIN I RECIEVED FROM BECK!
OH SHIT!
Oh no!
Realizing it, I immediately panicked. I suddenly felt so lost and frustrated. I started sweating, then felt sick. I wanted to puke, I wanted to cry, I wanted to just ran out from this class and just look for the keychain.
MY KEYCHAIN!
OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!
THIS COULD NOT BE HAPPENING! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! PLEASE! JUST PLEASE TELL ME THAT THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!
I felt extremely anxious. My head kept turning around and around. To the left, to the right. Up and down.
I grabbed my bag then searched everywhere. I was seriously freaking out.
I felt Kim and my other classmates were staring at me, but I didn't paid any attention to it. My phone kept ringing, it's probably Kim, asking me what's going on. But again, I just ignored it.
As soon as I realized that it wasn't in my bag, that was the time that it hit me....I lost it.
It's probably somewhere here at the school. I gotta think fast on where I might have dropped it.
I have no choice, I have to wait until dismissal to search for it.
I waited.
For the very first time in my life, I have never felt so impatient. My feet kept tapping, and my hands kept gripping on my shirt. I didn't listen to any of the teachers were saying. All I could think about, was wanting to search for the keychain. Now. That's all that matters to me now.
Nothing came pass my head during this time. It was all about that keychain, and how much I want to search for it.
Every second, felt like an hour.
As soon as the last class was finished, and the bell rang, I immediately took my bag then ran out from my classroom. I was the first to go out.
"Pen---" I heard Kim's worried voice but just ignored it.
I ran, and I ran, and I ran and I didn't stop. I searched everywhere. To every corner and too every possible place in this school.
After moments, of moments, of searching, I then realized---The frech room...
Yes! It's possible! I slept there, right? So it's very possible that I might have dropped it there.
If so, then there's no time to lose.
As I ran, I then suddenly thought of a horrible thing...
Mr.Beaumont...
Is it possible that he saw my keychain?
If so, what could he have possibly done with it? Did he remember that it was mine?
If he happened to realized that it was mine, and how I treasured that thing, it is possible that he would have just thrown it away?
Oh no, that thought killed me...
Yes! It would be possible that he had thrown it...
He's mad at me, isn't he? I mean, he heard me say those awful things...He quit on me. If he's mad at me, then it's most probably that he would easily throw an important object to me. Just for his pleasure...
And also, wasn't he the one that said that my keychain looked stupid? Childish? And old?
So yeah, it's possible for him to have thrown it. Without second thoughts, he would do it, without a doubt.
The thought really scared me. Thinking about it, made me ran faster. I want to see it for myself, that my keychain is still there. Unharmed and complete.
Please be there, please be there.
As I arrived, I quickly slammed the door open and searched for it. Searching in this empty room, made me teary.
This was probabaly the last place for me to check. This place was my last hope.
...
Beck's keychain...
It took me an hour, searching for it in this room. In the end, I laid on the floor, forcing back my tears to fall.
I can't believe that the keychain I treasured for so many years, is gone.
And it's most likely that Mr.Beaumont threw it when he saw it in this room...
Theres nothing I can do about it now...
As I pulled myself together, to stand up and just leave this room, without the precious kechain that I valued for so many years, I felt really, really hopeless.
I felt like, I betrayed Beck. It felt like, I just lost the symbol of our friendship since we were young.
I feel stupid...
As I hopelessly walked my way through the hallway, I then heard footsteps coming towards me. When I lifted my head, to see who it was, I saw non other than Mr.Beaumont.
I see him, looking at me, with yet other blank look at his face.
I felt irritated just by looking at him. I couldn't help but assume he throw my keychain away. But help but childishly blame this on him.
I removed my eyes on him and slowly looked at the groud.
I don't wanna look at that face...
Hey, can you blame me? That man is a suspect of my keychain's missing, so you can't really expect me to feel normal around him. You can't expect me to not let my emotion get the best of me.
Talk to him?
Not a chance...
I'd rather accept the fact that my keychain is gone, rather than to talk to the likes of him.
If he wants to say something to me, say, a keychain that he just so happened to threw away, then he should approuch me. Not the other way around.
I won't approuch him.
No. I refuse.
I don't want to have anything to do with him now.
Especially now.
As we already walked pass from each other, Mr.Beaumont suddenly spoke.
"Ms.Ray," he said.
I ignored it, and I just kept walking.
"Ms.Ray."
Again, I just ignored it.
"Did you lose a key-chain?"
Opps, sorry. I just so happened to throw it away. My bad.
I finished his sentence in my head. Which made me more depress, so I kept walking.
"Is it this?"
Wait-what?
I blinked. I blinked. And blinked.
Mentally, I still couldn't believe what I think I heard. For that moment, my world suddenly spined, around and around until I felt so dizzy inside.
It took alot before I pulled myself together to understand that statement. It made me froze, and it made my heart beat race and it made me speechless.
After cooling my mixed emotions out, I let out a small breath, and I think he noticed that it's okay to speak.
"Is it this?" he repeated.
I swallowed my breath, then slowly looked behind me.
My eyes really widen from the sight that I was seeing.
My body felt stiff, and my kneels felt weak.
My key-chain...
It's...dangling innocently on Mr.Beaumont's finger.
The sight made my inside go soft.
Never in my life, that I felt so relieved.
I nodded, looking at Mr.Beaumont in a simple way. I wanted to ran of it, to ran for Mr.Beaumont and just thank him till my heart's content. But of course, I had to wait for his reply.
"Then here. Take it." He reached out his finger for me. That, that was the time that I ran towards him.
I felt so relieved...Never have I felt so relieved...to approach Mr.Beaumont.
Once I reached him, he immdiately tossed me my keychain. Luckily, I caught it.
I was gripping on it. Loving how it felt agaisnt my hands. Never felt so relieved, to once again incounter such an object.
After making sure that this item came back to me, I slowly opened my hands and saw it.
I felt so much joy, looking at the silly keychain. I wanted to cry, but of course that would be stupid. So instead, I gave myself a relieved smile.
I swear, never have I smiled like this. Like, something apart of me, returned. It returned, thanks to Mr.Beaumont.
Mr.Beaumont...
"Be careful next time, okay?" I heard him say. "Wouldn't want to lose that old thing again, won't we?"
As he walked past me, he gave me a small, quick pat on the head.
"Bye Ms.Ray."
For a moment...my whole surrounding became blank...
It was quiet, and all I could hear was Mr.Beaumont's footsteps, and how they were slowly fading away.
"By-Bye." I muttered to myself
H-He...didn't threw this away...