Matty jolts awake violently, the remnants of a terrible dream ghosting across his brain before the images evaporate in a puff of smoke, erasing the pictures that had been tormenting him, but not the after-effects.
Matty's head is hurting and everything's spinning. He thinks he's going to be sick for a brief moment even though he's not hungover at all so his stomach has no reason to be protesting violently.
Matty wrenches the curtains to the bunk out of his way, breathing heavily as he tries to calm his racing heart. He feels oddly disconnected as he watches his limbs move almost on autopilot as if his mind is trapped in a panic-induced haze that hasn't leaked down into his bones just yet.
Matty tries to relax, to close his eyes and will his body into a calmer state, but his lids flicker open again instantly, the fear of being dragged back into the terrible nightmare that has left him this shaken keeping him alert and borderline panicked, his fingers trembling minutely as he attempts to even out his erratic breathing.
But then George shifts in his sleep, subconsciously throwing one arm over Matty's waist, and the pressure of his touch grounds Matty, pulls him back down to earth and suddenly, everything's bearable again.
Matty gazes up at George after reclining against the sheets, finding a rare sense of solace in the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathes evenly. George is shirtless, and even though the lighting's bad, Matty thinks he sees small marks on his collarbone from when Matty bit down on him during their shower together. He finds himself wanting to leave a darker bruise the next time he gets the chance.
Matty's just beginning to settle back into the divide between sleeping and waking, George's soothing presence allowing his thoughts to cloud over as his lids grow heavier by the second when someone rolls out of their bunk with a loud thump, the sound jolting Matty back into full awareness much to his chagrin.
Matty lifts his head curiously, seeing Ross pulling on a pair of shoes while somehow managing to make an inordinate amount of noise in the process. Matty just wants to get a few more hours of shut-eye before they stop for the day, but he knows that isn't going to happen until Ross vacates the area.
"Hann, you owe me fifty quid," Ross chortles gleefully as he passes by Matty's - well, George's bunk, the curtain which Matty had left open revealing George still securely wrapped around Matty's smaller form.
"What the bloody hell for?" Adam's voice yells back before the man himself appears in the hallway, a piece of half-eaten toast hanging out of his hand, spreading crumbs everywhere most likely. "Oh, that - fuck you Ross I told you that bet was off ages ago."
"What bet?" Matty sputters indignantly, tearing himself out of George's hold roughly so he can sit up, shooting both of his friends a spiteful glare. He's already irritated at being disturbed at such an ungodly hour, and it shows in his emotions which are turbulent enough without him having to deal with whatever wager Adam's going on about.
"The one in which you two are fucking of course," Ross sighs, rolling his eyes like it should be obvious.
"I - what, we aren't...I just slept in his bloody bunk, I've done that before," Matty protests hotly, looking to George for help when the younger man rolls over with a soft groan, not wanting to be found out so easily even though the sinking feeling in his gut leads him to believe that it's a bit too late for that.
"Oh sod off Matty, Ross and I usually get the hotel room next to you, and the walls aren't that thick," Adam cuts in, earning himself the brunt of Matty's wrath which he tries to convey with his lowered lids and crossed arms.
"So you heard something - I could have been with a fan you know?" Matty continues to argue although it's obvious that his and George's secret has gotten out.
"A fan that just so happens to be named George too?" Adam smirks, one of his eyebrows rising up in a teasing manner that leaves Matty flustered and lost for words.
"It's alright Matty, we don't care if you and George are fucking, it was bound to happen eventually." Ross places a soothing hand on Matty's shoulder, but Matty tosses it off spitefully.
"George," Matty whines, poking his best friend in the side until he grunts and sits up slightly, "tell them we aren't fucking."
"Not yet," George grumbles tiredly, earning himself a soft slap on the stomach from Matty which he completely ignores, curling back up in the blanket instead which he has now stolen from Matty entirely.
"You're useless," Matty huffs, standing up suddenly when it becomes obvious that everyone knows what has been happening between him and George. "I hate the lot of you."
"Sure you do," Adam scoffs, munching idly on his toast in between words.
"Seriously - fuck off," Matty shouts, not really as angry as he wants to be, but it's not like it's that big of a deal in retrospect.
Still - he isn't going to pretend that he's fine with everyone's ribbing, so before they can dig into him any further, he stalks away in the direction of the kitchen, bumping against Adam roughly when he doesn't move out of the way quick enough.
Matty ends up in the front lounge instead when he decides he's too tired to bother with food at the moment, curling up on the sofa in an attempt to doze off for a bit longer, which is where George finds him when he finally emerges from his bunk. He sends an apologetic smile in Matty's direction before contorting his larger body around Matty's, his hand rubbing at the base of Matty's neck gently in a physical apology that Matty accepts instantaneously.
"M'sorry about before," George whispers, obviously trying not to be heard by Adam and Ross who are chatting in the other room, "I don't know why I said that, was still half asleep you know?"
"It's fine," Matty shrugs, and it is - mostly. It's not like he doesn't trust Adam and Ross, he just would have liked to keep their activities a secret for a little bit longer. "They were going to figure it out sooner or later."
"Still - I shouldn't have outed you like that, I'd be cross if I were you," George chuckles nervously. Matty can tell that's he's still a bit gun-shy after Matty's recent episode in which he ignored George for what seemed to be no reason.
Matty still hasn't explained that to his best mate, not that he's really had a chance to given the fact that he only worked up the courage to apologize last night, but Matty hopes that George won't ask him about what set him off in the first place, that way he won't have to struggle for an answer that doesn't come off as idiotic and needy.
That was really all it was, because after his conversation with Gemma, Matty had hoped that he and George could spend the rest of the night together watching some pointless films and keeping his mind off of the fact that Gem seemed to be doing great without him, which isn't a bad thing.
Matty hates to imagine Gem in distress, especially if he's the one to have caused it, but hearing about how wonderful she's been while Matty's barely functioning half of the time had stung more than Matty thought it would.
After viewing Gemma's doppelgänger at their show, he'd been inspired to ring her up to see if she was sharing in the rough patch of confusion that had been assaulting him since their breakup, but apparently not. They'd spoken a bit more, enough to catch up and such, but after the conversation had ended, Matty hadn't received whatever reassurance he had been searching for.
So Matty had gone back to the room only to find it empty just when he's craving company the most, but that's nothing he hasn't suffered through on his own before. He knows it's not George's fault that he wasn't there, or that Matty had been stricken with an almost painful bout of loneliness, or that he was literally shaking with the need for a line.
Still - Matty's gotten so used to George being this constant beacon that remains stationary no matter how hard his world spins, of him knowing exactly when Matty's about to break and holding him together until he manages to apply some glue to his torn psyche, so with his safe haven missing, the evening without George had been unbearable.
Matty could have called George of course, but he'd been too upset to pick up his phone, maybe because he didn't want to ruin George's night like he's done on so many other occasions. Matty loves the way George will drop everything for him if Matty asks, but it also wracks him with guilt. George shouldn't have to do that, it's not like Matty's incapable of surviving a few hours on his own, even if it sometimes feels that way.
Matty didn't mean to lash out at George though, he wasn't planning to honestly. It had just happened, and once it did, he had been too embarrassed to take his harsh words back until his desire for George's arms around him had overridden his shame caused by his stroppy behavior.
Matty has the bad habit of doing that though, hurting the ones he loves when he's in pain that is, especially George, probably because he never doubts that George will forgive him instantaneously, which he had done once again. Even though George seems to think Matty's going to blame this on him too, he's not bothered by it anymore, so he grins fondly so George can have visual confirmation of that fact.
"I'm not upset," Matty promises, leaning into George's chest to prove his statement even more. "It's sort of funny actually once I thought about it, and I know Adam and Ross will keep it to themselves."
"They will, I already talked to them before I came looking for you."
Matty grins against George's shirt which smells clean and fresh, a bubble of warmth simmering in his belly when he realizes that George went out of his way to make sure that his friends understood his desire for subtlety.
"Thanks love," Matty sighs happily, his muscles finally unwinding now that he's assured that his and George's secret will go no further than their bandmates, his eyes fluttering shut when George stretches out so they're both comfortable.
Matty sleeps the morning away cradled in George's arms, and this time, his rest is dream free. When he finally gets up, he feels refreshed and chipper, which is a much-appreciated contrast to his previous awakening.