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Sorry about the wait, the chapter has been typed for a while now but I was struggling with the title. However, thanks to the support and help from a friend, I was able to bring to you: First Routine, Last Terror.
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I spent the first hour of the day in the administration's office listening to the head of the school lecture me on the rules and etiquette to follow. After his never ending 'bla-bla' we proceeded to signing my official entry forms with my newly selected name, he gave me my class schedual, handed me a yellow slip to explain my late arrival and sent me on my way.
During the last few weeks, Alexanne and I had spent a little time bonding over movies. In the movies with new students, they were given a guide for their first day. Thanks to those movies, I was sort of expecting that. Instead, I ended up standing alone in an empty hallway. I checked my time-table to see what class I was supposed to be in, checked its' door number, looked around me at the numbered doors and headed in the direction I thought was right.
When I finally made it to my first class, the teacher interrupted the lesson to present me. I was surprised and happy when she introduced me as 'Emma Thorne', omitting the unknown aspect of who I was. Somehow, it made me feel like I was really 'Emma Thorne' rather than Jane-Doe34054 with a fake name. I took the first empty seat I spotted and the day went on.
At the begining of every class, I was introduced by the teacher to a new group of students. During the break, I sat by my locker and read the book we'd been assigned in English. No one spoke to me and I was too unsure and shy to speak with anyone either. Lunch was spent similarly, sitting alone at a table, eating and reading. The last hour and a half of classes was spent with a tutor who helped me review everything that had been looked over during the day. Finally the final bell rang and I was released into the wilderness of the hallway with all the other students eager to leave the building.
I tried to hurry up as much as I could to get to my locker, gather my things and catch my ride so that I did not make whoever it was wait too long. I had only made it to the hallway in which my locker was located in when I realized that I wouldn't have to make anyone wait; Jay was already waiting for me, leaning casually against my locker. I smiled and made my way to him.
''Hi!'' I greeted him.
''Hey.'' he greeted back, moving aside so that I could open my locker. ''How did it go?''
I took my time to gather my things, thinking my answer through. How had my day gone? I stood up straight again, throwing my bag over my shoulder and looked at him, unsure. ''Good... I think?'' I tried.
He laughed, wrapped an arm around my shoulders and lead me towards the exit. ''Alright, lets try and make this a little more clear. Did you like your first day?'' he asked keeping his eyes in front so as not to run into anyone.
''Hum, I think so?'' I answered in a nervous laughter. How did I know if I had liked it? ''It was rather simple. Go to classes and learn, thats it.''
''Made any friends?'' he asked, glancing at me with a wild grin on his face. Why was he grinning?
''No, I didn't speak to anyone today other than the teachers and my tutor.'' We came out of the doors, out into the crisp fall air. The sun was still shinning brightly, affording some warmth.
Jay slipped his arm off my shoulder, removing my bag at the same time and swung it over his own. ''You should talk to people. You'll need to make some friends other than us.''
''But I'm fine with just you guys...'' the look he gave me was playful and stern. ''For now?'' I added to which he nodded.
He opened the passenger door to his jeep for me, throwing my bag onto the backseat before going around to the driver's side. ''Oh, by the way, everyone is going to be late for supper tonight so I thought we could eat out somewhere?'' Jay offered and started the jeep.
''Sure!'' I smiled and looked around for a moment. I knew the next question would be what I wanted to eat or where I wanted to go. They all had instructions from my doctors to push my developpment with my likes and opinions, and so most choices fell on me. ''I want chinese food.'' I finally told him.
He looked a bit surprised, probably that he hadn't had to ask – that I had willingly made a decision – but he smiled, nodded and left the parking lot.
Jay's laughter echoed around me as he watched me juggle my chop sticks. ''Are you sure you're going to manage to eat with those?'' he asked, laughing some more.
I glared at the sticks in my hand – sticks that were apparently meant to be used to eat but so far, I could only imagine the mess I would make once the meals got here. Jay was holding his chop sticks skillfully, moving them about to demonstrate how to use them. ''I'll manage something.'' I grumbled, trying to grab the ball of ripped napkin he'd made as practice targets.
''You know you can ask for a regular fork.'' he stated, putting his chopsticks down and reaching across the table to replace the sticks correctly in my hand for the tenth time.
''But I want to do this.'' I stated, looking at him directly.
Moments later our meals arrived and I was overwhelmed by the intoxicating smells coming from it all. The rolls were the easiest to eat; I used my fingers. The soup was easy-ish thanks to the oversized spoon. The meal itself... well, lets just say that eating face first in the plate would have taken less time and made less of a mess. However, I didn't give up and even though Jay finished long before me, he waited patiently for me to finish my meal.
I can easily say that I enjoyed myself for the duration of the evening. Conversation was light and easy even if I could spot the parts where Jay had to remind himself that I was still recovering and still searching. Time flew by, we continued on with a desert and then finally headed back home. Apparently, he didn't want to keep me away from my homework for too long.
The first few nights, the vaste field scared me. But I'd been visiting this field for the past months now. I'd written the dream in my journal; written it as a whole and with its variations. My shrink said that even if it scared me, I had to stick through the nightmare as she was sure it was just the way for one of my memories to present itself. So, as usual, I sucked in my fear and faced the events that I knew would come.
I wasn't alone in this field. A figure stood at the limit, where the grass met with the trees of the forest. It started towards me slowly but since it was a dream, it only took moments for it to be standing directly in front of me. I couldn't make out a shape to disginguish if this was animal or human. The black form was like an ever-swirling cloud of mist. Occasionally it seemed to take on a more human appearance just like it sometimes shifted into that of an animal. It was impossible to tell.
It watched me. I knew that it was watching me from the feeling I got, however as it was just swirling black mists, there were no eyes to 'watch' me with.
The mists shifted and this time it took on a fully human form. Parts of its' black mists changing color to represent skin, clothing or hair. Just as I was about to pin the color of the eyes, it lunged at me, plunging something through my chest.
I felt the black mists cut my flesh and muscle, break bones to surround and grip my lungs, strangling me from the inside. Blood flowed down my chest from the wound, flowing red at first but the stronger the mist tightened its' hold on my lungs, the darker my blood ran until it was just black.
I couldn't breathe but this body didn't need to breathe. This body wasn't mine. It wasn't Emma's. It wasn't even Jane-Doe34054's. I didn't struggle to breathe. I didn't scream or cry. I just stared at the shape that had by now resumed its completely black mist form, forgetting the fake human shape it was supposed to wear.
You'll never be freed from me.
There was no voice. Simply words, or thoughts, whispered directly into my mind.
I'm not me. Was my body's reply. As the words drifted over the field, I felt my body turn into a black mist itself.
This time I did scream because the transformation hurt more than anything I had yet felt. With that scream, the dream was ripped away from me. I sat up straight in bed, sweating and my throat sore from the scream. I may have had the dreams for months, but it had been a few weeks since it had come. There was also the fact that no matter how often I had the dream, it always chilled me to the bone. What memories had I lost for my mind to bring such horrors into my nights?