©JRF2016
I hurry back to the house as the sun was starting to come up. I have to do something and I have to do it while Reid was busy with Darrick and Conner getting rid of Paul's body. I walk into the still quiet house. Grace hasn't gotten up yet. I walk up the stairs to the bedroom and grab my duffel bag out of the closet, still full of my clothes; I hadn't gotten comfortable enough yet to actually unpack this bag. I guess I was subconsciously waiting for the other shoe to drop. It boy did drop in a big way, one that I wasn't prepared for at all. I knew I felt like I was losing Reid but I never expected it to end like that. Now I wonder why he had slipped. Was he cheating on me with her or was it just a subconscious slip because he had talked to her earlier that day. He was investigating the vandalism on her owl statue. Which I still think is stupid, it's just an owl. It still just looked like a pile of junk to me. I look down at my feet and place a hand on my stomach, "You can do this, Rachel. You're tough. You don't need his sorry ass."
"Who are you talking to mommy?" I jump at the sound of Grace's voice and a lone tear rolls down my face. "Are you leaving? I'm coming too." She runs out the door and I hear her footsteps down the hall. I turn around and follow her. I stand in her bedroom door watching her grab her stuffed teddy bear that Charlie had found for her, the stuffed bunny I had gotten for her back at the prison, and a few other toys. I chuckle to myself as I think, typical kid, no clothes, just her toys. "Gracie," I say softly, "I'm just going to stay with Samantha for a little while."
"Why?"
"I just," I pause. How do you tell a small child that her daddy is an ass and you don't want to be around him? "Sam just needs some girl time." It was the only thing I could come up with in this moment. "But," Grace pokes out her bottom lip, "I'm a girl too." She dragged out the last word as she stomps her feet. That broke my heart. She may not be mine, but she's mine. I love this little girl even though she is throwing a tantrum right in front of me. I didn't give birth to her but she's my daughter just the same and at just the mere mention of another woman's name at the most inopportune time has ripped my family apart. I wonder if Lisa knows what she was doing, if she did the little things she did just so she could rip us apart like this. Could she really be that devious, that deceptive? Tears were forming in both of our eyes for very different reasons. "Gracie, can I borrow your mom for a minute. We need to have a grown up talk." Grace stops her tantrum and looks up at Cathy as she nods her approval. Cathy reaches up grabbing the bag from my shoulder and laying her arm in its place as she walks me back to the bedroom I share with Reid.
She sits on the end of the bed waiting on me to join her. I stare right through her to the empty, unmade bed. The spot where just hours ago Reid and I lay in love. The spot where he tore everything we had apart. All I could see was the image of us together last night. The happiness and warmth instantly replaced with the bitter cold at his passionate utterance. I shuddered. "I ran into Reid this morning," Cathy start realizing I wasn't going to sit or talk, "He told me you killed Paul. How are you doing with that? He didn't know exactly what happened but said you were with Andy when he found you. What happened? Why were you out there in the middle of the night? I thought you had gone to bed while we were planning on taking out Paul." Cathy has become like a mother to me, a best friend too, and I burst into tears as I fall to the floor at her feet. I bury my face in her lap and just cry as she strokes my hair in that loving, motherly way. I cry until my eyes were completely void of anymore tears and I couldn't even produce anymore to shed. "Paul had it coming, one way or another; you don't have to be sad that he's gone. Or that you killed him."
"I don't," I raise my head and met her eyes in all seriousness now, "I'm not crying because of Paul." Cathy looks shocked at my demeanor at first and now she had a look of confusion. She slides herself off the bed and onto the floor with me she places her hands on my face and looks deep into my eyes. "What's wrong then?" At her gentle touch and soft voice I broke down and told her what had happened between me and Reid last night. I relived every excruciating detail. Well almost every detail, I left out the details of what exactly we were doing when he uttered her name. My heart was breaking all over again as she pulls me in tighter. "Rachel, I'm so sorry," she whispers lacking the right words at the moment, "Maybe he only said it because he was helping her yesterday and couldn't. You know how things stick with Reid if he doesn't know how to fix someone's problems. He's probably agonizing over this more than you are."
"Cathy," I say sitting straight up again looking her in the eyes, "There's more." She waits eagerly for me to continue. "I went to Paul yesterday so he could look Gracie over, ya know, for a checkup." She nods impatiently now wanting to know where this was heading. The look in her eyes told me that she was expecting that he had tried something on me and that's why I ended up killing him. I pause as I watch fire glow from her eyes. "I decided that I needed a checkup too," I pause as I stare down at my stomach, "He gave me some good news. At least I thought it was good news when he told me."
"What did he tell you?"
"He told me that I'm pregnant, even did an ultrasound." Cathy's jaw drops and then forms a huge smile as she jumps and hugs me almost knocking me backward. "Really!" She squeal, "Are you kidding? Of course that's still good news! How far along?"
"Eight weeks," I mumble.
"Rachel," Reid's voice boomed causing me to jump and look at Cathy. My eyes were wide, did he hear? I must have really shown my concern because Cathy smiles and leans over to whisper in my ear, "It's okay." She stands to her feet as I did and walks out of the room as I turn to watch her and then face my new demon, Reid Davis. As soon I as see his eyes I could tell he was furious. All I thought was he heard, he knows, and now he's pissed. Why should he be pissed though, I didn't do anything wrong. "We need to talk."
"Reid, I really don't know if there's anything left to talk about. You said it all last night didn't you? You said a hell of a lot in just one little word, actually." I can feel that red hot rage boiling in my blood again. "Last night was a mistake," he utters as I snort. He moves in closer, "I love you. I don't why I said that but it doesn't mean that I'm in love with her."
"Maybe you're not in love with her but," I pause, he waits. There was one question burning in my mind right now. I wasn't sure I could ask it. Didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer if I did ask it. Before I could think it over too much in my brain my mouth spit it out, "Are you fucking her?" Reid looks shocked that I would even ask that, like I offended him by asking him that question in the first place. "How could you even think something like that?"
"Gee, I don't know Reid. How could I think something like that?" I snarl back at him sarcastically, "Why don't you put yourself in my place, Reid and tell me how you would feel. What would you think? Huh?" He drops his head now staring at his feet as I continue to rip into him, "What would you think if it was the other way around? If I would have called out, I don't know Darrick's name, or Conner's?"
"I'm sorry," he mutters, "I'm so sorry." I could hear the tears in his voice but he didn't look up. "Gracie told me you were packing a bag when she got up this morning. You told her you were going to stay the night with Sam. Are you leaving me?" He looks at me when he finishes and waits for my reply but I had no answer. We stand there just staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity when I finally speak, "I just, need some time, Reid." He nods as he pulls me into a hug. It feels really good being in his arms but I couldn't get rid of the anger I had for him right now. I raise one of my arms and put it on his elbow but that was the only kind of hug I could muster up to give him back right now. "Gracie said she wanted to go with you, that she's a girl too and she wanted to go to the sleepover." This actually caused me to chuckle a little bit. Reid pulls back a little when he hears my chuckle and a slight smile graces his own lips. Suddenly my thoughts drifted to when he had actually walked in on the conversation with Cathy. How much had he heard? Did he know that I was pregnant again? I'm sure he would have brought it up by now if he had heard but he hasn't said a word.
I pick up my bag and walk downstairs with Reid right beside me and his arm around my waist. He walks me to the door. Grace ran up to us with her teddy begging and pleading for me to take her with me. Reid stares into my eyes for a minute, neither of us knowing what to say to the child. Finally Reid kneels down so he was eye to eye with his daughter, "Gracie, mom's got to do some stuff," he says as he glances back at me, "She has to do and she can't take you with her but she will be back. I promise." Grace contemplates what her daddy had just told her for a second before smiling and walking over to hug my leg. Reid picks her up as I reach for the door knob and glance back at those four sad, pale blue eyes watching me walk out of their lives. "Hurry up and come back home mommy." Grace says waving at me, "I'll miss you and I love you." She leans forward in Reid's arms to kiss me goodbye and I lean in to receive her kiss. She jumps down out of Reid's arms and runs off to go play. Reid and I were inches apart now and I wanted so bad to plant a kiss on his full, soft lips but I resist that urge. "You promise," I look at him confused now as he continued, "Promise you will come back, that I didn't just make a promise that I can't keep to our daughter." I just shrug as I turn to walk out the door. I could feel Reid watching me as I walk next door. Just as my hand landed on the door knob I glance back at Reid but he had already left and gone back inside the house. I drop my bag on the porch and walk away.