"You can love somebody without it being like that. You keep them a stranger, a stranger who's a friend."
— Breakfast at Tiffany's
10
Two weeks...
It has been two weeks with no nothings.
Not even a hi nor a hello.
It should have felt normal but it doesn't.
Ang bigat, ang bigat bigat sa pakiramdam ni Karylle.
"Two strangers who have met and connected but are not actually meant for each other." Sabi ng pinsan niyang si Anne sa kabilang linya.
"Very 500 days, ang ganda diba but I don't think I could give justice to the role ngayong ang saya saya ko. You think I still should get it K?" Pagpapatuloy ni Anne. Yes she always asks Karylle for her advise.
And she was caught. Dead air...
"Huy! K! Ana! Ana Karylle! Hello? May kausap pa ba ako?"
"Uh- I'm sorry. Yes. Kunin mo, maganda yun." Sagot niya nang makabalik siya sa tamang kaisipan.
Kamusta kaya siya? She thought.
"No, this doesn't go well with a choker, Vice. Are you okay hun? You're not yourself lately." Sabi ng kaniyang kliyente na si Jennifer... Jennifer Lopez.
"Sorry, hun, just haven't had a decent sleep. I went to Valentino's after party last night. Yeah, we can def take this choker off." Pag iwas ni Vice.
"You know what? You can do better than this girlfriend. If you wanna take a time off again, go ahead. Don't drag yourself down darling. You're already on top!" Singit ng makeup artist ni J.Lo.
Isang matipid na ngiti lang ang naisagot niya.
I miss her. He said.
It was a normal Monday morning for Karylle. Walking with a heavy heart, life dragging her down with every step she takes. What was she sad for right now? She doesn't know.
Pagpasok niya pa lang sa Arts and Novels kakaiba na ang tingin ni Nadine sa kaniya. She raised both her eyebrows nang mapansin niya ito. Then she followed Nadine's gaze down at a single stem of huge brightly coloured sunflower resting at the counter top. Her favorite.
With a bitter heart she hid, "James finally made a move?" Gulat na tanong niya kunyari. Napakunot naman ng noo si Nadine.
"Ha? Ate hindi yan galing kay James! Nakita ko lang yan sa labas may nag-iwan. Check the note attached to it." At nginitian siya ni Nadine.
And then she read...
Your smile can even put this beautiful sunflower to shame. Please smile often.
For you Anakarylle.
That was what's written on the tiny paper attached on one of the leaf. It was beautifully handwritten.
"Sino daw nag iwan?"
"Ewan ko ate. When I opened the store this morning nasa handle na yan ng door. Pero baka si Kuya Billy! Diba he's courting you?"
Sa sunod sunod na paglipas ng mga araw ay sunod sunod rin ang dating ng mga bulaklak, everyday, a stem of huge sunflower with beautiful notes attached. May it be in the coffee shop or in her apartment, nakakatanggap pa rin siya. Yes it makes her happy but it made her curiosity wider.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you are my sunflower and I miss you. I know it doesn't rhyme, honey, but I really do.
For you Anakarylle...
"Ang cheesy!" Sabi ni Anne pagkabasa niya nito. Lumipas na nga ang ilang araw hanggang sa nakauwi na sila Anne ay nakakatanggap pa rin si Karylle ng mga bulaklak.
She already asked Billy about it pero itinanggi nitong siya ang nagbibigay ng mga iyon. At the back of her mind, few days ago pa ay naroroon na na baka nga si Vice ang nagpapadala, she could feel it. Pero paano ba nito nalaman na sunflower ang paborito nitong bulaklak?
"Ang dami dami mo ng bulaklak dito sa apartment ateng! Patayo ka na ng flower shop mo! May libre ka ng supplier o!" Biro ni Anne.
"Pero hindi nga, umamin ka na! May suitor ka na no? Why aren't you telling me?" Pangungulit ni Anne.
"I wish I know where and from whom did all these came from, Anne. Ako nga mismo walang idea." She just said.
"Hmmmnn... Ayaw mo lang sigurong ishare sa akin." Pagtatampo kunyari ni Anne.
"Ang kulit! Kailan ba uuwi asawa mo para may iba kang kinukulit!" Sagot ni Karylle.
"Viceral bat ang dami mong overseas calls sa pinas sa phone mo?" Biglang sabi ni Vhong na nangangalikot ng phone niya at kasama ngayon ni Vice sa hotel niya sa New York.
"Akin na nga yan! Pakielamero ka talagang payatot ka eh! Give it to me you d*ckhead!" Pikon na sabi nito nang ayaw pa ring ibigay ni Vhong ang cellphone niya.
"Kailan ka ba uuwi? Ang tagal tagal namang matapos ng seminar na yan! You're starting to annoy the crap out of me!" Galit na sabi nito pero tumatawa pa rin si Vhong.
"Namiss lang kita grabe ka naman!" Paglalambing kunwari ni Vhong sabay niyakap niya si Vice at kiniss pa sa cheeks. Ganyan talaga si Vhong kay Vice. Alam niya kasi kung paano inisin ito.
"Bitawan mo ko, bibigwasan kita! Isa lang!" Pagpatol ni Vice.
Tumatawa pa rin si Vhong nang biglang may tumawag from the reception that there was a package for Vice downstairs.
When he got it, he was surprised to have received a black prada shoe box and it even shocked him to see what was inside.
"Nagshopping ka nanaman." Commented Vhong when he saw the shoes.
"Ha? Hindi ko nga maalalang bumili ako nito online. Atsaka may ganito na ako eh." He answered.
"Oh akin na lang yan!" Vhong said then he tried to get it from Vice but he didn't win.
"Sandali!" Sigaw ni Vice.
And with the shoes came a sleek black envelope. And that was what caught his attention. A black card was inside and there, drafted in gold ink with beautiful calligraphy like handwriting, lays a beautiful quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald.
It's been very rare to have known you. Very strange and wonderful.
He is starting to conclude from who it may be. And when he opened the card, he was fairly sure it was from her...
Hi stranger!
As promised, shoe replacement for that night you saved me.
Thank you (a hand drawn sunflower is placed here) ;)
PS. Miss you.
-A
"Ngumingiti! May manliligaw!" Pang asar ni Vhong pero hindi siya pinansin ni Vice.
"Uy I miss you daw! Aray!" Dagdag nito pero nahabol ng kamay ni Vice ang buhok niya at hinila ito.
"Chismoso!" Pag irap nito kunyare pero sa loob loob niya ay kinikilig siya.
"Hindi nga, sino yan? Gusto ko na yan para sayo! Imagine, for the first time, somebody actually bought something for you! Hindi ikaw ang nagregalo!" Vhong commented again.
Pairap na sana si Vice pero bigla siyang napangiti at hindi niya na natago ang kilig niya.
"Landi!" Sabi ni Vhong sabay bato ng throwpillow kay Vice.
"Kesheeee... Delege ne eke..." Maarteng sabi nito sabay takbo kay Vhong at yumakap ito.
"I have to start fixing myself Vhong." Biglang seryosong sabi niya under his breath.
"Fixing yourself? Okay ka na naman ah?"
"B-bakla ako." He blurted.
"Oh tapos? Di ba niya tanggap yun? Sino ba yang lalaking yan?"
Vice just stared at Vhong. And just by that look he already got it.
"No. No Vice, don't tell me—"
"I-I'm confused Vhong. I don't really know how it happened as well."
"S-sigurado ka na ba sa nararamdaman mo?" Yun lang ang natanong ni Vhong.
"I don't know." Malungkot na sambit nito.
"Jose, listen to me. The last time you felt this ang sabi mo sa akin noon sigurado ka pero hindi mo napanindigan diba? And you clearly know what happened to you after. Wag... Wag na sanang maulit yun." Vhong stated.
Hindi sumagot si Vice.
"S-sino ba yun?" Tanong ni Vhong.
Vice shook his head not wanting to tell Vhong who it is. Not yet.
"You have to be sure of yourself first bago ka magpapasok ng iba sa buhay mo." Vhong said.
Nang hindi pa rin nagsasalita si Vice ay nagsalita ulit si Vhong.
"Brad. Umamin ka nga sa akin. Bakla ka ba talaga?" Isang masamang tingin ang tinapon ni Vice sa pinsan niya at sabay kurot dito.
"Bakla ako Vhong. Bakla ako. Gusto kong nagbibihis ng pambabae, I like putting make up on. I've made out with a lot of men, heck I even had sex with them. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time but I did, I did have a boyfriend..."
"Pero..." Singit ni Vhong.
"Pero nahuhulog pa rin ako sa muher."
"At pangalawa na to. Ang masaklap dito, mas hindi ka sigurado. This isn't good, Vice. Sa pinadala niyang regalong yan, who knows, maybe she likes you too. Kung hindi ka sigurado sa kaniya, masasaktan ka lang, at masasaktan lang rin siya."
"Sigurado na ako." Sabi ni Vice.
"Ayan ka nanaman eh."
"Sigurado akong nahulog na ako sa kaniya pero hindi ako sigurado kung handa na ba akong palitan siya." Makahulugang sinabi ni Vice.
Today marks the day Karylle lost her everything... The cause of her much deeper pain happened on this very day. When Dominic left her she thought that was the most painful, pero hindi. Hindi niya alam na mas may sasakit pa pala doon. Yung tipo ng sakit na kahit kailan ay hinding hindi na mawawala.
"Are you going today K?" Anne finally had the courage to ask.
K stared at her and smiled.
"Yup." She said as she put the final touch on the tiny cake she just baked.
"Sama ako." Sabi ni Anne at tumango lang si Karylle.
Isa ito sa mga lugar na nagpapakalma kay Karylle. This very quiet space has kept her going. She crossed her legs and sat by the floor, Anne then followed.
The moment she put the flowers on the floor and the cake on the tiny tea table set that was on the left, she started to slowly trace each letters engraved on the marbled surface in front of her as if she depended her life on it.
She lit up the candle on the cake and started singing Happy birthday. Before a tear could even drop, she uttered the words she has to say.
"Happy Birthday Babygirl." She bitterly said.
"I'm sorry." Halos pabulong na lang niyang nasabi.
"Ana...." Anne tried to comfort her.
"Ang weird pa rin, cinecelebrate ko yung birthday niya... I never even had the chance to give birth to her. I never even... Gave her a chance..." Sabi niya sa gitna ng pagpipigil niya ng luha niya.
"Don't say that K. I'm sure your little angel understands. Stop blaming yourself for everything."
Nang magkahiwalay sila ni Anne ay halos ayaw pa ring umuwi ni Karylle. There comes the feeling of not wanting to leave the daughter she could have had.
On her way home, she instantly changed her mind. She took a sharp turn and decided to go to a place she only has been to once but has already fallen in love with.
It took all her will na makiusap sa guard na papasukin siya pero matagal tagal itong humindi up until she stated her name and said she was friends with Vice. Nagulat na lang siya nang bigla na siyang pinapasok nang sabihin niyang siya si Karylle.
*PLAY MULTIMEDIA*
She parked at the very same spot. Looking over the lights of the city. Pero ngayon hindi ito ang gusto niyang makita.
She took her cardigan off and laid it on the floor for her to rest in. Humiga siya to have a better view of the perfectly aligned stars that brightly shined as if they were only shining for her.
Eto nanaman siya at ang mga luha niya na walang tigil ang pagpatak.
Hanggang ngayon sinisisi niya pa rin ang sarili niya sa sinapit ng taong dapat sana'y makakasama niya ng mas matagal. The only person she could have been spending her forever with.
Walang nakakaalam na nagbunga ang pagmamahalan nila Karylle at Dominic. Not even her Mom. Not even Karylle herself...
Hindi niya alam na buntis pala siya. She was too busy mourning over spilled milk. She was too heartbroken to even notice the changes in her body.
Huli na nang malaman niyang may bata pala sa sinapupunan niya who needed her care more than anything else. Buti at naisugod pa siya ni Anne sa hospital before she even got intoxicated with a dead baby inside her. She almost died as well. That was the biggest secret she asked Anne and Vhong to never tell anyone.
There started her depression and anxiety. There she started to seclude herself with the world. There she started to wish herself dead.
At yon ang hindi maintindihan ng mga taong noo'y nakapaligid sa kaniya. But she didn't mind, she was already too caught up to explain.
Kasabay ng paglalim ng isip niya at ng pagtanaw niya sa mga bituin ay ang pagdating ng prisensya ng katawan ng isang tao na bigla na lang humiga sa tabi niya.
"Ang lalim naman niyan. Di ba ko malulunod diyan?" Biglang sabi nito kay Karylle.
Tinitigan lang siya ng dalaga sabay ngumiti ito then she shifted her gaze back at the stars.
"Gaano ba kalayo yung mga stars pag pinuntahan ko sila? How far is it from here to heaven?" Sabi ni Karylle.
"Well technically it's about 93 million miles away from earth. And also, technically wala sa heaven yung mga stars, mga taypa yung mga nandun teh. Tsaka kahit puntahan mo yung stars di mo naman pwedeng iuwi, mapapaso ka pa. Wag mo na puntahan yun. Dito ka na lang." Casual na sagot ni Vice.
She chuckled.
"Bat nandito ka?" Tanong ni Karylle.
"Ikaw talaga nagtanong niyan?" Natatawang sagot nito kay Karylle. Natawa naman si Karylle when she realised what she just asked.
She shifted closer to him and leaned her head on his.
"Thank you sa flowers." She said.
"Ha? Anong flowers?" Maang maangang tanong nito.
Tinignan ni Karylle ng masama ang katabi niya but at the back of her mind ay kinabahan siya dahil baka nga hindi naman talaga siya ang nagpapadala ng mga bulaklak. Nakakahiya. Assuming pa siya.
"Joke lang, joke lang." Pagbawi nito.
"I missed you K." He reached her head and gave her a hug.
Hindi pa rin sumasagot si Karylle.
"K."
"Hmm?"
"Papalit mo yung sapatos. Gusto ko heels." He said out of nowhere.
Labis na tawa ang naisagot ni Karylle. He heard her sweet laugh again and he loved it.
"I missed you too, Vice." She finally said.
...........
HAPPY 52nd MONTHSARY BABIES!
Pasensya naman sa napakatagal na update mga ats and kuys! My weekends are too preoccupied as well
:(.
Hope you still like this chapter!
Thank you for reading this story!
I can't open my twitter account. So sad ako :( Papromote na lang sa mga sisters and brothers niyo ha? Chos! Hehe.
Oh and I have a question, is my story too fast or too slow or sakto lang? Hehehehe. And also daming revelations no? Madami pa yan so please keep reading.
Till my next update!
Ciao! (;