I woke up the next day seeing all white and at first I thought I was in heaven, but no.
I was in my room.
There were pictures of cityscapes, city lights, and some printed out inspirational quotes on canvases that hung on the white walls above my bed; there were borderless shelves with my books on there too, just in the spaces that didn't have the art decors.
The room was brightly lit by the sunlight seeping through the ocean blue curtains, and I was alone, wrapped around in subtle grey sheets.
During dinner last night, we haven't brought up the downside of things that occurred. Instead, we recalled memories of our childhood (including my dad's) and how funny the things that happened to us seem now.
The goal was to cheer Felicity up, even though it wasn't something planned. She had been quiet as she sat and chewed on her food and I didn't want her to be sad the whole day so I tried to think about life's bloopers that could lighten up the mood.
At first she was a bit timid to join dad and I, but she began to smile to herself as she kept on listening to dad's tale of how he almost fell into a large fish tank during a school field trip back when he was twelve and that his friends tried to pull him back by pulling at his bottoms that ended up being pulled down, revealing his bum.
The whole class laughed at him, and so did we and we haven't even seen it ourselves.
Strange how our worst encounters become the best stories to tell.
When we all felt tired but satisfied at that supper, we all went to our rooms, our dad kissing us both good night.
I had to stay for a while, thanked my dad for everything and gave him a huge, warm bear hug.
Felicity wasn't in my room when I walked in, so I barged in into hers and found her standing by the edge of her bed, looking at me with a shy smile.
I asked her if she was going to sleep in my room instead, but she said she was fine. She handed me my bag that was there beside her bed, bid me good night and shut the door.
I didn't want to bother her anymore, so I just went back to my room, threw my bag under the study table, hopped in bed and fell asleep.
I didn't even pay attention to the phone frantically ringing, because that ringtone was Natalia's.
When I woke up, I checked my watch that lay on the small wooden study table just beside my bed. It was thirty minutes to seven and my classes start at eight.
I clambered out of bed and rushed to my wardrobe, grabbing a green plaid shirt, some jeans and a pair of black socks. I seized my white sneakers, tied my long and thin jet-black hair into a ponytail, wore my watch, and rushed to the kitchen.
"Good morning, snooze-a-lot."
My head shot to my dad who was leaning onto the edge of the sink, drinking a steaming mug of coffee. He was already in his business casual attire, and his dark hair was neat on his head.
I gave him a smile. "I'm late."
"I know." He spoke over his mug. "Breakfast is over there."
He pointed at a brown paper bag on the dining table with his free hand, and I hugged him gratefully.
"Thanks, pops!"
He laughed. "Don't thank me. Now get going!"
I ran back to my room, brushed my teeth, washed my face, emptied some books out of my bag, checked the keys in the small pocket, ran back outside whilst snatching the paper bag and waving a quick "goodbye" to my dad and Felicity, who looked like she just got out of the shower.
Twelve minutes, I thought.
I keyed the car until I heard it pur, zoomed out of the garage, and went straight to the university.
It takes about fifteen minutes for me to get there, but a few minutes of being late wouldn't hurt me.
As I neared a stoplight, I took the opportunity to look into what my dad made for me.
There were two sandwiches, each in their own ziplocks. There was a bottle of water, an orange, and a can of rootbeer.
What's funny though was how neatly they were placed in the paper bag, and my dad was not usually this neat. But hearing my stomach grumbling removed the random thought from my head. I took one of the sandwiches and gobbled the whole thing before the green light appeared again.
The gate to the university came into view and I found myself searching for an empty parking space. Luckily, one car was moving out of the way and I took its place before the other car in front of me did.
"Sorry!" I waved to the driver as I got out, sprinting across the field of freshly watered green grass with my bag slowing me down a bit.
My footsteps echoed in one hall until I reached one that was packed with students who must have classes at 9AM.
I dashed my way into the classroom where I was supposed to be in ten minutes ago, entered quietly, and sat next to Kyle who waved cooly at me with a smug smile on his face.
"Somebody woke up late this morning."
"I had a nice sleep, so what?" I chortled.
"Interesting." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, eyeing me. "Got somebody new you brought to bed last night?" He muttered with amusement.
I nearly burst out laughing, but I bit my bottom lip and punched him playfully hard on his arm. "You are such a pervert, you know that?"
"Are you accusing me of something?!" He mocked a reaction of shock.
"Does it look like it?" I merely chuckled.
"Just because I'm black you tell me I'm a pervert?"
"Who said anything about you being black?"
"All you white people do is judge us black people." He kept the act, giving out his little speeches like a politician would. "The ridicule!"
I tried to hold in a laugh. "You know you're judging is white people by saying us white people are judging you black people." I pointed out.
His head snapped back to me and he said, "touché."
"Weirdo." I said as I rolled my eyes.
"Oh now you're judging me again—"
"Oh shut up." I shook my head. "You know I'm not that kind of person."
"You're not judgemental?"
"No! I mean, yes..." I chuckled at the mixed messages. "What I'm saying is: yes, I'm not judgemental and no, I'm not the type to go doing someone else while I have Natalia."
He laughed. "I was just kidding! Besides, it wouldn't hurt a fly if you did." He shrugged at the thought as if it seemed normal and ethical.
"It would hurt a jealous bitch's ego, though."
I jumped at Shannon's voice which came from right behind me.
"Jesus, why do you always have to go around and scare the hell out of people?" Kyle said with his hand to his chest, eyes widening.
Shannon smirked at me but raised a brow at Kyle. "Always?"
"Yeah, always!"
"To you, maybe. Not to everyone." She finally sat down on my right side where a vacant seat was, laughing at our best friend.
"You're crazy, woman." He shook his head.
"You're just a sour pussy." She stuck her tongue out at him.
Kyle drew a smirk. "You know, Vina here might know all about sour pussies."
Shannon's olive skin grew a bright pink and her expression was of distaste. "Okay. Gross."
Kyle and I laughed as I took some notes down from the professor who didn't seem to notice our chitchat. It was hard to let out my response to good old humor without disrupting the class, so I ended up laughing without a sound which only made me look like a retarded seal with a tomato face.
The class ended at 10AM and we decided to have an early lunch at the café not far from the school grounds.
"Any plans with your girlfriend yet?" Shannon spoke through a mouthful of smoked salmon.
My eyes met her gaze and I shook my head. "I don't know."
"Goodluck with that."
The things that came flooding into my head were the moments I had with Natalia that are pretty sweet and worth remembering and I began to ask them, "Is she really that bad?"
They both looked at each other and then nodded.
"Then why haven't any of you two spoken to me about it?" I felt slightly appalled.
"Well first of all, it's not our business to butt in."
"Yeah, and you seemed pretty happy with her." Kyle said.
"I just don't like her attitude towards me and to other girls you talk to." Shannon spoke with disgust in her voice. "I'm just saying it won't be a happy relationship as it gets older."
Then the memories of struggles and worst-case scenarios washed away the good ones and took their place in my head.
Natalia was a very sweet girl. She shows love and affection in a very physical way. She knows how to make me happy in my downest moments. But was it enough?
For the last fourteen months we've been together, it is only now that I've come to realize our efforts aren't shared. Sure she can make me happy whenever we would find ourselves in her apartment, but was it love or just simply lust?
Never in our entire relationship has she even tried to surprise me of any sort. Not that I'm asking for it, but those kinds of things warm the heart especially when it's on your birthday or anniversary or Valentine's Day. I didn't know if she even cared. She never tried picking me up at school, or debated with me on who would pay the bills because I always pay the bills; she never bothered about how well I was doing in class because she makes me cut a few of them; she doesn't try to encourage me to study because all she cared was that I was there for her; she never cared about Shannon, my best friend, since she wanted her out of my life anyway.
"You okay? You look like you're about to throw up." Kyle's voice shook me out of my reverie.
I sighed in desperation. "I don't know what to do guys."
"Why not meet up with her after lunch?" Shannon suggested, her eyes glued to her phone.
"We have classes. I can't."
"No we don't."
I looked at her with my brow raised, and she showed me what was on her phone. It was an email from the dean telling us that our classes have been cancelled this afternoon because our professor got ill and the substitute cannot be contacted.
"Great timing, huh?" Shannon smiled at me, and I nodded.
After lunch we went back to the campus to find our own cars and I drove away to Natalia's apartment while they went their own way.
The spare key to Natalia's apartment was with me so I could enter any time. I parked my car and then went straight up to her unit.
I keyed the door open, and I went inside. The place was a total mess and it shocked me. The sofa had bags of chips opened and unfinished, crumpled tissue paper lay on the floor beside the sofa, empty pizza boxes lay sprawled on the dining table, and so were empty bottles of vodka and some chewed up lemon slices.
I barged in her room and there she was, curled up like a fetus and whimpering.
With the state of her apartment and her sobbing figure, I could tell she had not been going to school.
She saw me and immediately rushed towards me and gave me a hug.
"Oh baby, I thought you were never going to talk to me ever again." She bawled, and she smelled like alcohol.
If it's one thing I hate, it's seeing girls cry.
Most of all, if they cry because of me.
I hugged her back, knowing that all I had to do now was be with her and make her feel loved. I forgot about why I actually came here.
"Hey don't cry. I'm here." I wiped away her tears with my thumbs.
"I was beginning to get worried. You weren't answering my calls and I thought you hated me because we fought."
I only looked at her sympathetically.
"Where were you?" She croaked out.
I sighed. "The house had a bit of tension in it, but everything's sorted out. Everything's fine."
She looked at me with a kind of realization to her. "That's what you were feeling bad about the last time?"
I nodded.
She sobbed harder. "Oh my God, I am so sorry I didn't listen to you. I'm so stupid, I'm sorry."
I cupped her cheeks so she could look at me in the eyes. "Hey, shhh. You're not stupid okay? And I forgive you. You don't have to do this to yourself."
She just nodded.
"Go freshen up while I clean up your apartment. We're going somewhere." I smiled at her.
She gave me a grateful expression and gave me a long, sweet kiss.
When she was out of sight, I began cleaning up the place and putting the trash in a huge garbage bag.
"You're pathetic," I told myself.
Everything was in shipshape after thirty minutes and she was all fresh and ready to go.
We went back to my car, and I changed into some fresh clothes that I've stashed in a box at the trunk in case of emergencies.
"Where are we going?" She asked with a wide smile on her thin lips.
"Somewhere very familiar." I smiled back.
It took just about twenty minutes before we got to where we were going, and Natalia seemed touched at this certain landmark.
"I remember this place." She gasped.
I looked at her and said, "This is where we first met."
We met a few years ago in this art museum. I didn't know her back then, but she was introduced to me by my best friend, Bailey Lane.
Bailey and Natalia go to the same university. Bailey was two years older than Natalia and I but they knew each other because her other friend was Natalia's older brother; they were classmates and they joined the same organization. She had been my best friend since my 5th grade and we only got separated when she started college ahead of me.
One day during the 3rd week when my senior year began, she contacted me and asked to meet and she gave me the address of this art museum because their organization had a field trip here and they're welcome to bring anyone. We met, and I saw Natalia. Bailey seemed to realize my interest for the girl when I asked for her name, and she did more than just tell me her name— she introduced me.
That was how we first started talking until it came to the point where I fell in love with her.
This week two years ago, we're back at the same place where we first met. I held her hand as we strolled around looking at abstract paintings and sculptures and remembering the conversations we used to have.
Those were one of the best days I've had with Natalia Weiss, and I couldn't think of all the worst-case scenarios I've had with her at the moment.