i read your journal today.
i stumbled upon it several months after your funeral.
i found it wedged in between two floorboards under our bed, the pages already dull and showing signs of wear.
i read through every page, reminiscing on what we could've been.
i'll love you for as long as it takes for us to be reunited, though i'm not sure if i can ever forgive you for breaking your promise.
what happened to "i'll never leave you, i promise?" what happened to the times our lips met in a sweet tango of red and orange? what happened to you comforting me? what happened to the kisses you placed on my knuckles? what happened to the songs i'd sing for you to fall asleep to? what happened to us?
i buried your scarf with you, but i still kept mine. i wear it everyday, even when the temperature is suffocatingly warm.
i find comfort in knowing that the scarf is almost like a piece of you, with me wherever i go. sometimes i sit for hours, aimlessly playing with the soft fabric. i'd do so much to have your fingers in my hair again, to have your lips on mine, and to have your hands intertwined within mine. i miss your poetry, your songwriting, and the soft chords of the piano that would echo through the house.
i told minji of how our love blossomed back when we were young. when our eyes held lively lights and our skin was plump and unwrinkled.
she blinked back tears, and now i can see the striking resemblance between you two. she's stubborn but soft, and knows when to hold her ground. she doesn't let many people see her at her lowest.
soojung, i can't believe you left me like that.
i'm mad and sad and irritated all at once, because we didn't have enough time.
i didn't get to do all that i wanted with you.
we wanted to buy a grand piano, remember? we wanted to travel the world. we had so much ahead of us.
and now, as the years wear away at my bones, i'm ready to take my place next to you, and meet you in the afterlife.
because soojung, through the course of the thirty seven years we spent together, i felt like it wasn't enough time.
with you for eternity,
do kyungsoo.