~hi theres a chapter before the one i posted of my photo w me and d&p but im p sure some ppl didn't get notified? It's called developing make sure u read that first~
A year could change so much.
It had, for me at least. Now, it had been one year since the start of a year that would bring me everything I'd ever dreamed of. It had been one year since Phil had read my mind and kissed me in that hall closet at Troye's house. It had been one year since I'd realized what love felt like. It had been one year since the timeline of my life had set into place, dragging me along with it instead of the other way around.
The fact that so many things had occurred within this time made me not frightened, as it probably should have, but excited. There were so many more years to come. I had no idea what they could hold.
Starting school had been great. Phil went to a university twenty minutes from mine, which was ten minutes from our apartment. We were extremely lucky that Phil's university didn't require him to live on campus the first year, so the two of us were able to come back to our home each night. He usually got back first, somehow, and I'd find him on the couch studying. My immediate instinct always was to fall beside him and layer him in kisses until he shoved me away and I eventually wandered into my studio, remaining there until one of us decided to ask the other about dinner. Nearly all of our meals were microwave dinners, which wasn't really that big of a change from what our old life had been.
I hadn't read anything in his sketchbook for about two months. The last time I'd checked, the entries were changing their direction with rapid speed. There was nothing about his sadness anymore, only the amelioration he'd found within the past year. I felt satisfied because he was happy.
Despite this, the negativity wasn't gone. Some mornings, getting dressed felt like I was submerging myself into wet concrete, or eating breakfast felt like swallowing rocks, or even leaving the apartment felt like trudging through sludge. On others, I'd get in our car, and I'd panic for minutes until remembering that I wasn't reliving the accident, feeling my heart pound against my rib cage while I tried to convince myself that it was all okay. Some nights, I'd wake up to Phil shaking because of a nightmare and when he woke up, he looked at me like I wasn't me, and I knew that he didn't see me in those moments. When it rained, I held his hand. When he looked at a man on the street and saw his father, I held his hand. I tethered him to me with the strings wrapped around our hearts, making sure it never snapped, making sure his past never pulled him too far. Mine, too.
We would always struggle. It was what life did. It messed with something in your existence and caused the rest of your time to be plagued with the memories, a wire slashed and sparking but never actually cut.
But it was better.
Our friends' lives were changing, too. PJ and Chris had decided they were better as friends, and now Sophie was dating Peej. Sophie went to school with me; she'd taken student loans and her life savings to do so. Nothing was awkward between her and PJ anymore, for which I was thankful. Zoe and Louise shared a dorm at a school for cosmetology. Troye was writing his first album, in hopes for it to be released this year. I did still help him with lyrics whenever we saw each other. Connor was taking pictures for the newspaper in our old town, and Tyler was going to school for public speaking.
Even if Phil and I were loners and mostly spent time with only ourselves, there were many times when all of us would group-skype and attempt to plan a time when we were all free so that we could go out to dinner.
That night, the last night of the year, happened to be one of those lucky times. To end and begin a year with friends was one of the best feelings in the world.
On December 31st, I woke up wrapped in my boyfriend's arms with the sun shining directly on my face, a clear indicator that we'd forgotten to close the curtains before bed. Squinting, my automatic reaction was to turn my head into Phil's shoulder since that was what was between me and the pillow. I let out a muffled groan, the usual occurrence when I had time to slowly wake up, pressing my body against the torso belonging to the boy beside me to gain more warmth despite the giant blanket covering us.
We didn't have classes or work today, so technically, we had the entire day to just cuddle in bed until the time to get ready for dinner came. I knew, however, that he would want to wake up in order to have pancakes since we had the rare chance.
I almost decided against interrupting the quiet atmosphere. There was no construction outside, and I couldn't hear any cars speeding down the road. The only sound was that of our breathing, his slow and rhythmic because there had been no nightmares that night. Mine was louder now that I was awake, but as I looked at my boyfriend's sleeping face from where I was resting beneath his chin, I smiled and the sound lowered. I listened to his heart pound against my ear and the slight strength of the winter wind outside bouncing off of our building walls.
My eyes shut in hopes of falling back asleep, but I gave up on the attempt and resulted in sitting up, putting a hand on Phil's shoulder to shake him awake.
Of course he didn't comply, simply shifting away from me and sighing violently, proving he was awake but didn't want to be.
"Let me sleeeeeep," He whined when I plopped on top of him, nuzzling into his neck.
"No," I replied. "This is what you get for dating me. Early wake up." Normally, this situation was flipped, with him waking me up because I would miss the bus that came to the bus stop outside our building every morning. But on free days, I was the energetic one. "Don't you want breakfast?"
He perked up at this, his head moving so that he could look at me. "Maybe."
I rolled my eyes while also rolling my body to the edge of the bed. I grabbed my phone that was on the bedside table and went to check if any friends had texted me, only to find that Tyler and Connor were having an intense conversation in the group chat about coffee. I didn't pay attention for long, returning the device to it's place before placing my feet on the ground and standing. I didn't bother putting on a shirt; it was chilly, but once I turned the heat up it would be fine. Shirts were stupid anyway. My arms stretched above my head as I let out a slight groan, releasing the stiffness from my shoulders.
My feet lead me to the kitchen; I figured I could make something for the both of us since Phil seemed to be having a hard time getting out of bed. We had all day until the dinner, and I was in a surprisingly good mood. Well, it wasn't all that surprising nowadays.
I found myself humming a random tune as I focused on making the perfect pancakes, and nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt hands on my waist.
"Jesus christ!" I shouted as I turned to find Phil smiling at me. "Stop doing that."
He leaned into my back and pressed his head against my shoulder; I could feel his hair tickling at my neck and usually I would have scolded him, but it felt comforting now.
"Stop what?" He asked, "Showing affection?" I smiled lightly, and ignored the obvious teasing tone in his voice. Despite the cold, his skin against mine made me feel warm all over. I felt like the blushy, smitten boy I'd been when we first began talking. "I'm turning the heat up," He announced, detaching from me. "It's cold."
"Well, it is December," I replied as he walked out, reaching over to take two plates from the cabinet. I was a domestic little shit, and the fact that we owned our own plates together made me feel happy. I must have been really easy to impress. "January in twelve hours," I muttered to myself, glancing at the clock and mentally reminding myself that the dinner was at seven. I was sure we were going to a party afterwards as well.
I saw Phil shrug in response as he returned from around the corner. He bounded over, suddenly very cheerful despite how reluctant he'd been to wake up this morning. It wasn't for me, however, it was for the pancakes that I had ready in the pan, a spatula in my grip. He plucked it from me and served himself, earning a scoff and a glare simultaneously, despite the smile on my face.
We ate in the living room with Food Wars on the TV, a comfortable silence between us since I was leaning against his side as I focused on reading the subtitles on the screen. It felt good to have a day off, and I wanted nothing more than to soak in the comfort that it brought on.
The entire rest of our time was spent watching shows and scrolling through Tumblr. Maybe some people would have found it boring, but it reminded me a lot of the quiet days back at my old house, and I was fine with that for once.
At some point I decided it might be smart to get up and check my phone in case plans for tonight had changed at all, however I doubted that they would. We were quite a schedule tight group; once plans were made they were up for no questioning.
I noticed that the conversation I'd scanned over this morning was still going on, and Troye had joined in as well as Zoe. I rolled my eyes as I saw '278 unread messages', gripping the device in my hand before returning to where Phil was sprawled out on our couch. I fell beside him and cuddled against his side, cursing the cold air that hadn't heated up yet because of how slow our heat took to kick in. It obviously would have been better if either of us had our shirts on, but laziness was a disease we were both victims of.
I peeked over his shoulder to watch his dashboard fly by, mostly filled with animal gifs and aesthetic pictures of plants. I held back a giggle thinking about how drastically different our internet interests were.
My position changed when I felt my phone vibrating against my leg, and I shifted my head to see who was calling. It was my mom, which caused me to furrow my eyebrows as confusion took over. She hadn't called me in months; why now?
Phil noticed my confusion before realizing what it was about, shoving me in order to tell me to answer the phone. I glared at him but obliged, taking a deep breath before pressing answer.
"Hello?" I greeted, keeping my eyes on my boyfriend.
I heard her let out a sigh. "Dan. I'm so happy you answered. I want to tell you I'm sorry, before the year ends."
"Sorry?" I questioned, "For what?"
"For how much of a wedge I've driven between us. I was never home and I lost track of how much I appreciated that you always were. I'm so glad that life is finally giving you what you deserve, with the scholarship and the money and the fresh start. I'm sorry I could never give you anything."
I closed my eyes. "Mom, you gave me a home. And even if I don't live there anymore, you're someone I'll always come back to. Tell Adrian I'll visit soon."
She sounded like she was going to cry, and I really hoped that wasn't the case. "Okay. Will you call me more?"
"Yes."
"Okay." There was a pause. "Happy New Year. I love you."
"I love you, too," I replied, and I hung up before she could pull me into another sappy confession. My eyes went to Phil. "Did you hear any of that?"
"Well," He began, "I was basically leaning on your shoulder the whole time, so, yes. I think it's good that she's trying to make up for all that time." His hand trailed down my arm and to my hand, and he smiled at me gently while intertwining my fingers in his. I breathed in the comfort and let it wrap around my lungs and my heart, as I did each time he gave me it.
"I'm going to go paint," I announced, standing up abruptly. Phil nodded with understanding; he knew I had those moments sometimes where I just had to put colors on a canvas because my fingers were itching to do so. "Sorry."
"Don't be sorry, babe," He laughed. "It gives me time to work on this prompt I thought of. I'll come get you thirty minutes before we have to leave. Okay?"
I nodded and couldn't keep the smile off of my face. I looked at this boy and I felt all the happiness in me find it's way to my eyes and my lips, and my face scrunched up but I didn't care because his did too. I wondered how one human being could emit so much love for me. How me, another human being, could emit so much of it for him. He pecked me on the lips and I made my way to the room where all of my art was.
I immediately felt at ease; it was warmer in here due to it being quite stacked with my things, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I realized I still didn't have a shirt on, so I threw on one of my paint splattered white ones that was in the corner. The problem with Phil and I living together was that we both hated messes and yet we were both too lazy to clean them. As well as the problem with how when we took off our clothes in any area they were left there.
The second I pressed my brush to the canvas the weight on my shoulders that had developed due to that phone call was gone. I sighed quietly as I let my hand take over, barely even thinking about what I was doing. I loved days like these: the ones where I didn't have to come up with ideas and execute them, instead winging it. I was almost always not satisfied with these, but I didn't exactly care. Besides, Phil told me I could paint a brown blob and it would still somehow be beautiful.
He came to get me two hours later, informing me that we had to leave soon. Unfortunately, I was still in my disgusting paint covered shirt and had a head full of curls, so I speedily made my way to our bedroom in hopes of finding an outfit nice enough for the dinner in a short amount of time. I spotted the shirt that I'd worn last New Year, smiling fondly at the memories it brought to me. But I pushed it aside and found a maroon button up with black stripes on the sleeves, deciding it couldn't hurt to wear some color for once.
I pulled the shirt over my head with haste, buttoning all the way to the top button, knowing at least two would be undone by the time the night was over. I plugged in the hair straightener and turned to find Phil wearing a collared grey shirt, his hair still messy as he ran his hands through it. I smiled slightly and got to work on flattening my hair, all the while my boyfriend sprawled across our bed and most likely texted the group chat that we would be leaving soon. We were meeting everyone at a restaurant about an hour away, which had been the most plausible place for us to go considering our dispersed locations. After, we were going to Troye's house since they switched it up each year and Chris had been the latest. Besides, he'd inherited the house from his parents and we figured it would be nice to all go there before he exploded in fame and moved somewhere better. I found it hilarious that some of us weren't legal, which meant for no alcohol at the restaurant but getting absolutely wasted once we were all in the house.
"Are you done yet?" Phil groaned from his position behind me, and I rolled my eyes as I flattened the last curly strand of hair. "Why don't you just leave your hair curly. It's hot."
I turned around. "Are you saying I'm not hot when it's straightened?"
His arm reached out and grabbed mine, successfully pulling me onto the mattress. "I didn't say anything close," He muttered, before sitting up to kiss me gently. I accepted the gesture, but pushed myself off when his fingers went to the buttons near my neck.
"Save it for later," I scolded. "We have a dinner to go to." He pouted but I didn't let it get to me, patting my pockets to make sure I had keys, my wallet, and my phone. With that, we were off, making sure to slip on our jackets before leaving.
I was usually the one to drive; one reason was because Phil was absolutely terrible at it, and the other was because I felt more stressed out if I was in the passenger's seat. I put in my Radiohead CD and fiddled with the heat, glad that I'd had the intelligence to wear both a long sleeve shirt and a jacket.
The restaurant parking lot was quite packed, but luckily Connor had been smart enough to reserve us a table for twelve. I had been surprised they even had tables that big, but glad nonetheless. I figured we were late; Phil and I were always the ones that were late, mostly because of me straightening my hair and him distracting me. We made it inside and found our group right away, loud and taking up the most room in the whole building.
Everyone at the table screamed with joy as soon as they spotted us, all of them standing up at the same time to individually give hugs. Louise hugged me last, she was wearing a purple dress and a giant smile, and then gestured to the two open seats to her left. Soon, we were all calming down as menus were handed out.
Most of the dinner consisted of Louise and I cracking jokes that only we understood and then laughing for ten minutes straight, while the ten others rolled their eyes and engaged in conversations that actually had real meaning. Phil would slap my thigh every time he needed my attention and I couldn't get used to it, continuously jumping up and shaking the entire table. This would cause everyone to laugh at me, but since it was so lighthearted I was fine with it.
"And then he just walked off! And I was like. Bitch. Do you really think I'm going to take that?" Tyler was in the midst of telling a story about some man he ran into in the supermarket, everyone listening quite intently since he always had the best stories.
"Did you go after him or something?" Sophie questioned, an eyebrow raised as she sounded quite sceptical.
"And get revenge!" Louise exclaimed a bit too enthusiastically, resulting in giggles.
Tyler shook his head. "I did get revenge, but it was later on. I saw his cart so I took everything out and ran and put it all in the makeup section."
"That's weak," Felix commented.
"Did you leave after that?" Troye asked.
"Yes, I figured I shouldn't do anything else." We all laughed, and then the waiter was back to ask if we wanted dessert. I was quite relieved when everyone declined; I couldn't wait to get back to Troye's since that was always a good time. Mostly because I wanted to get drunk and maybe play some games before everyone passed out once midnight hit.
The group split up into each other's cars, Louise and Troye taking refuge in ours since everyone knew it wouldn't be smart to split Phil and I up. We all sang to One Direction which happened to be on the radio, and made it to Troye's house a lot quicker than expected. He jumped out of the car immediately, making it his duty to get to the door and unlock it before anyone had to wait. Chris, who knew this would be his goal, ran to the house as quick as possible and we all laughed as Troye grumbled in defeat and shoved the other boy into the bushes. We all managed to get inside before he was able to untangle himself from the leaves.
I went to the kitchen right away, and when Troye saw me standing by the counter he let out a breathless laugh. "Someone's desperate," He announced loudly, and I heard chuckles from behind me.
Rolling my eyes, I grabbed one of the coolers to get started and stomped back into the living room. I knew within the next hour we'd all be doing shots of vodka anyway, so starting off slow wasn't the end of the world in my opinion.
We settled on a game of Never Would I Ever, all beginning to feel like young teenagers as the level of overall tipsiness increased. There were random bottles of alcohol surrounding all of us, and everyone was fine with just taking sips of anything that caught their eye. Soon enough, we were all giggling like mad and the sound would have annoyed me if I was in my normal state.
At some point, PJ started shouting "Shots, shots, shots!" So like a herd of elephants, we all stood up and Troye got out the vodka. I was the first to take two shots, leaning against the table as someone else took my place.
"I think this might be the most fun I've ever had," I whispered to Phil, although it wasn't that much of a whisper. My voice was just quiet compared to all the shouting from our friends. He pecked me on the lips, a twinkle in his eye, and his words weren't slurred when he spoke since he wasn't all that wasted yet. My chest felt bubbly with happiness.
"That's good," He responded just as someone, probably Chris, shouted "You guys and your fucking PDA!!!!" I flipped him off over Phil's shoulder.
"How long until it's midnight?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. My boyfriend's eyes trailed over my shoulder, presumably looking for a clock, scanning the dining room and then the living room.
"Four minutes," He replied after a few seconds. "There's something I want to do before it does, though." With that, he turned away from me and began quieting everyone down, trying to get the attention of our group. I couldn't help but wonder what he was about to do, even if I doubted it was anything big. Finally, our friends were all silent, most of them leaning against each other or the counter, everyone's gazes on Phil as he smiled widely, grabbing a beer from the right side of him.
He cleared his throat and began talking.
"You all know I'm the cheesy piece of shit in this group, so I'm dedicating these last four minutes of the year to telling you all how wonderful you are," He hiccupped and I laughed loudly, triggering laughs from everyone else for around ten seconds. We were quiet as he continued, the only sound being that of the countdown on the TV. "I'm going to thank each and every one of you, and make a toast to all you do."
No one spoke as he held out his drink, first holding it out to PJ, who was standing to his right. I figured he was going to go in order of the circle, which meant I was last.
"To Peej," He began, "for getting me my first job and for being such a good friend." PJ smiled at him and held out his own drink.
Phil continued. "To Sophie, for taking care of Dan at the art meeting when I couldn't be there. To Chris, for being my longest friend and always taking care of me. To Felix, for always making stupid jokes in any situation. To Marzia, for being a living angel and letting me pet your dogs." I couldn't help but allow the corners of my mouth to turn upwards at the sight of him, making his lame speech. I took in his sparkling eyes and his contagious smile and his messy hair, and I thought about how happy he was now compared to when I met him. I thought about how happy I was now. Most of all, I wondered how I had gotten so lucky. "To Zoe," His voice filled the room, "for doing my makeup that one time and for being so kind. To Connor, for helping me and always brightening up any room with your words. To Tyler, for laughing no matter what and making sure everyone else does the same. To Troye, for singing us your songs and always making sure we have enough hugs. To Louise, for being that motherly figure we all need and finding a way to take care of each of us."
Finally, he found his way to me, holding eye contact with me with those assuring eyes. Those bright eyes, those colorful eyes, the eyes I fell in love with over a year before. The eyes I could get lost in and never want to find my way out of. "To Dan," He grinned, his voice a bit softer, "for saving me. For never giving up. For doing what you love. For loving me." He turned back to the crowd. "To my family. To you guys."
With those words, the clock struck midnight and Phil took a sip of his drink quickly as everyone else chugged theirs, because his mind was elsewhere. He turned to me with haste, and his arms were pulling me to him and then he was kissing me and I smiled against his lips harder than I'd ever smiled before. I was sinking against him and I never wanted to let go. I never would.
-
next chapter is the epilouge
(thank u all for the kind words on meeting d&p, the story is posted on my message board if anyone missed it)