AN: Well, I don't usually do this but because I did, here's a heads up. There is some language in this chapter that is much stronger than what I've used in the past. I felt it was necessary in this scene and that anything less would not be believable considering who said it and the context. Read at your own risk.
Thanks again to Eunice339 for the amazing beta work. You never disappoint.
Natalie Wright was pacing in front of Amar's office when I turned the corner. She smiled despite the obvious concern in her expression. "Tobias, Happy Birthday!"
I gave her an appreciative nod, surprised she even knew. "Ah, thank you."
"Do you have big plans tonight? A hot date maybe?"
"Nah, you know me. Today is just another day."
"Oh, come on." She gave me a gentle nudge in the arm. "Someone must have offered to buy you your first legal drink?"
I grinned. It was no secret that Zeke and I liked to relax with a twelve-pack at the end of a big assignment. And as far as assignments go, this week's had been a tough one. "Yeah, I've had a few offers. Just not really in the partying mood, you know?"
Her smile disappeared, "Yeah, I do. In fact, that's why I'm here. Amar and I have been talking a lot about where Dauntless is heading. Max has been on my back about the paperwork."
"You haven't signed it yet?"
"I can't bring myself to. The fine print - I don't know how many of us have actually read it thoroughly - but it's not what I signed up for. My God, I'm one of the original founders and I wasn't even involved in this decision."
My eyes dropped to my feet before I spoke again. "I haven't signed it either. I've seriously considered leaving myself."
Her face lightened with a knowing smile. "How did I know you would say that? We're a lot alike." She pulled a deep breath in while shaking her head slowly. "What I wouldn't give to be your age again. With your skills you could leave and go do anything, and with your looks, well, I'm sure women would be throwing themselves at your feet."
My face turned bright pink as I attempted to steer the conversation away from myself. "You say that like you're pushing eighty. I'm sure you could do the same. Go out, meet a nice guy, start a family."
Natalie giggled, "Tobias, how old do you think I am? I'm not a spring chicken like you. In fact, I had a daughter, she's only a few years younger than you."
The way she said it left me confused. "Had?" As in past tense?
She turned away from me suddenly, avoiding eye contact. "Yeah, I once had a whole family - a husband, a son and a daughter. . They still live right outside of Portland."
"That's great. You can go back home to them now. Dauntless is falling apart. We aren't needed anymore, not like we used to be. The only targets we have now are just people with dollar signs over their heads. Ever since Erudite took over, we're not fighting terror anymore. I'm sure your family needs you more than Dauntless," I smiled sincerely. "How come I never knew you had a family?"
"It's not something I share with many people. And..." her voice cracked with emotion, "I'm not a part of their lives anymore."
"Oh." That caught me by surprise. Out of everyone here at Dauntless, and I know just about everyone but a few new recruits, Natalie was one of the most loyal, loving and selfless people I had ever met. I couldn't fathom why she would be cut off from her family. "I don't want to pry, but if you need to talk..."
Before I could finish my sentence, Amar's door swung open. "Natalie, I'm glad you're here. We have a lot to discuss." He looked up at me and a smile crossed his face. "Happy Birthday, Tobias. I hope you don't mind, I'm running a bit late. Can you give me about twenty minutes?"
"Oh, yeah, of course. I'll come back in a half hour."
"Perfect." His hand met Natalie's back as he turned back to me momentarily. "Don't start drinking without me. I still owe you that first drink. Got it, kid?"
I couldn't keep the smile from spreading across my face. Amar had become like a father to me, filling a void that I didn't realize I had. In the absence of a loving family, I grew up alone and independent. It wasn't until he took me under his wing that I learned what it felt to be loved. At last year's birthday, he had promised to buy me my first drink, as he winked at me knowingly. I had to blow off Zeke and Uriah to be here, but there was no one else I'd rather celebrate my 21st birthday with.
Natalie smirked at me, lifting her eyebrows up quickly as if to say 'I told you so'. "I'll talk to you later, Tobias."
I raised my hand in a brief wave as Amar ushered her through his office door.
Eric is watching me intently, gauging my reaction at the sudden realization of the small world we live in. My eyes are locked onto Tris'. She's staring up at me, waiting for me to say something to her, or to Eric maybe, just something.
"Natalie Wright." I repeat the name once again, glancing over to Eric, whose face is creased into an evil smile. A few moments ago, I was ready to kill him, to make him pay for the lives he took, the friends he robbed me of. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt Carlos and his family and then beat the shit out of him after seeing what he did to Tris. But now I understand what he wants from me.
Three weeks after my birthday, I was out on assignment. I actually made a target piss his pants and give up his superior officer's name and location within two seconds of having my gun pointed at his face. Eric was with me and wasted no time once we had the name of our new target. I ran after him, leaving the humiliated 'pee-on' behind. "We don't have to kill him to complete the assignment. We can bring him in alive."
"Don't be a pansycake, Tobias. They say that all the time now, just to cover their asses on paper. Nobody really wants us to bring them in alive."
Eric's back hit the side of the storage bunker and I followed suit. He peaked around the corner cautiously. "Clear!" And just like that, he was running toward the next building where he planted himself beside the door. I took my place on the opposite side where I watched Eric mouth a three-point countdown. On three, he kicked the door down and shouted for everyone to freeze. 'Everyone' turned out to be only two people. One of which was our target, and the other an unlucky soldier who was just reporting to his superior.
"Do what I say, and I may not kill you," Eric announced as the two men stood with their hands up. "Who am I kidding? I'm gonna kill you both."
I stood behind him as his backup. God, I would have punched him if I could; I knew what he was doing. As soon as his cocky words left his mouth, both men's arms dropped as they scrambled for their own weapons, exactly as Eric knew they would. If you're going to die, you may as well go down fighting.
Eric fired at our main target, hitting him square in the chest. I had no choice but to shoot the other soldier before he had a chance to take a shot at Eric.
Eric smiled in triumph at the two motionless bodies lying before us. "You can't tell me you didn't enjoy that." He crouched down beside our target, as he checked for a pulse. "There's no way anyone could be as good at killing as we are and not love the adrenaline rush."
The entire base had now come to life as soon as Eric's first shot had gone off. He called in the completion of our assignment a few moments later so our people waiting in the backfield could move in and round up anyone left after the deadly shootout.
"Mission Completed. We'll be back to base in the morning," he said matter-of-factly into the radio.
My teeth were clenched tightly. I wanted to scream. I was tired of the senseless killings. Eric seemed to enjoy it more now that it was for money and not necessarily for the safety of our country. It made me nauseous to think about it – to come to terms with it. Eric loved to kill.
I sat down at the base of a nearby tree, rubbing my temples with my thumb and middle finger. He came over and sat beside me, flask in hand. He gulped several times before handing me the container. "You and I are the only ones left with guts." I couldn't look at him or acknowledge what he'd said. I couldn't believe it took me this long to realize what a psychopath he was. "Look at all these pussies taking hostages. We don't have the resources to feed them, we may as well kill 'em all now."
"You are sick, you know that?" I took a big sip of the burning liquid before handing it back to him.
"You and me both, brother." He laughed like a maniac before finishing off the contents of the flask and tossing it a dozen feet in front of us. Moments later he was snoring while I kept watch for the helicopter squad that would bring us back to base.
I stand and take a step back. Away from Tris and closer to Eric. She winces, bringing her hands to her head, but I don't even flinch. I turn to Eric, completely composed. "What did you give her?"
Eric begins to laugh. "Just an Erudite serum. She should be feeling the full effects in a little while, although she's acting like she already is. I wonder if a half-dose was too much since she's so puny."
I look back over at her. Her misty blue eyes are pleading without a single word coming out of her mouth. She wants me to help her. But I can't.
"You're right," I address Eric. "She needs to die."
Eric slaps his hands together, "I knew it. I knew you'd come to your senses once you realized who she was."
"But that doesn't mean I can forgive you for murdering my friends."
Eric's face drops. "Forgive me? Are you fucking kidding me? You should be kissing my boots so that I would even consider forgiving you. I could have blown your brains out as soon as you arrived, but I didn't because we are meant to be fighting side by side. You and I are two of a kind. I forgive you for betraying me. That's all there is to it. What happened to your friends, that was your own damn fault. You deserved that. But I think you've suffered enough now, and I'm ready to take you back, as my brother again, just like we used to be."
"You're right. I took an oath, to you and my other brothers. And then I walked away."
"So you understand now why I was so pissed off at you? You even covered up your tattoo, asshole. As if that would just erase your whole history with us." Eric took a step closer, and then another until he was practically in my face. "You stood there and watched while we were arrested, and then you walked away like you didn't even know us."
I look down at the ground. I never thought I'd hear myself apologize to Eric, yet here I am, doing just that. "I'm sorry I betrayed you. I was afraid. I didn't want to go to jail. Forgive me, brother."