“You can’t be certain,” Zach almost snapped at her. Then, his gaze became doubtful when she didn’t answer. “Are you? I mean…” he counted inside his head, “you’re just about two months pregnant. You can’t possibly know for certain that we’re not having a girl.”
“And what made you think we’re having a boy?” she challenged, arching one eyebrow behind her spectacles.
He was speechless. Well, she was right, but he wanted a boy.
“See? This is why we need to settle matters first before you start acting like you know everything,” Julianne pointed out.
Again, Zach was lost. She was the one who had been avoiding him and now she was talking about how important it was for them to settle things down?
“Wait, wait, wait,” he held up one hand and walked closer towards her. Thankfully, she didn’t back away when he held her by the arms. He looked her in the eyes, took a deep breath, and said, “Okay, let’s try to calm down here for one minute.” She just looked at him like she herself was lost. “Do you realize you’re acting all crazy here? But,” he stopped her when she opened her mouth, “I understand that. Hormones are ruling you. You’re not even thinking straight. The last time I checked, you didn’t want to talk. Now, you want to settle matters down. What exactly do you want to happen, Jules? Because I’m as lost as you. You’re not the only person who’s having a hard time here. I’m not having a hard time because I don’t want this baby. I’m having a hard time because you’re being irrational and stupid.”
*****
Julianne was shocked that Zach actually had the courage to shake her. Well, it kind of worked because she suddenly felt she was her old self. As she looked at his eyes, she was almost certain that he was all that she needed, all that she wanted.
He was actually quite angry and she didn’t expect that from him until now. She was speechless.
“Well? What do you really want to happen, Jules? Make a decision, but don’t expect me to follow everything because you’ve been silly lately,” he huffed out, his voice frustrated.
Yes, she could see that. She could see that she was making it difficult for him. But she couldn’t control her emotions. She couldn’t even control the words that were coming out of her mouth.
Looking at him now, she remembered everything he’d done for her. Those moments when he stood up for her and that thing he did before he left the show. All of them for her, and now she was paying him back by being stupid.
*****
Julianne closed her eyes and when she opened them, they were brimming with tears. “I don’t know. I feel different emotions all at the same time. I want to cry one moment and I want to shout the next. I’m not accustomed to these sudden changes.”
Even though she wouldn’t say it out loud, he knew she was asking for help. Julianne is one of the few who really know what they’re doing. She always seemed to know where she stood on matters, and with this pregnancy, with everything suddenly changing around her, she was feeling lost because she couldn’t cope with it as fast she hoped for.
“You don’t know for certain if we’re having a girl, right?” he asked hopefully when she opened her eyes. She looked at him dryly and he smiled, “It could still be a boy, right? You just said that to make your point, right?” Of course he wanted to confirm that one first because he was really hoping for a boy.
Julianne took a deep breath and stepped away from his grasps. “Yes, but still, you have to stop this. You’re making plans ahead of time. What made you buy all those stuff? What if I get miscarriage or—”
“You really have to stop this, Jules,” he took her by the arms once again. “You’re trying to handle this thing alone and you know you’re not alone. I’m here, I love you, what else is there to worry about? We’ll get through this together. I’ll help you through this.”
“But…” she looked at him with a frown, “what if you realize you don’t want her—or him” she added before he could correct her. “What if you realize the two of us can’t work out the way we want to in the end? We haven’t even been on a real date outside the show. We haven’t even done things normal couples should—”
“We don’t have to do things the normal way, Jules. We have this,” he looked down at her still flat abdomen, “and we’ll work with it. And I think the Jules I know before the pregnancy hormones would agree to that. Jules, stop thinking about ‘what should be’.” With one finger, he tipped her chin up so their eyes met. “Do you trust me? I honestly need it right now. I need you to believe that I will not go anywhere, I will not back out. For once, I’m certain with this—with what we have.”
*****
Julianne believed him. There was no question to that. But the stupid hormones raging inside her were telling her to back off and wait.
Wait for what, moron? Asked that part of her. You need him.
“Can we take it slow?” she finally asked the most sensible solution she could think of. She knew she was being irrational here. Hell, she couldn’t even figure out when she started being irrational. But she could trust Zach to do what was right while she was on the process of controlling her emotions.
“What do you mean slow?”
“Slow…no wedding, please…”
Zach blurted out a laugh. “You’re worried I’m going to ask you to marry me? I am very willing to do that, Jules, but knowing you, I’ve already programmed my mind that wedding will have to wait.”
“You can’t take that away. I still need to know you better—”
“I know what you mean,” he held her closer and kissed her nose lightly. “But for once, let me make the decisions first. You’re not currently capable of making the right choices here. You’re going through a phase. But don’t worry,” he added when she was about to agree, “I won’t make a decision the real you won’t approve of. We’ll talk everything out and we’ll take it slow.”
Julianne wanted to say no because she knew how Zach could get impulsive with decisions. And on the other hand, she also trusted him to do the right thing. So, slowly, she nodded her head and she was certain that time that she just made the best decision so far. Yes, they’d take it slow. One step at a time.
*****
“No,” Julianne said strongly, shaking her head.
“Why?” Zach asked incredulously. “We’ve been dating for months, Jules, why not now?”
She looked at him pointedly, “Zachary Astor, you told me you won’t rush me into this…” she looked around the bridal room full of gowns.
“I just…” he was looking guilty now as he brushed his fingers through his dark brown hair, “I just wanted you to fit some.”
“With my size?” she arched her brows at him, her hands on her hips. Her bulging stomach was evident now.
“What’s wrong with your size? I find you sexy,” he grinned at her and pulled her towards him. “Come on, just one gown.”
“No, and we’re going to be late.”
“Late for what?”
Julianne eyed him without answering.
“What?” he asked. He totally forgot what he was supposed to remember by the look on her face.
“It’s my doctor’s appointment,” she said icily.
“Ah, of course. I already thought that,” he said and looked around. “Can’t you just—”
“No, Zach, I don’t want to wear a gown with a bulging stomach.”
“You don’t sound like you’re Julianne,” he frowned.
“Well, that’s one thing you must learn about me. Sometimes, I tend to be a little vain. Let’s go,” she turned around without glancing at any of the gowns on display and she was already outside the store when Zach caught up with her.
“I’m telling you, Jules, he’s going to be a he,” he said excitedly.
“And I told you, she’s going to be a she,” she countered playfully.
Since that talk they had in his parents’ house, he was a constant bother in her life. A pleasant bother, that is. The sudden shift of moods lasted for quite some time and she was thankful that he did not back off when she had cried and pushed him away in some occasions. She had asked her doctor about her irrational behaviors and she said that it was only normal for most pregnant women to have those.
There even came a time when she thought of running away when thoughts and fears of Zach leaving her came to mind. Thank God Kim and Diane were always there to shake her back to her senses if Zach wasn’t around.
Diane took her pregnancy with amusement and glee, but it was Kim who was always around aside from Zach who decided to himself to move in her place when she refused to live with him. Her friend had been her constant supporter along with Jack Carter who rushed back to New York as soon as he was done with the show.
And speaking of the show, well, it ended sooner than expected. People were scandalized of course, especially when Zach made it public that he was dating her and they were going to have a baby. It was a good thing most viewers were pleased with the unexpected turn of events and Julianne even received invitations to shows which she refused by the way. There was talk that a Bachelorette season was coming up with Chloe as Bachelorette, but it was just rumor. Nothing solid yet.
Her job as a script writer was doing great and it helped her during those months of hormonal changes. But Jack would have to find a temporary replacement once she was ready to give birth. Funny how the position left by a pregnant woman was taken by another pregnant one, right?
As for Zach’s parents, they really did put up a fuss when they learned about her pregnancy. They wanted a wedding which Zach and Julianne disagreed on due to Julianne’s decision to take things slow. They explained—in one very long dinner—that they wanted to wait and take things slow first. Mr. Astor didn’t put up a big NO, but his wife constantly brought up the idea of wedding bells whenever she got the chance. Zach would sometimes agree with her if he thought Julianne was not listening.
Everything fell into place for Julianne as soon as she was over the mood swings. She was back to her old self and Zach was the first to congratulate her when she finally told him that she loves him.
“I already know that, Jules,” he had stated with a grin.
As soon as she was back on track, they got to enjoy each other’s company, often taking walks to the park or just staying home reading or talking. He had never brought up the marriage until now and though she was glad he still wanted to put a stamp on their relationship, she still wanted to wait longer for one reason: she wanted to walk down the aisle alone without a baby. Selfish, maybe, but for once, she wanted to feel that she was walking towards the man that she loves alone with the idea that he would be hers.
“You’ve never brought up the idea of a wedding before, why now? I thought we should wait after the baby comes out?” she asked as they drove to the hospital.
“We don’t really have an anniversary date to start with. A wedding will give me a date so that I can have a reason to celebrate us every month and every year.”
Julianne had to laugh at that. “That’s your reason?”
“Don’t laugh at me, Jules. I’m damned serious. Unless you want us to settle a date for an anniversary…”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she scoffed.
“Let’s see…” he began to think, “why don’t we set it on the day we met? On the plane?”
“I didn’t like you back then…”
“I liked you then.”
“This is a stupid topic, really—”
“Okay, the day we kissed?”
“You can’t possibly remember that—”
“July 23rd, a Tuesday,” he uttered.
Julianne gaped at him, “You remember? Are you serious?”
He shrugged. “I have a good memory.”
She chuckled, shaking her head, “This is silly. We don’t need an anniversary…”
“Mom’s going to freak out when she hears that,” he pointed out.
She sighed. “Let’s just wait until we actually get married.”
“And when is that?” he asked, stealing an anxious glance at her.
“Once our baby girl’s out.”
“Boy.”
“Girl.”
“Boy, Jules. I’m telling you, it’s going to be a boy.”
“I can’t deal with another version of you,” she chided.
“You’ll love us both,” he winked at her.
*****
Julianne was lying down on the clinic’s bed as her doctor navigated the ultrasound probe over her abdomen.
Zach was holding her hand tightly, looking at the monitor and then back at Dr. Keaton’s face. She wanted to laugh at the look on his face. He didn’t know how to look at the monitor and he was trying to get hints from the doctor’s face.
“Well?” he asked when Dr. Keaton finally smiled and looked at them.
“Well, it seems we finally know the gender of the baby.”
This was it. This was the moment they had been bantering about. The moment that would judge if they should change all the blue things or not, and this was the moment that they would know how to name their child.