Songs for this chapter are:
Someone New- Hozier
Style- Taylor Swift
Ghost - Halsey
"Daddy?" a small voice cuts through the darkness of my bedroom.
I lean over and click on the lamp and my eyes adjust to the illuminating light spreading throughout the room.
"Adeline? What's wrong?" I sit up, tugging the blanket up my chest, remembering that I'm not dressed underneath. I glance over at my wife, her naked back is exposed and she's sleeping on her stomach, sprawled out on the bed, the way she usually does.
"I can't sleep," a small hand rubs over little brown eyes.
Relief spreads through me.
"Did you count sheep?" I ask her. She often has trouble sleeping lately, and I'm trying not to worry too much about it. Her doctor says that she's just having a hard time shutting her wild mind off at night and it's a normal behavior for her age.
Adeline nods. "And ponies. I counted ponies too. A blue one, a red one, and a grumpy yellow one."
I try not to laugh. "A grumpy yellow pony?"
"Yep. He stole the blue one's cookie."
My little girl's mom stirs in her sleep, but doesn't wake. I pull the blanket up over exposed back, just in case she decides to roll over.
I look at my daughter, whose eyes match my own, and can't even try to hide my amusement at her inventive imagination. She's so creative for her age, always telling tales of goblins and princesses.
With a smile, I reach for her hand and she moves her teddy into her other arm and she grabs my hand. The poor stuffed bear is close to falling apart. She doesn't go anywhere, aside from school, without it and some days, I find the furry thing in my messenger bag when I get to the school.
"How about you meet me in the kitchen so you can tell me what happened next?" I say, trying to convince my six-year-old to give me a minute to throw on some sweats.
She nods and I kiss her hand before she drops it to her side. "I'll be out in just a minute, sweetie."
Adeline looks over at her mom and back at me before she makes her way to the doorway. She turns around. "Can we have a cookie while we talk?" My little negotiator asks. She's just like me, always wanting sweets.
I glance at the clock on the nightstand. It's twelve-thirty and she has school in the morning. Since I'm her first grade teacher, I shouldn't encourage her to eat sugar in the middle of the night.
"Please, Daddy?"
I know I'm supposed to be responsible, and that I shouldn't be condoning a sugar rush six hours before she has to wake up for school. Her mom's going to kill me, but I know dang well she would cave too. Those big brown eyes and that teddy bear in her arms reminds me that she won't be a kid for long.
Adeline waits expectedly.
"Grab me one too. I'll be out there by the time you pick out the tiniest cookies in the jar for us." I tell her.
She smiles like she didn't have any doubt that I would say yes.
"The tiniest ones, okay?" I smile at her.
She agrees and walks out of the bedroom. I stand up and grab my sweats from the floor.
"Sucker," my wife's sleepy voice says from the bed.
I pull the pants up my legs. "You're awake?" I mock a surprised tone.
She rolls over and lifts her arms behind her head. "Of course," she replies, wearing a sleepy smile on her beautiful face.
"Coward," I tease her.
"Push-over," she smiles, and I try to keep my eyes on her face. If I allow myself to admire my wife's naked chest, I will never leave this room.
Once I'm dressed, I lean over, resting my knee on the edge of the bed and gently press my lips against her forehead. Her eyes are closed when I pull away, her lips pulled into a comfortable smile.
I leave the bedroom and when I reach the kitchen, Adeline is holding the hand of her teddy in one small hand, and a big cookie in the other.
"That doesn't look like the smallest cookie," I open the fridge and grab the jug of milk.
Adeline smiles and her tongue pokes out between her missing teeth. She's growing up too fast.
"I thought you said the biggest," she fibs.
PRESENT.
Ellen's birthday cake is in my arms, ready to carry downstairs. Nora is standing next to the door, waving good-bye to Posey and Lila. I watch her as she pushes her pizza printed socks into a pair of plain white sneakers.
"You ready?" I ask her. I sit the cake down on the red entry table and she nods.
She's been quiet since our exchange in the bathroom and I don't know how to start a conversation with her. I agreed that I wouldn't try to fix her, that I wouldn't push to know her secrets or help her carry her baggage. She's warned me so many times now that she's not good for me, that she can't be what I need her to be.
How can that be when I have no idea what it is that I need?
All I know is that I enjoy her company and I want to get to know her. I'm okay with taking it slow, the best presents usually take the longest to unwrap.
We walk to the elevator in silence and I press the button. The swoosh of the elevator climbing floors is the only noise in the quiet hallway.
We step inside and Nora moves to the furthest side of the small car.
I allow her space and try not to look at her while she looks at me. I can feel her eyes on me, but I can tell she's tapped out on talking today.
My arms feel empty despite the cake in them. Nora touches her fingers to the end of her braid and my eyes meet hers. The elevator hasn't moved since we stepped in. I couldn't even guess how long we've been standing in here, it feels like minutes, but it's possible that it only a few seconds have passed.
Her eyes stay on mine, looking at me as if she's studying me, trying to unlock something.
I'm not the one with secrets, I want to say to her.
I think of Dakota and our night last night. I think of how embarrassed and guilty I felt when I couldn't... perform. I think about the way I felt when I found the bathroom empty. It's only been one night and I'm here with Nora, wanting to be close to her.
I guess I have secrets too.
"Is it broken?" Nora asks and I have a moment of panic when I think she's talking about my cock.
When I realize she's talking about the elevator, I want to laugh.
"I don't know," I press the button labeled "1" again. It dings and the door opens and closes. The cart begins to move and I shrug my shoulders. Did I forget to press the button? I don't know.
When we reach the bottom floor, I wait for Nora to step out of the elevator. Her elbow touches my arm and I step away to give her space. My skin feels warm and I wish for a moment I could live in a different reality. A dimension where Nora is mine to touch, mine to hold. In this world, Nora trusts me and shares parts of herself that no one else can see. She could laugh without hesitation and she wouldn't try to hide.
With each silent step through my apartment building, the perfect imaginary world fades.
"I didn't get Ellen another gift," I remember out loud.
Nora turns around and slows down until I'm next to her. "I'm sure this homemade cake and your time will be a good enough gift," she takes a breath. "I would love such a gift," she says and continues to walk.
When she says things like this, confusion fills my already crowded mind.
"You don't like birthdays though?" I ask, not expecting, but hoping, for a sliver of explanation. Her birthday is next week, but she made me promise that I wouldn't do anything for her.
She's making me promise a lot of things lately. Well, I can't even say lately because I've only known her for a few weeks and I've already promised her too much.
"Nope," Nora pushes the door open, holding it for me to pass her with the cake in my hands.
Instead of asking her why, I decide to talk about my favorite birthday memory.
"When I was younger, my mom would always make a huge deal out of my birthday. The entire week was always a celebration. She made all my favorite meals, we stayed up late every night."
Nora looks up at me. We are approaching the door to the corner store now. A couple passes, hand in hand, and I wonder if Nora has ever had a serious boyfriend. It drives me crazy that I don't know anything about this woman. She's twenty-five, so she must have dated in the past.
"She would always make these cupcakes inside of ice cream cones and bring them to my school. She thought it made the kids like me, but it only made them make fun of me more," I tell her, remembering my freshman year when no one in my class would even touch one of the sprinkled cakes she made.
No one except Dakota and Carter. The three of us tried to eat as many as we could during the walk home from school so my mom would think everyone in my class loved her gift and celebrated my birthday with me.
We had five left when we got to our block. We ended up leaving the remainder of the pan on a piece of lumber at the entrance of the patch. The wooded area was home to addicts and people down on their luck. Empty stomachs and empty lives and we liked to think that we fed at least five of them that day.
"I would have eaten one," Nora tells me, her eyes staring past me.
She doesn't elaborate on her reasoning for hating her own birthday and I didn't expect her to. That's not why I shared a piece of my past with her.
Nora opens the door to the store and the bell rings. I follow her inside and I smile when Ellen regards us, cake in hand, and tries her hardest to fight a smile.
(I'm in Germany & it's been the best time! I'll update in a few days :)