epilogue:
a clean plate.
ten years into the future . . .
>>>
She wondered how many times she had wanted to be on the arrival floors of the airport, wanted to hear the sound of her luggage rolling across the floor.
"Miruka?"
A voice filled in the gaps of silence between her and she turned around. Her eyes widened at the sight.
"Michaela?"
Michaela smiled softly, walking up to her and placing a hand on the girl's shoulder. They hugged tightly, pulling away reluctantly to look at each other.
"Wait, this is—," Miruka blubbered, shaking her head and clutching onto Michaela's arms. "This is weird. How did it all come to this? One moment I was with Kenma and now, I'm, why am I here?"
The author stepped away from her and dusted off her clothes. "There's something I need to tell you—," Michaela shot a dark glance towards the readers. "—And especially all of you."
"Woah, what's wrong?" Miruka questioned, blinking rapidly. Her tone quickly shifted to an agitated ring. "Tell me now."
Michaela sucked in a breath, and opened her mouth.
"I'M FINALLY LEAVING THIS DANG ACCOUNT AND OFFICIALLY DISCONTINUING MILK PUDDING!"
Miruka gasped and tears welled up in her eyes. Michaela made a victory pose and sent her a peace sign, a flash of lightning striking behind her.
The character sobbed. "You're leaving me?"
"Yup," Michaela said, pulling out an ice cream sandwich out of thin air to only finish it in seconds. "That's the plan."
"But why?"
"Just accept it," Michaela snapped, taking out her laptop and going to her account settings. She sat on the airport floor and waved over a flight attendant, ordering a matcha and vanilla bean mocha with extra cream and a chicken Caesar salad.
All of a sudden, Miruka pushed up her glasses that she was apparently wearing this whole time.
A shining glint washed over the lenses, and with the shake of her head, the flowing of her peach hair that was actually just strawberry blonde, Miruka removed the glasses.
And there they were, the most invincible puppy eyes to ever exist.
Michaela choked on her matcha and vanilla bean mocha with extra cream, dropping a plastic fork right into her salad.
"No, no, no," she whispered, trying with all her might not to give in. "Good lord, Miruka let me go!"
"Never!"
A groan spluttered out of Michaela's mouth and she shut her laptop, taking the last bite of grated carrot and chicken.
"You wanna know the reason?"
Miruka nodded.
"If you cry, it's not my fault. You brought this upon yourself. I don't care."
Hesitantly, she nodded again.
"Nice! Now I can finally switch to first person!"
Before she changed, Michaela glared at the readers.
"By the way, if any of you write ~ AAA's P.O.V. ~ when changing points of views, you sicken me. JUST ADD A LITTLE DASH AND ADD A SENTENCE THAT SHOWS THE READER WHO'S VIEW WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. THAT STUFF IS FOR FANFICTION.NUTS."
—
I waved my hand and we were all at a concert hall, filled with all the readers that made it this far, fellow roasters and Miruka eating a burger.
"Good day readers," I greeted grandly, stepping through the slowly opening red curtains. "I am not sorry at all for confusing you and I hope that you have the worst time tonight."
A chorus of slightly baffled cheers echoed in the hall, applause reverberating across the stands. Miruka tossed her burger in the air, the half eaten patty slapping against the wall. I yelled in approval, also throwing my salad that I also apparently still had.
"As you all are aware of," I began, snatching a microphone. "I am leaving this account. I have gathered all of you here on the hottest day of the year, to say my goodbyes."
I choked back a sob and continued forcefully.
"Yeah, I'll miss you guys too. You've been with me for a whole year almost and I cherish every single one of you. This fanfiction has a lot of memories and love in my heart, especially with all of you together with me on its journey. You all mean so much to me and I don't think I'd be able to survive without hearing your wonderful comments."
"Michaela, why are you leaving?" someone shouted, making me halt. I bit my lip and quivered.
"You see, I've been under a lot of stress and I don't think I can manage Wattpad anymore because of it. I've got some issues here on my side and I need to sort them out."
I sucked in a breath and started to cry, clutching onto the microphone for dear life.
"I— I—" I stuttered, gulping down my nerves, but it was no use. I dropped the mic and heaved a sigh.
Everything was spinning and a line of sweat trickled down my neck. I licked my lips, tapping my foot. I looked like the poster girl for nervousness and I was about to breakdown. I felt like puking and felt my stomach turn over at the anxiety. I opened my mouth and screamed.
"FUCKING FOOLED Y'ALL GET REKT BITCHES!"
The stage lights burst with white and suddenly, the entire format switched completely.
They were in the author's notes.
—
you must think, what's up with michaela?
well lemme tell you hun, what's up with you?
i can't leave this place without a bang, can i? it's the hottest day of the year sweetcheeks and i'm about to make it hotter with the roast of the year!
and you're all in it!
LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD ASSHOLES
let's see if you know who I'm talking about ;)
so firstly, y'all are creepy as fuck with fetishising characters like nsfw content is chill, but boy you're taking it a little far aren't you?
oh and congrats on slapping mental illnesses on characters THAT HAVE NO SIGNS OF THOSE ILLNESSES LIKE IT'S NOBODY'S BUSINESS
bitch please just because someone's shy does not mean they had a goddamn trauma and ptsd
yeah representation is cool but love, you sound like a twelve year old that wants to be cool on tumblr so they list every mental illness possible
btw bby, ur so edgy with your manga gore like wow aren't you so unique
nice try on the manic pixie dream, bitch
you probably did one of those illusion tricks and diagnosed yourself with schizophrenia lmao
get a load of yourself love and reevaluate your entire life :)
next, to some of you lovely fanfiction writers
your fanfics suck i mean we've had enough reader inserts
like we get it,, you're the ~ special ~ prodigy character that everyone loves and can't beat that ends up with your favourite character
and i mean really? oc 'queen'? that thing along with the others is the most two dimensional piece of paper on earth
plus, i think we know your character's 'depressed' and 'has no friends' after you mention it three hundred times after each paragraph
WOW! YOUR CHARACTER NOW TOTALLY HAS FLAWS! HOW REVOLUTIONARY!
and golly, is this world just filled with straight people now? do gay relationships exist? whoops! forgot that yaoi is the only thing that exists to satisfy you horny ass ten year olds and that you just kill them off because angst
take the mary sue test, hun because you need it
then we have the 'hoes' of this shitty bitty place
"hIYA THERE my name's sin buddy and i'm thirteen and assuma cocksucker is my daddy yeah i love you guys YOU'RE ALL MY HOESSS"
says that five year old who listens to halsey because she's edgy on the way to church, about to sing in the choir and eat some holy bread before being congratulated by the priest on her reading
you bitches keep saying y'all need jesus when you're his bff once you log out and say grace at the dinner table
do you guys even make puns? lmao wow omg u guys r such fakerz
because of you all i'm becoming Haikyuuphobic™
like aww that's cute but y'all can #hai-kiSS-MY-ASS and #fura-FUCK-DAT-e
oh and newsflash, your hashtags are so embarrassing? cringeworthy, sweaty
have you any sense of self worth when you write these things? or are you gonna be all sad and cry "I WAS NEVER OKAY"
seriously, get your shit together
AND FINALLY OH MY GOD
finally, we get to the last part of the roast where i finally get to beat your heteronormative face
i mean, excuse me, sorry for the violence QUEEN OF THE STRAIGHTS
okay but really why the hell would anyone follow you when you've barely been there for anyone
you were my best friend here!!!!
HAH please more like best bitch
ooh senpai you're my idol with your fake ass friends like seriously, i'd rather puke than be part of your bitch squad
tbh y'all are so fake your accounts look like someone added plastic surgery
i ship syx??? i'd rather ship manure and vomit — oh wait, SAME THING
oh oh oh! and may fools? who died and gave you the permission to make up a shit holiday?
and you think you think you're so salty? you don't even KNOW salty
if you knew salty, then you'd know that salt is as white as your books
also, ever heard of representation? it's something you should learn
well wouldn't that be a little hard since the only colour you paint with is peach and orange
and when did you ever add a poc or queer person? and don't make the "they're japanese" excuse because i'll kick you
you know, at one point i busted my ass to make ideas up for you when you were in a rut. but did you do that for me? no, of course not
now? sweetie, touch me next time and i'll fucking bust yours.
thanks for all the love, muffin, but i don't need fake bitches like you blocking my way
go fuck yourself and don't come back for me :)
you're all WONDERFUL!
arigato gozaimasu or whatever you hetero weeb fucktarts say and SAYONARA
(do me a favour and tag everyone you know and love in this! can't wait for all the hate!)
— michaela