"Humans must all learn to make sacrifices."
- Ulrich Feist, Beacons, 2014.
"Bear, you're being a baby." Doris's faint voice sounded from outside my room.
"Am not." I retorted before dragging my blanket over my head again. This was a terrible idea. No, a horrible one. How on earth did I ever get convinced this was a good idea? Money is definitely the root of all trouble. It had landed me a housemate who I would not be able to look at ever again.
She sighed "I think Ulrich understands now that you weren't trying to get with him."
"Doesn't matter. You tricked me into this mess and now I'm confined in here for the rest of this summer. Not going to come out until he leaves." I shouted from underneath the blanket.
There was a groan.
"You'll starve."
"I have a whole stash of cookies and Skittles in my closet so suck it." I replied snarkily.
Doris sighed "I don't know why you're acting this way. It was an accident. Ulrich understands."
"I don't care. This is your entire fault for bringing him here. My life contained the perfect amount of complications I could manage until you decided to help me add another. I can't even enjoy my freaking summer in peace now." I said. Yes the whole thing was an accident, but in three tries I had singlehandedly convinced our third wheeling guest that I was a clumsy weirdo. Normally people's opinions of me didn't count but not when he was literally across the hall from me and we were under the same roof.
I had to face the man every single day for two months.
After the incident Zen called Doris explaining everything to her which promptly caused her to drive all the way down here to convince Ulrich that no, her little brother was not a somnophilic sex offender. It took about thirty minutes for her to calm him down with the conviction that he was safe.
His judgmental eyebrows twitched around watching my every move and critizing me. I may have been a pathetically divorced twenty six year old with no further career prospects other than designing labels for like Cheezy Itz (weird name for a box of mac and cheese I know), but I was a man who still had his pride. My pride prompted me not to leave my bedroom again.
At least not until everyone was asleep so that I could sneak peach yogurt and lasagna from the fridge.
"Will you consider coming out if Ulrich comes himself to say that he's over it?"
I threw the covers off completely "No! That's even worse!"
"Do explain." My sister was obviously frustrated.
"If he comes it'll only be because you forced him to. Anyone forced to do anything gets grumpy and since he's already grumpy at me, it'll only be a matter of time before he's driven to tie me to the bed and break my legs with a hammer."
There was silence.
"Ridge have you been watching Stephen King movies again?" Why does everyone attribute my behavior to Stephen King?
"The man is pure genius!" I defended.
"Just need to know if I have to talk to Mom and Dad about your nightmares again." That witch. Get spooked out a few times because you watched some Stephen King movies at 17 and no one ever lets you forget it. Not that it was even my fault. Misery was one hell of a creepy ass movie.
"Just leave me alone." I pleaded. I wanted my moment to be miserable. There was a possibility that after I'd sulked for a while I'd feel better and eventually get over myself. But the mourning period was crucial and needed to be observed. I'd just fallen on a man's crotch for goodness sake or so he'd been implying.
"Fine. Come out when you're ready. If you wanna act like a five year old then it's fine with me." She sounded fed up. "Can't believe I drove all the way for this." I waited silently for a moment to see what she would do next. There were no words. Had my sister actually taken the hint and left me? Hell would freeze over. Doris Peskini never gave up.
I pushed off the duvet and shuffled to my feet. Slowly, I opened the door and stepped out to the hallway. There was no sign of Doris at all. Ulrich must have gone back into his own bedroom and Zen where nowhere to be found for now. It was quiet.
Too quiet.
In a blinding moment, a huge squishy weight was thrown on my back, pushing my entire body down to the floor and making me let out the highest pitch squeal in history.
"Doris what the hell are you doing?!"
My sister was a corporate genius. She was smart and a fast thinker. She was quite successful at her job. She didn't even have a mortgage yet.
But Doris was the biggest baby I'd ever had the pleasure of knowing. One quite capable of playing a middle school trick on me. I groaned in my forcibly lounged position "I'm going to kill you so hard right now."
"Didn't know it was possible to kill someone while aroused."
"Bitch you know that's not what I mean."
"Sorry bear. I was left with no choice." Doris offered getting off my back. With immense relief at the weight lifted, I lifted myself up "No choice? I came out of the room! I'd literally surrendered."
"You seem to keep forgetting that you're my brother and I know you better than anyone else. You were going to come out, sneak to the kitchen and steal food from the fridge." She stated.
I frowned "No I wasn't."
She tilted her head as if to say oh please "I know for a fact that you're out of Skittles. They can never last more than a day with your sweet tooth. We both know you'd never stay locked up anywhere without rebooting with a few snacks."
Damn.
Doris really was a witch.
"Ok fine you're right! I'm a messy cheater and I accept it." I said going towards the stairs. Doris blocked my path "Not until you promise that you're not going to lock yourself back up into your bedroom once I leave."
I cocked an eyebrow "You're really trying to set yourself up for one big letdown because I promise nothing."
"Ridge I'm serious." She wasn't kidding anymore. My sister usually preferred to call me Bear out of habit so the only time I was addressed by my birth name was when she was trying to drive a serious point.
"Why do you care so much?" I asked frustrated.
She folded her arms across her chest without answering. I stood in anticipation. Finally Doris looked away "The last time you locked yourself in a bedroom, no one knew if you'd be coming out alive." Oh.
That was when all my defenses came crashing down.
The annoyance flowed away and was replaced with guilt. It was a seldom event to see my sister actually emotion but this was one of them. When Philip served me divorce papers, I went through a spiral of depression so twisted it felt like I couldn't overcome it. My parents, Doris and even Zen had flown in to be with me. A part of me felt bad for taking them away from their lives just to take care of me but the other part was too hurt and pained by the betrayal of my husband to even think logically.
Philip had been the second serious relationship I ever had.
We met during my freshman year in college when he was a senior. He graduated but that didn't stop him for seeing me until we became an item. During my graduation he proposed. During the period I remained blind to all his antics, my life was nothing but blissful.
Losing him was a dark spot in my life. I became someone who I wasn't proud of at all but it was so hard to let go. The only thing I failed to consider was how it affected those around me also. During the first weeks, I developed a drinking problem. The day I locked myself inside my bedroom was the day I got alcohol poisoning. Doris and my Mom fearfully banged on my front door until Dad broke it down. A week later, I went into rehab. The only reason I was able to even keep my job was because of goodwill and plenty of doctor's notes.
I stepped forward bringing her into a tight hug "Awww Dory. I'm so sorry for scaring you."
"You should be jackass." She held me closer. "I worry about you a lot. Sometimes I get scared that you'll relapse again."
"I'm better." I answered truthfully. I wasn't at my very best obviously (I was still having hate sex with my ex) but I wasn't drowned in alcohol and utter self-pity anymore. There was progress at least. It would take at least half a century for me to get over all my issues.
"I want you to be at your very best again Bear." Her voice was muffled against my shirt. "You deserve all the happiness in the world."
"Thanks sis." I smiled giving her a light peck on the head. Doris pulled away dabbing her face gently with a handkerchief I didn't even notice "Now shoo. I need to shed all of this away. Can't have the rest of the world knowing that I have a heart."
I rolled my eyes fondly "Of course not."
Later that evening I was making some sketches in the living room with Sherlock settled at my feet. It was funny how frustrated Zen was that his dog seemed to be paying more attention to me than him. Sherlock didn't play favorites; he would just decide to base his closeness to anyone on how many snacks you'd sneak his way.
Zen, being the responsible one, would only let him have structured meals. I on the other hand, pretty much let him have whatever he wanted. It was like a case of the strict parent and the fun uncle. Things would surely liven up for Zen when they got back to San Francisco.
Since I was on vacation they were mostly just fun sketches to add to my portfolio. With no work or deadlines to meet, I could actually draw whatever the hell I wanted.
"Life's good." I commented.
Sherlock whined at my foot in response.
My phone vibrated. I checked it to see the ID. It was Philip. I hesitated for a moment before ignoring the call. We had nothing important to discuss or talk about so answering was useless. I actually felt a wobbly sense of pride for what I'd done. I could actually get over Philip if I tried.
(Although we would see how long that really lasted)
"Ridge." I nearly fell off the couch.
Ulrich stood in front of me with nothing but sweatpants and a t-shirt. "You ok?" didn't notice him come into the living room. I'd been too wrapped up in my drawings.
"Oh me, I'm good thanks. You?" I laughed nervously. Sherlock seemed to let out a purr. Glad to see someone was enjoying my pain. Stupid thing couldn't even alert me that there was an intruder.
He seemed hesitant "I actually wanted to apologize."
"What?" I didn't mean to sound so shocked. It was just that I was expecting something more on the lines of you're ugly, I hate your guts instead of an apology.
He frowned a little "Yes. I'm sorry at how I acted earlier. I was a little freaked out but I have nothing against you."
I nodded ignoring how steadily my heart was racing "I accept it. I'm sorry for falling on top of you."
There was a little twitch around his mouth "It's ok." The most awkward moment in history past. Ulrich cleared his throat "I know that I don't seem like the easiest person to be around but I hope that we can at least co-exist tolerably." There was a barely notable wisp of a foreign accent I couldn't identify but sounded quite nice. Strange how I hadn't noticed it before.
This was the most Ulrich had ever spoken to me before in a decent manner. I didn't know whether to be terrified or endeared. Perhaps it was a healthy dose of both.
"I'd like that." My voice was barely above a whisper.
He shuffled uncomfortably "Goodnight then."
I remained on that couch, clutching my pencil and sketchpad for about ten minutes without moving a damn inch. Stranger things had happened.
Very strange things indeed Ridge :)
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