Some things just never leave your mind. It's like they're there as a constant reminder.
I had kept in touch with Pattie for three weeks. Then come Friday after coming back from my orientation, I receive a phone call from her.
"Hello," I answered.
"Hey Camila, I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she said.
"No, I was just washing the dishes," I said putting the dish that I had in my hand down.
"Okay, well, I wanted to ask you for a favor," she said.
"Sure what is it?" I asked.
"I'm going on a business trip last minute, my boss just informed me today and I have no one to look out for Justin so I was wondering if you could please look after him?" She asked.
My eyes widened. Was I even capable of doing that? I don't even think he likes me... I scare him.
"Are you sure I could do that?" I nervously asked.
"Well you teach third graders and I suppose you've seen how Justin acts, it's not difficult at all," she said, "I'll pay you, I just need someone right now because my flight leaves in two hours."
"Okay, I'll be over in a few minutes," I said.
"Okay, bring clothes, it's for the whole weekend," she said, "you can sleep here eat here, everything."
"Alright, I'll see you in a few," I said.
"Thank you so much!" She exclaimed.
I hung up and finished rinsing off the plates then ran upstairs to prepare a bag. I threw a couple of leggings, jeans, bras, and panties in as well as some shirts. I put my converse on and walked into the bathroom to grab bathroom supplies. Once I was done I grabbed my purse and ran downstairs. On the notepad by the front door I wrote, 'I'm doing a favor for a friend, I'll be out for the weekend, call me if you need anything.'
I opened the door and locked it behind me as I walked over to my car. I drove to Pattie's and already knew where she lived since I had been there many times before. I stood in front of her door taking a deep breath in before I I knocked and she instantly opened. Her bag was already by the door. She hugged me, "Thank you thank you thank you, a million thank you's, come on in."
I walked inside and placed my bag down on the floor.
"Okay, quick lesson, you know where everything is, Justin's medicine is in his bathroom, emergency contact information to all his doctors is on the fridge. An overview of his day is also on there, it's the one that most sitters use. Bedtime is at 8 or he'll get grumpy. If he starts having an episode then just softly talk to him and he'll eventually calm down. He's really not that hard to look after, but maybe I'm just saying that because I'm his mom. If you need to go out and need to take him with you be very careful, he's quiet and easily walks away. That's it, that's all I can remember, everything else is in the packet on the fridge. Medication instructions, how to's, everything," she explained, "Questions?"
"Not right now," I said.
"Your room is the third one on the right, it's next to Justin's. I have everything you need in there. Okay, well I'm late, I better go," she said, "but first let's go say hi to Justin."
We walked into his room where he was solving a puzzle on his bed. I looked around taking in the blue color of his walls; it was a light shade of blue yet it was immensely blue. He had family pictures on his drawers and his bed was right in the middle of the room. On his walls were posters of famous places like Paris, London, Hawaii, and a few others. His room was simple yet childish. Games alighed the wall under his window and on the TV was the movie "Cars".
"Hey my love," Pattie said sitting next to him, "I'm going to go to a work trip okay? I'm going to be gone for a few days but everything will be okay, okay? Camila is going to take care of you."
"Hi Justin," I said.
He glanced up at me then looked back down so I couldn't see the rest of his reactions.
"It's okay he's shy and doesn't like people but hey, he seems to like you. Every time I mention your name he looks up and he rarely does that," she said.
"No," he whispered, "no go."
"I have to baby," she said kissing his forehead.
"W-Why?" He asked.
"It's work," she replied.
He shook his head repeatedly as he looked up at her with tears stained eyes.
"I love you okay?" She said.
"Love you," he replied pouting.
"No crying, good night, I'll see you Monday," she said kissing his forehead one last time. She made sure that he wouldn't cry before she got up and walked with me to the front door. "I go through that every morning. I don't quite think he understands that he's not going to see me for two whole days but it'll be okay, it's always okay. You know I've realized the more I worry the worse it gets."
She grabbed her bags and opened the door, "Well thank you so much I'll see you Monday morning."
"Okay, have a nice flight," I said.
"Thanks," she said, "take care."
"You too."
Once she had gotten in her car I closed the door and locked it. I slowly walked over to the living room and turned the TV on. It was 6:45. I walked over to the fridge and grabbed the paper she was talking about. It had a whole schedule and instructions on what to do if certain situations happened.
I was really nervous. Frightened actually. I had no idea how to take care of an autistic. Justin was so different, what if he hates me? What if I make him cry? Oh my gosh the pressure is real. I can't fuck up. Cammy don't fuck up.
I looked over at the microwave and saw that it said heat up at 7. I'm guessing it was his dinner. I waited for it to be 6:55 then I heated it up. While it was heating up I walked over to his room. I stood behind the wall peeking inside before I knocked and walked inside. Creepy, I know but I wanted to make sure he was like fully clothed and not in the middle of something. What am I talking about he's autistic and plays with little kid toys, he has no idea what- Jesus Camila stop.
"Hi Justin," I said walking closer. He was rocking back and forth as I walked inside. "I'm going to be taking care of you for the next two days."
He didn't look up at me, instead he grabbed a puzzle piece and put it in its place.
"So listen, don't be shy around me, we've seen each other plenty of times, I'm not going to hurt you or anything. Okay?" I asked.
He gave me a small nod as he picked up another puzzle piece.
"Your dinner is almost ready," I said.
"D-dinner," he repeated.
"Yeah, dinner," I said.
He slowly stood up and waited.
"Come on," I said.
He nervously lifted his arm up and held his hand out as he rocked back and forth. What could that mean? I stared for a minute before I figured it out.
"Do you want me to hold your hand as we go to the kitchen?" I asked.
He gave me a nod. I walked closer and took his hand softly pulling him with me. He followed until we were in the kitchen. He sat down at his place and I brought him his food.
It was some kind of meat with veggies. I handed him a fork then sat next to him. I decided not to watch him because I felt like he would feel intimidated. After a few minutes though, I glanced over to see that he had barely eaten anything.
"Are you not hungry?" I asked.
"You," he said handing me his fork and point at himself.
"Do you want me to feed you?" I asked.
He gave a slight nod his cheeks burning red. I took the fork and picked up some of the meat and vegetables then brought it up to his mouth. He slowly opened it and I placed it inside. Once I had taken the fork out of his mouth he slowly chewed. I repeated the same thing a few more times until all his food was gone.
"Do you want something to drink?" I asked.
"W-w-w-a..."
"Water," I said.
He nodded.
"Say it with me, w-ah," I stopped so he could repeat it.
"W-w-w-wah."
"Ter."
"T-ter."
"W-ah-ter," I said.
"W-w-w-ah-t-t-t-er," he said.
"Good job!" I said standing up to grab him a glass of water. I came back with it and handed it to him.
He smiled a little as he put the glass up to his lips.
"Did I just see you smile?" I asked. I smiled as I took his plate over to the sink. I washed it as I watched him drink his water. See I'm not that scary, if he smiled then that means I must be doing something right. I walked back over to him.
"I'm Camila by the way," I said.
"I kn-kn-know," he said, "you... You save..."
"I save?" I asked.
"M-me," he said pointing at himself.
I realized that he still remembered me from the bridge. "Oh yeah, I remember. By the way, why did you try doing that?"
He shook his head and looked at me for almost a complete minute, like he wanted to say something but just couldn't. He had never made eye contact with me much less looked at me for a straight minute. I got a good look at his beautiful brown eyes that screamed out innocence.
"You can say whatever it is that you want to say," I said placing my hand on top of his.
"I-I-I..."
He looked down at our hands.
"I-I-I n-normal," he finally got out.
"You normal?" I asked.
He nodded. I thought for a second wondering what he could mean by that.
"You want to be normal?" I asked.
He nodded again.
I softly stroked his hand, "So that's why you wanted to jump? You didn't want to be like this anymore."
He looked down again.
"Well I think there's nothing wrong with being like you are. You're just like everyone else in my eyes and if someone doesn't accept that then it's their problem," I said.
He looked back up at me and his eyebrows filled up with sadness before he looked back down. He was probably saying 'easy for you to say you're not the one who can't communicate.' Or maybe 'yeah that's not so true.'
"Well I think it's bed time," I said.
He quickly looked up and shook his head.
"No? Not yet?" I asked looking at the packet of papers.
8:00 bed time, bath first.
"Oh so you get to take a bath," I quietly said.
"T-t-talk," he said.
I looked at him again, "Do you want to keep talking?"
He nodded, "y-you t-talk I-I-I listen."
"Oh, okay. Is there anything you want me to talk about?"
He shook his head.
"Okay, umm, well I like the beach. I like everything about it, the wind, the sun, the water, the sand, how you can hear the waves and just listen to the ocean or you can actually go into the water. It's peaceful but at the same time exciting. Have you ever been to the beach?" I asked.
He shook his head.
"No? Then maybe your mom can take you to the beach one day," I said. "Actually the best part might just be feeling the wet sand underneath your feet. I'm sure you'd like it."
He yawned before starting to rock back and forth again.
"You sure we shouldn't get you to bed now?" I asked.
He nodded before I started talking again, "I love pizza, what's your favorite food?"
"I-I-ce... Cr-eam," he replied.
"Oh I love ice cream too but you know that's not actually food, that's a dessert," I said.
He looked down, "ch-ch-oc..."
"Chocolate?"
He nodded as he smiled. Once again a dessert but he didn't know any better.
"Dark or milk?"
"M-m-milk," he said.
I thought to myself as I looked at the rose gold watch on my hand.
"Okay, here's a deal, I have chocolate in my purse, if you go take a bath right now I'll give you some before bed," I said.
His face lit up like a star at the top of a Christmas tree and he quickly stood up holding his hand out for me to take him to the bathroom. I took his hand and he held mine as we walked to the bathroom.
"Wait, let's get your pj's first," I said taking him into his room. "Do you know where they are?"
He pointed to his drawer and I walked over to it, opening it up and finding a few of pairs of pj's. One of them had different sports on them and the other had trains on it. I smiled to myself before asking, "Which ones do you want?"
He pointed at the ones with the trains and I pulled them out before handing them to him. "You also need underwear, do you know where that is?"
He pulled the top drawer out and pulled a pair of boxers out. I walked him to the bathroom again while I looked over the section that said bath time:
Turn both hot and cold water on until warm temperature and only fill halfway. Help take his shirt off as well as pants and make sure a towel is nearby; he can do the rest.
I placed the papers down and looked over at him. He was patiently waiting on the toilet.
"Do you feel comfortable with me helping you undress or do you want to do it by yourself?" I asked.
"M-m-my-s-self," he responded.
"Okay, I'm going to leave the door slightly open. Call me if you need help," I said turning the water off before grabbing the papers and leaving.
I waited outside for a couple of minutes walking back and forth before I sat down against the wall looking through Instagram.
"C-c-ca-m-m-mil-a?" I heard. I stood up and walked into the bathroom watching as he sat on the toilet with his shirt wrapped around his head and his arms in the air.
I walked over to him and slowly pulled the shirt off of his head until his arms were free. "Stand up," I said.
He did as I told him standing up in front of me. I looked from his eyes down to his chest and down his abs until I reached the button of his pants. He was gorgeous, his body was beautifully toned which took me by surprise because I'd expect someone like him to not do much excercise. Then I realized I had just checked out an autistic boy who I was supposed to be helping. I mentally face palmed myself, Camila what are you doing? Don't let your estrogen levels get to you.
I took the button to his pants in between my fingers before I pulled it undone. I slid the zipper down and slowly pulled his jeans down until I was on my knees and the jeans were on the floor. He stepped out of them and I looked up at him before standing back up.
Lord, he was beautiful. I looked away, his face semi-red and in order to leave as soon as I could I said, "Okay I'll wait outside."
I glanced at myself in the mirror and noticed that my cheeks were really red too. I swear I think I'm more embarrassed than him.
He's so innocent and I practically eye raped him. I sat back outside and tried to controll myself but every time I closed my eyes I saw his body. These hormones are killing me. I bit at my lip before looking down at my phone and continuing my way through Instagram.
After a couple of minutes I heard the water start to drain down. "Are you done?" I asked.
He slowly opened the door revealing his half naked self. He had pulled up his pajama pants but was handing his shirt out to me. I took the shirt and slipped it over his head before he slipped his arms through the arm holes.
"Okay, let's get you your chocolate, yeah?"
He nodded and without holding his hand out he took mine and waited for me to start walking. I smiled to myself, I see we're getting more comfortable aren't we? I walked him with me to my purse where I grabbed the bar of chocolate. I unwrapped the top and handed half to him. He sat down on the floor right where he was and as he rocked back and forth, he started eating the chocolate. I sat on the edge of the couch waiting for him to finish.
"Are you going to brush your teeth now?" I asked looking at the packet of papers again. It said to prepare his toothbrush so that he could brush them himself. After walking back to the bathroom I took the only toothbrush that was there and searched for the toothpaste in the first drawer. I pulled it out and put some on his toothbrush before handing it to him.
Just like he always did, he rocked back and forth, brushing his teeth as he looked down at the water.
While he finished I looked for the rest of the schedule but after what I had read about the tooth brushing there wasn't anything else. I'm guessing it's because she usually tucks him in.
When he was done he took my hand again and I walked with him to his bedroom. As I approached his bed I looked at him and saw him looking at the floor as usual. What was so great about the floor? I know autistics are usually shy but come on, the floor?
I pulled his sheets back and moved out of the way so he could climb in. He climbed in slowly pulling the sheets close to him.
"So are you good? Do you need anything?" I asked.
He didn't respond but he did look up at me. After about an good awkward minute he started to speak, "Wh-wh-where's mommy?"
"Mommy's gone, she's on her trip," I explained.
He rocked back and forth and not at his usual pace. This time it was extremely fast. "Mommy."
"I'm-I'm sorry Justin. She'll be back before you-"
"No!" He yelled as he started hitting his thigh.
"Hey don't do that," I said reaching for his hand.
"Mommy!"
He suddenly started hitting himself, first on the chest then in the stomach.
"Crap what do I do?" I asked myself. I sat down on his bed in front of him and pulled at his arms.
"Mommy!" He repeated.
"It's okay, it's okay, look at me, mommy will be here soon okay? It's going to be okay. Do you want a bed time story?"
He stopped hitting himself in the chest but was still hitting his thighs.
"Yeah? Does that sound good? A bed time story?" I asked reaching for his shoulders. I placed my arms in between his and began rubbing his shoulders. His hitting stopped and soon his rocking went down to a normal pace. "Do you like that?" I asked feeling his shoulders relax in between my fingers.
He nodded before murmuring something I couldn't understand.
"What did you say?" I asked.
He didn't respond. I continued rubbing his shoulders until his rocking completely stopped. He slowly looked up, our faces centimeters away. His cheeks were covered in tears and his hair was stuck to his forehead from his sweat. I reached for his cheeks and softly wiped his tears away with my fingers. I brushed his hair back with my hand and blew at his forehead to dry up his sweat. His eyes never left my face but they did wander around as if he was reading my face or examining my features.
"Better?" I whispered.
"Yes," he said. It was perfect, he didn't stutter for the first time ever.
"So bed time story?" I asked. He nodded before pointing at a shelf with books. "Any requests?"
He got up and slowly walked to the book shelf and grabbed a book then walked back to hand it to me. I moved to the side so he could sit back down. He laid down instead, then pulled the sheets over him while I sat agaisnt his head board.
"Ready?" I asked.
"Mmhmm," he said.
I started reading, "In the great green room, there was a telephone, and a red balloon and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon..."
He looked at the pictures while I read and once I got to the part where it read "goodnight doll house" he was sound asleep. I finished the story in a soft whisper before climbing out of the bed and placing the book on his nightstand.
I quietly turned the light off and made my way out of the room, leaving the door cracked open.
I walked into the guest room and then remembered that I hadn't picked up my bag from where I left it before. I walked to the front door and picked it up, carrying it back to the room. I placed it on the bed and unzipped it before thanking out all that I needed to get ready for bed.
I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I did my business, brushed my teeth, changed, then headed to bed.
I pulled the soft cream colored duvet back and climbed into the bed adjusting the pillows so I felt comfortable. I laid back and stared at the ceiling until my eyelids started to droop.
It's not as bad as I thought it would be, but maybe I'm speaking too soon.
My chubs is so adorable.
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed.