Six weeks after Jared left Vienna, Ondine woke up with a start when she felt like an alien had made itself home in her stomach and was trying to claw its way out. She hadn't eaten the night before because she was already feeling queasy and thought she would just throw everything she ate up. Since her stomach was empty, she was dry heaving. She slumped over the toilet on her knees, praying that she would throw up something, anything, just so she can feel better. Tears ran down her cheeks as she gagged, but nothing came out. She held her stomach with one hand while the other wiped the beads of sweat that formed on her brow. She did not feel well at all.
She stood up and washed her hands then splashed her face with some cold water. She looked at her dripping wet face in the mirror and automatically flashed back to when she sat on the sink because of Jared. They hadn't used protection that time in their haste, and she hadn't been on the pill since leaving New York. She mentally checked her monthly cycle and since she had been so stressed out lately, she hadn't noticed she had not had a period in six weeks. Aside from the orchestra, she found a side job teaching piano to a couple of children from a couple of families who lived in her apartment building. She also subbed for a piano teacher at the music school near her building because the regular teacher went on an indefinite leave after her mother passed away suddenly.
It had been tough getting back to routine after Jared left. She missed him so much, missed her family so much. She'd never been this homesick before. She thought it was different because of Jared, because she was so in love with him and they had just recently become official. While keeping busy kept her mind from missing people back home, and teaching piano was something she enjoyed, but it was additional stress in her life.
She thought back to Jared. While they haven't discussed whether they wanted children or if they would even make it that far in their relationship, she heard his radio interview online when she went on the station's website. They guys had joked about Jared not wanting children, but he hadn't refuted the claim, so possibly being pregnant out of the blue scared the living daylights out of her. What if he reacted negatively? She was snapped out of her reverie when she heard her phone ringing in the other room. She wiped her face on a towel before exiting the bathroom. She picked up her phone and saw the request to video chat. She took a deep, calming breath before accepting the call.
"Hi, babe."
"Hi, babe," Jared replied happily. His face fell when he noticed her red eyes and nose and flushed cheeks. "Ames? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.
"I don't know yet. Maybe nothing."
"Babe..."
"Jay, I'm scared."
He wished for nothing more in the world than to be with his girlfriend at the moment and hold her in his arms. "Tell me."
"I could be wrong, Jay," she started crying.
"Ames, babe, please tell me what's going on."
"That morning we had sex in the shower, we didn't use protection."
"I pulled out, Ames."
"Yeah, but did you do it in time?" she bit her bottom lip as she waited for his reply.
"I'm pretty sure I did."
"Jay, I haven't had a period since before your surprise visit."
"It was just one time," he reasoned.
"It only takes one time!" she couldn't help but cry in frustration.
"Ames, how sure are you?"
"I'm not at all. I just had an inkling this morning because I felt nauseous."
"Babe, you need to get a pregnancy test and make sure," he said softly. "This just isn't a good time for this to happen, babe."
She looked Jared in the eyes and became silent. He didn't seem excited at all. He wasn't the only one not ready for a child; she was still in the middle of fulfilling her dreams, just like him. She was scared to death of the possibility just as much as him; the only difference was, she would make herself ready if she was expecting. She was saddened that Jared might not feel the same way, that he really did not want to be a father at all.
"I will. You know what, Jay, you're not the only one with so much to lose, okay? I'm not even sure yet, I just wanted to tell you because I am frightened; I needed your support. I needed to hear you say everything was going to be okay, but I guess I was wrong."
"Ames..."
"Jay, I just came to that conclusion because it was the most obvious. I didn't want to think that it could be something other than that, okay?"
"Babe, I'm sorry. Please, it's just that you're in a different continent, we're both busy with our careers...I just want you to be sure."
"I'll let you know," she said coldly. "Just so you know, I'm not ready to be a mother, either."
"Ames..."
She hung up on him and cried into her hands. She heard her phone ring and ring, but she just turned it off completely. She loved him, and she knew he loved her, but his reaction was not one she saw coming.
Jared raked a hand over his hair. He'd been dialing Ondine's number for the last ten minutes but it just kept going to voicemail. So far he'd left ten messages and just as many text messages. He was only 22, she just turned 23; he wasn't ready to be a father. But he knew Ondine had it all wrong. His parents raised him better than to turn away from responsibility. He may not be ready for fatherhood, but he knew what special gifts children were; his mom had fertility issues of her own before Emily Jane came into the picture. But his lifestyle now didn't work to include a child; he just wanted to make sure before he did a whole life overhaul. He was willing to give up a lot of things for Ondine, but dropping the band just when they were skyrocketing to fame was not an option. He didn't want to come off as a total ass, but he knew that that's exactly what he looked like right now to the woman he loved. He dialed her one more time and left yet another voicemail.
***
Brady waited a few minutes before Ondine finally opened the door to her apartment. She was still in her pajamas, a robe loosely tied around her waist, her hair in disarray, her face tear stained. She only opened the door a crack to talk to Brady.
"Ames? You okay?"
"I'm gonna have to skip rehearsal today. I'm feeling a bit under the weather...a stomach bug or something."
"Do you need anything?"
"No, I already called in sick. I have a doctor's appointment later, so I'll be okay."
"I can take you."
"We can't both be absent," she gave him a wry smile.
"You don't look like you're in any shape to be taking public transportation. I'll just call in, too and meet you back here. What time's your appointment?"
"In an hour. I was just about to get ready when you knocked. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
"That's okay. I've been calling your phone, but it goes straight to voicemail."
"Oh, yeah...battery drained," she lied. "It's charging now."
"Okay, you get ready. I'll be back in half an hour."
"Thanks, Brady. I really mean that," she peered up at him.
"Anytime."
Ondine changed into jeans, a sweatshirt, and boots. The Austrian air was nippy in November. She bundled up in a coat and a scarf, pulled her hair away from her face, and went with Brady to his car. He drove them to the nearest hospital where Ondine had an appointment. He waited in the lobby while she got herself checked out. She didn't look well at all, she looked tired and pale. He was worried about her; he'd never seen her look like that before. He waited a couple of hours before a nurse ushered him into a room where Ondine was confined. She had changed into a hospital gown and an IV line was inserted into the back of her hand. She was fast asleep, looking a little bit more alive already than before. He reached for her hand, the slight movement stirring her awake.
"Hey," he greeted her with a smile.
"Hi," she said hoarsely.
"What happened?"
"Fatigued and stressed. I'm suffering from exhaustion and dehydration: long hours, skipping meals, not getting enough sleep, and not drinking enough h2o contributed to me looking like this."
"You've been pushing yourself to the limit, Ames."
"I guess I didn't realize it."
"How are you feeling?"
" A little bit better."
"Jared's gonna kill me for not keeping an eye on you better," he joked with her.
She just gave him a faint smile. "Thanks again...you didn't have to do this, wait for me and everything. You must be bored out of your mind."
"Nothing a little game of ninja birds flying at green pigs or matching candies couldn't solve," he winked at her. "Well, it looks like everything's gonna be okay."
"Everything's gonna be okay," she gave him another faint smile. She wished she heard Jared tell her everything was going to be okay.
He moved some stray hair away from her forehead. "You rest. I'll just sit on this chair and wait for the doctors to give you the all clear signal."
It wouldn't be until that evening when Ondine was released by the doctors. She showed increase in strength and didn't need to be hospitalized overnight. Brady helped her into her apartment where she immediately went to sleep, feeling so tired from the last 24 hours. She woke up the following morning still in the clothes she wore to the hospital. She forgot about her phone that was still turned off on top of the nightstand and turned it on. She waited for the phone to power up and saw multiple missed calls, voicemails, and texts from Jared. She didn't want to deal with him right now, she was still in recovery. She padded into the kitchen and boiled some water to make herself some ginger tea to help with her stomach problems. She walked back to her room and picked up her phone again and saw the message from her brother.
"Ames, Jared said he'd been trying to get a hold of you, but you've gone under the radar the last 24 hours. Please give me a call when you receive this. I'm worried about you."
She dialed her brother's number and not even a second yet, her call was picked up. "Ames," Aiden said quickly.
"Hi, brother. I'm okay."
"What's wrong? Where have you been?"
"I was in the hospital."
"The hospital? For what?"
"I...should speak to Jared first," she said quietly.
"I'm here at Em J's. I think he's home...I'll go see."
Aiden walked out of Emily Jane's room and found Jared sitting in the backyard drinking a bottle of beer, staring out into the ocean. He approached the younger man and tapped him on the shoulder. "Jared, it's Ames."
Jared abruptly stood up and took the phone from Aiden's outstretched arm. He mumbled a quick thank you before putting the phone to his ear. Aiden left to give Jared some privacy.
"Babe..." Jared began.
"False alarm," Ondine interrupted her boyfriend. "So you don't have to worry about being a young father."
"Ames, please listen to me. I may not have been ready, but I would have been ready to talk with you, to make plans with you..."
"It doesn't matter now. I was just stressed out; apparently that messed with my cycle. The vomiting was stress induced as well. The doctors ordered me to take a couple of days off and rest...so I think I'll do that now. Just wanted to let you know that you don't have to worry about me cramping your style...there is no baby."
"Babe..."
"Bye."
And she hung up on him again. He stared at the black screen of Aiden's smart phone for a few seconds. He knew he should be glad that it was a false alarm, but why did he feel so empty? He felt like he was a million miles away from Ondine, not just physically, but emotionally as well. He could've handled himself better when she was freaking out, but he was freaking out, too, and when he freaked out, he didn't know the right words to say or the right thing to do. He returned Aiden's phone and headed to his room. He sent his girlfriend a text message telling her to get some rest and he'll talk to her when she's feeling better.
***
It had been a couple of days and Ondine still gave Jared the cold shoulder. She would send him replies through text, but didn't answer any of his calls. He couldn't take it anymore and sent her a text.
"Babe, please. Let me hear your voice. Let me see your face. I'm desperate to see you, babe. Please..."
"Jay, I think we need some space," she texted back.
"Ames, we are an ocean apart! How much space do you need?"
"I think we need to reassess our relationship. That was a big test, and we both failed. Maybe we don't know each other as well as we thought; not as compatible as we pretend to be."
"Babe, I'm not pretending at anything. I love you, you know that, and I'm sorry if I failed you. I just wasn't ready, but I would never have left you hanging."
"Just give me some time, please. I'm still processing everything. It scares me how happy I am that I'm not pregnant...I feel so guilty that I'm glad I don't have a life growing inside me. I don't want us to get into something we're both not ready for...and it's just a huge sigh of relief on my end...most probably on your end too. Maybe we just need time to think about everything, if we want to continue this relationship. I would like to have children some day, in the future when I'm all settled and done with my nomadic life; you may never want them ever. It's not a switch you can just turn on and off."
"Ames," he started sobbing. "I love you so much."
"Yeah, but is that enough?"
"Do you not love me anymore? Because I said some boneheaded things?"
"Jay, I love you; I love you more than you'll ever know, but I need to figure things out. I need to see where I'm headed after Vienna...and I need to see if there's room for you in that scenario."
"Ames, that really hurts."
"I'm sorry."
Jared put on a jacket and headed to his car. He drove around aimlessly, not sure where he was going. He just drove and drove in the middle of the night, his thoughts filled with Ondine's request. He hoped when she was done with thinking that there would still be room in her life for him. Because there would always be room in his life for her...and he didn't get a chance to say it, but if he were to be blessed with children, he would only want them with her.