I awoke peacefully to darkness for the first time in years, not waking up disoriented, scared, worried, anxious, confused, or anything. I was at peace.
The room was dark, but you could see faint rays of sunlight pushing through the deep aqua blue curtains that surrounded the walls. The room was beautiful. Calming. Comforting. The bed was soft and warm, and I didn't want to leave its warmth. The blankets squeezed me like the reassuring arms of my mother when I was young. For a while, I sat there unmoving. I didn’t want to leave this feeling for fear it would never return. I remembered yesterday. I remembered James. I remembered falling asleep. I remembered running, successfully, from my father, if I can even call him that anymore.
I peeled myself away from the blankets and forced my weak sore legs to support my weight on the soft padded carpet. I was facing a full length decorative mirror hanging on the turquoise walls. Despite the darkness of the room, I found myself still in three day old clothes. Not unusual, due to the lack of money and fear that being exposed in the shower would bring, but I had still never got used to it. I smelled horrible, like the garbage bags piled up at the dump, maybe even worse than that. My messy curly hair had been pulled up into a ponytail to hide the sure tangles and disaster waiting in every strand, but by now I was sure the hair band had been wrapped so many times it wouldn't ever come out. I hadn't eaten either, and you could tell. I could barely mask the growling my stomach was making. Not to mention that when I lifted my shirt, you could see and feel the prodding bones of my ribs pressing against my skin. I always tried to stay hydrated at the very least, but now my tongue was dry and parched. My shoes were caked with mud. My bright yellow tee and faded blue black skinny jeans were well enough intact...It just didn't match the rest of me. I sighed at my reflection and turned away, deciding what my next move should be. I decided first, I should leave the room and try and find what time it is, or see if anyone was awake.
I pulled open the brass door knob and stepped onto the cold hard wood floor leading straight into the kitchen. I was thankful for the cold the floor sent from my feet up my legs. They had been sore from running and maybe something else I didn't remember. Someone was awake, I could tell from the pans clattering, although I couldn't yet tell who.
"Hello...?" I called.
The noise stopped. By now I was standing in the threshold, facing off with a boy about as tall up to my waist, when I realized who this must be.
"Ty..." I try to say reassuringly; because I'm sure he must be scared of the strange lady who has just entered his kitchen. I bet it didn't help that the strange person knew his name.
"Mommy?" His eyes lightened and he looked up at me with the brightest look only small children can seem to muster.
The excitement in his face and joy in his eyes should have all made my heart lift, but instead I felt it break more. For more reasons than one, I supposed. For my own mother, who was long gone and would know how to help me now. For this little boy, whose mother had abandoned him. For this child, who even if it was explained where his parents were, he wouldn't be able to grasp it fully due to his autism. For him to not know who, what, or where his parents were. For James, who may as well be just as hurt as any.
Tears welled in my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away. I had never been one to cry easy. I didn't know what I should do, I couldn't just break away from Ty and I couldn't very well encourage the fact that I was his mother. Luckily, James came to the rescue, looking well rested and as though he just rolled out of bed. Of course, he probably had.
"Ty, do you want some pancakes?" he immediately asked.
I watched as Ty's face changed from slight confusion into quickly the ecstatic look he had earlier when he called me mommy. "Pancakes!" he smiled.
James crossed farther into the room, as he passed me he said, " I kind of need an explanation. But later; you smell rotten. I'll call when the pancakes are ready. There's a shower adjoining your room, we'll have milk and pancakes for breakfast, and just spray yourself with some perfume or whatever girls have," he kept direct eye contact with me the whole time. Even though he was speaking quickly and to the point, his eyes held the hint of a smile and I couldn’t help but be unbothered by what he said.
I would normally be offended, but I did spend the night in the guy’s house. He did save me. And I did smell and look awful. I only nodded and returned to the guest room, as the sounds of Ty and James' laughter as they concocted pancakes wilted away.
A shower sounded like a dream. Today may have been one of the best days I have had in a long time, so I didn't bother myself with thinking of what has to happen next. I let my clothes fall to the floor as I turned on the shower hot and smiled in the heat. I scrubbed my skin clean with the lavender scented smooth soap bar, and after that I addressed the hair issue. The guest bathroom was already stocked with shampoo and conditioner and underneath the sink was a comb. I poured the shampoo on my hand and scrubbed it into the curly waves of my sun shiny blond hair and slowly eased the ponytail out of my long hair. Tangles and knots of hair fell out with it, but I decided it would be best not to look. I went on like that for a while, not counting the minutes, as I did my best to fully clean myself and felt happy and pure, a luxury that was usually impossible to achieve.
Eventually I managed to cure my hair of the knots and my body of ungodly smells, and just in time, too.
James knocked on the door and called, "Kris? We just finished the pancakes. It took a little long, I was distracted talking to Ty and we accidentally burned them and had to start over. It has been about an hour..."
Which meant I had just spent an hour trying to make myself presentable and I still wasn't even finished.
"Okay," I called. “I’ll be right out."
I heard his feet pad away and I dried myself off, and remembered that I had no perfume. The little I had was in the house next door, and no way was I returning there yet. I found some Febreeze and realized I had to make due, so I sprayed it on my clothes. I re-dressed, assembled my hair, and for the first time in a long time, smiled at the girl in the mirror. I felt pretty.
By the time I walked out, Ty and James were already half way through with their meal, and a plate had been set out for me as well. Four large browned fluffy pancakes sat piled high on a decorative black plate, while in front of it sat all the things you could need. There was a jar of sugar, and the bottle of syrup, salt and pepper, butter, and some things I couldn't even identify. I reached for the syrup and dug in. I hadn't had this much food, this much home-made, well-cooked, delicious, satisfying food in far too long. Ty didn't notice, while James shot one raised eye brow look at me like I was a pig. I couldn't care less. My stomach was delighted as well, I could tell as the grumbling finally stopped. I drank five glasses of water along with the meal, and I finished in ten minutes flat. Today was only getting better.
"Ty, it's time to take your medicine now, and then we'll go to sleep, all right?" James said, looking at Ty, who was already nodding off.
James gave me the 'wait one second' look and gave Ty his medicine, as the pair disappeared into another hall way and I smiled in my seat. Today was my day, and I could forget tomorrow. James returned quickly and, knowing I owe him an explanation, he asked where I want to go.
"What about Ty? Who watches him while you're out and about?" I had suddenly grown a sense of care for him, and I was growing more and more curious about my neighbors.
"My aunt comes by. She stops by at certain hours every day and that's my chance to escape. She'll be here any minute now. To the park?" he asked.
"If you're waiting for an explanation, then no. Whatever you want me to tell you should be said in private. If I can trust you," I told him. Even though, strangely, I already did.
"I know a place," he told me and grabbed my hand and led me to the bus station. I stole a quick glance at the house behind the trees, but as expected, saw nothing of importance.
We took a short bus ride until we stop off at the mall, and I was confused. How the hell does he think the mall is a safe private place?
"What do you-" I was cut off as he so rudely shushed me, and walks me straight into the mall. We stopped walking in front of Footsteps, the children's shoe store. Today was Sunday, and this store was closed on Sunday. James pulled out a pair of keys from his pocket and slipped inside the door, dragging me along before anyone could notice. He sealed the door and locked it back behind me.
"Manager here," he told me, as though that should explain it all. Didn't he just move here?
"Kris, I kind of need an explanation. I don't ordinarily let girls attack my house door and then let her stay at my house. Not to mention rude ones who smell of sewage and look at though they've never seen cosmetics in their life. Aside from that, you’re interesting. I thought we had at least agreed on tolerating each other but we've skipped way past that. Something was horribly wrong yesterday, and I need to know what. So if you could please just.-"
Then it was my turn to cut him off. I explained everything.