My Mind Journal

I have no idea what to call this. Pathetic hopeless romanticism, i guess

I am writing this about an unnamed person. If you want to know who it is, you can ask me. But please, do not assume its about you. If this doesnt make sense, im sorry, i just needed to write it out.
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I know you know that i have a lot of feelings for you. You know that i cant just let you walk out of my life. At one point, you were exactly what i wanted and needed. I dont regret ever meeting you. I regret that we had to go our seperate ways, that we couldnt stay friends. You told me you would never leave me, you told me you would be here for me. Scratch that; you promised me. I knew that in the end it would end up like this, but i didnt think it would hurt so much. Do you realize how many nights ive stayed up until 2am silently weeping with no one there to comfort me? Do you realize how much pain you have caused me from leaving my life like you did? How much mental, emotional, and physical pain you put me through without knowing? You swore youd never hurt me, you swore you wouldnt leave me alone, you swore that youd always be there for me. Countless promises broken. You came into my life slowly at first, then all at once like a tidal wave of bliss. You knew how broken i was and you swore youd help fix me no matter how many little pieces you had to pick up. I looked up to you, i admired you, i adored you. I thought that youd be in my life forever, i thought that i had finally found my home in you. But you left my life the same way you came into it: slowly at first, then all at once like a tidal wave of despair. You took the pieces of me that you had fitted back together and let them fall to the ground and break into much smaller pieces. And ive given up trying to recollect myself. Im not me anymore, thanks to you. I still think of you, though. No matter how much youve hurt me, youre still always on my mind. Whenever a song comes on that we used to call ours, you pop into my head along with all the memories of you. Whenever i see the ring i wore for you, the necklaces, the notes, the book, the poems and stories, tears well up. And i swear i see your face everytime im in a crowd, every god damn time, because i used to always look for you in the crowd to find you to run to you. But now its just a flash, a memory, of what once was but shall never be again.