Chapter Eleven
As much as I tried, I didn't fall under the wonder spell of sleep. Instead I tossed and turned thinking about Jamison. His lips hot on mine, his hands touching my body. The way he groaned whenever I would pull on his hair or moan myself. Every time I would shut my eyes a perfect picture of recurring events would leave me wanting more. The desire to do it all over again hit harder each time.
The desire to do more than just kiss hit harder every time too. Way too hard.
"I know you know me, so I'm just going to say it," Meredith pauses. "You look like complete crap today, Lorelei."
I don't get offended. I laugh at her comment due to lack of sleep. All Meredith does is stare at me like I'm crazy. Hell, I probably am. Crazy for Jamison.
"I didn't sleep very well last night," I admit.
"Is there a juicy reason for your lack of sleep?"
I roll my blue eyes. Of course there has to be a "juicy" reason for my lack of sleep. But this time is different. There really is a reason for my lack of sleep other than my shitty sleep schedule mixed with bad insomnia. Jamison.
"I don't think I should talk about it yet."
Meredith's eyes get big. She stands up straight with her hands on her hips. The look on her face is so serious. She is waiting for me to spill my little secret. But I stay quiet. It's obvious that Jamison made a mistake by his actions of leaving.
As much as it hurts my heart, it's true. Completely true.
"Let's go out to lunch now. I think you need a little pick-me-up right about now."
Meredith pulls me into a warm, tight hug. It feels good to know that somebody cares. I just selfishly wish it was somebody else. Somebody bloody handsome and can kiss better than anybody. Stop thinking about him, Lorelei.
***
After lunch, Meredith and I go our separate ways. She thankfully didn't bring up Jamison again. I thanked her mentally for it, too. She did talk extensively about Hudson though. Surprisingly enough, I just listened. I am so happy for them that it didn’t bother me. What does bother me is the fact that Jamison left without a single word. It all leaves my mind going in circles.
I take the long way home. I walk through the park, even though there is a slight chill in the air. I wrap my black sweater around me tighter and continue on walking through the park.
Young children run around while their parents talk to one another on the benches. It feels like a total slap in my face. It brings back way too many childhood memories. None of them were as golden as this. This doesn’t help my mood at all.
I walk faster and before I know it, I'm sitting on my couch covered with a warm blanket. It would be even better if a certain somebody was here, too. Warming me up with his arms around me. His hot breath and kisses on my neck…
Okay. I need to stop this little fantasy that only happened once. I pick up my phone and dial Brooke's number. I need to talk to her. She isn't going to judge me or get all giddy on me like Meredith. Since Jamison isn't her brother, she'll be a lot more understanding. At least I believe this to be true.
"I need you right now," I say desperately. I feel like a fool right now. A stupid, stupid fool who has made a grand mistake.
"I'll be right over, Lorelei. I'll even bring some ice cream."
My stomach warms up at the kind words. Brooke is so thoughtful. I love her.
"Thank you so much, Brooke!"
No more than fifteen minutes later, Brooke sits with me on the couch. She has a pint of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream in her hand and two spoons. She hands me one spoon and then opens the pint of heavenly ice cream.
I dig in first. I take a big bite. Oh this is so good. I really needed this sugar right about now. Brooke looks over at me with sadness in her usually happy, bright eyes. My heart begins to beat even faster and worry fills my whole body.
"Please tell you're all right before I go on with my stupid problems."
"Oh Lorelei. I'm doing fine. I'm really worried about you. Your phone call made my anxiety sky-rocket."
"I didn't mean to worry you. I'm sorry. It's just, a lot has happened. I feel like I need to tell you. I love Meredith, you know I do. But I need to tell you this first. I don't want to be judged right now. I already feel pretty shitty about myself."
Brooke takes a bite of ice cream. I do the same. Brooke looks at me with wide eyes. She's not nearly as nervous as I am right now. Fuck. This sounded so much easier in theory. But I need to do this. I need to get this out of my system.
"Last night I went over to Meredith's to help her with some wedding stuff. Jamison was there. We sorted some ribbons. Then we had a pillow fight and then he ordered a pizza. Then I stole the ugly baseball cap right off his head. We ran around the house. We ended up at the front door. Then we made out."
Brooke comes closer to me with a huge grin her lips. "Oh my God! It's about freaking time! Are you two dating yet? I mean, it has been forever!"
I roll my eyes. "It was really hot and passionate. But Meredith yelled for me to come upstairs. I did as instructed. When I came back downstairs, Jamison was gone. He left."
"Oh shit."
I take another huge bite of ice cream. That oh shit doesn't sound very good. My stomach begins to hurt and twist even more. Why did Meredith of all people have to ruin this moment? The most romantic and exciting thing to ever happen to me?
"I can't stop thinking about him. I'm like a schoolgirl again."
"You're not a schoolgirl. You just finally felt the true passion that is there between Jamison and you. It's about time you two got together. And you forget about Hudson."
"Why did he leave? Is he that ashamed of me? Was I really bad? Fuck. Now my self-esteem is getting lower and lower thanks to my over-thinking."
Brooke puts the pint of ice cream on the table. She gives me a hug. It's genuine. I smile for the first time all evening.
"You know what you need to do, kido. Be the girl I know you are. You need to go find Jamison and talk to him about this kiss."
I'm left with Brooke's words repeating in my mind. Over and over again. I know what I need to do now. It's what I should have done last night.
***
I park my car outside of Meredith's house. There aren’t any cars in the driveway.. My stomach still begins to twist and turn as I move closer and closer to the front door.
My mind goes crazy thinking every possible scenario. What if he has another girl in there? What if there is some real, true reason he left? What if he has a girlfriend already? What if he's a player and just wants to bed me? All these negative thoughts go away when I close my eyes and take in a deep, deep breath.
I let myself into the house like normal. It's quiet. The part of me that is still pretty brave calls out.
"Jamison! Jamison! Are you here?" I continue to do this until I realize I should have taken a hint by the no cars outside in the driveway. I get back into my car and drive to Jamison’s apartment. I haven’t been to Jamison’s apartment since the time he passed out.
My stomach begins to feel uneasy again. Only Jamison has this effect on me. That fact alone makes my nerves even worse. Is that even possible right now?! I think so.
I enter the apartment complex, thanks to a pizza delivery guy leaving the door open for me. There must be an angel looking down on me right now. My luck is never this good. I take the elevator up to Jamison’s floor. Before I know it I am standing in front of his door.
Again, the over-thinking begins. All of the bad thoughts return. This time I block them out. I’m coming here for the truth. As long as he is honest with me, I’ll be happy. You’re lying to yourself. You want him to want you as much as you want him.
I knock on his door three times. I wait patiently with my heart in my throat. Please take me out of my misery and answer the damn door!
The door opens when I least expect it. I look up at him and he looks just as handsome as ever. I swallow hard and take in a deep breath. His blue eyes stare deep into mine. His hair looks like he just ran his fingers through it. My new favorite thing to do as of yesterday. He's wearing another button-up shirt that is buttoned up to his elbows. This time it's white. It looks sexy as hell on him.
"Hey, what are you doing here? Meredith didn't--" I cut him off with my mouth on his mouth. I don't know where all of this confidence has come from, but I kind of like being brave right now.
I wrap my arms around his neck and begin playing with his soft dirty blond hair. He puts his hands on my hips and brings me even closer to him. I bite his bottom lip just to hear his wonderful groan. His tongue meets mine and the passion from yesterday returns. It's even better than the first time. I moan louder than expected when he begins kissing down my neck. I lay one more kiss on his lips. I stare up into his blue eyes. The ache to kiss him is back. And the ache to just let him take me right here, right now is back too.
"I just had to do that again. Damn," I admit shyly.
Jamison smiles. It warms my stomach at the sight. He takes my hand and leads me into his apartment. I take in the space and the smell. It’s all so Jamison. It makes my heart beat even faster. Excitement fills my whole body.
"I'm sorry about last night. I just, um, I thought you had a boyfriend. I didn't want to hear the rejection again."
My heart stops. My stomach begins to hurt again. The pain in Jamison's voice when he said these words hurts more than I thought. I pull him close and wrap my arms around his waist. He pulls me close and kisses the top of my head. This is even better than my little fantasy earlier.
"I don't have a boyfriend. And I wouldn't ever reject you. Our hot and passionate kisses are an extra bonus."
Jamison smiles again. I do too. He kisses me once more and I happily kiss him back. I moan again as he deepens the kiss. His tongue and my tongue fight for dominance. The feeling makes me moan even more. Jamison's hands go lower and lower. My body begins to heat up at the feeling of his calloused hands on me.
"You have no idea how happy that makes me," the light in his blue eyes warms my entire insides. It really does.
Jamison and I sit down on the couch together. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close to him. He smells so good. I could stay here forever. I smile as he kisses my hair and then the top on my head.
It doesn't take long before I fall asleep in Jamison's warm arms. Everything feeling just so right. So very right.