Tyler fell asleep on Josh's shoulder and Josh fell asleep resting his head against Tyler's fluffy hair. They only regained consciousness once the plane landed, the bumpy turbulence like feeling, shaking them back to reality, thanks to gravity.
"So, what happened to Debby?"
Josh was picking up his and Tyler's suitcase from the rotational station while Tyler sipped a coffee he'd just picked up a few moments prior.
"I'm not sure. Turns out she was already wanted and on the run and go. She killed a man but that's all we know. So, she's not getting out for a long time."
"Shit, that's really screwed up."
"Yeah, tell me about it."
Tyler grabbed the handle of his suitcase and rolled it across the floor, the wheels dragging along smoothly as he followed Josh outside. When they got outside, they noticed the view of the blue sky. They just landed in Germany, the first stop on their European tour. Tyler observed the view almost trancelike: it was so damn beautiful.
Josh had already gotten in the limo, this wasn't the first time they've been here but to Tyler, everything felt like the very first time. In many ways, that was a gift. How many times has he dreamed and wished he could relive moments for the very first time? The numbers were infinite, so, Josh just lets him observe all of his surroundings and waited patiently for his boyfriend to join him.
Finally, they drove off to a hotel. Their tour bus would only get here tomorrow morning, so tonight, they had the luxurious choice of a hotel room. It was mid afternoon here, the 6-hour difference causing Josh to feel more jet lag than he'd like to admit. It was 2 o'clock here, whereas it felt like 8 for them.
"Come on, Josh!! I wanna go explore and stuff!"
"Tyler, I'm exhausted."
Josh threw his limp body onto the bed and nearly fell asleep right here and there. Tyler continued to whine until Josh finally gave in and rolled over, watching him jump around. He was so cute and it had been too long since the two of them just hung around, Josh could really use this as well.
"Fine! But let me shower first."
"Can I join you, instead?"
Josh smirked and jumped to his feet, pulling Tyler by his hips.
"Is that even a question?"
Josh headed to the shower and began undressing, removing his sweater and shirt while Tyler went to fetch them some towels, soap, and shampoo. When the sleeves of Josh's sweater ran over his wrist, he felt a pain shoot up his arm. That's when he saw it and that's when he remembered.
I can't let Tyler see that.
Josh immediately shut the door and locked it, leaving Tyler to run back in confusion.
"Josh, the door's locked, open up."
"Can't right now, I'm um, I'm using the bathroom."
"Dude, I don't care, just let me in."
"It's a, it smells really bad."
"Okay, well, I guess I'll just wait out here then."
Josh has no idea what to do, he backs up against the wall and looks back down at his wrist. It's scabbed, not too bad but could still be noticeable. He sighs and decides he might as well try and hide it. Josh unlocks the door and Tyler walks in, putting the towels down on the toilet lid.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, let's go."
Tyler ignores the fact that Josh is standing there, just watching him with both his hands behind his back and just heads to the shower where he turns on the water. He strips out of his clothes and hops in, turning to face Josh who hasn't bothered to move yet.
"If you don't wake up and get in, everything will be closed by the time we leave our hotel room."
Josh nodded and turned around to remove the remainder of his clothes, still hiding his wrist from Tyler. When he was done, he hopped in the shower and shuffled his way against the wall, his back to Tyler. He waited until his boyfriend was done shampooing to make his way under the water, his wrist behind his back.
"Josh, what are you doing?"
"I'm washing my hair, silly."
"Okay, but why is your hand behind your back?"
"No reason, no reason at all."
"Josh! You've been acting super weird ever since you walked into this bathroom. What's going on?"
"Nothing, Ty, just relax."
Tyler doesn't buy it, instead, he grabs Josh's wrist from behind his back and pulls it out towards him. Josh winces and tries to pull it back but Tyler is stronger and before Josh can do anything, Tyler has a hold of Josh's forearm and his hand. Slowly but gently, he turns Josh's hand so his palm is facing up, giving Tyler a perfect view of Josh's severed wrist.
"Josh-"
Tyler's voice breaks and he cuts himself off in mid-sentence. He takes a deep breath and tries again, his voice breaking through sobs.
"When did- when did y-you do this?"
"Tyler, can we maybe talk about this when were both not naked in the shower?"
Tyler nods and leaves rapidly, hiding his face in the towel while he shuts the door. Josh lets out a sigh and finishes his shower quickly. When he's done, he turns the nozzle just a little hotter and simply stands there, thinking. It feels like hours or days for Josh but in reality, it isn't more than two minutes before he's shutting the water and loosely tying the towel around his waist, his hip bones barely holding it up. He doesn't bother to dry off his torso or hair, he just goes straight for the door. That's when he sees it, his boyfriend sitting on the edge of their bed, both hands covering his eyes. Tyler is wearing his black skinny jeans but didn't bother to put on a shirt. Josh slowly walks and sits beside him, wrapping his arm around Tyler.
"Tyler...I didn't want you to find out."
Tyler can't speak, sobs are choking him and all he feels is darkness pool around in his mind. So, without a word, he keeps crying in the palm of his hands, drops of water accumulating.
"Last week, like when you confronted me about Debby. I didn't know it at the time so when I found out, I panicked and I hated myself and I just needed to feel pain. I needed to make myself bleed. I don't know, you weren't there and I had hurt you so much, I just, I deserved it."
Tyler removed his hands from over his eyes and threw himself around Josh's neck. His head resting on his shoulder and he quickly moved his legs so he was now sitting in Josh's lap.
"After everything I've been through, after everything I've said. The music we create, what we tell kids all over the world, don't forget it. Josh, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."
Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler and held him back tightly.
"Don't you dare put this on yourself. It was my choice."
"Promise me it'll never happen again..?"
"I promise."
After a chorus of I love yous and many well-deserved kisses, the two boys broke apart and got dressed. After all, they still had an entire city to explore. That and also the fact that Josh knew if he didn't take Tyler out, he'd never hear the end of his whining.
Splashy woke up from his nap and stretched before going to find Josh and Tyler, meowing. Josh chuckled and fed him while petting his little fluffy head. He loved nothing more than to keep his little kitten happy, both Splashy and Tyler.
"You ready, now?"
"Bring on the CITY!!"
"Tyler, calm down, it's not like we haven't been here before."
"Um, some of us don't really remember being here so, hush."
Shit. Josh had completely thrown aside the possibility that Tyler's memory isn't exactly back. He keeps forgetting that not everything they did together is edged in his brain like it is in Josh's. Before planting a soft kiss on Tyler's pink lips, Josh quickly apologized and promised Tyler some ice cream and that they'd visit everything he wanted to see.
That perked Tyler right up and both boys were on their way out. Josh grabbed Tyler's hand, entangling their fingers together as they walk. They haven't felt this good in a long time. It's precious, and the smile that rests on Tyler's soft face along with his cute little laugh is all Josh needs to know that it's going to get better. That's all Josh needed, the little reassurance that they will always be alright. As long as they have each other, they can get through anything.
***
"Do you want chocolate or vanilla ice cream?
"Can I get both? Like when they swirl it together?"
Josh smiles and asks the lady who happily nods behind the counter. Tyler nearly jumps up when she hands him his ice cream and Josh chuckles as he pays her.
"You have ice cream on your nose."
"Do you have any napkins?"
"No, but I've got something better."
Josh leans in and licks the ice cream off of Tyler's nose then plants a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. They were just two happy boys.