Day Six
I held my breath. My hands were sweaty, and my lips were quivering. Tomo looked at me with a blank expression. His lips curled up slightly, and he smiles.
"That's so sweet." He replies.
"I g-guess.." I looked away nervously. I figured he wouldn't say he loves me back. That would be an impossible thing to do for someone like him.
"Why do you love me?" He asked which had caught me off guard.
I calmed my nerves, and spoke. "Well you are very kind. You listen. You try. I think anybody, man or woman, would want a partner like that."
"Really?"
"Yes. It isn't about looks. Personality is what stays till the very end."
He looks off to the side. "I see. You are correct Sono. You are wiser than I had thought. Most men aren't that bright." He smirks.
"You are right. We aren't the brightest creatures, and that's why we need women sometimes, but in the end, we are of the same breed. Male or female, we both have a purpose. We want to love, and be loved. We want to live life." I didn't know what I was rambling on. I was highly nervous at this point.
"Gender isn't the same silly boy. That is why there are gay, bi, and straight people." He says calmly.
"I suppose."
"Sono, would you really love a man the same way you would love a woman?" He looks at me, and our eyes interlocked.
"Well...I do much prefer a girlfriend if I had to be honest, but at this point, I'm happy with whatever I can get." I smiled.
"I see. That is a good thinking process. Please keep that mindset."
"I really like you Tomohisa. I'm sure many girls have told you the same nonsense, and I'm one of the many. Except I am a guy. It must be disgusting for you. I sincerely apologize." I bowed. I felt my heart breaking even before he could properly dump me.
"I hear it a lot..." He says sluggishly. "I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure how to reply."
"Do you remotely even like me a bit?" I decided to ask. I must of sounded pathetic.
"Partially yes. Your mind intrigues me." He smiles slightly. "I'm not really sexually or mentally attracted to men, so I have a hard time adjusting."
"I know. I know I am not the most handsome or smart or anything. I am pretty lame." I sighed.
"You aren't. You are different...very different."
"Is that good?"
"Mhm yes." He nods.
"Sorry if I'm making things awkward now." I couldn't face him.
"It's only awkward if you personally make it. I don't think it is."
"Because you got used to this." I laughed.
"Not from a guy. I only had one guy confess to me, and I gave it a shot." He looks down.
"Who?" I was actually curious, and wanted to know.
"His name was Jin. I was a lot younger than he was. This was a while ago when I was thirteen."
"Wow..." I didn't know what to think. It came to a shock.
"He was twenty-three at the time when we tried things out." He looked bothered as he spoke.
"What happened?"
"I realized I didn't like men." He laughs. "They are dumb creatures that just want to show off their partners. He used me for my money since he knew my parents were pretty decent with money."
"Why did you give in to him?"
"Because it was the first guy that liked me, and asked me out. I was curious." He shrugs.
"Did you guys...?" I knew I sounded absurd. He was thirteen. There was no way he would have sex with his partner at that time.
"Gross no." He chuckles. "I would kill myself if I had to have sex with him."
"Was he ugly?" I asked. Somehow his remarks stabbed me. He would never have sex with me. Wait! What am I thinking?! He hasn't even touched a woman. I just feel I have the most disadvantage at this point.
"He wasn't ugly. I just don't get aroused by another man that's all." He says so casually. Doesn't he feel me at all? Doesn't he know that it hurts to hear all this from his current lover?
"So I guess never by me huh?" I chuckled, trying to hide the pain. I'm pathetic.
He stays silent. "I don't really like being touched nor do I wish to partake in sex." He rubs his arm, and looks away. "I guess that is why I break up with girls. They eventually want to be touched, and proven affection. I can't really do the touching much because it will only lead to sex."
Tomo is a strange guy. Most guys dream of sex. It is like sex is the single most blinding thing to a man. How can he not want the pleasure?
"But you aren't a virgin. You must of had some curiosity in you."
"I didn't. They kinda just forced me eventually. It was either I do it or break up with them." He looked bothered. "I rather not discuss this.
"I understand, but isn't a woman forcing you to have sex a wonderful thing?" I knew I should of stopped asking, but I couldn't help it.
"It isn't as pleasant when you are forced, and my body just reacts to it like any other. It was disgusting. Sorry I must be weird."
"Not at all!"
"Really?"
"Yeah! You are unique, and I really love that." I smiled.
His eyes met mine, and he smiles sweetly at me. "You're cute Sono. Thank you."
I blushed. It was rare to see him smiling, and complimenting me at the same time. Why am I falling for Mister Pretty Boy? Why?!
"Well I shall get going. It is getting a bit late, and my mom would flip out." He looks down at his watch.
"Oh yeah! Sorry to keep you!" I bowed.
"It's okay. I like spending time with you." He nods with a smile. "Don't apologize next time okay?"
"Alright." The tight feeling lingered in my chest. I wanted to give him a kiss on the cheek or something. I really wanted to, but I was too scared to even step forward.
"Goodnight." He turns, and walks away from my house. I watched as his silhouette gets smaller into the distance. It felt lonely again. I wanted to have him in my house, and talk with me.
Tomo, you are cruel. You purposely be the best boyfriend you can be to build my hopes up, and soon you will dispose of me. You are a devil, but I can't hate you.
======
I ended up texting him in the morning since I had fallen asleep. I woke up pretty late, and ended up having to stay home to study for a math exam. I felt it was a wasted day of not hanging out with Tomo, but he was understating. We texted a decent amount until it was evening.
Me: Did you get home safely?
Tomo: Of course. Thank you for worrying.
Me: Well duh! What are you up to?
Tomo: Just laying here texting you. How about you? Any games?
Me: Nope. I am only texting you.
Tomo: Are you falling?
My body froze. Am I that obvious? I try to act my normal friendly self around him. Maybe I blush too much.
Me: No, I am laying down.
Tomo: Hahahahaha! You're funny!
Me: How? Haha!
Tomo: Are you?
Me: Kinda. Sorry.
Tomo: Sorry? Sorry for what? Falling in love?
Me: I am not falling in love with you. I don't think I can in this short time span, but I do like you a lot.
Tomo: I'm appall by your maturity, and dialect.
Me: And I to you...
Tomo: You're cool.
Me: Cool? Nah, I wish. You're the cool one.
Tomo: No, I'm hot. Haha. Like fire.
Me: You are correct.
I blushed. This beautiful man is actually texting me. I feel so grateful yet upset. If only I can keep this beautiful creature. I should make him fall for me, but that would be legit impossible. He can get all these beautiful women, why would he want a fat lard like me?
Tomo: Really? Thanks haha!
Me: I should go to sleep, I'm beat.
Tomo: Me too. What will you do tomorrow? It's Sunday I believe.
Me: Nothing. It's my day to watch tv.
Tomo: May I come over? You can just tell your parents I'm a friend.
I was stunned. No one has ever wanted to come over aside from family members. My room looks like a garbage field. It didn't look nor smelled the best. I had a terrible habit of keeping food under the bed, and piling my clothes until I had none left. He would surely be disgusted by me. I must clean.
Me: Sure, come around three. That is when my parents would be gone. Before then, I need to help them with some errands. Forgot to mention.
I lied. My parents were away on a weekend visit to my aunt. I just lied to have enough time tonight, and tomorrow morning to tidy up. Luckily it was only my room that was horrifying, and not the rest of the house.
Tomo: Okay. See you tomorrow at three then! Goodnight.
Me: Night night.
I wished I could have added an 'I love you' of some sort, but that would be weird.
I got up off my bed, and started dumping all my dirty clothes in the wastebasket. I was even disgusted by all the molded food hidden underneath my bed. I grabbed the dirty plates, and all my trash off of the floor. Cleaning was going to be a pain. I couldn't even remember the last time I've cleaned my room. I felt so ashamed.
Day seven will surely be a day to remember. I wonder why he wants to come over all of the sudden. It must be a routine he does. I still can't figure him out. I felt sad deep down. Only four more days. What will happen after that? Will we still be friends? I regret going out with him if it will ruin our friendship.
Was it good I wasted this day just studying, and texting? I guess so. I wouldn't want to get too attached to the point where it will hurt.
My hands began working as I zoned out while cleaning. There was just a few more days before I meet my fate. I had a lot of fun with Tomo. He really has opened my eyes to how a relationship should be like. It wasn't just about the sexual things, but I sure as hell was curious.
Since we were both men, who would be the top, and bottom? My face instantly heated up thinking about that. I feel Tomo will definitely be the top for some odd reason. Maybe because he's taller. Then again he looks pretty feminine compared to me. The heat from my head made me dizzy. I am such a newbie at all this.
It wouldn't matter anyway...we wouldn't do that.
To Be Continued