Zeke was awoken early the next morning by the ringing of his phone. He had fallen asleep on the couch again in his clothes and he reached over and grabbed the receiver. "Hello?" he mumbled blearily.
"Zeke, thank God I found you."
"Huh? Who is this?"
"It's Sarah! Oh my God, I don't know what to do. I'm scared."
"Calm down and tell me what's going on," Zeke said as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
"It's my uncle! He's missing! I heard him mumbling something about trouble brewing last night and then he disappeared! I can't find him anywhere!"
"Relax," Zeke said while stifling a yawn. "He's probably just gone back to the Mad Scientist's Depot. Your uncle's a grown man. He can take care of himself."
"I don't think so," Sarah replied with a distinct sense of urgency in her voice. "There are signs of a struggle at the lab. I think those men may have come back! You'd better come down here."
Groggily Zeke recalled the events of the previous day when the three strange men in trench coats had unceremoniously burst into the lab. "Okay, I'll be there as quick as I can." He didn't bother to take a shower or change his clothes. He gargled a glass of water and then took off at a brisk jog out his front door.
He arrived at the lab to find a wild-eyed Sarah apparently on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She immediately ran up to him and buried her face in his chest. "It's going to be all right," Zeke said while stroking her hair in an attempt to calm her down. "I'm here now." Somehow he didn't feel as if he was being all that convincing. It didn't help matters that holding her in his arms was causing him to become a bit excited. He hoped that she was too agitated to notice the quickly growing bulge in his pants.
"I don't know what to do," Sarah said shakily. "I feel so helpless. He's the only family I have. He's never gone away without telling me before."
"He'll turn up. Don't worry." Zeke looked around the lab. The main worktable was overturned and there were smashed beakers and flasks all over the floor. Dr. Octavius's lab was always kind of messy but this looked like a herd of buffaloes had trampled through.
A loud screech alerted Zeke to the fact that Michelangelo had escaped from his cage again. He was leaping up and down and staring intently at the bookcase that concealed the secret room.
"You don't think this could have something to do with that weird door, do you?"
She pulled away and looked questioningly into his eyes while blinking back tears. "What door?"
"You know, that glowing door we found yesterday behind the bookcase."
She bit her lower lip. "Do you think we should have another look at it?"
"Do you?" Zeke gulped, still intensely conscious of how beautiful Sarah was even when she was upset.
"Well, it beats just standing around here doing nothing," she said. "How did you get the bookcase to open before?"
"I don't know," Zeke admitted. "I just kind of leaned against it and it swung open."
They started pushing against it but nothing happened. "I wasn't paying that close of attention, but I think a certain book triggered the mechanism or something," Zeke said. "Let's just start grabbing books one by one until one of them works."
"Sounds good to me," Sarah conceded and began to push at the books. After about five minutes Zeke pushed on a book entitled "The Tourist's Guide to Quartzwater City (Fourth Edition)." Not only did the bookcase swing open but the book also came loose in Zeke's hand. He glanced at the cover. It showed an elephant standing on its hind legs and wearing brown shorts and a Hawaiian shirt not unlike the outfit Zeke wore. "Hmm... that's strange," he muttered to himself.
"Look," Sarah grabbed his arm. "The doorway has been activated." The buzzing sound and dull blue light filled the room.
"We turned it off yesterday, didn't we?" Zeke asked.
"I think so," Sarah responded.
"So somebody's definitely been in here since then." Zeke stroked his chin thoughtfully.
Suddenly he felt a heavy hand land upon his shoulder. He leaped in the air and flung the tourist guide across the room in fright. He whirled around to see Vance standing there.
Vance sneered at him in disgust and released his shoulder as he turned to Sarah. "Hey baby, what's up? I just got your message and I hurried over here as fast as I could."
"Well, it seems-" Zeke started.
Vance shot him down with a cold stare. "I wasn't talking to you, you little bitch."
Sarah threw her arms around him and became hysterical all over again as she explained through sobs about her uncle.
"So you think he went through this door?" Vance stared at it with a dumb look on his face. "So what's the big deal? Let's open it and go through."
"We don't know what that thing is," Zeke said.
"I don't remember asking your opinion, virgin-boy," Vance growled.
"Now wait just a minute, I'm not-"
"Do you want me to break your face?" Vance asked.
"No," Zeke conceded.
"Then shut the fuck up."
"I think what Zeke's trying to say, honey, is that we're not sure what happens when you open the door," Sarah explained. "It could be dangerous."
"Danger's my middle name, baby," Vance scoffed. "I ain't afraid of nothing."
"But it could be deadly," Sarah said. "We have to at least test it out first to make sure it's safe."
"No, no," Zeke said bitterly. "I think Vance has the right idea. Why don't you just go through it, Vance?"
Vance eyed him suspiciously. "All right, fine let's test it out first. Hold on, I'll be back." He disappeared into the main part of the lab and returned carrying Esther. "We'll toss the chicken through the door and if it doesn't kill her we'll know it's safe. Ready?"
He turned the doorknob and flung the door open. The buzzing sound grew much louder and the blue light became so intensely bright that they had to squint against it. Nothing but the light was visible on the other side of the door.
Esther flapped her wings and squawked in protest, but Vance crept up to the edge of the doorway and thrust her through. There was a loud crackling sound followed by an even brighter flash of light and then she simply disappeared.
Before anyone had time to react a small brown streak zipped through the room and headed for the doorway. In a brisk series of fluid motion, Michelangelo paused by the entrance of the door, let out a shrill screech, pissed on Vance's shoes, and then hopped through the doorway, disappearing in a similar burst of crackling noise and flashing lights.
"Son of a bitch," Vance spit. "These shoes are brand new."
Zeke had to hold back a giggle. "Good monkey," he thought to himself.
"Well there you have it, it's safe," Vance announced.
"You don't know that," Zeke said. "They may have been vaporized. Or else maybe they were transported to the middle of outer space or something. The results are inconclusive at best."
"Jesus fucking Christ," Vance muttered. "Are you going to be a pussy your whole life? I'm going through the door. See, Sarah? Real men don't know the meaning of the word fear."
"Or Darwinism," Zeke said under his breath.
"What'd you say, bitch?"
"I said good luck, Vance."
"Be careful, honey," Sarah said as she kissed him on the lips.
Zeke looked at the floor in disgust. His eyes came to rest upon the tourist guide that he had dropped when Vance startled him. Glancing over his shoulder he saw that Vance and Sarah seemed to be engaging in an intense make-out session. They sure seemed to enjoy the public displays of affection. He picked up the book and began thumbing through it to avoid having to watch.
He looked at a random page and read the passage "Never be caught without a full supply of dental floss as it is the most widely accepted form of currency in Quartzwater City." His eyes wandered over to the door and he suddenly noticed a small dispenser of dental floss lying on the ground underneath it, almost as if it had been dropped there.
He began to sense a strange connection between the book and the door, but he still couldn't quite determine what it was. Nonetheless he began to whistle in what he hoped was an inconspicuous manner, crept behind the kissing pair, picked the dental floss up from the floor and shoved it in his pocket.
At last Vance and Sarah separated and Vance turned towards the doorway. He exhaled loudly and cracked his knuckles. "Well, here goes nothing." He looked back at Sarah once more and then stepped boldly into the doorway. The crackling sound was much louder this time, presumably due to Vance's much larger body mass. Another bright flash filled the room and Vance was gone.
"Vance, honey?" Sarah called through the doorway. "Can you hear me?" There was no response.
"Ah, that's a shame," Zeke mumbled.
Sarah turned to him. "I think we should go after him."
"What, are you crazy?" Zeke asked. "We still don't know what the deal is with that thing. Even if it isn't fatal we have no idea where they're going to. Or if it's even possible to get back. For that matter we don't really know if that's where your uncle disappeared to."
"No, but we have a pretty good idea," Sarah argued. "And besides, didn't you see how anxious Michelangelo was to jump through the door? It's almost as if he's been through it before."
"Well, that's true," Zeke conceded. "He did seem to have an unusual interest in the door. And if he's been through it before, we can surely conclude that not only is it not fatal but there's a way to return home from wherever it leads."
"That's good enough for me," Sarah said. "Let's go find Vance and my uncle." She got a determined look on her face and then disappeared through the door accompanied by the usual crackle and burst of light.
"But, but..." Zeke stuttered. "Ah, fuck it." He felt the tourist guide stick to his sweaty palms. He clutched it tightly, held his breath, closed his eyes and stepped into the doorway.