Okay so I know that it's been ages and I'm really sorry but a whole heap of stuff was happening and I also wasn't that motivated. But here is a chappie for you. It's 3.6K words so I hope it's enough to make up for my slackness. Anyway, sorry for the wait and I love all of you and your voting and I'm so proud of what this has become. 6.6K reads! Wow! Anyway, you don't care about this. Enjoy! xx
Liam's POV
As soon as I got to Niall's house in the morning so we could walk to school together, I really shouldn't have been surprised when he ran out to meet me and practically knocked me off of my feet. I couldn't help but smile though, because Niall really is so adorable. He had obviously had a rough night because he clung to me for nearly five minutes before he allowed me to pull back a little and kiss his cheek in greeting, slipping my hand into his. I didn't dare kiss his lips until we were over a block away, because if Niall's parents knew, then maybe mine would find out and I couldn't let that happen. Just.. no.
I didn't kiss his lips at all actually, not whilst we walked. He tucked himself into my side, pulling my arm around his body and I could tell that it helped calm him down. He had sounded so small and hurt last night on the phone, and I couldn't help but pull him even closer at that thought. We didn't talk much as we walked. Eventually we came across an alley between two of the houses on the street we were walking along, maybe five minutes from Niall's house and I gently steered Niall down it, so I could greet him properly. He deserved a little bit of love from someone.
I watched him for a few moments, just admiring the blush on his cheeks and the blueness of his eyes. He had his bottom lip between his teeth as he leant back against the wall and soon enough I was there in his space, my arms resting either side of his body as I leant down and placed my lips on his. I could feel his shoulders slump and his hands moved to grip on to the front of my shirt, pulling me closer. And I wasn't going to be the one who didn't allow the physical contact between us. I found myself not even caring that if someone were to walk but the alleyway and chance a glance down, they'd see us. And we were reasonably recognisable.
It felt nice, to be able to be with Niall like this. We were both smiling into each other's mouths and when we pulled back all I could stand to do was stare into his eyes. We stood there for several minutes, just looking into each other's eyes but eventually he pecked my lips and dragged me back out of the alleyway, leading me up the street in a slight hurry. I followed easily and willingly.
By the time we arrived at the school, I didn't want to let him go. I wanted to drag him away from the school into somewhere where we could hide away from everyone. I wanted to make him happy. And he made me happy, so maybe I was being slightly selfish but I wanted to cuddle with him so bad. I had been such an idiot towards him. It wasn't his fault that we had kissed the first time. I was the one that had kissed him after all, but it scared me. I didn't want to be hurt because of that. And I had had an obvious demonstration of what had happened because that had happened to Niall. Truth be told, I regretted everything but that time that I managed to get him back into my life.
I love being so close with him, all cute and couply. Even if we have to do it in secret it is still one of my favourite things. It's easy and safe and warm and he is amazing with his hugs and maybe I want an extra long one. I couldn't believe that he said yes to me, even after I had been such a dick to him. Even if he said it was fine or that he forgave me for it, I would still work so hard to earn his trust back. It had been maybe a day and a bit since we had formed this secret relationship, and yet here I was hoping that it would last for a really long time.
But when we got to the school that's when everything went down hill. I only let go of his hand when we were at the front gates, but that wasn't my first mistake. No. My first mistake had been kissing Niall in public in the first place. When we walked into the school, side by side, the others who were already there stared, and snickered. And they still stared and snickered as we walked together down the hallway. What was going on?
It wasn't until we reached my locker that I realised what had happened. Taped to my locker was a print out photo of Niall and I kissing in the alleyway.
Niall's POV
I saw the photo a second after Liam had. I had been looking down at my feet and trying to ignore the looks Liam and I were getting as best I could when suddenly Liam was stopping in his tracks. I looked up and recognised the image instantly but I had to make sure Liam was okay. This was all my fault. All mine.
I watched with fearful eyes as Liam's face turned sheet white and he broke out in a sweat, his eyes wide and frantic as he looked around the hallway where so many faces were laughing at him. At us. But then Liam was running, or sprinting really, away from me, and out the front of the school again. I called out his name and sprinted after him as fast as I could but Liam had a head start, and even though I ran all the time, he was faster. I couldn't catch up to him.
I chased after him but at one point he turned a corner and when I arrived he was nowhere in sight. I kept running. I didn't stop. I tried to find him. But after nearly an hour, I gave up. On the way back to school I walked back past Liam's house to check to see if he was there, but when I knocked on the door, I was greeted by Liam's mother and stared at, before being informed that Liam was not there and should be at school. Where I should be. So, with a quiet apology, I left and went back to school.
As I walked through the hallways I tore down every print out of that picture that had somehow been plastered everywhere. I grabbed my stuff from my locker and squared my shoulders before walking into my classroom. As soon as people saw me, the whole room filled with snickers and whispers but I didn't let them affect me. I walked to my seat and sat down beside Harry, smiling weakly at him before looking towards the front.
By the end of the lesson, the desk in front of me was covered in balled up pieces of paper that had pictures of Liam and I, that the others had thrown at me. I didn't give them a second glance as together, Harry and I got up and walked out. I was trying to be strong. To not let anyone know how hurt I felt, but my resolve was cracking.
Harry and I sat outside for lunch, behind my tree. Harry must have been texting Louis because as we were sitting there he showed up and I was pulled into a hug. I sat there silently as the two boys talked quietly above me, but I had my face pressed against Louis' chest, and it wasn't long before I had tears sliding down my cheeks. It hurt so much.
I turned even more into Louis' body as I pulled out my phone, texting Liam, pleading, begging for him to come back. All I got was a very abrupt 'Leave me alone. This is all your fault.' and it made me crack. I let out a soft sob and clutched my phone to my chest as I pressed myself closer to Louis' body. In seconds I had Louis' arms around me tightly and I was being rocked back and forth, and then Harry's hand was on my back. But I just kept crying. I couldn't help it.
My cries were getting worse, so Louis and Harry managed to get me back home. Louis laid with me on my bed as I sobbed into his chest, but now that I was in private I wasn't trying to stop. Within minutes I found myself unable to draw in enough air and I was trembling. Louis was starting to panic as well. I could hear him yelling and although he was right beside me his voice sounded miles away.
I had been doing so well. But Liam managed to make my walls crack once again. I don't know how I managed to last a month. Must have just been the fact that I was numb the whole time. That reality hadn't set in. And I hadn't been taking care of myself. But with Liam, I had been. He had been making me happier but now this had happened and I was falling apart again. And I didn't want it to stop. Because it was something that was a physical embodiment of how my heart ached.
Louis and Harry both had no idea about what they were doing, or what was wrong, or what to do. They were panicking, and I couldn't breath. Not the best combination. My sobs had turned silent and I was shaking as I laid there in Louis' arms. My mind felt too clouded. I couldn't think straight. I needed to get away. But I couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. I wanted to be alone. I just wanted this to end. But I wasn't sure what the 'this' was.
It didn't take long for my thoughts to be even more constricted. Liam. His face when he saw those photos. Liam. The way he ran off and didn't wait for me. Liam. The way that he told me to leave him alone, that this was all my fault. Liam. The way everything had happened a month ago. It all hurt and I curled up as tight as I could into a ball.
~
"Niall! Niall, listen to me! Breathe. In and out. Come on. Niall!" Was the first thing that I heard. I must have blacked out or something. And that voice didn't belong to Louis, or Harry. No, that was Nick's. I thought he hated me, I was sure he did. Why was he here? Why was he helping me? "Niall!" I heard his voice again and I gasped in a breath, before rolling on to my side and coughing furiously for several minutes. I still couldn't breath but when my coughing had slightly subsided I had Nick pressing my face against his neck with my body in his arms. I could hear his heartbeat. And his breathing. And Nick talking in my ear.
I think that was the longest break down I've ever had. When I finally could breathe again and I managed to open my eyes, it was nearly six at night. And my lungs hurt so bad from how little I had been breathing and I broke out in a bout of coughing again as I stayed curled up in Nick's arms, my hands clutching the front of his shirt as he held me in his arms. i was surprised that he was still there. I was waiting for him to leave as well.
To my surprise, he didn't leave. He was still there an hour later when I let him help me drink some water, and he was still there an hour after that when I started crying again, and he held me and wiped my tears for me. And he was still there an hour later when I started drifting off. My head was aching and I was exhausted but as soon as I focused enough on something other than Nick's breathing that I was matching my own to, I thought of Liam and it was impossible to stop myself from crying. I loved him. And now Liam was back to hating me again.
I rolled into Nick's arms and squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying my hardest not to let the last words that Liam had sent to me play over and over in my mind. He was all that I could think about and I ended up sitting, and reaching for my phone. feeling Nick sit up beside me and try to stop me but I already had the phone in my hands and dialling Liam's number.
I sat there, my breathing beginning to lose its rhythm again as it rung, and rung, and rung, before finally Liam answered. "What, Niall?" Was the first thing that he said and I let out a soft sniffle before turning my face into Nick's chest and clutching on tightly. "I-... Li.. I'm sorry..." I whimpered weakly, my voice starting to crack as Liam's tone and attitude towards me was already harsh, as harsh as it had been that whole month ago.
"You ruined this all Niall. It's everywhere! Everyone knows! The school called my parents because of the bloody pictures, and because I left. Why did this have to happen Niall? This is all your fault. You did this to me! Because of you my dad is going to come up to my room any second now and he'll hate me because you made me this way!" Liam half yelled, half anxiously stated into my ear as I laid there trembling, my cheeks damp with tears. He hated me. I could tell that much just from how he was talking to me. If I could go back and have not kissed him in that moment this morning then maybe we wouldn't be in this situation. Yet the thought that he had kissed me first still managed to pass through my mind. I didn't want to further anger him though, so I stayed silent.
Nick managed to pry the phone from my limp and trembling hands, hanging up on Liam before holding me tighter as I cried silently. I was not panicked anymore. I was just hurt and my chest ached with some unknown feeling. I had lost someone, but I had gotten someone else back. I had missed Nick's calming presence in my life so much. I hadn't realised how much I relied on him until now when I needed him the most and he was there.
~
I think I cried myself to sleep. Because I woke up to the sound of something knocking on the window. I was still curled up in Nick's arms but there was a blanket over us and the lights were out. There was still a knocking on the window. Tiredly I sat up and rubbed my eyes tiredly before looking over to try and find out what was making that sound. I looked over at the window just in time to see a rock bounce off of it. I frowned and slowly climbed out of the bed, walking over to investigate further.
What I saw was so shocking and confusing that I couldn't help but stand there dumbfounded for several minutes before finally opening the window before it was shattered by a flying rock. "Liam?" I called out quietly, looking down at the figure standing down on the ground with their head tilted back to look up at me. The light from the outside lamp caught his face and revealed a red eyed, tired looking Liam and I frowned even more than I already had been. "What do you want?"
"Ni, baby please, come down." He pleaded, trying not to be too loud and wake everyone up. I don't know what he was doing though. The last time we had spoken he had yelled at me. And that hurt. A lot. And now he was here and hoping that I would just do what he asked. The bad thing was that I wanted to. And if I had any less self control I would have done it. I would have walked down there and right back into Liam's arms. I wanted to do that so badly. But, instead of giving in, I shook my head slightly and went to shut the window, turning my face away.
"I'm sorry." I herd his voice call out after a moment, and I couldn't help but look back down at him. I had no idea why he had been so angry at me yet now he was here trying to apologise. I was too tired to deal with it really. So I left the window, leaving it open and making my way down the stairs silently before I opened the front door and walked around to where Liam had been standing. He was still there, staring up at the window until I cleared my throat. He jumped and turned around to face me, his eyes wide in surprise before he quickly walked over. He held his arms out and I hesitated for a moment before allowing them to embrace me and I was pulled up against Liam's chest.
I had no idea what had happened that made him change his decision but deep down I was so happy he was back. I needed him so badly. I didn't want to think about how this situation could have turned out in another way. Maybe Liam had been spoken to by his parents. Maybe we wouldn't have to hide. Maybe everything would get better now. I really hoped so.
I pressed my face against Liam's neck and clung to him tightly, hoping he understood that I never wanted him to let me go. Maybe he did get it, because his arms tightened around me and I was pulled even closer. I couldn't let myself relax. I needed to know what had happened before I gave in and was able to forget that he had hurt me.
I stayed in his arms for a while longer before I pulled back and wrapped my arms defensively around my body, biting my lip and not meeting Liam's eyes. "What happened?" I asked, a small frown on my face as I tried to prepare myself for the worst.
"They know.." Liam whispered and I could tell that the fact that anyone other than me, Nick and him knew that he was anything but straight was something causing him a lot of stress. And I felt sorry for him, I really did, but I also felt sorry for myself. I'd have to see how well we could stay together, if Liam still wanted us to be together, and I'd have to try and help him through the whole ordeal of coming out. I knew how hard it all was, and it was a real drainer for the people around them.
But I also knew that in times like this that it was the last time that you wanted to have to suffer through the process alone. I hadn't been alone when I came out, but I didn't want Liam to be alone either. it should be a positive experience really. But many people were all so against it that it wasn't for nearly all. So I wanted to provide as much support as I could for Liam in the time.
"They do." I whispered in conformation, nodding my head and watching him carefully. "Are you okay?" I continued on to ask afterwards, because as much as he had hurt me, this was probably hurting him more and if he wasn't okay, maybe I'd let him back in for a while to offer the support that he might need. He stayed silent for several minutes before he gave a small shrug of his shoulders. I felt exactly the same. I let out a long breath before I reached out and took his hand, leading him back to where there was a hammock in the back yard. I sat down and pulled him down beside me, curling into his side and tucking my body under his arm.
Neither of us said anything as we stayed sitting there together all night, eventually falling asleep on each other's shoulders. And no one found us the next morning. So we stayed there. Side by side. And I did my best to offer him comfort as he slowly started to come to terms with what had happened. We didn't go to school that day. I didn't want to be away from Liam. And he certainly wan't ready to go back. That much was beyond obvious.
I think Liam gave up on thinking, because in the end, we spent most of the day cuddling and kissing and just being in each other's presence. The first thing that we had done that morning when we woke up was discuss what had happened between us. And Liam had spent a solid half an hour apologising before I shut him up with a kiss. I know I probably shouldn't have forgiven him so easily but I didn't care honestly because Liam made me so happy. And whenever we weren't talking about the pressing topic of Liam's outing at school and to his parents, I was smiling and laughing and he was as well. I really didn't want us to end up fighting again. Surely now, after all this time, we were close enough that it wouldn't happen again. I could only hope.