I HAD NO preconceived desires to attend the Halloween party that Emily hyped endlessly about. But one's gotta admit there's something magical about unfolding a corridor cloying of perfume, with girls in Halloween costumes scuttling barefoot room to room.
Shutting the door behind me, I eyed the bags of Forever 21 clothes I had yet to unpack. I could probably conjure a costume from the amount of lace and fishnet in there. Real nightmare characters. Perhaps "The Slut That Fucked Your Father". "The Whore That You Impregnated and Now Incessantly Demands Child Support". "The Girl Who Made You Cheat On Your S.O.". "The Underaged Girl Who Got You in Trouble for Statutory Rape".
I loved Halloween. As children, Marc and I used to go trick-or-treating at the richest part of the neighborhood. We weren't too well off back then, but we knew which houses gave Walmart gum, and which houses gave luxury handmade nougats straight from Belgium.
I was never one for the conventional, not even as a kid. Where kids my age took forms of nightmarish creatures, movie characters or even animals. What did I go as? I went as Unfinished English Homework as a ten year old. Eleven year old me went as a starving African child - received quite the amount of questioning looks that year but everyone brushed it off because I was a kid.
Needless to say, I really didn't want to attend the Halloween party as The Prostitute Who Gave You STDs or something of similar intensity. But the only other option was The Pious Priestess Who Christened Your Mother.
So I dug my hands into the nearest paper bag, retrieving a corset thingamy which had more holes than fabric. The next item I retrieved was a pair of ripped fishnets, as though fishnets alone weren't scandalous enough.
A long and undetermined amount of time passed before I finally settled on an outfit. I had to prep talk myself into believing that it was a Halloween party and this was what youths my age wore.
I didn't exactly own cosmetic products, so I had to get creative for this bit. I dug my hands into my pencil case, and retrieved a Sharpie marker.
I already knew I would regret my decision before painting my eyelids, but it was a Friday night, meaning I would have an entire weekend to wash the marker off my lids.
If it wasn't for my expertise in applying eyeliner, mastered to perfection with a 100% success rate in terms of hand steadiness, I wouldn't have been able to pull off using permanent marker as eyeliner. The color looked off but I rationalized that no one would notice if the lighting was dim - coincidentally and thankfully a common occurrence at parties.
I had to use a wet color pencil to shape my eyebrows, and faint pink lipbalm for my lips.
It wasn't difficult to locate the 'haunted gymnasium', I only had to trail a group of girls dressed costumes varying from that of a nurse, to cat, to mermaid.
Though I must say, it was admittedly depressing to approach my destination alone. As I neared the party, students started emerging from buildings in the vicinity.
Everyone had friends, and they were all high on excitement, evidenced in the peals of laughter that escaped into the night air from clutters of students. I sighed, speeding up my steps so my strides looked less stroll-ey and more purposeful.
Out of habit, I dug my hands into my pocket for my cellphone, but then I remembered its fate. So I pressed my lips together to prevent expletives from spilling out. No good in swearing, people would only stare and think I'm weird.
I had a coat draped over my shoulders, so I wouldn't instantly look like the slut adults feared and avoided.
The 'haunted gymnasium' was more or less the way I pictured it. It was located in the basement of the Bernadette block, only accessible through the stairwell that no one used. Soundproof too, seemingly, from the way I seemed to have stepped through a portal from a silent stairwell into such a noisy place. Hard to believe the prestigious blocks comprising Richmond Park Academy could conceal such... wilderness beneath.
I blinked as I took in the room before me. It had red strobe lights, casting eerie glows on the faces and forms of students currently gyrating to a G-Eazy hit. It was surreal to watch the languid movements of my schoolmates as they lost themselves to the music. The speakers were phenomenal, dynamics were loud, they penetrated my skin, made my bones vibrate and flooded me with an intense desire to dance. It wasn't anything like those parties they held in forests.
This was the real deal.
It wasn't a large gymnasium, but it had doorways leading to rooms of sizes I couldn't determine. The walls were cement rendered, with torn posters - probably the product of cheap glue. Any other time of the year it would make the place look trashy, but on Halloween night they looked festive.
I could see the effort that went into decorating the venue - plastic skeletons and cobweb dangling from the ceiling, ice boxes filled with blood red ice, blood red fruit punches topped with gummy eyeballs... not much needed to be done for the walls. I could see ripped posters dating back to the 1990s. I wondered why they no longer used this gymnasium.
I located a bottle of Jack Daniel's, downed enough, before deciding to ditch my coat and... just, let the night take over. Tipsy from the whiskey, I decided to explore the place. There was a DJ constantly demanding cheers from the participatory body, which made it slightly difficult to maneuvre the place. I'd lost track of the number of people who'd palmed my ass - but who cares.
The rooms were located on the furthest end from the DJ. They were noticeably quieter, and exponentially less rowdy, facilitating conversation along with all forms of PDA. I averted my gaze from a couple making out in one corner, only to have my gaze land on Jaxon Ortega.
Relief was the first emotion I felt. I prided myself in being this independent person but a small part of me worried that I wouldn't find a single familiar face tonight. We are after all social creatures with social needs.
Jaxon was flanked by a group of males, and they seemed to be in serious conversation. Well, serious for an event like this. I gingerly approached.
His friends didn't really look like Faction Five members. Jaxon's friend, the one from the bathroom a few days back was the first one to spot me.
I watched as his jaws visibly slacked.
"What?" I could hear Jaxon asking his friend.
Then Jaxon followed his friends' gaze, landing on me.
His jaws seemed to harden before he excused himself from his friends. I didn't know what to do. My heart was thundering. I glanced at my empty hands, regretting my decision not to grab another drink. As Jaxon approached, I crossed my arms, trying my best to conceal the amount of skin on display. My attempts were of course futile.
"What exactly are you supposed to be?" He asked when he was in vicinity. He sounded like... nothing. He wasn't revealing any emotions. It was a controlled calm.
"I don't really know," I admitted quietly, before taking my time to study Jaxon's costume.
He didn't seem to have put a lot of effort into his costume, at all. In fact, the longer I stared, the more it looked like he had half assed-ly draped his lab coat over black ripped jeans.
"You're one to talk considering your lab coat outfit," I finally said.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said. His eyes seemed to be everywhere but on me. "I'm clearly dressed as a scientist."
"Lazy," I said under my breath.
He scoffed. "And what are you? A porn star?"
I let out an involuntary snort of laughter. I hadn't realized how good it felt to laugh, genuinely. The past few days were hell to say the least. I had tried my best to drown myself in studies, as a distraction from the imminent trouble that my parents would find me in.
I couldn't help it, I hugged Jaxon.
Or at least, I tried to.
I didn't expect him to grab my shoulders to keep me an arms' breadth away. "Whoa. What do you think you're doing?"
Maybe it was the look on my face, maybe not. Jaxon's features seemed to soften as he loosened the grip on my shoulders.
"I just wanted a hug," I replied in a small voice.
He finally met my eyes. Then he exhaled, before pulling me into his arms and close to his body. Not without hesitation. I sighed as warmth engulfed me. It's certainly been a cold night after I hung my coat on the skeletal coatrack.
Jaxon pulled away as quickly as he pulled me close to him. He wouldn't look at me.
"What's wrong?" My turn to ask.
"I'm not drunk enough for this."
Just like that, he'd turned to leave the room.
I stood, jaws agape in his wake. I then remembered that he had a group of friends in the same room. Turning in their general direction, I noticed that every single one of them had their eyes pasted on us - or rather, just me now.
I gave them a sheepish smile, once again self conscious about how little fabric covered my body. Having been ditched by Jaxon, I decided that these people were the closest things to 'companionship' tonight.
Good thing I wasn't the anti-social nerd I pretended to be. At least not under the influence of alcohol.
"Hey," I said as I approached the group of males.
A chorus of "hey"s and "hi"s returned. Awkwardly.
"I dig your costume," I said to one of the guys, not really meaning it. He was supposed to be Batman, only he was holding the mask in his hands.
"Thanks," he shot me a grin. "I dig yours too."
I thanked him. A pregnant and awkward silence ensued, before another guy spoke up.
"What are you supposed to be if you don't mind me asking?"
I took one look at my small and tight black dress, paired with ripped fishnets, before shrugging and admitting, "I don't really know. Jaxon said I looked like a porn star."
Before any of them could respond, Jaxon returned, and proceeded to squeeze himself back into the circle.
"Hey friends, I heard my name." He was holding a red cup of something in his hands, probably alcohol, if his parting words were anything to go by.
"Yeah, friend, I was telling them about how you called me a porn star."
"I said you looked like one, friend," Jaxon corrected me.
"I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or insult," I narrowed my eyes.
Jaxon shook his head. "Go put some clothes on."
His words infuriated me for some reason. "Why should I?"
In response, he downed his entire cup of alcohol. "'Cause everyone's staring, Andrea."
Upon hearing his words, everyone in the circle seemed to make a point to avert their gazes. There was a collective movements of heads, each turning in arbitrary directions. I was suddenly hyperaware of the fact that my boobs were spilling out from the low-cut fabric, with a seam that barely covered my ass.
But god be damned, I felt empowered.
I missed the feeling. I wasn't exactly a nun back at Central High, the staff knew this, the students knew this, heck, my parents knew this. I inhaled deeply. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or the music that energized and ignited a side of me that I'd successfully kept under the wraps upon arriving at this place.
"Nothing wrong with showing a bit of flesh," I said, tilting my chin up to expose the creamy skin of my neck. "It's not like you guys aren't enjoying the view."
"Okay," a hand grabbed my upper arm. Jaxon. "That's enough, Andrea. You're drunk."
I couldn't focus on anything beyond the warmth and pressure on my upper arm, dragging me out of the room and diving headfirst into a Cardi B hit. As if possessed by the music, I began dancing - and grinding against Jaxon.
The strobe lights were ultimately disorienting but they were enough to illuminate the pained expression on Jaxon's face.
He moved close. For several scary and heart palpitating moments, I thought he might kiss me. But he only moved his lips to my ears.
"Are you done?" He asked.
"You're not fun!" I shouted at him over the music.
He gave me a strained smile before dragging me out of the gymnasium.
The mood took a 180 outside the gymnasium. Air felt lighter, cooler, and I no longer felt like dancing. I just felt tired.
The past few days had been so harsh on my back. Had to carry the weight of my studies, along with the weight of knowing I'd done fucked up by borrowing five million from unauthorized money lenders. I felt so lost.
"You okay?" Jaxon asked.
I wasn't used to a version of Jaxon that cared this much for me. "Yeah," I struggled to say. "I'll head back now. Thanks."
"I'll walk you," he offered me a rare smile.
There was a full moon tonight, it casted this iridescent glow on Jaxon's face. Reminded me of that one night I spent on the beach with Elias.
"Do I really look like a porn star?" I asked Jaxon, breaking the silence.
He replied with a question. "Where'd you get that dress?"
"Elias chose it," I laughed, bitterly.
"Elias chose it? Elias DuPont?"
I nodded. "Definitely him. I know my size, this is definitely his doing - I mean the dress is tiny," I frowned. "Look at this," I said as I glanced down at the way my boobs spilled out of the fabric.
"Nah, you just have huge tits."
"You like them don't you?"
The ghost of a smile formed on his lips. "How drunk are you?"
"Not that drunk, I promise."
As if on cue, I stumbled on some rock and nearly tripped. Jaxon caught me though, successfully securing me by my waist before I could get injured for the second time in the week. The next thing I noticed was our proximity. Or lack thereof.
Before he could destroy the moment with something rational-sounding, I kissed him.
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sorry for the increasingly delayed updates, college started and stuff!!
please point out mistakes if you see them, thanks :)