What's this, an update so soon?! Yes, yes indeed it is. It's a shorter chapter, but has...slight plot development to it, and I felt bad about making you guys wait a month for the last update. So enjoy!
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The wooden paneling of the ceiling gradually comes back into focus as the memories of those two long years fades out. I still feel the warmth of Levi's wing beneath my back, still feel the sting as his fingers trace gently over my scars, yet the rest of my entire body feels cold. Cold like the days when I ran 104 degree fevers for days on end after being cut out of a malfunctioning titan...
I can feel it coming. My chest grows tight, constricting my lungs. Tears prick at my eyes and my muscles feel almost like rubber. I have to go. I have to get out of there and away from Levi before he sees the worst of what's coming.
I sit up. "I'm gonna go get some dinner," I say.
It throws him off guard; usually he's the one to push me into going to get a meal, but of course he doesn't protest. He watches me through narrow eyes; I manage a small smile, knowing somewhere deep down that he doesn't for a second buy it but hoping he does anyway, before retreating from the cell.
* * *
I sit up after Eren leaves in haste. He threw me a half-assed smile that better resembled a grimace before disappearing up the stairs. I decide it's best to leave him be for the time being - let him eat and give him time for himself - so I decide to stretch my wings. They've been twitchy for the last several days without being used, and I'm anxious to get to the air again.
Flying - seemingly the only good thing that came from my death. Though I don't know where my wings came from, I stopped wondering only moments after discovering them and used them. Flying is liberating, and since I've been able to do it, I've wanted to be able to bring Eren along, to show him how the world looks from the air, but my wings aren't strong enough to carry us both...
As I leap from one of the upper window sills and snap them out, I have to roll my eyes at myself. Such a lame, unfortunate metaphor.
But the thought quickly vanishes as I feel the warm evening air brushing across my bare skin and whipping through my hair, tangling itself in my feathers and weaving its way beneath my wings as they carry me higher. The gray stone of headquarters grows smaller as I get farther away, and before I know it I'm thirty meters up, forty, fifty, sixty. I can see everything.
I have no destination in mind, so I let the air currents carry me, banking and dipping only to let a gust catch my wings and carry me back up. It's natural as breathing, as natural as it feels to be with Eren. That damn maneuver gear was a joke compared to this.
If only that brat could see this, I can't help but think. If only he could experience this, too, maybe he wouldn't be...
And that's when I feel it. The pain in my stomach, the sudden weakness in my joints, the absolutely pounding rhythm in my chest. It causes me to drop right out of the sky from forty meters up and through the tangled, leafy branches of an ash tree before I have just enough sense to brace my muscles and land hard, but safely. It's suddenly difficult to breathe; it nearly feels like sobs are breaking from my chest and contracting my lungs, though I'm not actually weeping.
Eren!!
I don't know where he is, but I'm on my feet in a split second, headed across the grass in the next headed directly for HQ. Fortunately I didn't fall too far from it, and it takes maybe a minute to make it back. The thudding in my chest does not relent the closer I get.
Somehow I just know the building itself is void of the kid, so I completely disregard the front doors and head to the west side of it, toward the training grounds. With no regard to whether anyone sees, I yank the doors to the first supply shed open. Nothing. The next, nothing. Nothing, nothing. But I know I'm getting closer.
He's in the very last one, huddled in on himself in the corner with one hand tangled into a fist through his hair, the other's nails digging into the opposite arm. His knees are up and he's shaking so hard he looks as if he's vibrating. The only sounds are small, infrequent, muffled whimpers.
Though only a few times, I've seen this before. I've watched him sit in the darkness of his cell and curl in on himself like he's trying not to scream his lungs out, powerless to do a damn thing about it. I don't know what's triggered it, but at this point the main thing on my mind is the fact that I might actually be able to help this burning boy.
"Eren," I call, moving slowly into the small shed. As the doors swing shut behind me, most of the light is swallowed up save for what shines through a small square window on the back wall.
His body jerks a bit at the sound of my voice. I crouch down next to him to find his eyes squeezed shut, his cheeks wet and shiny with the tears leaking from between his eyelids. His heart is still flying like a hummingbird's wings. Slowly, I reach out to pry his fingers from his arm before his nails break the skin and draw blood. His teeth snap together but he doesn't fight my efforts.
But I'm not good at this. I don't know what to say to him, or what to do to calm him down. I fear attempting to embrace him will only make him feel smothered or cause him to shove me away. Words are completely lost on me, but it agonizes me to watch him in such a desperate state, to feel just an ounce of his pain as he feels it, with the very beating of his own heart in my chest...
So, although awkwardly, I pull the kid's shaking frame to my chest, sliding my arms around his shoulders to hold him there gently. His breath hitches; my hand finds his hair to tangle itself through.
"Breathe, Eren," I instruct quietly.
And just those two words has his body melting against mine, knocking me back on my ass by the added weight. I feel his eyelashes brush my collarbone as his eyes open; I pull back just enough to see his face, to see his hooded eyelids, to see the whites of his eyes to be completely bloodshot as the ducts still produce a few tears, following the already wet paths down his flushed cheeks. The oceanic hue of his irises are frighteningly dull.
He's blanking out.
"Hey, brat. Stay with me." He blinks slowly. "Come on, Eren, don't do this." I take his face between my palms. "Come back..."
His adam's apple bobs with a swallow, a breath blows through his nostrils, but he shows no signs of pulling himself back. I say everything I can think of to bring him back, but he only mildly responds. So I do the last thing I can think of - I press my lips right to his, hoping to elicit something normal from him.
Nothing.
His heart has slowed - still steady, but it's thudding lazily like a pendulum. His memories are taking center stage in his mind, consuming his thoughts and essentially blanking out the rest of his consciousness. I can almost feel it for myself, and it feels gray. So gray and dull and like nothingness.
My own eyes sting with tears. All I can do is move myself against the nearest wall, bringing him with me, and wrap a wing around his shoulders. He sinks against my side. Oddly enough, he's got a vice-like grip around my fingers; it doesn't hurt, but it's unrelenting. I don't know why, but I continue to say things to him. They're meaningless, but part of me hopes it'll coax him back to reality.
~
"I'm sorry," comes his small voice a while later.
"Welcome back, slacker."
His eyes trail up to my face; he's absolutely mentally exhausted. It takes him a second, but he pulls away from me once he realize what's happened, and his eyes trail away from mine. I retract my wing, watching him cautiously.
"What are you sorry for?" I ask after a moment.
"Everything," he says after another.
"Way to be specific," I mutter.
"Why did you kiss me?"
"To try and bring you back."
His head dips down and he pinches the bridge of his nose, letting out a mild sigh. "My mind is hell."
I bite my tongue at that. I can say nothing because I don't know what it's like firsthand. I only mildly know how he feels, and that will do no good. Tension in the room is thick.
"Kiss me again," he's saying suddenly.
"Are you sure?"
Eren turns and his eyes meet mine fully and without a drop of hesitation, he nods. Suddenly remembering every damn reason I'm in love with this boy no matter how small or trivial it may be, I lean in and do just as he asks. As our mouths move softly against one another, his arms find their way around my neck, my own hands cupping the sides of his neck. The kiss isn't hard or urgent, not full of need or want, nor does it travel beyond simply our lips, but it's intimate. His heart picks up the pace again, but this time it's lighter somehow, yet dripping with sorrow.
Fingers slide their way into my hair and he presses closer, whimpering quietly. It goes on for a while until he eventually pulls himself away with great reluctance to catch his breath, his head hanging between his arms. The position gives me an opening to press a tender kiss to his forehead, and I take it. His heart skips a bit, and his arms tighten.
"How'd you know I was in here?" he asks after his breathing has slowed a bit.
"I can feel your damn heartbeat, Eren. And apparently your other emotions as long as they're strong enough. It wasn't that hard."
His head snaps up, puzzlement clouding his features. "Huh?"
I shrug. "Don't know. All I know is that I was flying and suddenly felt your distress. It was almost like a dog following a scent...I just knew where to go."
Alongside the remaining grief and desperation in his eyes, embarrassment floods in. "Oh..." He swallows quite hard. "That's...well, crap." His lip slips between his teeth, his eyes fading out of focus for a moment like he's unsure of something before his head snaps back up. Frowning, he says, "Wait a minute. You can actually fly?"
I raise my brows. "What, you didn't figure that out by now?" I mutter with a snort.
I watch his skin ripple as the muscles in his jaw tighten and relax a few times. "No," he mumbles under his breath. "Not really..." He reaches up and plucks a leaf from my hair - I conclude it must've been from when I fell from the tree, and I watch his eyes study it for a moment.
"Would you like to see?" After what he'd just gone through and having felt even a fraction of it, I know something like this could be a decent distraction, if only for a while.
His eyes light up a bit as he discards the leaf.. "Seriously?"
As I stand up, pulling him to his feet as well, I can't help but grin just a bit. "Come on. I'll show you."
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The next update probably won't be quite as quick as this one because I'm gonna try and work on the next chapter for my other fic Be My Salvation, but things are finally starting to calm down a bit in life so I don't think it'll take another month - hopefully.
Thanks for reading, guys! :3