The pictures are spread out and take up two pages. One is of everyone else and the scenery. Niall flips the page and then sees all the pictures of Louis.
"Even with this you didn't realize you loved him? There's like 20 pictures here," Niall says, looking at how the boy seemed to be radiating happiness.
"He's beautiful. As an artist, I can appreciate art," Harry replies smoothly and Niall looks up at him.
"So what's next?" Niall asks and Harry sucks in his bottom lip and his eyes seem to get watery.
"Next is my first kiss," Harry breathes and Niall wants to jump up and cheer but he can sense how sad Harry is. He wonders how this ends. Is Louis dead? The thought makes him feel sick and he prays that's not how it is. He'd feel awful if he made Harry tell him this all again just to tell him he died.
"Harry? Is Louis..." Niall trails off and Harry looks over at him from where he was staring into space.
"I don't know," Harry answers, knowing what he's asking.
"How do-"
"The story gets better here but also worse. It's a mess of emotions but I would still go back and kiss him again. I'd do it all again. Even this part here. Even the heartbreak," Harry cuts him off and Niall shuts his mouth and looks down at the photo album.
Pictures of ducks and flowers line the page. There's a picture of Louis laughing as a squirrel eats from his hand and then a picture of Harry in a tree.
"You'd still go back and love him even if you knew he wouldn't be here?" Niall questions and Harry is looking at the pictures and Niall can see so much love and hurt.
"Yeah. Even though I know there's nothing I could ever do to make him stay, I'd go back. Just to feel him kiss me again. Just to hear his laugh," Harry tells him. Niall licks his lips and let's out a small breath.
"Anyways, our first kiss..."
•••
"And here is the amazing park, which is where we brought the children today," Louis grins. Harry just smiles as they walk down the path and the gravel crunches under their feet. Louis invited him to come out to the park and then spend the night at his house after work. It's Friday and the two haven't seen each other in a week and a half.
"How was work? Good?" Harry asks. He brings his camera up and snaps a picture of a dog running with a giant stick in it's mouth. Louis is smiling at his movements and his hand brushes against Harry's every so often.
"Excellent. Me and Gabby went on the swings and then Zander got attacked by ducks. Overall it was successful," Louis is smiling so wide and the sun shines down and takes away the nip in the air.
"Is Zander okay?" Harry asks and Louis nods.
"Katie saved him. So how was your day? Father have you doing chores?" Louis asks. He kicks as a large rock in the path and Harry watches as it skitters ahead of them and then stops, waiting to be kicked again.
"It was alright. Nick came over and helped me with some things. We mostly just sat around though," Harry mumbles. Louis is looking at him and nodding his head.
"What about your friend Liam? He didn't come?" Louis questions and Harry likes how Louis remembers his friends names and actually pays attention to him.
"He had to work on his truck. Engine problems or something," Harry explains softly and Louis nods in understanding. The two fall into a comfortable silence and Harry snaps pictures of the gnarled trees and of Louis' small feet.
"Oh this way!" Louis says excitedly. Harry just lets him grab his wrist and pull him down a path to their left. Harry trips and stumbles but finally they make it to the end and there lies a playground, a field and a small pond.
"This is the main area. Pretty right?" Louis says and Harry nods. The two continue down the path and Harry takes a picture of flowers that look like they'll die soon and of ducks swimming in the pond. He notices how children laugh and squeal near the playground and he's so mesmerized by everything. He's always stunned by how beautiful the world really is.
"Have you ever climbed a tree, Harry?" Louis asks and Harry turns to see him leaning against a tall tree with a lot of branches. Harry just snaps the picture quick and Louis laughs and shakes his head.
"Yeah I've climbed trees," Harry finally answers and Louis moves forward and slips Harry's camera off his head.
"Okay, then climb up. I want to take a picture," Louis insists and Harry furrows his brow and looks up at the tree.
"The lighting will be off and-"
"Nope! I'm the photographer and I say climb the tree!" Louis continues and Harry scrunches his nose but slowly moves to the tree. He looks back over at Louis and the man nods his head and shoos him forward. Harry just sighs and pulls himself up into the tree. He hasn't done anything like this since he was a little kid but once he starts he can feel himself smiling.
"Okay stop! Right there," Louis shouts and Harry freezes and sits down on a branch and turns to face him. Louis is grinning and he brings the camera up and snaps a picture before Harry can smile. Harry opens his mouth to argue but Louis snaps another picture and Harry crosses his arms and pouts which results in another picture.
"Can I climb down?" Harry asks and Louis looks down at the pictures on the camera and shakes his head.
"No. You have to stay up there forever," Louis tells him and Harry rolls his eyes and starts to climb down. He can hear Louis shouting at him about not listening and as soon as his feet touch the ground Louis' arms are around him.
"Why don't you listen to me? I wanted another picture," Louis whines into his back and Harry laughs and turns in his arms. Louis just buries his head in his chest and Harry awkwardly brings his arm up and pats his head.
"You can take more later. Let's go near the water," Harry suggests. Louis sighs and untangles himself from Harry and Harry is sad about how cold he feels. He likes having Louis next to him, his warm body is relaxing and soothing and calms his anxieties.
They walk towards the pond and Harry snaps pictures of the ducks swimming and of young children feeding them. He snaps a picture of Louis smiling fondly at the children and of him making them laugh. Harry notices how every person looks at Louis like he's something special. He is something special truly. His beauty is so rare to find in someone.
"Harry," Louis whispers and Harry snaps back to reality and looks down to see Louis smiling at him, his face bursting with giddiness. His hand is held open with some dried fruit someone must have given him and a squirrel is sitting on his hand eating it. Harry smiles at the sight and captures the image away forever. Louis with the excitement of a young child and the squirrel attracted to him like he's a Disney princess.
"Isn't it cute? It's so tiny," Louis continues to whisper like he's scared the small animal will run. Harry just slowly kneels down so he's close to them and gets a close up of the small creature. The click of the camera startles him and within seconds he's gone and half way up a nearby tree. Harry can feel his face going red and he looks at Louis to apologize but the man is already standing up.
"Apparently he's not a fan of the camera. That's okay though," Louis brushes it off and Harry just looks down, feeling like he ruined a happy moment. "Hey, don't be all sad. He wasn't going to stay much longer anyways," Louis is quick to make him feel better and Harry smiles at the attempt.
"Why don't you feed the ducks?" Louis suggests and Harry furrows his brow and looks at him.
"We don't have bread," Harry points out and Louis rolls his eyes and walks over to a younger lady and her child. They have a whole loaf with them and Louis flashes them his heartwarming smile.
"Hello. I was wondering if me and my friend could borrow a piece of bread? He'd really like to feed the ducks," Louis explains softly, his voice smooth and persuasive. The woman just chuckles and reaches into the bag and grabs them a piece without question and Louis gives her a quick thanks before he runs back over to Harry and holds it up proudly.
"I have bread," he cheers and Harry just laughs at how young he always seems. It's nice to not worry about being serious or an adult sometimes.
"Let's go to the ducks than," Harry says and Louis just loops his arm through Harry's and leads them towards the groups of them. Harry rips the bread into small pieces as they walk and Louis stands back when they arrive and let's Harry go forward. The boy takes small, slow steps and throws the bread tentatively at the ducks. They seem confused at first but soon they're a quacking mess and they surround him. Harry can hear Louis laughing as he squeals and tries to back away. They keep moving forward and he doesn't have enough bread for them all. Thankfully someone else comes over and the ducks leave him and go to the other people. Only one stray duck lingers and Harry squats down and holds the bread from his fingers.
The duck regards him curiously and slowly moves closer. Harry doesn't move and waits for the bird to grab the bread from his fingers. He eventually does and Harry giggles when he feels it's beak nip at the tips of his fingers and pull away with the piece of bread in his mouth. He stands and looks over at Louis who's smiling at him and Harry can feel the excitement building in him too.
"The duck nipped my finger," Harry tells him and Louis bites his lip and moves forward. His is his special face he gives Harry sometimes and Harry has to capture it like he always does. He brings his camera up and snaps the picture and Louis tilts his head.
"Why'd you take a picture?" Louis asks and Harry shrugs. He's still looking at him like that. Like Harry is special too.
"Because you're making your Harry face. I like when you look at me like that," Harry whispers honestly and he forgets about the park and the people. It's just him and Louis.
"Like what?" Louis questions and he steps forward again and Harry's heart is pounding in his chest and he doesn't know why.
"Like I'm special. Like you like to look at me," Harry breathes.
And then he stops breathing.
Louis is so quick and his lips are soft as they gently press against Harry's. Everything in Harry freezes and he doesn't know what to do. He's never kissed anyone and now everyone gets to witness his first kiss. Louis pulls away just as suddenly as he kissed him and he looks like he's shocked. Harry can feel guilt seeping in because he didn't kiss him back but he doesn't know how and people are staring.
"We should go," Harry mumbles out stupidly and Louis swallows and nods his head. They walk in awkward silence which has never happened with them before. Harry keeps replaying the kiss over and over. He's not mad Louis kissed him - not at all - he's mad because he didn't kiss back. He's mad because he didn't know how. He's mad because he liked it and he can't do anything about it.
Harry has never once thought about himself being gay. No one he knows is gay -well except Louis and his friends- and he knows his family and friends wouldn't understand. Maybe Harry isn't gay. Maybe he only likes Louis' or just this Louis. Maybe his whole sexuality is just Louis. Harry doesn't care about the rest of the world because he's found the most beautiful, lovely person already and he didn't even kiss him back.
Harry runs for the car when he sees it in the parking lot and Louis looks like he wants to say something as Harry swings open the door but he doesn't. He just gets in the drivers side and turns up the music and they drive without speaking.
Harry looks out the window and he desperately wants to say something. He wants to scream that he's sorry and pathetic and innocent and dumb. He wants Louis to not hate him or be mad at him. He wants to go back and just kiss him like they would if he was in a movie. He wants to do anything but sit with him in silence and watch the city blur by.
They get to his apartment building and still they don't speak. Harry can feel tears wanting to fall and his heart cracking with each pump. Why is he like this? Why isn't he normal like Liam and Nick? Why can't he make Louis happy? He wants to be like the people he went to school with but he's never been like them. He's proving it more and more. Louis opens his apartment door and as soon as he closes it Harry cries and turns to face him.
"I'm sorry," he blurts and Louis jumps at how loud is voice is and turns to face him. He looks surprised and confused but not mean or hurt.
"Sorry? Why are you sorry? I'm sorry," Louis says and now Harry is confused. Does Louis now not want to kiss him? Does he regret it? Sorry he did it? Should Harry feel this hurt by the idea? Do best friends kiss? Harry's never wanted to and has never kissed Liam or Nick.
"I'm sorry because I didn't kiss you," Harry admits and Louis shakes his head rapidly.
"No. Don't be sorry about that. I'm sorry I kissed you. I shouldn't have just done that," Louis replies quick and Harry frowns and looks down at his feet.
"I've just never been kissed before. I didn't know how and people were watching and I'm sorry," Harry whispers.
"You don't have to be sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you in front of everyone the first time. I just forget sometimes that you haven't been kissed. I can't really believe it," Louis is speaking to him like he would a small child, like Harry will break or flee. Harry looks up at him and shrugs.
"I'm just me though. No one wants to kiss me because I'm... Different. Weird. I have a big nose and I'm not good with flirting," Harry says and Louis gets his Harry face again and Harry desperately wants to capture it on film. He wants a whole photo album of Louis making that face at him.
"I mean yes that's all true but it's what makes me want to kiss you. I mean really, Harry, how could I not want to? How can you not see how... How just amazing and beautiful and unique and breathtaking and quirky and brilliant you are?" Louis asks in a rush and Harry's face goes such a deep red he's afraid it will never return to it's natural colour.
"So you don't regret kissing me?" Harry asks and Louis laughs, moving forward ever so slowly and Harry's body tingles in anticipation for his touch. For his comfort and warmth and the way his heart beats so hard it feels good.
"Harry Styles, I've been wanting to kiss you since you took my picture at the Exhibition. You must be truly clueless if you haven't noticed. I even tried to kiss you on the roof and you turned me down," Louis reminds him and Harry blushes as his fingers move to lace with his.
"I thought maybe because you had a few drinks..." Harry trails off and he's very aware of how close they are now and of Louis' hands have moved from holding his to snaking around his waist.
"That had nothing to do with it. I just happen to think you're a beautiful person and I'm very upset no one has ever told you that," Louis says and Harry can feel his whole body buzzing.
"Are you going to kiss me again?" He squeaks out and Louis raises his brow and looks up at him.
"Not if you don't want me to," Louis tells him and Harry can feel his whole stomach flip and he thinks about how soft Louis' lips were. Being gay isn't a bad thing, right? People can kiss whoever they want and Harry wants to kiss Louis. He's so sure of it in that moment.
"I'm not going to be good," Harry sighs in embarrassment.
"I don't care," Louis smiles and then his soft lips are back against Harry's and he slowly pulls back and Harry leans forward and attaches their lips again. He's surprised at how his body just seems to know what to do and while he's not great at it, Louis doesn't seem to be disgusted.
"Little slower, H," Louis instructs and Harry slows down and takes his time. The anxiety has left his system and he can feel his body just fall into Louis'. He only pulls away and yelps when Louis' tongue pushes into his mouth.
"What?" Louis asks, startled by the change and Harry is just looking at him like he's crazy.
"Your tongue!" Harry accuses and Louis snorts and shoves his face into Harry's chest to muffle the sound.
"Sorry, sorry. We'll save that for another time," he continues to snicker and Harry can feel himself getting more and more flustered.
"Did I ruin it? I messed up didn't I?" Harry whines and Louis shakes his head and he leaves a small peck on Harry's pouting lips.
"You didn't ruin anything. That was perfect," Louis promises and Harry can feel a warmth fill his body and he moves forward and despite the height he cuddles down into Louis.
"Do you really think I'm beautiful and amazing?" Harry asks insecurely and Louis places a kiss on his head and the warmth burns hotter.
"I think you're the most beautiful and amazing person I've ever met. And your awkwardness is weirdly attractive and a turn on," Louis tells him and Harry let's out a loud bark of laughter into his shirt and then he lifts his head and let's their eyes meet.
"So what happens now? I don't really know," Harry admits and Louis shrugs.
"Whatever you want to happen. I'd like to take you on a date though. A real one," Louis tells him and Harry can feel a smile spreading across his face and his dimples must look like craters.
"A date? I've never been on one," Harry rushes out and Louis smiles and his hand keeps holding Harry's like he never wants to be without contact.
"Well I'll happily be the first. Next weekend okay?" Louis asks and they're both surprised when Harry nods his head and jumps forward to kiss him. He pulls away with a start and his eyes are big, wide green saucers.
"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't-"
Louis just cuts him off by pulling him closer and pressing their lips together again. Harry thinks he could get used to this. All of it.
"Don't apologize for kissing me. I have a lot of kisses to make up for," Louis tells him and Harry smiles brightly.
"Really? You've wanted to kiss me that much?" Harry wonders brightly and Louis rolls his eyes fondly.
"I'm really confused at how you never noticed? I thought I was very obvious," Louis grins and Harry giggles.
"You have to explain things to me. I don't get hints," Harry tells him and Louis looks down at his lips and then back up.
"Fair enough. I'd very much like to date you, Harry, and I like kissing you and having you around. We'll take things slow and move at whatever you're comfortable with and I have no problem waiting because quite frankly I think you're worth the wait," Louis explains and Harry bites his lip and slowly nods his head.
"So you like me?" He asks and Louis closes his eyes, his smile making him glow. Humour and happiness shines around them and Harry never wants anything else but this.
"Yes, you dolt, I like you. Do you like me?" Louis asks and Harry nods and leans down again to cuddle into him.
"Very much. You make me happy," Harry whispers.