Dreams are strange things. No one knows what they are or why we see them. From nightmares to daydreams, they come in many forms and have only one thing in common. They are all elusive.
Yet, they are a powerful force. A drive none but who dreams can experience.
Why they come? What are they? How?
We have no answers. All we have is a fact: We all dream.
Some dreams are sweet and we wake well rested and with a smile from them. Others, are so horrifying, our screams become our wake up call. Those short dreams, mostly sensations of falling, that give us a mini-heart-attack. Some say dreams are echoes, of what we are. Reflected in them are our aspirations, motivations, fear and sometimes, a glimpse of our future.
Whether we fight to get away from our past fears, work to attain our aspiration or strive to reach that future, dreams have a big role in giving us that final push.
Sleep is a pure blank. It's the dream that makes them something far more than a state.
But in the end dreams are just that, dreams. Nothing more.
They are not our reality.
Reality is harsh. Reality is sweet. Reality is what is the now and here.
What we do everyday, to live everyday is the reality. Our past is the past. Our future is the future. Reality is now. It is the thing that has formed from our past and it is the thing that is molding our future. It is in our control and it is what we work with. It is firm, it is real and it is not at all elusive.
Whether we fight to get away from our past fears, work to attain our aspiration or strive to reach that future, reality is the field we work in.
The most blissful time, however, is that sweet state of oblivion where we are neither awake nor asleep. The time before waking but after a full night's rest. And that is the place where I was.
Hanging in between the soft caressing place where reality and dreams merge and our heaven is created, it was quite. Not the oppressive and heavy silence of a hot summer afternoon where everything is quite because no one can bear to hear or make a sound. No, it was the quite of a pre-dawn spring when the cicadas have stopped crying and owl has stopped hooting but the birds had not yet started chirping. It was the quite where no one made a noise because the silence was serene.
It was a place where I could stay forever.
However when one starts thinking, this bliss is shattered and reality grasps us with the day waiting ahead for us. Just as it was shattered for me. But what greeted me on the other side of this quiet, suspended bliss was more beautiful than any dream could ever be.
Aslan, in all his majestic glory, more beautiful than human eyes were capable of comprehending, stood before me. It felt like we were in a world where no one existed except us. Yet, there was a sense of expectation. The Universe waited with baited breath for the verdict and so did I, though I had no idea what was the verdict I was waiting for.
I looked up from His feet into His eyes and I could see my life.
Everything, right from the moment I was born, I remembered. From every victorious battle to every time I wriggled my finger as a toddler in my mother's arm, every memory came rushing back to me. Memories of embarrassment and pride intermingled to give way to moments of hate and love. Everything was one yet everything was clear.
Still, that verdict hung like an unspoken goodbye in the air.
As the Universe stood in expectations, I turned towards the only person who had an answer.
Aslan was smiling and that smile was like no other. That smile was power, a power that radiated out of him and engulfed me in a warmth embrace. That power was around me and within me. It seemed like every single nerve in my body was on fire. There was no pain, just awareness.
I was aware of everything good or bad within me and I could feel them changing. The bad were not being quashed out of me as one would have expected. No, it was being decreased where they needed to be decreased and increased where the need be. The aim was not all good.
The aim was balance. And once balance was attained within me, Aslan gave His verdict.
"Welcome son," He said for no one but me. "Welcome home. You have earned your place here."
Lucy was enthusiasm personified and she gave testament to that statement every time she was happy. As she wrapped her arms around me in one of her 'I love you big brother but I will kill you if you ever do that again' hugs, I looked over her shoulder questioningly at Edmund. He grinned and I knew something was up.
Keeping Lucy under one of my arm, I looked at my two siblings. "What's going on?"
They exchanged a smile and Lucy said simply, "It was all a test."
"A test?" They were doing a marvelous job of baffling me. So, without waiting for them to continue further, I said in my best big-brother voice. "Tell me everything from the start. Whatever you have to say, make sure at the end I know as much about the going-ons as you both do."
They both exchanged another look before Lucy told Edmund, "You tell."
Edmund took a deep breath and started. "Don't ask anything in between and just answer me when I ask you something, okay?" On getting my affirmative, he continued.
"Peter, do you remember what happened near the Door to the Shadowlands?"
"Yes," I replied. "That Narnia was destroyed and all the creatures came in here. The doors were forever closed."
Edmund raised an eyebrow. "Did all the creatures come here?"
I remembered that quite a lot of Narnians and others had vanished into Aslan's shadow so I shook my head.
Nodding, Edmund further explained, "Yes, some of them didn't make it here. Also, among the people entering this world, some were the ones who had died before the battle at the Stable-Hill. But they all entered this world together. What happened as Aslan stood on the threshold of the two worlds was Judgment. Aslan judged every one coming to the Door and those who had earned their place in this world were welcomed and those who had not vanished into the Shadows."
I knew I was not supposed to question him in between but I did nevertheless. "So, everyone was judged but what does that have anything to do with it all?"
He glared but indulged me. "Again, I ask the same question. Was everyone judged?" He apparently understood how little I comprehended because he elaborated again. "Were we judged Peter?"
Thinking back, I remembered seeing Tirrian in Shadowlands, going to London to get the rings, meeting at the train station, the crash. Then, I also thought back on what all had happened as we stood beside the door but nothing stood out to me as a moment of judgment. So, I shook my head.
"Right, we weren't judged then. Almost everyone who enters Aslan's world is judged before they could do that but there are some who have proved their loyalty to Aslan and His Father in the Shadowlands itself. They are welcomed to Aslan's country without facing final judgment." Edmund was looking quite disturbed as he continued on. "However, you can't just start living in Aslan's country as it is. Either you have to be judged and pass that judgment or earn your place in this world through a test."
"All right any questions so far?" Lucy asked as Edmund paused.
I gave her my best baffled look.
"Right" she nodded. "No questions yet."
Edmund started again. "This test is different for everyone, depending upon their loyalty to Aslan in Shadowlands. Those who were less loyal get a tougher test than those who were more loyal. Everyone who wishes to can participate in anyone's test-"
"Wait," I interrupted. "What do you mean by everyone who wishes to?"
Edmund sighed. Clearly he was annoyed but he indulged me again. "See, these 'tests' don't actually happen in Aslan's country. They happen in the person's mind-"
"Means they are not real? They didn't actually happen?" Apparently I had used up his quota of patience. He just kept on glaring while Lucy chuckled.
"Sorry?" I tried after he had kept glaring at me for a while.
"Last time, Pete." He warned me. "It took me a lot of while myself to get my head around this. Explaining it to someone else is difficult as it is."
"I promise I won't interrupt!" This promise would be kept about as long as the one before this was but Ed still continued.
"They are about as real as anything else. You can imagine it as a time period when you go into an alternate reality. There everything that happens is absolutely real, but none of it is happening here. The only people who are affected by this are those who choose to go in that alternate reality with you. Those who go with you have no knowledge or comprehension that they are in a different place. So, whatever they do, they do it thinking that all this is happening in Aslan's country. "
Here, Lucy added her bit. "So, when it was time for your test, everyone went with you and by everyone, I mean every single person that you came across were real and whatever they did was real."
"Why everyone?" I dared to ask seeing Edmund had no more to say.
"Why? Because you were the High King over all Kings of Narnia. Everyone wanted to see your test and be a part of it as a show of solitary to you," was Edmund's incredulous answer.
"So, everything that happened was real?" I still had trouble wrapping my head around this concept.
Edmund didn't answer for a while but when he did, he came up with a better explanation. "See it like this. None of what happened was real. But everything anyone did was real. I wasn't actually taken to Tash's world. He doesn't have the power to rip someone out of Aslan's world and take them into his. That's just not how things work. But, everyone believed that I was taken. Even I believed I was there and not in just a suspended reality. So, whatever we did, it was real, but it was for a reason that was not."
It took me a minute to digest this. "So, when did this test per say, start? I mean at what moment after entering Aslan's country?"
Lucy was the one who answered me. "That is something only Aslan can tell. This is the thing about the tests; you don't know when it is real and when you are in the test."
I was quiet after this. Staring out across the lake we were sitting beside, I thought about my last encounter with Aslan. Those moments of waiting for the verdict. If someone asked me when or where it all happened, I wouldn't be able to answer. I just knew that it had happened.
The victory celebration after the battle somehow vanished to bring me to this place, beside the lake where Edmund and Lucy were waiting for me with hugs and smiles. I could tell when the test ended but not when it started.
Deciding it was futile trying to figure out something that was best left in the hands of Higher Powers, I turned towards my siblings. "So, has anyone else given this test already?"
Edmund thought about it before answering, "Jill and Eustace, Professor Kirk and Miss Plummer...I don't think there is anyone else who did. Didn't you notice those four somewhat vanished from your test after a while? It was because their own test started. Now, don't ask me what it was. I wasn't there so I wouldn't know."
"How do you both know so much about all this?" I asked felling really stupid. When were we supposed to learn about these?
"I don't know," Lucy said slowly. "I just do."
"Yeah," Ed agreed. "You are never told about all these things at a point. You just come to know about it. Let the effects of the test wear off. It all will come back to you. Test shrouds a cover over some part of your brain. After it is over, it takes a little while before everything comes back to you."
There were no more questions to be asked so we just sat there. Lucy had her head on my shoulder while I sat with my back against a tree and Edmund was stretched out on the grass with his head in Lucy's lap. And that is how we sat, for I don't know how long.
It might have been eternity before anyone of us spoke but it was Edmund who did, "Peter, when it is my turn to give the test, will you come with me?" He sounded a bit unsure of himself but I wasn't.
"Yes, Ed, I will, just as I promised."
Lucy piped up too, "So will I, Ed. You won't be alone."
As we sat under the shady tree beside the warm lake, laughing and teasing each other about Tirrian and Sarah, we had no idea how wrong her statement could be.
A/N: So, this is the second epilogue. Please read the next chapter which consists of the questions I want to ask you all. Before doing that though, please tell me what you thought of this one!
ZQ