Chapter 30 - "You're a wonderful distraction."
"I can't believe you've still not slept together."
"Jess!" I nearly choked on my sandwich, eyes darting around to see if anyone had overheard.
Winter was gradually turning into spring and our final A-Level exams loomed. The panic was finally beginning to set in for those students who desperately needed decent exam results to get into their university of choice. Jess was certainly one of those students, but it seemed she was still preoccupied with other matters.
"What?" she asked innocently. "Since when did you become such a prude? I thought Nathan would make you the exact opposite?"
"And why's that?"
"Well, he doesn't exactly make a secret of his sexual prowess," she said with a defensive shrug.
"That's the reason we're taking it slow. He wants a clear line between sex then and now."
Her lips twitched. "Maybe he's feeling the pressure because he's worried you'll expect him to blow your mind."
I had absolutely no doubt that he would blow my mind, but obviously I hadn't said that to him, just in case he really was worried about it.
"How many girls has he slept with, anyway?" she asked, intrigue blooming in her eyes.
"Don't know. A lot."
"Like, roughly? Twenty? Fifty? A hundred? He's only nineteen. Mathematically, it can't be a huge number."
The conversation had only come up once between us. I'd asked out of genuine curiosity and nothing more, but Nathan had brushed the question under the carpet. He didn't want to talk about it. I respected that and let it drop, and it had only reinforced my suspicion that his past had a lot to do with why he wanted to wait now.
"I think it's more likely that he has a certain timeframe in his head he wants to follow," I said. "And that's fine. If he wants to wait, for whatever reason, I'm happy to wait."
"Fair enough. Maybe it's the six-month mark. You've been together, what, five months now? You're over Matt...well, as over a person that you loved as you can be—"
"I wasn't in love with Matt," I interrupted. "I realise that now."
"You still had strong feelings for him."
I shrugged dismissively, not wanting to discuss how strongly I'd felt about a guy who'd treated me so callously, but at least it gave me a route out of the conversation around sex with Nathan.
"To be honest, I'm really surprised him and Lucy are lasting this long," I said instead.
Matt and Lucy were still dating but they were pretty quiet about it. They weren't all over each other in public but something must have been working because neither of them had wanted to break it off yet. I had to admit that a small part of me had hoped it wouldn't work out. Even having someone as wonderful as Nathan didn't make the jealousy go away that Matt could be happy with someone who wasn't me. I clearly hadn't made him happy enough, and that was a hard thought for anyone to deal with.
"Me, too," Jess said, glancing over at them. "But anyway...you and Nathan? I thought you said it was really difficult to stop? So how have you lasted over five months?"
"Because Italy taught us something," I told her. "Yes it was hard to stop, and he does still send my body wild sometimes, but we've learnt to control it more."
"But tonight...?" she pressed, raising her eyebrows suggestively.
"What about tonight?"
"He's cooking you a meal, isn't he? Maybe he's trying to seduce you," she teased.
I smirked. "Come on, Jess. I think past experiences have taught him that I wouldn't exactly need seducing."
"But he's a gentleman," she reminded me, as if I'd forgotten. "Maybe he wants it to be romantic."
"Maybe," I said, just to humour her.
"Or maybe he's proposing." She grinned mischievously.
"Don't be ridiculous."
She laughed. "Aren't you curious about what the special occasion is?"
"No," I replied truthfully. "Why does there have to be a special occasion? Maybe he just wants to do something romantic once in a while. Doesn't Alex ever do anything like that?"
"We go out most weeks," she said. "You and Nathan hardly ever go out."
"We do go out!"
Nathan and I may not go on as many dates as Alex and Jess, but that was mainly because he was having to support himself without any form of income. While his house was paid for, he still had to buy the weekly shopping and cover the monthly bills. We had just as much fun in his house, so I'd assured him that treating me with dates wasn't necessary.
Jess shrugged. "I just reckon there's something else behind this."
"Well, if there is, you'll be the first to know," I assured her, signalling the end of the conversation.
-
"How was your day?" Nathan asked as he poured me a large glass of wine.
"Thanks." I smiled as he handed it over to me. "Yeah. It was all right. How was yours?"
He shrugged. "Not too bad. Got an A on a mock."
"Amazing! Feeling more confident about the exam?"
"I guess. It's just been such a long time since I did an exam. Last time I was in school, I was too busy messing around to worry about grades."
I took a sip of wine and then peered at him over the top of the glass. "I still find it hard to imagine you being like that."
"Good." He grinned. "That means I've sufficiently changed."
I raised my glass in toast. "Cheers. To change."
He knocked his glass gently against mine. "To change."
We'd come to a point where we could discuss Nathan's past without me squirming. I wanted to know everything I could about him and that inevitably involved his former life. I loved him, the person he was now. Nothing was going to change that. But my conversation with Jess played on my mind. Even though I was comfortable with his history, maybe he still struggled.
"Speaking of last time you were in school, Jess asked me earlier how many people you'd slept with," I said.
Apart from a low chuckle, he didn't react. It had been a few months since I'd last brought it up, so maybe he'd be more open to talking about it. If not, that was fine, as long as he wasn't holding back for my benefit.
"What'd you tell her?"
Swirling around the wine in my glass, I studied him carefully. "I said I didn't know."
"Hm." His lips twitched and he tipped back a gulp of wine.
"I'll understand if you don't want to tell me," I said. "It's private. I just want you to know that I won't judge you or feel differently about you, if that's what you're worried about."
He cleared his throat. "Truth is, Bella... I don't know the exact number. I wasn't keeping notches on my bedpost."
Maybe he was avoiding the question, or maybe he thought I'd prefer a vague answer. Either way, I tried a follow-up to see if that reassured him.
"Ballpark? Double figures? Triple?"
One eyebrow rose in amusement. "I'm nineteen. Triple figures would be quite some achievement."
To show I was cool with it, I made a point of dragging my eyes down his chest. "You're hot. I can easily believe that three figures' worth of people were interested."
A relaxed breath of laughter spilled past his lips, but apart from a gentle shake of his head, he didn't reply. I didn't push it.
We tucked into our food which, as usual, tasted amazing, and Nathan shifted the conversation in a different direction.
"So, are you going to come and watch me play football at the weekend?" he asked.
"Of course. Why would I pass up the opportunity to watch you get hot and sweaty?"
Nathan's eyes twinkled, the edge of his mouth lifting into a smirk.
"Babe, I could get hot and sweaty with you any time you wanted."
"Don't use your smarmy, recycled chat-up lines on me," I told him, acting unimpressed.
"You started it. Oh, Nathan! I want to watch you get hot and sweaty on the football pitch!'" he mimicked in a high-pitched feminine voice.
"My voice does not sound like that."
"That's what you think... Voices always sound different in your own head."
"Mm, you don't want to know what I'm thinking in my own head right now..."
His face split into a teasing grin. "Don't be like that. It doesn't suit your innocent nature."
Now he was definitely winding me up, and maybe I'd have ignored it if I wasn't already worried he thought I couldn't handle his past.
"I've told you, I'm not innocent."
He chuckled. "All right. How about we postpone this conversation until after dinner and then you can prove just how not innocent you are?"
Deep down, I knew he was bluffing. But maybe what we actually needed was for me to call his bluff and prove, once and for all, that experience meant nothing.
-
After dinner, we moved into the lounge and Nathan turned on the television, flicking through the channels for a good five minutes before he decided on what to watch. Then he twisted on the sofa so he was facing me. Usually he did this when he wanted to talk about something serious so that he could carefully monitor my body language and facial expressions.
"What's up?" I asked.
He cocked an eyebrow. "Why do you ask that?"
"You're sitting facing me. You only do that when you need to talk about something."
"Maybe I just want to see you... You look beautiful. I love this skirt," he said, noticeably lowering his voice.
I looked down at it. It wasn't anything special, just a black and white skirt that I hadn't worn recently because it had been too cold. Apparently Nathan liked it, though. His fingers delicately traced the patterns until he reached the hem. I held my breath, almost forgetting how to breathe as I watched him softly pull it up to reveal more of my leg, his fingers delicately caressing my inner thigh as he did so.
"You want me to take it off?" I offered.
He tilted his head to the side, lips twitching at my question. "Why would I want that when it looks so great on you?"
"Well that shirt looks great on you, but you look much better when you're not wearing it."
By the way his eyes twinkled, I guessed he'd realised I was playing along to call his bluff. But he was competitive, and he didn't back down.
"If you take your shirt off then I'll take mine off." He smirked. "Deal?"
"Sure." I smirked back. "Deal."
I pulled off my top, dropped it onto the floor, then waited expectantly for him to do the same. With a light chuckle, he fisted the hem of his shirt and dragged it over his head.
For a few moments, I sat there and admired the body in front of me, the smooth planes of muscle beneath taut, golden skin. Forcing my eyes back up to his face, I caught him checking me out, too, his throat bobbing with a thick swallow.
I climbed onto his lap, cupped his face in my hands and drew him into a kiss. There was no warm-up. Our mouths were greedy and determined, lips crushing together, tongues sweeping in before retreating with each breath.
Nathan's hands slid under my skirt to grip my hips, pulling me closer against his body. My fingers roamed over his skin, biting into the firm muscles of his shoulders, exploring the solid slabs of his back, tracing the deep grooves and ridges of his abs. Every part of him was so perfect.
Kissing my way to his ear, I softly whispered, "So...do you want me to prove how I'm not so innocent?"
To ensure that he had no doubts regarding what I was suggesting, I moved my hands down between our bodies and began to slowly undo his belt.
He breathed out a soft chuckle, resting his forehead against mine. For a second, I thought he'd say no and admit he was just playing, but then the fingers of his right hand gently skated along my spine up to my bra clasp.
"What did you have in mind?" he asked me, his voice husky and seductive.
My heartrate surged. I slid off his knee and encouraged him to his feet. That amused smirk still refused to leave his face, but this time there was also a hint of astonishment, as though he was impressed with me.
Standing on my tiptoes, I kissed him again, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth, running my tongue along the smooth flesh. His palms curled around my waist, pulling me tightly against his body until I could feel just how much he wanted me. For a second, I debated against my original plan and considered just dragging him straight to bed. Then I quickly dismissed that idea. Our first time wasn't going to be as part of some mind game.
The kiss became more furious, and I tugged the leather strap of his belt through the buckle and let his jeans fall to the ground, pooling at his feet. That was when I felt his whole body tense, but I was unable to work out whether it was an uncomfortable tension, or a tension induced by anticipation.
As I went to pull down his boxers, his hands suddenly shot out and took hold of my wrists, restraining me before I'd even registered that he'd moved.
"Wait," he murmured against my mouth. "As fun as this little game is... I just want to press pause for a second."
"Why?"
"You're a wonderful distraction," he said, his lips curling upwards. "But I do actually need to talk to you about something."
I sighed. "God, I knew it."
"Don't panic. It's nothing bad."
He reached to pull his jeans up and then sat back down on the sofa, tugging me to join him. As I settled into the cushions, his hand slid across to rest on my knee.
"So, what's up?" I asked.
"I'm going to Italy next month," he told me.
I nodded. "Thanks for the notice this time."
"Just be quiet and listen to me," he said with an amused smile. "I want you to come with me this time. It's just for a week. But I want you to come and meet my family, and see Rome again of course."
I was rendered speechless for a few moments; I hadn't seen that coming at all. He wanted me to come to Rome to meet his family?
"Really?" I asked eventually.
"Yeah, if it's okay with your mum."
"I'm sure it will be..."
My mind was busy wandering, though. Nathan was inviting me to Italy with him to see his family. Maybe I should have seen it coming, but I hadn't. I'd always assumed they'd come to England to visit Nathan and that's how I'd end up meeting them for the first time.
"Do you want to?" he asked me.
I snapped back to reality. "Yes! Of course I want to!" I assured him with a small laugh. "I'm just really shocked."
He gently ran a hand through my hair as he gazed affectionately at me, a complete contrast to the lustful kissing of earlier.
"Is that what tonight was about?" I asked him.
"Sort of, yeah. Why? You weren't worrying, were you?"
"No. I didn't think it was a big deal, but Jess guessed you wanted to talk about something," I told him, recalling my conversation with her.
"Like what?"
I shrugged. "She had this idea that you were planning a romantic meal in order to seduce me."
He snorted. "Yeah, like I'd need a romantic meal for that."
I hit him playfully, and he laughed, swinging his arm around my shoulder and drawing me closer. I snuggled into his chest, inhaling his intoxicating scent; it was like a drug, instantly relaxing me.
"It would be so good if you could come to Italy," he said, gently caressing my bare shoulder.
"I know," I agreed. "It really would be."
He kissed the top of my head. "I love you, Bella."
"I love you, too."
For a few minutes we sat in contented silence, cuddling and watching the television, until Nathan's soft voice broke through the quiet.
"Ballpark is around forty."
His statement needed no context. I could feel his heart thumping beneath my ear, his shoulder a little tighter than before.
"Okay," I said, equally soft. "You don't need to worry about me telling Jess. I can keep it between us if you'd prefer."
"I care more about what you think than Jess."
I shifted to sit up, dislodging his arm, and threaded my fingers through his. "You could have said any number and it wouldn't have changed how I feel about you."
His mouth screwed into a strained smile. "Thanks, Bella."
Squeezing his hand, I snuggled into his side again. While the mood had shifted away from the physical, the intimacy hadn't stopped. I knew Nathan needed time, and however long that took, I hoped he now knew that my love for him ran deeper than a number.
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